


Miscalculations

by bodtlings



Series: Miscalc Verse [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Angst, College AU, Fluff, M/M, an au that becomes more focused on personal life than college tbh, but fun fact its not, ereri comes first mhm, it may seem like its what its about at first, jk i dont wanna get kicked out of school;;, not me, who needs schoolwork when you can stay up writing, yeah college becomes so unimportant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-26 17:57:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 103,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodtlings/pseuds/bodtlings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger is a sophomore in college, unsure of what exactly he wants to do with the rest of his life. When successfully published sci-fi author Levi comes into his english class to give a speech, the two become acquainted and form an irreplaceable bond, not knowing the road they would both go down, it's consequences, and the lack of importance college holds in comparison to what they face together.</p>
<p>A college AU that progressively becomes less and less about school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back Again

**Author's Note:**

> First fic /and/ it's an AU aaahh, I'm excited! I really love Ereri and I look forward to writing this. I hope you all like it and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to leave them here or send me an ask on tumblr at sass-master-dani.tumblr.com. 
> 
> Thanks again and enjoy c: !

[ Eren ]

 

The faint sound of an air conditioner humming in the background is what makes me come to my senses. All too quickly, I'm aware of the warm blanket surrounding my body, my right leg the exception, as its sprawled across the entirety of my bed and away from the covers. I can feel my drowsiness settling back in as the worn-in softness of my pillow case nearly coaxes me back to sleep when my alarm goes off. Suddenly my body jolts awake and my arm shoots out from underneath my blanket to violently hit it to shut it off. I groan and fall back onto my bed, sighing and trying to find the will to get up. After several minutes, I pull my body up and make my way to the bathroom, reluctant to start my day. I took my iPod touch off my dresser and pugged it into the dock I kept on the sink counter by the wall. I have a specific playlist called "shower stuffs" that I put on whenever I'm showering, it helps me wake up. My morning routine usually involves showering, getting dressed, and catching breakfast with my roommate Armin, but on Tuesdays he has class earlier than I do, so I'm alone. I shovel down some cereal, grab my bag, and head out of the dorm building to make my way to my first class of the semester.

It's a gorgeous day in the beginning of September of my sophomore year in college at Shiganshina University. Today is the first day back at school and I'd be lying if I said I was excited to return. I feel like it was just yesterday that my sister Mikasa was here to visit me and Armin from Trost University, but she's been gone for almost two weeks already and I won't see her again until God knows when. It's been rough not having her around, but having my childhood best friend as my roommate is awesome, he helps a ton, and not just with my homework. I was never a straight A student like Armin and Mikasa, I was more of a B, B+ kind of kid. I could probably do a lot better but I get lazy and do everything kind of half-assed. If I had more of an interest in grades maybe I'd be like Armin, who's constantly studying. Or perhaps if I enjoyed the rigorous sports teams my school has to offer I'd be a top athlete like Mikasa, who's captain of her lacrosse team. But I don't, so instead I do what I can and spend the remainder of my time working part-time at the flower shop in town. Tuition and textbooks aren't cheap, you know.

I checked my schedule to find that my first class on Tuesdays is Anatomy with Professor Hanji in the G building, room 245. I found the classroom within minutes and sat down at a seat relatively in the middle of the room. The room had stacked aisles similar to that of a movie theatre so you could always see the whiteboard no matter where your seat was. Posters of muscles, facial expressions, and other bodily influenced pictures lined the walls of the entire room. Eventually, kids starting to trickle into the classrooms and take their seats. No one sat relatively close to me until those seats were the only ones left to fill. I was used to this; people usually mistake my dominating aura to be a threat, when really I just wanna get class done and over with so I could finish my day faster. After 15 minutes, Professor Hanji walked in with giant circular glasses on her face, her hair tied partly back in a pony tail, and a look of extreme excitement that was arguably borderline psychotic. One of my friends Annie had her last semester and she said she was a bit crazy and rather passionate about her job, which I guess is a good thing because if you love something, you're usually excited about it and aren't boring to lecture on the subject. But even though I was warned about Prof. Hanji's eccentricity, nothing prepared me for her actual behavior, which did a better job at waking me up in the morning than any cup of coffee ever could.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING MY LITTLE EXPERIMENTS. ARE YOU READY TO TALK ABOUT _BODIES?!_ " Hanji's voice bounced off the walls of the lecture hall and her hands slapped down on the lab table, her body leaning forwards towards her students. Her voice rang in my ears, the sound of the booming volume bouncing around in my head. I have never met anyone quite so enthusiastic about their work as Hanji was and it hasn't even been 5 minutes of class. It was certainly a sight, and sound, to behold.

The rest of the class went rather quickly -- Prof. Hanji was very friendly and seemed to be a good professor to have. After handing out and spending roughly .2 seconds going over the syllabus with the work that was planned out for the semester, she jumped right into the subject at hand, but did so in a term-friendly manner. She went into detail without throwing unfamiliar phrases and vocabulary words at us, and if she did, she wrote them down and made sure everyone understood so that "everyone could join in on the fun with her." She stopped if anyone had a question and loved to give examples of recent scientific experiments, which I assumed to be her hobby in finding. While her class didn't seem to be easy, it didn't prove to be so difficult if I kept up with it, which I was grateful for.

After Anatomy was History 102 in the neighboring M building with Professor Auruo Bossard, room 130. The class started off with 25 minutes of him boasting about all the degrees he's obtained, the schools he went to, how he was top in his class every time, and anything else he could outwardly pride himself upon. My drowsiness was starting to resurface until he got into the actual material we would be discussing for the remainder of the semester. At the end of the hour and fifteen minutes of lecturing, I came to the conclusion that if you didn't get at least a 95 on all your assignments in this class, you were as good as a drop out to him. I made a mental note to spend extra time studying the work he gave us and journeyed to my last class of the day, which was english.

English 313 with Professor Petra Ral -- D building, room 307. Again, I took my place in the almost-center of the classroom and watched as my classmates filed in with mostly looks of exhaustion and boredom. Professor Petra came in 2 minutes before class officially started with a very happy attitude that made you feel oddly comfortable and at ease. I was silently thankful, because I had a feeling that every Tuesday after that brooding history class, it's going to be nice to come to english with a teacher who was rather pleasant and seemed better at handling students than Professor Bossard.

"Good afternoon everyone, welcome back! This is English 313, my name is Professor Petra Ral, but Professor Petra is fine. I hope we have a good semester together!" It wasn't that she was peppy, she was just genuinely happy, and that lightened the mood of almost everyone in the room. She handed out the syllabus, which contained the work we'd be doing, all of our assignments, test dates, when homework was due, and the books we'll be needing. One of which was a novel called "Attack On Titan" by a famous sci-fi author named Levi. I'd heard of it before and I knew it had wonderful reviews, but I never got around to picking it up and getting into it. I guess now would be the time.

I was so entranced by Professor Petra's explanation about the course that I'd failed to notice that some of my friends were in my class until it was almost over. We had 2 minutes to pack up before it was time for me to be done for the day, so I quickly shoved my black binder into my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. I reached Connie, Sasha, Reiner, and Marco, smiling and waving with a lazy hand.

"Hey guys, long time no see."

Marco turned around and saw me first. With a huge grin on his face, he walked up to me and invited me into a friendly hug.

"Eren! Long time no see is right, how've you been?! You totally ditched us this summer, we missed you."

I returned his hug and pulled away with an apologetic look -- if Mikasa hadn't come to visit, I would've hung around them some more. Armin had his own little group of friends, but he knew mine well enough to have been with them too once in a while, so I wouldn't have left him alone.

"I know, I'm sorry. My sister came to visit from Trost University, so Armin and I spent time with her before she left."

"No worries, I hope she's doing well. I miss having her around. Hey guys, look who it is!"

Marco had turned around to yell at the others that I was there, and before I knew it it was time to leave the classroom. Connie, Marco, Sasha, Reiner and I caught up a little bit outside in the hall after I told Professor Petra I looked forward to her class. It was nice seeing them again, I missed being around them. It slipped my mind how goofy Sasha and Connie were together and how cool and composed Reiner was. Of course he was friendly, but not seeing him for a little while reiterated that aura of confidence he had. Marco was always Marco; welcoming, inviting, and very easygoing. He was a good guy and I regret not hanging out with him more before Mikasa came. In a way I'm happy school started again, all of this nostalgia with my friends made me happy to have them back again, not that they really went anywhere.

After we got up to speed on what was happening with everyone, we had to part ways; everyone still had at least one more class to go that day except for me, so I just headed back to my dorm room. Usually, it takes about 10-15 minutes to walk from the main part of campus to my dorm if I wanted to be on time, but now that classes were over I walked back home at my leisure. It was such a beautiful day and I didn't want to waste it. The leaves were just beginning to transition in color, the temperature dropped low enough to wear sweaters and boots again, and Fall was steadily approaching. It was my favorite time of year and I tried being outside as much as I could to enjoy it before the promise of a harsh winter set in.

My dorm building was the Burton Building, which was one of the nicer dorms on campus. I was lucky enough to even get a room in there, and have Armin as my roommate. Truthfully, I would've been fine in any of the other ones because as long as I was with Armin I was perfectly fine with whatever. I entered Burton 25 minutes later from my stroll outside and took the elevator to the second floor. My room was the 6th door on the right from the elevator, which gave me ample time to fish my keys out of one of the pockets in my backpack. I unlocked the door and stepped inside. It was completely dark. I hadn't even been in our tiny living room for more than 5 seconds and the outline of a person cast in complete shadows stood in front of me. My voice caught in my throat and I was unable to speak, or call for help. I was completely frozen with absolutely no idea what to do as I stared at the person in front of me.


	2. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren sees someone in Starbucks that catches his attention and is totally entranced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning: I changed Pixis' name to Peter, just because it's a bit easier to pronounce, even though its only mentioned like once. Also sometimes I'll actually write out "Professor" but most times I'll just abbreviate it as Prof.

My mind hadn’t registered who stood in front of me, and I instinctively reached for the baseball bat Armin and I kept by the door in case of emergencies. One never did know when we’d need it, so we placed one by the front door and one in each of our bedrooms. It was mostly Armin’s idea, he was more cautious than I was. I didn’t oppose, but I knew it was extremely unlikely we’d have any problems that required beating the living shit out of someone; this was a college, not a jail. I came to the silent conclusion that he’d decided to keep one after he was bullied in his junior year of high school, so I just agreed and let him do what he wanted. Not that he’d ever use it, I would always protect him regardless. Thank god he had built some muscle though and reached out to grab my hand before I reached the bat, because if he hadn’t I would’ve hit Armin in the head with it and actually put the bat to some use. 

“Eren relax it’s me, it’s me!” Armin shouted and held onto my wrist until he flicked the light switch on. Oh it was him, alright; tall, shiny blonde hair back in a ponytail, more muscular than last year, with light stubble across his chin. He had certainly grown to be quite the looker and I'm disappointed I mistook my own best friend for someone else. 

I blinked my eyes and sighed, almost groaning in annoyance. 

“Jeez Armin, what the hell are you doing in the dark? It’s only 3:15, and it feels like midnight in here.”

Armin resurrected his apologetic smile and reached his hand up to scratch the back of his neck, sheepishness adorning his handsome face. 

“Sorry sorry sorry. My last class ended at 2 so I came back here to start working on my project. It's on a certain bacteria that I had to look through a microscope to see and I needed all the lights off. Sorry for scaring you, Eren.”

I smiled and exhaled, patting him on the shoulder as I walked past him to my desk. “It’s fine, but put a note on the whiteboard on the front door or something so I know. I wouldn’t have come in if you were working and you wouldn’t have scared the shit out of me.”

“Future reference.”

“That’s what it’s for, butthead. Do you want me to leave? I can let you finish, I’ll go sit in the library and start on homework.”

Armin sat at his desk, which was in the same position as mine, just on the other side of the room. He looked over at me and shook his head.

“No it’s okay, I’m just about done anyway. Could we leave the lights off for a few more minutes though until I finish?”

“Not a problem.”

I got up from my desk and went next to the front door to shut the lights off. I came back to my little corner, heaved the textbooks onto my desk and stared at them for a minute. Why oh why was homework even given on the first day of school? Better yet why was it given at all? With a twinge of exasperation, my arm reached into my desk drawer and shuffled around for something to write with. I picked a blue pen from the various writing utensils in my disorganized mess and started my anatomy homework while my best friend did some freakish bacterial experiment. 

That night went by pretty quickly and we both got our homework done in a fair amount of time. By 6 we were starving; we weren’t in the mood for ramen again, so we decided to order from Colossal Pizza with whatever food money we had. We usually keep a jar of coins and dollars that we find in our pocket in the corner of the kitchen counter for when we feel like spontaneously ordering out, and luckily there was a little over twenty bucks. Neither of us remembered putting in that much so we wondered for a minute where it came from. A note on the inside of a folded ten-dollar bill read, “Dinner’s on me. Love you both xo – Mikasa.” My heart began to hurt a little at the familiar sight of my sister’s handwriting. I missed her a lot, and I know Armin did too. We said a silent thanks to her as Armin got the phone and I got 2 cans of root beer from the fridge. Within 25 minutes, our greasy, so unhealthy pizza arrived and we plopped down on the floor in front of our coffee table, TV tuned on to USA. We were both extremely fond of the show NCIS and it usually aired when we ate dinner and for a couple hours afterward. It kind of became a ritual that we finish homework (if we could) before 7pm so we could spend some time and watch it together. God knows we didn’t see each other much during the day, so it was nice spending the nights together curled on the couch or lounging on the floor watching our favorite show. 

~

At some point I had fallen asleep on the couch, and I woke up remembering I had a horrible nightmare. In my dream, I had died. I was with two other men that were shouting and anger had radiated from the both of them so strongly it hit me like a tidal wave. I felt like I was being suffocated; the mere aura was so potent that I had fainted, and the last thing I remember was feeling the sharpest pain I’ve ever felt in my life. As soon as I’d woken up, a scream was caught in my throat and I made sure it didn’t escape so as not to wake up Armin. A little bit of the pain I'd felt in my dream had made it's way to my body and I clutched my sides. I hastily got off the couch and half-ran to the bathroom, sweat dripping from either side of my face and my heart going 20 miles per minute. I locked the door behind me and quickly ran the cold water in the sink. My hands scooped up a fair amount and I splashed it on my face, trying to calm myself down. This is the second time I've had that dream. I had no idea what it means or why I've dreamt of it a second time, but, not wanting to think about it, I submerged my face in cold water a few more times and left the bathroom. To my relief, Armin hadn't stirred from his position on the couch. I took the throw blanket draped over the arm of my end and gently covered Armin. 

"Goodnight Armin."

Since my desk was under my bed, I actually had to climb up to get in bed. I tried doing so without making too much noise on the small metal ladder, successfully landing on my green comforter. The effects of the nightmare on my body had ceased; my heart rate returned to normal, my breathing slowed back to its original rhythm, and my blood pressure was definitely lowered. Exhaustion took hold of me and within seconds of my head hitting the pillow, I fell into an uninterrupted slumber for the rest of the night.

~

Wednesday's schedule only involved two classes: Trigonometry with Professor Erd Gin in the B building room 243, and English again with Professor Petra back in the D building, room 307. I was happy that every time I had English with her it was my last class because it promised a happy ending to the school day. 

I was a bit surprised by how down-to-earth Professor Gin was; usually all my math teachers are uptight and seriously in need of an attitude adjustment, but he was a pretty chill dude. He went over the course outline and the syllabus, gave us some problems to try out for homework so he could see where we're all at, and let us out 30 minutes before class was supposed to end. During the span of 45 minutes until my next class, I bought some books I needed from the school bookstore, one being "Attack On Titan" for english, and a couple textbooks. I carried the heavy ones in a plastic bag and put the rest in my backpack. I still had about 35 minutes to go, so I walked over to the nearest campus café, ordered just a regular coffee with whole milk and 2 sugars, and sat down at an empty table. I sipped my coffee, which wasn't that fabulous because, let's face it, students working in the campus café are not Starbucks baristas, and pulled out "Attack On Titan." My fingers grazed over the glossy cover of a boy wielding two long blades in a strappy outfit that appeared to be standing in front of muscled man. It was legitimately just a man with no skin, all of his muscles and tendons totally bare. It looked like one of the posters I would find in Professor Hanji's classroom, to be honest.

I read the back reviews from other authors and newspapers and drank half of my coffee in 2 sips. Apparently, the book was "riveting", "completely captivating", "not one of those books you can simply put down!", and "a very intriguing storyline that was flawlessly written." Flawless was stretching it a bit, but I guess I couldn't say until I read it. I figured I'd get a good head start before class and read chapter 1; I had about 15 minutes left until I had to start journeying to the D building anyway, so why not get a glimpse at what we'll be reading? I'm sure we'll be analyzing and dissecting every bit of symbolism, every single little detail that this Levi guy put into it, so might as well have a brief idea about what we were getting into. 

My phone buzzed and my eyes were, unwillingly, ripped from the page. Connie had texted me, "OOOOOHHHH GUESS WHO'S LAAAAAAAAAAAAATE." Late? I glanced at the time, and it was 10 minutes after class had started. Oh shit. I was reading and I totally lost track of time. My head was completely in the book and I had actually forgotten that I was in the café, which was flooding with a new wave of kids who had just gotten out of class and who were grabbing something to take with them to their next one. 

"Shit, shit, shit!" 

My left hand snapped the book shut and I bolted from my seat and out the door of the café. Thankfully, the café wasn't that far from the D building and I made it into the classroom just as Professor Petra was taking attendance. I stood in the doorway, panting from being out of breath coming up the stairs, and said sorry for being late. I scanned the room to look for empty seats and Sasha waved me over. Everyone had saved me a seat by them and I said a silent thank you before quietly slipping into the desk and turning my attention over to Professor Petra, who had her copy of AoT in hand and open to page 1.

"Good afternoon everyone, I hope your day is going well. Before we get into reading for today, I have a little announcement. Last night I talked to Levi, the author of this book. He's actually a very dear friend of mine and I asked him if he would mind coming in to class to actually talk about the book to you guys and answer questions. Since his schedule is rather busy, he couldn't give me an answer right away, but his publisher Peter contacted me and told me they were able to come September 24th. Since he _is_ a busy person, I would really appreciate everyone coming in on that day so you can meet him and so you can get further insight to the book. If you can't make it, than you can't make it, but I would really like for you to try and get here if you can."

So he was actually coming to talk to us, that's actually pretty cool. It must not be easy either, I'd imagine, with his time being so valuable and everyone wanting him to do something for them. I kind of figured Prof. Petra's friendship with him played a big part in him even coming, so I was silently appreciative that she formed a friendship with him somewhere along the way. 

The rest of the class continued and before I knew it I was done with school for the day. I bid farewell to my friends and Prof. Petra and headed back to the Burton dorm building. On Wednesdays I have work from 3-8pm, so as soon as I got inside my room, I dropped my bag next to my desk and went into my dresser drawer to get my uniform. It wasn't really a uniform, just the store's logo on a green t-shirt and black khakis. Sometimes I could wear jeans, but I did a lot of watering, gardening and tending to the plants and it was hard to get stains out. Plus they were so much more comfortable. 

2:25 -- way more than enough time to get to work. Too much time to get to work. I got in my little beat up navy Honda Civic and shut the door. My left hand dug around in my pocket to find my wallet while my right hand put the key in the ignition. After recovering my wallet, I was gladly met with the beautiful, heartwarming sight of 40 dollars. 40 _whole_ dollars. It may not seem like a lot, but let me tell you, when you're a college kid who has to pay for every school supply, a minor portion of your tuition, food, and whatever else you need, you don't come by extra cash in your wallet often, let alone 40 bucks. That whopping 4-0 could go a long way if you stretch it, which, eventually, you learn to do like a pro. Since I had more than enough time until work, I decided to treat myself to a real deal cup of coffee at Starbucks rather than settle for campus brew. Hell I'll even get a croissant to go with it, why not.

I drove the 10 minutes off of campus and into the Starbucks parking lot. It was actually really convenient, because the flower shop was just across the street, so I could take my time and not have to rush. Once I parked, I walked up to two big, glass doors and opened them to be greeted by the smell of sweets and freshly brewed coffee. It was wonderful. I inhaled and took in the various aromas, noticing that there weren't too many people sitting around, probably because most people were still at work. I ordered a french vanilla coffee (3 sugars and regular milk was always my favorite), the croissant I promised myself, and sat down at an empty table near the window. I sat in silence, thinking over what I had to do for homework and the schedule Mr. Zakarius gave me at the shop for the day. Mike was a really nice guy; he didn't work me too hard and gave me a couple of dollars more than minimum wage per hour, which I was extremely grateful for. He knew I was in college and had to pay some of my way through, so he gave me a raise on my fifth day of work to help me out a bit. He's a little weird, because when he doesn't have anything to do, he usually just sits around and smells all the flowers, but it didn't bother me in the least. I was earning money and doing my job correctly, that's all that mattered, really. It was just a bonus that he was a pretty cool guy.

My croissant was finished and whatever little pang of hunger I had subsided for the time being. I threw out the pastry bag that it came in and sat back down, delving into my cup of coffee and becoming lost in thought again. This was why I never really spent much time alone, because every time I did, my thoughts went reeling. They weren't necessarily out of control, I just did a lot of it in one sitting and usually forgot about my surroundings. Sometimes I'd tune in to the music on my ipod to prevent my mind from wandering, but right now, I didn't feel like it. I guess it's good to think on occasion, it helps you organize your feels and what's going on.

2:45 -- still a decent amount of time before work. I was about to get up and get in my car so I could find a parking spot around back, when something black caught my eye. I was still seated, and it was a good thing too, because an absolutely stunning human being took the table also next to the window in front of me. He was on the shorter side, but he was, in truth, beautiful. His hair was pitch black and shiny, the hairstyle an undercut, and although his facial expression was twisted into one of mild vexation, his face was flawless. Not a single mark adorned his features and you could see his high cheekbones and smoothness of his skin when his face was turned toward the light. He pulled out an unscathed Macbook Pro from his bag and gently set it on the table next to his coffee. While one hand reached in his bag for his glasses, another turned the computer on and brought the cup to his lips. I caught a perfect cupid's bow atop his upper lip right before his cup could cover it. Before I was caught staring, I shifted my gaze downwards to my own cup. I drained its contents, threw it out, thanked the barista and cashier, and hurriedly got in my car. I couldn't deny that my heart skipped a beat or two as I jammed the key in the ignition and drove to one of the staff parking spots behind the flower shop.

I never did have a sexual preference, nor did I ever get around to defining my sexuality; quite frankly I just didn't care. I was comfortable with any gender, any sexuality, anything, so long as they were a good human being and had a likable personality. Plus I thought labels were too specific, too straightforward. I always thought it was nicer to have a bit of mystery and not be as defined as everyone else wanted you to be. So at some point, I just gave up figuring it out and caring, which led me to some of the best people I've ever met. Some became my best friends, and some more than friends, although I was never in a too-serious relationship. Despite not caring about sexuality or gender, my personality usually clashed with a lot of other people's, so my relationships generally didn't last more than 5 months.

My car fit perfectly in the parking spot directly in front of the back door to the shop. I shut it off and sat there for a minute, thinking about the man I'd just seen in Starbucks. Although he must've been about 6 inches shorter than me, he was incredibly attractive. He seemed to carry himself with confidence and cockiness, but I thought it made him all the more interesting. Not many can pull off a look like that and the fact that he did and did it will is what lured me in.

2:55 -- 5 minutes til my shift started. I looked around the parking lot and noticed my car was the only one here. I got out of my car and locked it behind me, making sure I had my keys, my wallet, and my phone in my pocket. I unlocked the back door and walked in to see a note dangling from the ceiling. Mike had a habit of doing this to make sure I found out whatever he wanted to tell me if he wasn't there. On the note, he wrote down that he wouldn't be coming in today because he had some personal matters to take care of, so I would be working alone. I took down the note, wrote today's date on it, and the hours I was working. Mike kept a log of my hours and whenever he left a note I had to write down how long I'd be there for so he'd pay me for the right time. It was kind of a trustworthy situation, because I could put down any hours and he wouldn't even know. But being the honest person that I was, I wrote down 3-8pm, that I hope everything is okay with him, and I'll see him on Sunday. I stuck the note in the logbook in his office and made my way to the front of the shop, thinking about the amount of trust he put in me. Wednesday nights were usually really slow, so I mostly swept the floors, watered the flowers, mended to the withering ones, and made sure everything was neat and in its respectful home. Normally I'd have random jobs Mike would give me, but because he wasn't here, I could relax for a bit. I grabbed one of the stools from around back where we made arrangements and brought it behind the counter. I sat down with my elbow on the counter, my chin in my hand, and my eyes out the window. The entire front of the shop underneath the awning was glass, giving me a perfect view of the street. I had already begun to scan the tables in front of the Starbucks window to see if the man was still sitting there, which in fact, he was. Although this time when I looked at him, a sense of calm washed over me, because it was all over him. His slender fingers were typing fervently at his computer keyboard, but when I watched him, I could feel him being at peace. I couldn't really explain it, but he looked happy to be typing whatever it was, despite the hint of a grimace on his lips. 

For the remainder of my shift, I watched this man be heavily concentrated on his work and type, and type and type. It was rare that he even stopped, which I witnessed a total of 2 times; the first time was to get a new cup of coffee, and the second was to use the restroom. At one point, he looked out the window, and after looking around the street, he saw me in the flower shop. Looking at him. Probably with a dream like expression on my face because I'd been leaning over the counter just studying his movements. When he saw my gaze, my heart dropped, but I couldn't move or look away. It was him who broke the contact, ending it as quickly as it came. His fingers went back to work, and my eyes continued to study the creases of his that scrunched up when he was fully concentrated. 

Eventually, my shift was over and I was left to close up the shop. Because Mike wasn't around to say it, and because I was always proud of myself when I finished, I told myself I did a good job today. I took one final glance at the man in Starbucks, who was sipping his drink and reading something on his monitor, before I shut all the lights off and went out the back door. My key turned in the lock of the door and within seconds, I was back in my car. It slipped my mind that it was actually September now and that evenings were getting increasingly colder, I should've brought a sweatshirt. I turned my car on, turned the heat up, popped a CD I made in the stereo and drove back to the dorm.

Armin was home by the time I walked in the front door, writing what seemed to be yet another report. He tried to explain to me what exactly his job was at the beginning of the summer, but he just settled with lab assistant when he couldn't quite put it into words. I knew that much -- he worked in a science lab doing experiments with one of his professors (and got paid). He had to constantly write reports on his research and hand them at the end of each weak to his professor, who was too lazy to do it himself. Armin didn't say that, but I had just come up with that conclusion on my own based on the amount of paperwork Armin did.

He finished what he was writing, I finished my homework (after about an hour and fifteen minutes of doing it), and by 10 we were so exhausted that we didn't even have the energy to see if NCIS was on. I quickly showered, said goodnight to Armin, and got in bed. My mind automatically drifted back to the man I saw earlier, and I fell asleep to the image of his face in my head.

 

I didn't think I'd ever see him again, but holy shit was I wrong. So very, very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this much sooner than I expected lolol. Hopefully chapter 3 will be up by this weekend.


	3. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After reading into the required book in English class for a little over 2 weeks, Eren and his classmates finally meet Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is where we meet Levi! I shift POVs at some points though so beware.

[ Levi ] 

There are days when I love being up in the mornings, and there are days like today when I despise it. On the occasion that I do enjoy the beginning of the day, I take my time making breakfast, brew the usual cup of coffee, and leisurely sit at my table reading the newspaper until I'm finished and ready to take on my duties for the day. This morning went nothing like that. Instead of taking my time, I had to rush all because I agreed to go into Petra's class and lecture about my book. I understood that I wrote it, but why the hell couldn't _she_ just talk about? She's a damn professor and one of my closest friends, she knows me, the symbolism, and whatever else in the book as well as I do. So why did I have to be present at all?

I groaned obnoxiously and loudly as the sound of my alarm clock blared in my ears. My hand reached out from underneath the pillow that was concealing it and slammed down on the piece of plastic to no avail. It kept going off and sounding and wailing and every time I tried to shut it I missed, the effects of sleep still lingering in my body causing me to be clumsy. Within seconds I was so pissed off that I just screamed "WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY" and violently pulled the plug out of the wall. The alarm stopped, the sound of the screeching tone fading to silence. I fell back down on the bed, face first in my pillow, and stayed there for a couple of minutes. I really didn't feel like getting up right now, but I had made a promise, and that promise I would keep.

Not fully woken up yet, I dragged my body to the shower, my memory bringing forth the conversations I had a number of days ago with Petra and my publisher, Peter. As hot water hit my body, the request she had asked of me slowly resurfaced in the midst of my recollection. Petra had called me first; she wanted to check with me before my publisher, because she knew that I always preferred to be notified of events beforehand to prepare rather than Peter telling me. I'm much more partial to being told what I was getting into directly than Peter informing me, because if he did, it always felt like I was left out of the loop and he was making decisions for me. I liked deciding things on my own, being on my own, basically doing everything on my own.

I was laying on my couch watching TV when my cellphone rang. It was rare that it was ever put to use because I wasn't close with many people. In fact, now that I gave it some thought, I was only close to 4; one being Petra, one being Hanji, Auruo, and the last being my publisher. Normal people would've found it sad that I'm not close with people, but I didn't really care. I thought it was lucky for _them_ to be associated with _me_.

I picked up the phone and saw Petra's name light up on the screen. On the fourth ring, I hit the send key.

"Hi, Petra."

"Levi! Oh I'm so glad you answered your phone. How are you doing, what's up?!"

"Im fine. Why are you calling me?"

"I can't call you once in a while to talk? Jeez."

"You can but you don't unless you want something. Spit it out."

"How would you feel about coming in to lecture my students about your book?"

I knew it. She only called once in a while and when she did 95% of the time it was because she wanted me to do something, usually involving her classes. She asked me the same question about a year and a half ago; my book had only been on the shelves for about 3 months at the time and it was making huge progress climbing the popularity charts. She had wanted to use it in her english class, and I said yes, only because it would put my name out there more and possibly get another demographic into my novel as well. Then the next semester rolled around and she asked to use it again. Eventually I just told her to stop asking me and used it how ever she pleased, I didn't really mind. But this is the first time she's asking me to actually come into her class and talk about it to her kids.

"You want me to come into your classroom and talk to a bunch of bratty teenage kids about my book. Is that really what you're asking me to do?"

"Oh Levi, they're not bratty, I have a really good group this year! Some of them are really into the book too. This boy Eren Jaegar has read so far ahead already and he's really enjoying it. I would love if you could come in and talk to them about it, I know at least Eren would be happy you did."

All she had to do was mention that someone liked my book and I agreed, of course, as long as Peter allowed me to go. I don't know, it always made me happy knowing someone enjoyed my work. It gave me a sense of confidence and reassurance that I did a good job. So I told Petra I would come in when I had time and I'd ask Peter if it would be alright for me too. She thanked me profusely and we'd hung up.

The next morning I called Peter and asked him. He said that he thought it was a great idea and that my schedule was completely free until late November, so I could do what I wanted. For the past couple of months I had little to no time to do anything other than work and tour around. I did many signings, lectures, readings, everything Peter could find for me to do, so it was nice hearing I'd get to have a bit of a break for the next couple of weeks. I sure as hell earned it. I might as well get this lecture for Petra out of the way before I enjoyed some time off. I'd called her not even 3 minutes after I got off with Peter and agreed to her request, to which granted me a shriek on her end of the line in my ear.

That phone call was roughly 10 days ago, and now here I was, the morning on the day of, extremely pissed and exhausted. I shut off the shower, wrapped my body in a towel, and took another one off the rack to put on my head. Once back in my bedroom, I shook the towel on my hair to get the water out and got dressed. Today's outfit of choice was similar to every other day that I had to go out and look formal -- dress shoes, black pants, a black button-down shirt, and a black suit jacket. The only colored aspect of my clothing when concerning my formal wear was my tie; I'd collected various amounts of colors and patterns and actually enjoyed wearing different ones. For today, I went with one that was dark green with silver and black stripes. My hair had mostly dried to its usual straightness and within an hour I was all ready. I grabbed some notes I'd written down the night before to point out in my talking to everyone today and placed them neatly in a section of my leather briefcase. My book lay in front of the pocket containing the notes along with some pens, my car keys, and my wallet. I double checked that I had everything, took my keys out of my briefcase, and left the house, locking the door behind me. My car keys were already out by the time I reached my shiny black BMW and within seconds I was inside. The interior is as clean as my house; I couldn't stand filth of any kind in or on any of my possessions and made sure everything was always spotless. My key slipped into the ignition and the smooth purr of the engine greeted me as I began making my way to Sina University.

~

[ Eren ] 

September 24 fell on a Wednesday and had become a date I was looking forward to, much to my surprise. Since we first started reading "Attack On Titan" in English, I became engrossed in every word on every page, and Prof. Petra noticed. I began reading ahead and was almost done with the book before Levi came in to class. It was truly a remarkable novel and as the days passed I became more and more anxious to meet Levi. I endured the wait and finally September 24th rolled around. Trigonometry flew by so fast that morning that I barely payed attention, I was far too excited for English. I don't really know what I expected out of meeting Levi; a spark I guess? I heavily admired his work, so I guess I channeled my respect into excitement that he was coming to class today. Whatever the reason being, I was looking forward to English so much that I arrived 20 minutes early with nothing to do. I quietly slipped into the empty classroom, turned the lights on, and sat in my usual seat, almost right in the middle of the room. I put my backpack on my desk, wrapped my arms around it, and buried my face in it, closing my eyes. The sound of my heartbeat echoed in my ears and the continued steady rhythm would've lulled me to sleep, had Sasha and Connie not walked in a few minutes later.

"WAKEY WAKEY EREEEEENNNN. What the hell are you sleepin in here for, that's what dorms are for!" Connie spoke up first upon arriving in the room in an oddly chipper mood for the morning. Then again, it wasn't exactly morning, it was already almost 2pm. I guess my body just never woke up.

"Connie leave Eren alone, maybe he didn't get to eat breakfast this morning and he's so hungry he can't sit up straight! Eren don't worry I have some food with me, do you wanna share?"

I picked my head up and rubbed my eyes, trying to stifle a yawn but to no avail. I pouted in Connie's direction and, with a sleep induced voice, said, " 'M not sleepin Connie." Sasha had taken the seat on my left, so I scooted my desk over so it was right next to hers and put my head on it facedown. I groaned and she laughed, taking out a sandwich, chips, two cans of soda, and potato salad. 

"Whatcha want, Eren?"

"I don't know, feed me."

For the remainder of the time before class started, Connie, Sasha and I goofed around and munched off of Sasha's feast. She never minded sharing, in fact she was always extremely happy too. So we munched and chatted and munched and chatted about nothing in particular and everything at the same time.

When there were 5 minutes until class started, Prof. Petra walked in with an enthusiastic look on her face. She sat her brown leather briefcase, book, and purse on her desk chair and stood in the middle of the front of the room. By that time, almost the entire class had filtered in, and some I could tell were eager to meet Levi too, based on their unusually happy expressions. The only other two people I knew in that class were Reiner and Marco, neither of whom came in. I was a little sad, but made a mental note to text them later to fill them in on what happened today and make sure they were okay. Prof. Petra called everyone to attention, by which time Sasha had long finished eating, and smiled to the class.

"Good afternoon guys! Today's the day -- the sun is shining, the class is clean, and we have a guest! Levi won't be here for another 15 minutes tops, so before he gets here I'd just like to run briefly over what we've read so far. Take our your books and please turn to page 235."

We spent a few minutes reviewing the characters, their weapons, and went over some scenery described in some parts of the reading. With each second that passed, my heartbeat sounded louder in my ears and quickened in pace. I was meeting a famous author, and not just any author, but the one who wrote what I was holding. I was kind of fascinated, to be honest. I'd never been in the same proximity as a famous person. But I didn't care so much about his fame as I did about his talent; I wanted him to tell me where he got the inspiration to write this book. I wanted to know the words he erased that didn't make it into publishing. I want to know why he wrote it, who he wrote for, what motivated him. I wanted to know a little bit of everything, and if Mikasa were there, she would've compared me to a puppy dog totally engrossed with his owner (which was totally not true I was _not_ "engrossed" by my ow -- I mean Levi. No freakin' way).

Finally, a knock came on the door next to Prof. Petra's desk. 

She told us to be on our best behavior, to be polite, but don't be shy in asking any questions you may have. Her face lit up, my stomach dropped. She almost ran to the door, I almost sunk so low in my chair that I fell out. The man standing behind the door frame said a whispered hello, exchanged a hug with Prof. Petra, and entered the room. My eyes were so wide at that point that I could've sworn they were getting ready to pop out of my head. 

Remember that spark I was telling you about earlier? The one I was expecting to feel upon seeing him? Well, I go that spark alright.

Because it was the same man that I saw in Starbucks that day. 

Without realizing it, I had stopped breathing and quickly exhaled. _He_ was Levi? How in the hell...? While my brain tried to grasp the fact that he was the person I was so captivated by those 2 weeks ago in Starbucks and at work, he glided inside and away from the hallway. A wave of confidence and what almost seemed like superiority emanated from him as he walked to the desk at the front of the room. A brand new looking black briefcase settled itself down on the desk as did his keys, jacket, and a copy of his book. His facial expression wasn't even remotely amusing, and as I looked around to the rest of the class, I could tell that a lot of them were shocked that someone who seemed so unpleasant could write such perfection.

Everyone else might have disliked him right off the bat, but I still found him intriguing. He was shorter than I thought, probably because he was sitting down when I saw him before, standing at roughly 5'6" tall. His hair was perfectly straight, and this time I noticed it was styled like an undercut. The only splash of color that he wore was his tie, which was green, silver, and surprise, black. I came to the conclusion that he either really loved black or just didn't bother trying to look cheerful in the slightest. Either way, he was still as stunning as he was when I first saw him. His mannerisms were graceful, his face was stern but gentle, and he screamed cleanliness. Not a single patch of stubble lingered on his face and his jacket, pants, and shirt were all pressed to refinement. He began to speak and immediately everything else began to seem insignificant at best.

"Afternoon bra -- ahem, kids. I would say I'm here to talk about my book, but I guess you already know that, don't you. Before I start, how many of you have finished reading it already?"

Three hands were hesitantly raised, mine being one of them. I didn't exactly finish the book, but I only had around 30 pages left, so I counted that as finished in this case. Plus I just wanted him to notice me, which he did. He nodded his head to the other 2 students until he landed on me. A look of contemplation made itself known on Levi's face as he looked at me, and I wondered if he recognized me as the kid who was watching him from the flower shop across from Starbucks some days ago. I don't even know if he saw me then at all, it was more wishful thinking. But just like when our eyes first made contact, his eyes looked elsewhere as quickly as they had landed on me.

"Three kids. Shocking." His speaking voice was rather harsh and his tone was a bit sarcastic. "Alright, we'll start with the characters."

Levi talked about the inspiration behind his characters, where he got the idea for the plot from, everything. There was one part that he talked about that made me beyond fascinated, and that was the flowers and their significance.

"A little after the beginning, when Ethan is laying in the grass after picking up firewood with his sister, he's surrounded by flowers. Its not just one little stupid patch of them, but its more of a whole field. Specifically, Monkhood flowers. Now, if I didn't care about the meaning behind them I would've put something stupid like dandelions or whatever. But the Monkhood flowers hold a specific meaning, and that meaning is foreshadowing of something deadly. It's like saying 'watch out, something that could threaten your life is coming', which in this case were the titans coming to their town and killing nearly everyone. It also has another meaning, but unfortunately many of you haven't read passed a certain point so I won't tell you. So basically I kind of gave away a huge plot point right in the beginning that something bad was going to happen, but I knew no one would research it so I thought I would put it in plain sight without spelling it out for the readers. And for teachers like Petra to point it out to you. I'm surprised she didn't mention it."

"That's what you're here for, Levi."

"I'm not here to teach them shit, that's your job."

"Hush, carry on."

Levi sighed and I could see his brows furrowing even further, if that was even remotely possible. 

"Where the hell even was I."

Finding some shred of spontaneous courage, I spoke up with hesitancy. "You were talking about the monkhood flowers and the fact that you gave away foreboding information without actually telling us that you did."

At the sound of my voice, Levi looked straight at me, the traces of annoyance gone from his face. He looked shocked. Why? It wasn't that big of a deal, I was paying attention. Granted I was sitting on the very front of my seat and leaning forward so I could hear every word he said better, but wasn't everyone else listening?

"Right. Thank you...?"

He paused and it took me a solid 3 seconds before I realized he was waiting for me to give my name.

"Eren, I'm Eren."

For the first time since he arrived, he looked genuinely pleased. I thought I saw a hint of a smile on his lips, but he quickly returned to his fixed grimace and I came to the conclusion that my eyes had played tricks on me. 

"Eren. Thank you. Now, back to what I was saying."

The next half hour went by much too quickly, and before I knew it, everyone was packing up and getting ready to leave. Not many people had asked questions, let alone made eye contact with Levi. I was pretty much the only one who interacted with him, which made me happy. I liked the idea of just me conversing with him. Before Levi left, I resolved that I would talk to him again. I had no idea what I would say, but I would talk to him. My legs carried me to the front of the room miraculously, as the had nearly turned to jello. He was talking to Prof. Petra, and when she noticed me standing behind Levi, she stopped talking and smiled at me.

"Eren! Perfect timing come here, I want to properly introduce you."

She gently grabbed my arm and pulled me next to her so that we were both facing Levi. He looked at me and that sense of recognition found its way to his face once more. I was nervous, but thankfully, I was always somewhat good at talking to people, especially ones I respected.

Petra was the first to speak. "Levi, this is Eren, the one I was telling you about before. Eren, this is Levi."

She had talked to him about me? She had mentioned me to him? No wonder he seemed to know me, even if it was on a minor level. I held my hand out and tried to hide the little bit of nervousness that lingered. 

"It's nice to meet you, sir."

"No sir, call me Levi."

He took hold of my hand and I was in awe; his skin was just as smooth as it looked, and although he has an aura more on the negative side, his grip was gentle. He let go and our hands turned back to our sides, that spark coming to life again within my chest.

Levi walked back to the desk at the front of the room and retrieved his belongings. His wallet and book went back in his briefcase, his jacket returned to his body, and his keys were placed back in his pocket. Prof. Petra hugged him goodbye, said thank you numerous times and that she'd call him again soon, to which Levi replied something along the lines of only when she has another favor for him. Levi turned around to face me and gave me a look of satisfaction, which was saying something, because if you couldn't notice it you'd think he was furious with me.

"It was nice meeting you, Eren."

"You too si -- Levi."

And with that, he grabbed onto his briefcase and left the room. Was it just me or did the lights get dimmer? Was I going insane or did I feel a lot colder? I sighed and went back up to my desk to retrieve my things.

"He likes you, you know."

I turned around to see Prof. Petra smiling at me, her coat already on and her own briefcase in her hand, ready to leave. I couldn't help but smile back; she didn't know what that comment meant.

"You think so?"

"I do. He's not very social and usually hates everyone, but I think he might like you."

"I feel special."

"With him, you should."

We spoke for a few minutes longer until she looked at her watch, surprised by the time.

"Oh goodness I'm going to be late for my next class. It was nice talking to you Eren, I'll see you again on Tuesday!"

"You too professor, have a good weekend."

"Thanks, same to you!"

Within seconds, I was alone in the classroom, with just my thoughts, and pounding heart, to keep me company.

~

[ Levi ]

To say I sprinted across that campus was an understatement. I didn't actually sprint, I just walked really briskly to get to my car as soon as I could. I didn't like being around so many teenagers at once, it gave me a fucking headache. All I wanted was to go back home, get undressed, and start my mini-vacation on my couch with a movie marathon. I shoved the key in the ignition and turned my car on, shutting the radio to allow myself to think, and breathe, for a minute. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the headrest. My mind shifted over to Eren, and I remember the look of intense curiosity and interest in his eyes. He was the only one in the class who hung onto every word I said; everyone else was either sleeping, extremely disinterested, or just pretending to care. I hated that and usually would walk out if I came in contact with such rudeness, especially from teenagers, but because Petra asked me to talk and because Eren was so attentive, I stayed.

I opened my eyes again and changed my mind. I didn't really feel like going home, and my marathon could wait until tonight or tomorrow. But I drove home anyway. I left my stuff in the car, which was still on, and ran into my apartment to get my laptop and notebook. I picked them up from the kitchen table and locked the door behind me. Once I was back in my car, a heavy sigh escaped me as I gently put the two items on top of my briefcase on the passenger seat and began to drive away.

Traffic was light and not many people were on the road, so it took me 15 minutes to get to Starbucks. As soon as I walked in, everyone instinctively knew to clear away the area where I usually sat. I was used to this -- people in here knew I kept interaction to a bare minimum and my tolerance for them was little, if at all. The heels of my shoes clicked against the wood floor as I strode over to my usual table by the window. I set my stuff down and fetched my wallet from my briefcase, taking out a 5. I left everything on one of the seats at the table and went to order my drink, a grande cinnamon dolce latte, which the staff always knew I ordered. Normally I would put my stuff away, but since this was the Starbucks I frequented most and everyone knew my attitude, they also knew that if they so much as looked at my things I would knock them dead. I said nothing as I handed the cashier my 5, took my change, got my drink, and sat back down. I had earbuds in one of the pockets of my briefcase and took them out, waiting for the program to start up so I could plug them in. I took a sip of my drink, which warmed me up as soon as it hit my lips; I hadn't realized how cold I was and felt instant gratification drinking my coffee. iTunes launched and I clicked the playlist I created for when I was writing, simply called "writing music." It mostly consisted of orchestral and lengthy piano pieces and it helped me write much better. 

Just as I was about to tune into my music and start a short story I had an idea for, a laugh caught my attention. I looked around to see who it was out of curiosity and irritation. If someone was going to laugh that loudly while I was about to write someone was gonna get it. I found the source of the laughter and targeted my attention to a tall boy standing at the counter talking to the cashier. He was leaning his elbows on the counter and his body was forward, almost going over. The girl working rang up his order and laughed at something he said. Her cheeks went the tiniest bit red as he thanked her and went on the other side of the counter to get his drink. Once he did so, he turned around and headed for the door, but not before I could stop him.

"Eren?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love Levi okay asdfghjkl;cvbn


	4. Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren runs into Levi at Starbucks and after his shift at the flower shop, the two of them talk about Levi's book.

[ Eren ]

After English I'd had some time to kill before work; it was only 3:15pm and I still had a little under two hours before my shift began at the flower shop. It was so gorgeous out and I really didn't feel like sitting inside in my room. I walked back to my dorm to just drop my bag off and change into my uniform. Before I left, I remembered to grab a jacket, my car keys and wallet, and headed towards the little campus park. It wasn't really a park, but that's just what everyone called it, for lack of a better term. It was a really nice place to read a book or picnic or just sit and enjoy the weather. It wasn't that big, but it sat right in the middle of campus and was, thankfully, only a 2 minute walk from my dorm room. Once I reached the edge of the park, I sat on a bench and looked over the area the park took over. This time of year was when it was the most beautiful -- the leaves on all the scattered trees were different colors, the breeze wasn't strong, but wasn't nonexistent either. Other students were leaning against the bark of the trees reading a book, doing homework, taking a nap, listening to music, whatever it was that relaxed them. Some couples sat on the edge of the fountain in the middle and laughed, some kids sat alone and were writing. I scrunched up my shoulders so my neck was fully covered by the collar of my jacket and dug my hands further into my pockets. It was a bit colder today than most days and I regretted not getting my heavier jacket as opposed to the lighter one I was wearing.

As I mindlessly watched the people in the park, my mind started to drift and my thoughts started to surface. Usually when I was alone, I would think about school or my family or what I had to do for the day, but for some reason, I began to think of Levi. I replayed talking to him in the classroom over again and the feel of his skin as I shook his hand. I remembered the look of familiarity he'd shown when he saw me and the one of approval when I reminded him of what he was talking about when he got off track. I recalled the broad shoulders under his black suit jacket, the slender fingers that moved so gracefully as he flipped through the pages of his book when he was talking. I didn't realize how much I'd taken notice of until I relived seeing him in class. I was definitely attracted to him, there was no doubting that, but I felt like there was something more. I was genuinely intrigued by him. He was a mystery, a man who seemed to be hidden under the rough exterior he held up in front of everyone. The more I thought about him, the more I wanted to peel away each and every layer of hostility and rejection and coarseness and get to know him as a person, for who he really was.

After what seemed like an eternity of sitting in the park, I checked my phone to see I still had another hour before work. I was getting really cold, so I got off the bench, bidding a silent goodbye to the park, and headed toward my car. I got inside and turned it on along with the heat. With a sigh, I put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot. I didn't feel like going to work much today, but I put it aside and left campus.

By the time I reached the flower shop, I had time to spare before my shift started. I parked my car in the usual staff spot in front of the back door and turned my car off. I figured I might as well kill some time before I had work, so I walked through the alley next to the neighboring barber shop and crossed the street to Starbucks. By the time I was inside I was pretty much oblivious to my surroundings. All I wanted was to get a hot cup of coffee and waste some time. As if fate wanted someone to keep me company while I waited for work to start, I spotted Christa working behind the counter. She was always a nice girl and I enjoyed when she was around. Her attitude was always uplifting and she was just generally nice to be around. We were never really that close, but we were close enough to joke around with each other and be comfortable when it would grow a little silent. An instant grin spread on my face as I walked in and watched her helping another customer. The person paid and went to the other side of the counter to pick up their drink as Christa looked in my direction and saw me. She waved, and I automatically waved back as I walked up to the register. My elbows leaned against the counter and my body leaned forward.

"Hey, Christa."

"Eren! I haven't seen you around here lately, how are you?"

"I'm good. I was here a little while ago but you weren't working, otherwise I would've said hi. How are you doing?"

"What a shame, I missed you by that much. I'm good! Just working for a little bit before class. I have a night class this semester and it's killing me. And my paycheck."

"Oh man I know that feeling. I had one last semester at like 5:30 and it was a lecture. I got out at around 8 and I was ready to kill myself and the professor by the time it was over."

Christa laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh please. What can I get for you tonight, drama queen?"

"It's drama _king_ , and I'll have a grande french vanilla, your majesty."

"Hot?"

"I know I am."

"Your drink, Eren."

"Please."

"You got it."

"I know I do."

Joking around with Christa brightened my mood a little bit and I had her laughing. Her laugh was adorable and a lot of people always tried to get her to more because it was just nice to hear. Smiling, I walked over to the other end of the counter to pick up my drink. Christa said she'd see me around and I bid her good luck with her night class before saying goodbye. For a minute, I contemplated sitting at a table before going to the flower shop, but then decided against it. I still had 15 minutes before I was officially on the clock but I didn't really feel like sitting amongst a lot of people right then. From what I could tell out of the window, no one was in the flower shop but Mike and it seemed like a good idea to just have his company and some silence as opposed to everyone in Starbucks. My feet carried me toward the door and my hand reached out to grab the handle, but not before my name could reach my ears.

"Eren?"

I stopped and turned to my left to see who had called out to me. Of course, I knew that voice -- it was the one that was ringing in my head all day. His laptop was open and white headphones were splayed across his keyboard. My eyes fell on the little man sitting at the same table he sat at when I saw him almost two weeks ago here. My heart skipped a beat or two and my breathing hitched. I couldn't move my feet, or any part of my body for that matter, as Levi looked up at me with an almost puzzled expression.

"L-Levi, hi."

As soon as I said his name, Levi blinked and shook his head.

"Sorry, that must've been weird of me, to just call out your name like that. Carry on with whatever it was you were doing."

What? Didn't he just call to me? Clearly he wanted to talk if he wanted my attention, right? Maybe it was just a subconscious thing, maybe he didn't do that intentionally. The thought saddened me, and I couldn't really figure out why in that second. He turned his body, ready to go back to his work, but my mouth seemed to be on autopilot as I answered him.

"No it's okay, I don't think it was weird at all, I don't mind."

He stopped mid-turn and looked at the ground. I could tell he was feeling awkward, but that was understandable. I was going to say something else, but lights turned on across the street and I looked up. Mike had turned on the night lights for outside the shop, which signaled to me that I have about 4 minutes until my shift. I refocused my gaze on Levi and spoke up.

"My shift at work is about to start so I have to get going, but I can always come back when its over. If you're still here that is and you want me to come. Not that I'm saying you don't me to but I --"

"Eren you're rambling.

"R-right..."

I'm such a moron. Really? I couldn't talk like a normal human being? What the hell? Nice going Eren, good job, you fucked up. I was ready to just mutter a goodbye and bolt out of Starbucks when Levi looked back up at me.

"What time is your shift over?"

"It's Wednesday right so.....around 8:30."

"I'll still be here."

His body turned all the way around and his fingers were quick to put the earbuds in his ear and begin typing. I took that as a "I'll still be here when you're shift is done so you can come back" kind of response. I grinned and said I'll see him later, though I knew he couldn't hear me. I left Starbucks and crossed the street, ready to get to work.

~

[ Levi ]

It's been ten minutes since Eren left and I still had absolutely no idea why I did that. What the hell even was that? Calling out to him so carelessly, where did that even come from? I sighed and mentally kicked myself. I never do that, I never reach out to anyone. I don't even keep in touch all that well with people who I consider my friends and here I am calling out to a kid I know nothing about and whom I've only just barely met this afternoon. Really, there's something wrong with me.

My original intent on coming to Starbucks that evening was to jot down some ideas I've come up with for a short story and maybe plot it out, but now my mind was so clouded that I couldn't think. Frustrated, I tore my hands from my keyboard and leaned all the way back in my chair. I lifted my arms up so my hands could run quickly through my hair and closed my eyes. I couldn't even focus now.

"Tch."

The legs of my chair made contact with the floor once more and I sat up straight. I laid my hands on my keyboard and took a deep breath, just staring at my computer screen. My eyes narrowed, and without thinking, strayed out the window I was seated next to and across the street. Eren was moving plants from outside the front of the store to the inside on shelves. I watched as he went outside to the side of the store and picked up a hose, turning the nozzle so it was on the right setting. He went back in and started watering the plants that he'd just taken in when his boss, or so he looked like, came out of a room in the back. Eren waved to him and soon the other man was gone. I wondered why he left Eren in the store; if he was the boss, shouldn't he have stayed and helped or stayed to close up once Eren was done? Maybe bosses don't do that these days anymore in little shops like they did when I worked in one as a teenager. Maybe they put more trust and responsibility in their employees. Or perhaps he had something he needed to and just had to leave early. I'm sure he wouldn't always leave Eren alone.

While I was in mid-thought, I suddenly stopped myself. Why the _fuck_ was I thinking about this? What the hell did I care? It's none of my business how Eren's boss runs his store, that's got nothing to do with me. I growled and turned the music up on my computer. My headphones were still on and the sound of classical music swam in my ears and helped distract me from thinking any more ridiculous thoughts. I decided to just write about whatever came to my mind, and before I knew it, my fingers were typing away. I was lost in a horror story about this couple who goes through absolutely everything together, emotional and physical, only to have their lives seized by death. No one hears from them for weeks and their loved ones begin to seriously worry. The couple tell their story from the afterlife to their loved ones in their dreams because that's the only way to reach them, but when they awake from dreaming the same dream every night, they forget and still wonder where they could be.

I was so engrossed in writing the story and developing the characters and making sure that the events flowed in pristine chronological order that when I felt a finger gently tap my shoulder I jumped. Automatically angry, I pulled both headphones from my ears by the chord and whipped around to yell at whoever dared to disturb me, when I found Eren standing next to me, looking a little less than frightened.

I cleared my throat and waited a couple of seconds to talk, regaining my composure and making sure my heart rate slowed the hell down.

"Oi, what are you doing, you scared the shit out of me. Don't just stand there, sit down." 

"Right."

I could tell he was a little nervous. I couldn't really blame him though, I almost did snap at him. I closed my laptop and stood up, pulling my shirt down to straighten any wrinkles that had developed from sitting for so long.

"I'm going to get another cup of coffee. Do you want anything?"

"Ah, no thank you."

I nodded my head and went back to the counter and ordered another cinnamon dolce latte. When it was ready, I put extra cinnamon in, mixed it, and came back to the table where Eren was looking out the window; I could tell he didn't really know what to say, but he seemed content enough. But then again what the hell did I know. I sighed and pulled my chair out to sit back down. I took a sip of my drink and set it next to my laptop in place of the one I'd ordered earlier. Why did I even invite him to come back after work and sit? Why had I wanted to call out to him? I was beyond frustrated with myself, unable to explain my actions, as I thought of nothing else to talk about but his class with Petra.

"Petra tells me you read ahead in class."

"Yeah, I couldn't help it. Your book is really well written and I enjoyed reading it a lot. Ethan is my favorite character."

"Shocking, the main character. Everyone's favorite."

"I don't like him just because he's the main character, but I guess I can identify with him a lot. He didn't really have anyone to rely on growing up except his sister and I didn't either except mine. He's driven and motivated and willing to do anything for his friends, and I like to think I'm the same way."

I was surprised; he hit the nail right on the head with Ethan, that's exactly how I wanted to portray him. A lot of people who read my book said they didn't like Ethan because they thought he was too "self centered" and he "didn't have enough knowledge to save the human race" when that's not how I wanted him to be at all. I wanted him to be a leader. I wanted him to be able to put faith in himself to save humanity. I wanted him to trust his comrades and learn the fundamentals of teamwork and grow not just in size when he transformed into a titan, but also as a person. And in the few simple words Eren just said, it made me like him all the more for seeing Ethan as he should be. He wasn't too bad, this kid. 

I leaned against the back of my chair and took a sip of my coffee. He said he didn't have anyone to lean on growing up but his sister as well, and it made me wonder what kind of childhood Eren had.

"Is that so."

"Yeah, it is. But I also really like his best friend Aaron. When my friend was reading it she thought he was such a crybaby and was basically useless to the story when that wasn't true at all. He came up with quick strategies that saved a lot of lives. He's really smart and fast on his feet and is extremely intuitive, I like him a lot and I'm glad he and Ethan grew up together and became best friends."

I watched his eyes light up when he spoke and I watched his lips slowly turn up into a smile. I could tell just by him talking about my book that he was very enthusiastic about it, which made me relieved. Knowing my writing makes someone happy is a very comforting, very uplifting and confident feeling. I noticed that he actually really understood my characters unlike most people and I felt like he made a connection with them, as if they were his actual friends. I silently appreciated his take on the characters as he spoke about all of them and what he found interesting about them. He thought Connie was hilarious but he admired his bravery in saving Aaron in their first battle with a titan. He thought Hannah's love for the titans was unfathomable but he liked that she was so into learning more about them. It was interesting to listen to him and I wouldn't really have minded listening to him more, because where else did I have to go, when my phone buzzed. The light on the screen lit up and said I had a new message from Petra. Eren took notice that something else required my attention and stopped talking, seemingly a little shy that he had spoken so much.

"Sorry, hold on."

I opened the message to see in all caps "I KNEW YOU WOULD LIKE EREN! HAVE A NICE CHAT." How in the _hell_ did she know I was with Eren? Scowling, I looked around Starbucks to see if she had come in, which she didn't. I looked out the window and there she was, on the corner of the street hiding behind a door to a store and waving at me. Fuming, my fingers angrily worked the keyboard and sent a reply simply saying "I'm going to kill you. Run while you still can." If I listened close enough, I could hear her laughing.

"Is...everything alright?" Eren spoke up, unsure if he should even ask.

"It's nothing, forget it."

Before I shut my phone and put it in my pocket, I noticed the time. It was late, almost 11 o'clock. I couldn't really believe Eren and I spoke for so long, I never talk to anyone like that. It was mostly Eren doing the talking, but still. I couldn't say I hated it though, it was nice to listen to someone who had at least a fucking clue as to what my book was about. 

"It's almost 11, Starbucks closes in ten minutes.

"Already? Crap, I forgot to tell Armin, though I didn't really expect to be out this late."

"Armin?"

"My best friend. He's also my roommate."

"I see."

We sat in silence for a couple of seconds before I began packing my things up. My laptop was put back in it's case, my earbuds were neatly wrapped and put in a little compartment in my briefcase, and my charger was wound up and put next to my laptop. I clasped it shut and stood up to put my jacket back on. I was drawing this out probably much more than necessary because once I got home I'd be alone. Not to say I didn't like being alone, because I certainly did, but sometimes the silence is deafening. It's not like I had much to do either; I normally just cleaned or watched a movie or did some work, nothing exciting, no one to be with.

My jacket was on, my briefcase was in my hand, and Eren was standing next to me. Every time he stood up I was reminded of our significant height difference; he had to be at least 6 inches taller than me. I scoffed and headed towards the door.

"Why the hell are you so much taller than me."

"I don't know."

The two of us walked outside and immediately the cold air clung to us. I involuntarily shivered and Eren shoved his hands deep into his pockets, pulling up his shoulders so his jacket's collar would help cover his neck.

"Levi do you need a ride home? My car is still in the flower shop parking lot but I could drive it over here. I wouldn't mind giving you a ride."

"No thanks kid, I can get home on my own."

"Are you sure? It's really cold out, I wouldn't wa --"

"I said it's fine. Go."

"Alright. Goodnight, Levi."

Eren gave me a small smile before he walked to the sidewalk to cross the street and disappear in an alley. I was almost nervous for him, going into a dark place like that, but within seconds I heard the distant rumble of an engine. Soon enough, his car came out of the parking lot, turned right on the road, and went back towards Sina campus. The cold gnawed at my ungloved hands and for a split second I'd almost wished I'd taken up on his offer.

~

[ Eren ]

It wasn't long before I'd gotten back into Barton and into my dorm room. Armin fell asleep sitting on the couch, his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. His breathing was steady and I tried not to wake him up as I shut the door behind me. I gently put my keys and my wallet on the dresser next to my bed and turned around to stand in front of Armin. I smiled and shook my head; the idiot was probably trying to stay up to make sure I'd gotten home alright. I knelt in front of him and gingerly shook his shoulder.

"Armin. Armin, wake up."

His eyes squinted and his arms unfolded into a stretch above his head, coming back down so his fingers could rub his eyes. He looked dazed and confused and it took him a minute to actually register what was happening.

"Eren? Eren! What time is it, you're home so late!"

"It's a little after 11. I know I'm sorry, I should have texted you. After work I sat in Starbucks with a...friend."

"I was worried, yanno." Sleepiness crept back into Armin's voice as he yawned. I chuckled and stood up, taking my shirt off and grabbing a pair of pajama pants from one of my drawers. I changed in the bathroom and came out, dropping my khakis on the floor and climbing up to my bed. Armin was already under the covers and burying his face in his pillow by the time I settled in.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll text you next time, promise."

"Yeah yeah yeah. 'Night, Eren."

"'Night Mom."

"Oh shut up."

I laughed and turned over so my body was facing the wall on my left. I would've gone to bed had it not been for my thoughts screaming to be paid attention to. I obliged, and suddenly I was staring at the chipping paint on the wall next to my pillow and thinking about Levi. It was a little difficult to accept that I had actually sat with Levi in Starbucks for _2 hours_ and talked to him. Granted, it was mostly me being an idiot and rambling about how much I liked the characters, but still, it was progress

Wait...progress? Was I trying to progress somewhere? Did I want to further some sort of friendship with Levi? He seemed nice enough, even though he did seem a bit pessimistic and unfriendly most times. I don't know though. Plus I doubted I'll ever see him again. It had to be pure coincidence that we ran into each other tonight, right?

Whatever it was, I'm happy that we at least had a chance to talk. And with that thought, I fell into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

~

On Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, I worked. I always made sure to stop in Starbucks for a drink before I went to the flower shop, even though my wallet was practically yelling at me to stop carelessly spending precious money. Thursday: afternoon shift, no Levi. Saturday: 2pm-9pm, no Levi. Sunday: 1pm-8:30pm, no Levi. The idea of mere coincidence about our meeting on Wednesday set itself in stone with each passing day that I worked and Levi wasn't at his usual place in front of the window. Before I knew it, I was back in school on Monday. The day went by relatively quickly; I didn't talk much, and by the end of English I was ready to go back to my room and take a nap when Prof. Petra called me over.

"Eren, before you leave can I talk to you for a minute?"

'Please tell me I didn't do anything wrong' was the first thing that popped into my head. I tried to think of anything bad I'd done lately that she needed to talk to me about. I didn't miss any homework, I did all the reading, and I was a pretty decent participator. I drew a blank and started to become just a little nervous.

"Sure." I put my binder and pens in their respective places in my bag, slung the strap over my shoulder, and walked to Prof. Petra's desk up front.

"Is everything alright, professor?"

"Oh yes everything is fine, Eren, you're actually doing a wonderful job in class, I'm proud of you. I just wanted to talk to you about Levi for a minute, if that's alright?"

"Absolutely." Levi? What could she possibly want to say about Levi to me? 

"A couple of days ago I saw you and Levi in Starbucks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I'm not super confident with this chapter but I hope y'all enjoy it!


	5. Ease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren start to be more aware of each other and enjoy just a bit of company together in Starbucks

Oh. _Shit_

Prof. Petra saw me and Levi in Starbucks. Now that I think about it, it was kind of dumb to sit at the table in the front of the window; anyone could've seen us. But how many people even know Levi's face? And even if they did, wouldn't you think he was too scary looking and intimidating to approach anyway? My thoughts were swimming and I was trying to come up with some sort of excuse or good reason as to why I was sitting in Starbucks with one of her best friends when words just started falling out of my mouth.

"Professor I can explain. I was just getting coffee before work because I really wanted some and I figured why not I have a little extra money after paying my bills I can treat myself to a cup of coffee. So I was talking to Christa who's my friend who just so happens to work there and I swear I was going to leave but he called out to me and I said I didn't have time but I could come back after work and then we just -"

"Eren slow down, it's okay! You don't have to explain yourself to me, it's fine! I was actually going to say that I'm actually _glad_ you and Levi were talking!"

...What? I thought she was gonna say I couldn't hang out with him because it'll interfere with my work or something, not that she thought it was okay for us to be around one another. God I can't believe I was acting like such a kid. I quickly shut my mouth and let her continue talking, a blush of embarrassment surfacing on my cheeks.

"Have you calmed down now?"

I stayed silent for a minute and then answered. "So you're actually glad I was with Levi a few days ago?"

"Of course! You see, Levi is the type of person who doesn't open up to anyone and if he does its a miracle. I'm sure you could tell by now that he's not the easiest person to get along with or even talk to for that matter, but when I saw you with him I was really happy. And _you_ seemed really happy as well. I just wanted to tell you that I hope the two of you become friends; you have so much in common and I think you guys would actually click. Try your best, Eren!"

I blinked at her a couple of times -- she was happy that I was with Levi. I was both relieved and a little skeptical as to why, but I let it go for the time being and smiled, nodding my head. Professor Petra bid me farewell and just like that, I was alone in the room.

On Mondays I dont normally work, so right after English I walked back to Barton. Armin wasn't in the room when I got inside despite his class ending earlier than mine, so I assumed he was doing one of his lab experiments with his professor. I dropped my bag on the floor next to my desk, climbed up to my bed, and fell backwards onto the unmade mess. I thought about my conversation with Prof. Petra about Levi and wondered why she thought we had so much in common. I could kind of see where she was coming from, but at the same time it was hard to picture. I shook my head and sat up, wiping the thoughts away so I wouldn't have to think about it now. My body leaned over the side of my bed and I looked at the desk bellow it. Papers were strewn across my desk, my laptop was open but on sleep mode, my draw was slightly ajar, and my textbook had fallen under my chair. It was my History textbook, and it suddenly dawned on me that I actually had a shit ton of work to do. 

I groaned and fell back again on my bed, closing my eyes. I really didn't feel like studying, or doing anything for that matter, but I had to. I climbed back down to the floor with a groan and picked up the textbook under my chair. If I was going to study and do some work I was going to need some stable internet access; dorm internet was never high quality and it was usually lagging or not working at all. I packed up my laptop and charger, picked up all the books, papers, and pens that I needed and put them neatly in my bag. My keys were already in my pocket; all I needed was my phone and my wallet and I was good to go.

~

Within 15 minutes I had arrived back in Starbucks. I quickly glanced over to the counter and saw that I didn't know the person working, so instead of getting a drink first, I headed towards an unoccupied table. I set up my laptop, got all my papers out, and then fished a 5 out of my wallet for a cup of coffee. If I was gonna do this paper I was gonna do it right -- super caffeinated and totally buzzed out of my mind. I was feeling a little different today, so instead of my usual french vanilla, I went with a caramel macchiato (I've always had such a sweet tooth, I should probably work on that....just not today). In a matter of minutes, I was back in my seat, still not ready to tackle my work, but willing to do it anyway just to get it over with.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed; my headphones were in, classical music was playing, and I was fervently working on my history research paper. It was on a topic that didn't interest me too much, but I made sure I had all the information I needed and then some to make sure I got an A on it. If I was spending so much time on the damn thing I might as well get a good grade.

I was halfway done with my third body paragraph explaining the weaponry used in war when I felt a tap on my shoulder. This time, it was my turn to jump five feet in the air. I clumsily tried to shut the music off on my computer but instead of fiddling with it any longer I just pulled my earbuds out. I was quick to apologize and, as usual, started running my mouth.

"Ah! I'm sorry, was my music too loud? If so I'm really sorry I didn't mean to disturb any --" 

My back turned around to see Levi, hand on his hip, standing over me with one eyebrow raised and the ever so intimidating look on his face.

"Relax brat, your music wasn't bothering anyone."

"Levi! What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here? It's a fucking coffee shop, what the hell do you _think_ I'm doing here?"

I was suddenly embarrassed by my question; I wasn't asking literally what he was doing here, it was just a sort of automatic question, especially since he hadn't been here the last few times I was here.

Without asking or giving any warning, Levi pulled out the chair opposite me and sat down. He pulled his own laptop out of his bag along with a 10 dollar bill from his wallet and stood back up. He started walking towards the counter, but turned his body halfway around to look at me.

"Do you want anything?

"Ah, I already got something. Thank you though."

He nodded and walked back towards the counter. My heartbeat had increased, but I tried not to pay attention to it as I unplugged my earbuds from my computer. I tried refocusing on my paper, but by the time my concentration came back, so had Levi. He silently took his seat, took a sip of his coffee, set it back down, and started his computer back up. I wasn't really sure what to say; did he want to talk to me? Did he want me to say something at all? Was he just sitting with me because he didn't want to sit alone or make anything awkward? I was conjuring all these dumb questions when he spoke.

He eyed the papers around me and rested his chin into the palm of his hand, his elbow leaning against the table. "What are you working on?"

"A history paper. I'm apparently supposed to research the type of weapons used in World War II."

"Easy topic."

"Easy my ass, you try writing this."

"Already have. Not entirely on the weaponry itself, but I referenced it for my book."

"Care to write this for me then?"

"In your dreams kid. Do your own work."

I laughed and he looked back to his computer. He started typing and I noticed he had a strong sense of focus; nothing seemed to distract him as he typed. I didn't realize I was staring until he looked up and gave me a look that said "problem?"

"What are you looking at?"

"I thought it was obvious."

"Shut up and do your work, brat."

I smiled to myself, noticing that his sarcasm rubbed off on me a little bit. Reluctantly, I turned my attention to my paper and dove into the various components of Japanese military weapons of World War II.

~

[ Levi ]

Silence. Perfect, comfortable, easy silence. I sat with Eren for a whole hour and a half in total silence, and it was hard for me to admit that I was enjoying it. To other people it would seem odd for me to enjoy silence with someone else, but I feel like Eren understood. He knew we didn't have to speak to be fond of time spent together, and he knew it wasn't awkward in the slightest bit if I didn't say anything. We were comfortable, and that comfort made our bond, whatever that was, so much easier.

After that hour and a half, Eren tossed his pen down and groaned. His arms stretched above his head, his back arched over the back of his chair, and his shirt lifted just the tiniest bit. I could see the elastic of the top of his boxers and the hint of a happy trail. I silently thanked my talent of being able to keep my composure, because if I couldn't, my cheeks would've been a little red and it would've given away the fact that I'd been looking in his direction and at a place on his body that wasn't really for my eyes. I looked down to my laptop screen and stared at it for a moment, actually shocked at what I'd been writing.

Eren came back to his normal posture and yawned, resting his head against the table. "Finally, I'm done."

I still stared at my computer screen. I didn't have a specific project I was working on at that time, so I just did some free writing about whatever came into my head. And it turns out, I'd written an entire 13 pages on describing Eren. I talked about the way he laughed, how, when he seemed confident in something, he put his hands on his hips and gave the biggest, cheesiest smile known to man, like how I'd seen him do in the flower shop. I wrote about his arms and their muscularity, but not so much. I wrote about how soft his hair looks and how his eyes were the most beautiful blueish green I'd ever come across. I wrote solely about him and the various ways I could describe him and various things I could compare him to. At the very end of what I'd written, right before Eren claimed he finished his paper, were the words "Let me show you what it means to be loved." 

I snapped out of the shock over what I'd written and looked over at Eren's papers covering his end of the table. "Took you long enough."

"Yeah but I'd rather take my time and do it right than rush through it and get a crappy grade. This is a total A paper."

"Don't get cocky, Eren. Let me read it.

"You want to read my 7-page paper on World War II weapons."

"Would I have asked you to let me read if I didn't? Idiot."

"Okay okay okay. Can I type it up first? My handwriting is kind of messy and I crossed out a lot when I didn't like what I wrote. At least let me make it neat."

"Fine."

The next half hour was spent in mostly silence, the clicking of keys on our laptops the only sound interfering with our reverie. It was familiar territory to me, this silence. It was calm, it was understanding, it was knowing. The bustle of people around us in the shop didn't reach us; we were in our own little bubble of comfort, of quiet. Everyone left us alone and we left each other alone, but at the same time we talked. We communicated in body language and in facial expression (mostly on Eren's part).

I was still reading what I wrote about Eren when he spoke. His fingers had stopped moving and he was looking at me.

"I finished, Levi."

I looked up from my screen and saw him smiling; his body was leaning forward and his face was closer to mine than it had been before. Instinctively, I wanted to lean back; I was never used to someone being in such close proximity to me, but I decided to stuff down the feeling and allow it. I closed my laptop, put it on my lap, and held out my hand."

"Pass me your laptop."

Eren did so without a word. Once his computer was in front of me, I saw his icons, his paper, and his background. He had this symbol of two wings, one white and one blue, as his desktop with a white background color. It was an intriguing symbol and I actually took a liking to it, but quickly turned my focus to his paper.

Eren stayed silent as I read over his writing. He was actually very good at persuasive writing and informing without sounding like a robot. It sounded like a person giving me information, but in a way where I didn't feel like I was reading a history paper so much as him actually speaking it to me. I caught a couple of grammar mistakes, but it was well written and I congratulated him for it, he deserved it.

"This is good. You wrote it well, Eren, good job. The only thing you need to fix is a couple of words."

"Damn, I knew I spelled some things wrong."

"It's not that big of an issue you can clearly fix it."

"Can you show me where I misspelled so I can?"

Before I could answer, Eren had stood up and carried his chair over to my side of the table, setting it down next to me. He sat down and leaned in towards me and his computer. I don't think he noticed his shoulder was touching mine and his knee was jutting into my thigh, but I did. I felt his heat from his body and I felt him lean in so he could see his computer better. I bit the inside of my cheek and showed him his mistakes. His arms leaned over me to get to his keyboard and I noticed his skin; he had little scars all over, and suddenly I wanted to protect him. From what, I had no idea, but I wanted to shield him from whatever hurt him. He didn't deserve any pain and while glancing at the white marks over his arms, I wondered where he got them from and who's ass I'd have to kick.

"Levi. Earth to Levi."

Eren was calling me. I didn't even realized I spaced out and was staring at his arms. I quickly looked up to his face and saw he was confused, and a little worried."

"Sorry. Yes, that's the correct spelling."

"Thank you. Is everything okay?"

"Fine, why?"

"I don't know, you seemed a little lost in thought for a minute. Just checking."

"Worry about yourself, I'm fine."

Eren sighed and picked up his chair, going back to his side of the table. He turned his computer around so it was facing him, looked it over for a minute, and saved it before shutting his computer down.

"Thank you again for helping me, I appreciate it."

"Tch, I said it's fine already, stop thanking me."

Eren gave a lighthearted laugh and shook his head. He put all of his things away in their respective places; laptop back in its case which then went in his bag, papers put neatly in a green folder, and pens in a little slip in a front compartment of his bag. Once he was done, he zipped everything up and placed it on the floor next to his chair. I assumed his coffee had gone cold, but he drank it anyway, looking at me in the process. I mimicked his actions and drank my own.

"Cinnamon?" Eren asked, eyeing my cup.

"Cinnamon dolce latte, actually."

"I didn't take you as a cinnamon kind of person."

"Don't go assuming things."

"Fair enough."

Eren sipped his coffee in silence and looked out the window. I would've looked away but the distinctiveness of his jawline, his darkened, even skin tone, and the sunlight catching in his eyes made me stare. Again. He was captivating, stunning, even. I would've studied him even longer, but he turned his gaze back to me.

"Do you do anything besides write?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you do anything besides write? Like another job you have."

"Why do you want to know?"

Guarded, quick response. Damn it. Now he's gonna stop asking. I'm gonna push him away.

Eren shrugged and leaned his cheek into his palm, his body tilting almost sideways.

"I'm just curious. I'd like to get to know you a little better."

At this, I was genuinely stunned. Get to know me better? Who even was this kid? Why did he want to get to know _me_ of all people? Everyone usually backed away from me, so why was he moving, or at least trying, to get closer?

I hesitated, not completely sure of whether I should open up to him. The more I thought about it though, the more it seemed ridiculous to _not_ tell him what he wanted to know. Of course it wouldn't be overly personal information, but a few stupid little facts couldn't hurt right? I could tell he wasn't scared of me and he didn't seem like he was joking, so I couldn't really find the harm in doing so.

"Writing is my main occupation, but I also work part time at the library when I feel like being productive."

Eren raised his eyebrows, clearly not something he pictured me doing. "The library? Levi the librarian, I like it." He laughed.

I scoffed in his direction. "Yes, the library, but I'm not a librarian jackass. I just put the books back where they belong from the carts. I like organization and the library is a nice quiet place to be. So shut up."

"Sorry sorry sorry."

"And you? What do you do other than be a full time brat?" I already knew, but I felt like I had to ask. For once in my life, I felt like I was obligated to talk and converse with someone. And I didn't really mind it.

"Actually I'm only a part time brat; the other time I work at the florist across the street."

"Pansy."

"Pansy? More like broke college kid trying to pay bills."

I stayed silent for a minute, imaging Eren working his ass off just to pay his tuition and dorm fees. Plus, from what I remember about college, books weren't that cheap either. In a way, I was proud of him; I was proud that he was doing this on his own, I was proud that he was working for himself. It showed responsibility and maturity, and I liked that.

"I see. Trying to make it by in college, hm? Not many kids do that. They rely on their parents or government loans that they don't realize will take forever to pay back. What you're doing is admirable, though."

I took a sip of my coffee and tried not to notice Eren blushing. My first thought was that it was cute, but I quickly disregarded it and focused on the mix of cinnamon and coffee going down my throat. Another minute of silence. Eren spoke.

"Thank you. It's not easy. I usually don't have someone who says they're proud of me, though. So thank you again."

"Oi, I didn't say I was proud of you, I gave you props. Two different things."

"Still, I appreciate it."

It was clear to the both of us, I thought, that the atmosphere had changed. It felt a little more serious to me and I had no idea as to how to steer away from it. Luckily, Eren did that for me.

~

[ Eren ]

I sat with Levi in Starbucks for a total of 4 and a half hours. We talked about my schoolwork, his writing, my part time job, my sister Mikasa, and his favorite movies, which I was shocked to find out, were silent films. He liked pretty much any cheesy and totally dumb movie that was out there, but really good silent films were his favorite. Action and horror movies were a favorite too, which I wasn't _too_ shocked about hearing. All in all though, I had an actual fun time with him, even though it consisted of school work. I got to know a little more about him and that made me happy. 

Unfortunately, our time in Starbucks came to a close. I had some more work to do and Levi said he had some things to take care of. I got up from my chair and waited for Levi so I could walk beside him. When we got to the door I held it open and bowed, swinging my hand in front of my chest.

"After you."

Levi had just pouted and walked out the door, calling me an idiot.

When we were outside, I offered him a ride home, but yet again, he refused. I didn't push it, so I said okay and I hoped to see him around again soon. I didn't really know how to say goodbye though, that was kind of awkward; I couldn't hug him, shaking his hand was too formal, and a high five was so not his style. So instead, I just smiled and walked to my beat up little car. I thought he had grabbed onto me so I turned around to ask him if he changed his mind about the ride, but by the time I did he was already walking in the opposite direction. I turned towards my car and happily drove back home.

Once I was back in the warmth of my dorm room, Armin popped his head out from behind his desk lamp and welcomed me back. I was taking my shoes off and my hands reached into my pocket to put my wallet and my keys back on my dresser. I was reaching for my wallet when my hand brushed a piece of paper in my pocket. Confused, I took it out and saw that it was a neatly folded white square. When did I put this in here? I don't even remember what it was. I unfolded it and read its contents, face turning instantly red.

_Eren,_

_I hope you get an A on that paper. It was actually really well written, and I didn't say it when I saw you just now, but I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work, and if you need someone to proofread it again, let me know._

_~Levi_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I desperately needed Levi and Eren to have a little Starbucks date in some silence and some minor chit chat to get to know each other a little bit. Progress for them!
> 
> I know Levi isn't the type to typically initiate conversations with anyone, but I really like the idea of him being so interested in Eren that he likes to start conversations first sometimes??? I mean I get Eren's super determination to get to know Levi that's in most stories, but I really like to think that Levi likes talking first sometimes. Also Levi working in a library yes. /rambles.


	6. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi surprises Eren with a spontaneous venture, on his part, out of Starbucks.

[ Eren ] 

Over the course of three weeks, I fell into a routine. After school on Mondays and Wednesdays and Saturdays (when I wasn't swamped with homework) I went to Starbucks where Levi usually had a table for us in the back corner. Mike had given me a set schedule for work, so now I worked Tuesdays, Thursdays, sometimes Fridays, and Sundays. I was happy with that because that gave me those two days during the week and part of the weekend to spend time with Levi, sitting and talking about nothing, or just not talking at all.

I wouldn't say we've become close, but we've definitely become closer than when we started. He started opening up to me about how much pressure he was under sometimes from his fans for his new books, about how he sometimes regretted writing _Attack On Titan_ because he felt like he couldn't do any better. It made me feel special; when he opened up to me I felt like I was the only one who knew about his feelings. It didn't take long for me to develop a bit of a serious crush on him, but of course, I refused to vocalize it. I didn't want to ruin our friendship or jeopardize anything, so I stayed quiet. Seeing him for a couple of hours a week was enough, and I was happier simply with that than I've been in a long time.

By the time we had developed our friendship, it was already the beginning of November. It had gotten really cold, and the colder it got, the longer we stayed huddled in our corner of the warm coffee shop. I remember I made a joke once -- I think it was a really bad pun, and I had gotten Levi to laugh. It wasn't a full hearted laugh, but it was one of amusement and I can't even begin to describe how it made my heart swell. From that point on I made it a personal mission to find more puns to tell Levi in the future, just so I could hear him laugh again.

November 13 fell on a Wednesday. Recently, as much as I loved the class, I couldn't wait for English to be over so I could go see Levi. After a torturous amount of time, it finally ended and I practically ran out of the building. I still had 2 more hours until I met Levi in Starbucks, so I went back to my dorm to hurriedly finish my homework. By the time I had finished, it was time to leave. I told Armin I would be back late so not to wait up and left Barton. I was just about to swing the door open to my car when I felt my phone vibrate. I groaned, not really wanting to waste any more time, but took my phone out of my pocket and saw Levi's name come on the screen. We exchanged numbers a little over a week ago, but he hasn't texted me yet until now. My fingers clumsily opened the message and read what he sent.

_Eren, don't take your car to Starbucks, take the bus that comes off campus and goes down the main street._

What? Why the hell did I have to take the bus when my car worked just fine? That made literally no sense. I was about to ignore his request and put my phone away when I got another text message, and surprise, it was from Levi.

_You don't think I know you're about to get in your car? Get away from your damn car and take the fucking bus._

We'd been friends less than a month and he already knew me so well. Asshole.

I groaned and locked my car, walking to the bus station on the outskirts of campus. It came with in 5 minutes and was nearly empty. I took a seat all the way in the back and slouched, looking at the window and wondering why the hell I was on a bus. The rocking of the bus almost lulled me to sleep, but I noticed my stop was the next one, so I quickly sat up and rang the bell to signal the bus to stop. I thanked the driver and got off, crossing the street to the coffee shop.

I stood before the door, but before I walked in, I took a deep breath, tried to slow my fast-beating heart, and smiled. As always, I saw Levi in our spot. The only thing that was different was his laptop, which wasn't even anywhere to be found. Come to think of it, he didn't have anything on him, really, and he was dressed nicely for just a sit-in at Starbucks. Puzzled, I walked over to our table and sat down, still smiling, but looking confused.

"No briefcase?"

"Does it look like I have it?"

"Nice outfit?"

"You're terrible at complimenting."

"Is everything okay?"

"Dunno, you tell me."

Levi and I had developed a sort of cat-and-mouse way of conversing that we sometimes engaged in. When he was beating around the bush with something or when he wanted to say something but didn't know how, this is how we spoke. I don't know when I noticed, but now I did, and I wondered what was wrong, if anything.

After a minute of me giving him a look that clearly read "You wanna tell me what's up?", Levi sighed and crossed his legs, but kept his hands folded in his lap.

"Don't get anything to drink here."

"Oh? Why not? I'm freezing and something warm sounds --"

"I want to take you out."

Oh god, how my heart had melted. I swear I could've literally turned into a puddle of Eren on the floor for the staff to mop up. My cheeks were instantly tainted pink and my mouth hung open just a little bit to represent the sheer shock of his question.

"You...want to take me out."

"Yes."

"Right _now_?"

"No Eren, next year. Yes right now. Do you have to be back at a certain time?"

I actually did because I had class tomorrow....but I didn't _have_ to go.

"N-no, I'm free tomorrow. Class was canceled."

"That's really convincing, Eren. 'A' for effort. But I'm going to have to apologize now, because I don't think you're going to be home at a decent hour that's school appropriate."

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

"Good."

Levi got up from his seat, pushed his chair in, and headed for the door. Still a little stunned, I fell behind and quickly got up and ran to the door. I was outside first, so I held the door open for him as he exited. I had no idea where he was taking me, or how we'd get there, so I stood beside Levi and waited for some form of instructions. His left hand reached into his pocket and pulled out keys, one being a black car key. He clicked a button and lights from a sleek black Audi shone in our direction. Levi started walking towards the car and I followed, standing in front of it to admire it.

"You have a car." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I thought he didn't have one, since every time he came to Starbucks he walked.

"Yes, Eren, I have a car. Now get in it."

"You sound like a kidnapper."

"Good thing you're getting in on your own free will, then."

We got in his car and holy crap was it _clean_. My car was clean, but this was in pristine condition, as if he'd just bought it an hour ago. The black leather seats were shiny, the dashboard had not a scratch on it, and the mirrors had not a single speck of dirt on them. I was fascinated, but not for long, because the sweet purr of the engine distracted me. Levi swiftly pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

Most of the car ride was in silence, but he had a classical station on the radio playing and it was beautiful. My head leaned toward Levi, but remained on the headrest of my chair. It was relaxing, and I wouldn't have minded just driving around with him.

After driving down many backroads and shortcuts and being in the car for what felt like hours (but was really only 45 minutes), we arrived at a restaurant. Levi parked his car in a spot a little farther away from the other cars, but there weren't that many. The restaurant itself was beautiful on the outside; the front wall was covered in stone and there was a long pathway leading to the front door. Trees and bushes lined the path, and on them, were white Christmas lights. It was gorgeous, and I couldn't help but smile. A sign hanging above the door in beautiful script read _Bertucci's_ ; Italian.

We walked up the path and Levi reached the door before I did. He held it open for me and gave me the tiniest hint of a smile. I told myself repeatedly in my head to calm down but I knew it was hopeless. I walked in and Levi followed, but stepped ahead of me to talk to the host.

"I had a reservation for 7 under Levi."

"Right this way gentlemen."

We walked in through the restaurant and immediately I felt incredibly underdressed. It wasn't a cheap place; all the decor was flawlessly color coordinated in black and gold. A crystal chandelier hung from the middle of the room and the light danced off it to make a beautiful variation of colors. There weren't many people eating, so it was quiet, despite the beautiful violin music playing through hidden speakers. The host led us to our table and we sat down. Levi took off his jacket and yet again my heart leapt; he was wearing a suit. But goddamn did it look so good on him. It was a black jacket, black pants, and a silky shiny black shirt. His choice of tie this time consisted of blue and silver swirls on a gray background. He was truly stunning and I caught myself smiling like such an idiot. So did he, apparently, because he looked at me like I had 5 heads. The waiter came to give us each a menu and then left, so my staring continued.

"Quit staring."

"Sorry, its just you look really good. I wish you would've told me we were coming to a place like this, I would've changed into something more appropriate." I unfolded the napkin from my silverware and put it in my lap, watching Levi do the same with his.

"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise, would it? Relax, you look fine. Besides, I never got to see you smile like that before, so I'm glad I didn't tell you."

I hated what he was doing to my emotions because I swear to god every time he said something he made me want to kiss him.

"Oh shut up."

A minute passed of us just going back and forth about not telling me where we were going when the waiter came up to us. He asked us if we were ready to order, but I hadn't even looked at the menu. Apparently, I didn't even have to, because Levi ordered for me.

"I'm going to have a glass of Prosecco please. We're going to have the bruschetta for appetizer and for dinner I'll have the fettuccine alfredo. He's going to have a limonata and the chicken piccata.

"Alright, I'll be back momentarily with your bruschetta."

"Thank you."

The waiter left and I was left alone with Levi again. I gave him a smirk and leaned back in my chair.

"You almost sound italian with all that italian speak."

"Because I am. Well, a little, anyway."

"You don't say."

"I think I just did, smartass."

I laughed and looked down at the table adorned with candles and a little vase with white roses in the middle. I was still shocked to even be here, let alone with Levi. My hands folded in my lap and I played with my fingers.

"Thank you."

"Hmm?"

"Thank you, Levi. For bringing me here. I appreciate it, even though you didn't have to."

"That's the point, Eren. I didn't have to, but I wanted to. I'm glad you said yes though, I wasn't sure how you were going to take to going to dinner with me."

"In all fairness you never mentioned dinner, you just said you wanted to take me out."

"You know what I mean."

"No I dont, why don't you tell me."

Levi and I played back and forth in conversation. Our bruschetta came shortly after, which was really good; it was toasted italian bread with a smear of goat cheese, tomatoes, onions, and olive oil. I never really had italian food, much less ate at a restaurant. When I lived with my family, we very rarely ate anywhere, it was usually take out or delivery. Come to think of it, I only had a home cooked meal once. And mom burnt it.

The rest of the night was so blissfully happy. We were talking and laughing and making jokes and sharing food and I never wanted it to end. He actually smiled. More than once. That means multiple times. And that also means multiple times my heart stopped. After our main course Levi ordered this brownie with hot fudge sauce and vanilla ice cream. We shared it, and he got fudge on my nose when he tried to give me a spoonful. Of course, it was on purpose, but just to get him back I smeared some on his cheek.

Unfortunately, our time together in the restaurant came to a close much too soon and so we left. We were back in his car and I noticed it was already 12:30. We'd been sitting and eating and talking for four hours. I wasn't really that shocked though, we always did that in Starbucks, just now it was with food and not coffee.

Truth be told I really, really, _really_ didn't want to go home. I enjoyed my time with Levi too much to want to leave and go back to my responsibilities. I let the classical music on his radio sustain my overly happy mood and closed my eyes, leaning my head back and smiling. I couldn't stop smiling if I tried, it was just impossible. Levi said he was going to take the longer way back to campus. I didn't ask why, I just said that was fine and that I was in no hurry to get back. Even still, we reached campus all too soon. I pointed him in the direction of my dorm building and he pulled up to the front entrance. He turned his car off and we sat in silence for a minute. I sat up and opened my eyes, still smiling. I turned my head and was about to thank him again, but I was stopped.

His lips were so much softer than I imagined, which I did, countless times. Instinctively, I closed my eyes and kissed him back, relishing in the sweetness of the moment. He broke away, but didn't get far enough away so I could close the distance and kiss him again. It was slow, it was meaningful, it was wonderful, and I wanted to stay there. I felt his hand reach the side of my face and his thumb gently gliding over my cheek as we kissed for a minute longer. It was my turn to pull away, and my eyes slowly opened. I could totally tell my cheeks were red, because when Levi opened his eyes and looked at me, he was smiling. He still had his hand on my cheek, his thumb still caressing my skin, and I leaned into the touch. I almost closed my eyes again, but he pulled away. My head tilted back up and I smiled. Again. I was smiling an awful lot lately.

"I've wanted to do that since the second day I met you." Levi spoke in a soft voice, and even though he wasn't showing too too much facial expression, I could tell in his eyes that it was true and that he really meant it.

"You should've done it sooner because I was waiting for it."

"I didn't think you'd accept it, accept me. I had no idea if you had a girlfriend or whatever so I didn't say anything. Even tonight in Starbucks I had no idea, this was all planned on a stroke of luck that I hoped wouldn't push you away."

"Then you have good intuition and you know when to rely on your luck, because I was infatuated with you from the second day I met you."

"Don't go using my lines against me, brat."

"I wouldn't if it weren't true."

"You're such an idiot."

"I am, but now I'm _your_ idiot."

~

[ Levi ]

Everything went perfectly, even better than I hoped it would go. I was proud of myself for taking the step to form a relationship with Eren beyond our Starbucks dates and I was happy that he returned my feelings. It's rare that I even develop feelings for anyone ever, so I was glad Eren was the one I developed them for.

After I dropped him off, I drove home. I put on a jazz station on the radio and hummed to a tune that was playing that I was familiar with. Once I was home, I plugged my iPod into my speakers, turned up the volume, and played more jazz. My body started to move and before I knew it I was dancing around the kitchen. I don't remember being this happy and god _damn_ was it a good feeling.

~

[ Eren ] 

Armin was asleep by the time I came home, so I was as quiet as possible. I hadn't told him about Levi yet because I didn't want to further my hopes or get his up either. So I decided that when we were together for a little while, I would tell him.

I quickly changed into my pajamas and silently got in bed. I took my comforter and used it to encase myself in a cocoon of warmth. My mind flashed back to inside Levi's car and I smiled so big. I could still feel him on my lips and I could still sense his hand on my cheek. I could feel his thumb gliding across my skin and my heart ached knowing I'll have to wait until Saturday to see him again. For now though, I was content with his lingering touch to fall asleep to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST DATE BABIES AAHHHH I WAS WAITING FOR THIS. It's a little short but asdflgjhcgri I really needed to write it uvu


	7. Confessions And A Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two months of their being together, Eren confesses his love to Levi and the two make a trip to the movies.

[ Eren ]

The weeks came and went as we reached the beginning of December. School became harder and tests became more frequent; it was time for finals and everyone was hectic with cramming and last minute studying. I saw Armin less and less because most of the time he was either in the lab doing experiments, studying for his exams, or doing homework. I was usually busy with homework and studying too, but I also had Levi to spend time with and Starbucks dates to get too, which unfortunately also became fewer. Just four more weeks of school and then I would finally have a month off for Christmas break. Not that I was counting or anything. 

The days when I was holed up in the library with my face in a book were the days I didn't get much sleep. I was doing perfectly in English and in Math, so those were the subjects I didn't have to study as hard for; it was History and Anatomy that were killing me. Well, I wouldn't necessarily say _killing_ , more like they were slowly torturing me and boring me to tears. But still, I wasn't settling for anything less than a B+ on all my exams, so I fired up my determination and kept at it.

After two and a half grueling weeks of testing, all of my exams were finally over. I received all of my grades within a day or two, which were astonishingly all A-'s or A+'s. I was ecstatic and could finally relax. Even though there was 3 more days until I was officially on break, all of my professor's canceled class after the exams because there's really nothing to teach once you've given a test on all the material we've learned. So after my last class on a Tuesday, I was finally free for an entire month. I practically ran back to my dorm once I was finished with Anatomy so I could get away from the main part of campus faster. I reached into my pocket and took out my phone mid-run, opening a new message to text Levi.

_Hey! I'm done for the day. Well, for the next month, really. Can you beli --_

I was in the middle of typing when someone bumped into my shoulder. I lost my footing and fell backwards, landing on my back and almost losing my breath. I closed my eyes instinctively and winced, but pushed myself up. My hand rubbed my back and I opened my eyes to see a man with blonde hair staring down at me. He wasn't particularly happy, and an aura that practically screamed disappointment and hatred swirled around him. He gave me a once over that was so obviously judgmental; he scanned me up and down twice before his eyes narrowed, and for a second I thought he was going to beat the shit out of me, but instead, he extended his hand out in my direction. I took it with caution as he yanked me upright. Again, I stumbled, but regained my balance. I was about to thank the man, but he stormed off in the direction I'd been walking from and left. Strange guy. 

I had dropped my phone during my encounter, so I picked it up and rubbed my shoulder in the process. That fucking hurt. Granted I was running, but he was _built_ , which made it hurt even worse. I cursed at myself under my breath for not being more careful and finished my text to Levi.

_Can you believe I got all A's on my exams? I can barely believe it myself, but I'm not complaining. Anyway I have work from 4-9:30 today and Mike won't be there. See you later._

Levi and I fell into this habit of hanging out in the florist. It wasn't really hanging out because hello I was working, but when Mike wasn't around and Levi was, I cleared off my little desk area for Levi to sit at with his laptop. He'd sit and type away some days and talk to me while I worked and did whatever tasks Mike left me for the day. It was nice having company in the shop, especially Levi's; it made it happier and I actually looked forward to working. Plus it was nice that we were alone without all the people surrounding us in Starbucks if there weren't many customers buying flowers. By now it'd been nearing two months since we started dating, and although it seemed a bit soon, it was safe to say I had fallen in love. I never entirely expected to fall so fast or hard, but then again, I wasn't complaining.

The text message sent and I tucked my phone back into my jeans pocket. I ran back to Barton, this time with more awareness so I wouldn't bump into anyone, and noticed when I got to the building 10 minutes later that Armin's car was parked out front. It made me smile knowing he was home, I wanted to see him for a minute. There wasn't a reason really, I just missed seeing him around when he was off doing freakish experiments.

Soon I reached our floor, key in hand, and unlocked our room. Sure enough, Armin was sitting on the couch watching TV, his arm over the back of the couch and his legs crossed. He had his hair tied back in a ponytail, which means he was either working on something earlier, getting ready to work on something soon, or he was cleaning.

Armin's head bent backwards over the back of the sofa and he smiled. "Eren! Welcome home. How'd your last day go?"

"Not too bad. I had History and went to registrar to get my scores -- all A's sucker. This is how you college."

"No way! Congrats, I'm proud of you!"

I'd had a smug grin on my face, which I felt I was totally entitled too, and dropped my bag on the floor, put my keys on the counter, and plopped next to Armin on the couch.

"Thank you thank you, you're far too kind. Please, enough applause."

Armin laughed and, with his hand that was resting on his lap, playfully smacked my injured shoulder. "Oh shut up. Really though, good job."

I winced and bit my lip at the pain that coursed through my left arm and Armin noticed.

"What's wrong, are you okay? Did I hit you too hard? Ahhh I'm sorry I didn't mean --"

"No its not your fault. I _literally_ ran into some buff dude in front of the M building. I didn't see where I was going because I was texting Levi and he hit my shoulder. He was built like a fucking rock, shit hurts.

Armin's face went from worried to confused in about .2 seconds. "Levi? Who's Levi?"

Crap. I let Levi's name slip without thinking and I hadn't even told Armin about him yet. Well, I guess now would be as good a time as any.

"Yeaaahh about that. You see Levi is my boyfriend and --"

"Boyfriend? I didn't know you were gay. Is he nice? What does he look like? How old is he? Does he go here?" I was bombarded with questions and instead of feeling overwhelmed like I should've felt, I laughed at his interest.

"Armin Armin Armin slow down! I'm not really gay. Well, I'm not _fully_ gay. I kind of don't have a preference, I guess? I don't know its a little hard to explain but the bottom line is if I like you, I like you, regardless of all that...stuff." Explaining it was hard, yes, but I didn't quite know that the term I was looking for was 'pansexual'.

Armin's face scrunched into a look of contemplation as he thought about what I just said. Within seconds though, he smiled and ruffled my hair. "Good for you, Eren. I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy."

"Yeah, me too."

We sat on the couch together for close to a half an hour just talking. I told him about Levi (but left out his occupation and age for cautious reasons) and he told me about his grades and the experiments he was currently working on. We could've sat like that for hours, but I looked at the time on the cable box under the TV and realized I had to get going if I wanted to make it to work on time. I told Armin I had to leave and he said he'd be around. I changed into black khakis, my work shirt, sneakers, and yelled back to Armin on my way out not to wait up. He laughed and said he'd never did, but I knew sometimes he'd stay up as long as possible and wait for me to get home. I smiled to myself and walked out of Barton to my car, ready to start work and meet my boyfriend.

In 20 minutes, I was in front of Mike's Flowers, and when I pulled into my usual parking spot in back, I saw a man standing in front of my car. His briefcase was in his left hand, his right was on his hip, and he was looking at me with that plastered expression of irritation that I loved so much. 

I got out of my car and walked up to him. Actually, I walked behind him, which confused him, until I slipped my arms around his waist and hugged him from behind.

He immediately began to protest. "Eren get the hell off of me."

" 'Scuse me for trying to show some affection." I let go and turned around to make my way to the back door smirking, because I knew Levi would feel juuuuust a little bit guilty. My timing was impeccable as my hand reached the knob and Levi pulled on my shirt sleeve. I wiped the grin off my face and turned around. I was about to speak but my lips were immediately taken. A smile pulled the corner of my lips, my hand on the side of his face, and I kissed him back. It was a slow "I missed you, it's good to see you again" kind of kiss, and I loved when we shared them. Or really any kiss for that matter. I could tell Levi was standing on his toes; it pissed him off, but I couldn't help that I was 6 inches taller than he was and he had to reach up to kiss me. 

We broke away after a minute and my face lit up, clearly extremely pleased with our close contact. Levi scoffed and landed back down on his feet.

"Oi, are you gonna wait another 5 years or are you gonna open the damn door?"

"Forgive the delay, your majesty." Levi hit my arm and I laughed, opening the back door and heading into the flower shop. Once we were in the warmth of the rooms, my eyes glanced toward a bucket of specific flowers I'd set aside the other day, and I grinned.

~

[ Levi ]

Sitting in the flower shop was a pretty good alternative to sitting in Starbucks. I didn't mind it over there, but in the flower shop I felt like the atmosphere was a lot better. It was incredibly quiet, the aroma from the flowers was extremely pleasant, and the lack of people was amazing. Of course, customers came and went, but their visits were brief and far between. Eren had cleared off a desk that he never sat at for me so I could work with my laptop, but most of the time I didn't even write. Instead, I left my things on the desk and just sat in the chair, watching him. I observed how careful he was when he was moving the plants, I saw how gentle he was when he watered them, and I saw his polite and extremely friendly personality shine through when he was dealing with customers. It was interactions with other people that I liked to observe best; it was then that I learned more about Eren. He was polite, but very easy to get along with. He was gentle, but firm in his response and knowledge concerning the flowers when customers asked about their meanings. I picked up on some of his quirks, like when he made arrangements he began humming, or when he swept the outside of the store he would dance with the broom and whistle. It was unbearably cute, and I enjoyed being the one to watch Eren simply just being himself.

Tuesday night and I was back in the flower shop with Eren. It was originally his idea for me to come sit with him in here while he worked, and at first I was opposed. Why on earth would I want to sit in a damn flower shop to work surrounded by a bunch of damn flowers, was my initial thought. But the more I turned it over in my head, the more it sounded appealing. Now, I'm glad I chose to sit in the store, even if I didn't get to interact with Eren as much as if we were sitting in Starbucks. Not too many people came in, and when they did it wasn't for a very long amount of time. And when Eren didn't have much to do and customers were scarce, he would sit with me and talk about his day, or listen to me rant about the writer's block I'd been having lately. I didn't talk all that much, but sometimes I allowed myself to open up, even if only a little bit.

By 9 o'clock, Eren was done with his chores in the shop for the day and walked over to the cash register. He opened it, put some money inside, rung it up, and closed it again. He pulled up a stool to sit next to me with one of his hands behind his back. He smiled that stupid sheepish grin I only got when he was excited and a little embarrassed about something. I narrowed my eyes at him and crossed my arms.

"What do you think you're doing? Don't you have more work to do?

"Nope, I'm done."

"Then why are you sitting here with your hand behind your back?"

Eren hesitated, but after a moment, pulled his hand from behind his back and held out to me the most beautiful red tulip. It's color was iridescent and I think the shock on my face was clear because I heard Eren chuckle. I cleared my throat and reminded myself to keep my composure (this is already the third time I've let my facial expression show my feelings and it pisses me off).

Eren beat me to speaking first. "I did some research on flowers and their meanings, because I remembered when you came to talk in class that you mentioned the Monkhood and how you incorporated it into your book. It got me thinking, and so I looked into them myself. I was trying to find the right flower that could help me express my feelings towards you, and I was just about to give up when I read about the red tulip. There were a lot of different meanings, but what it narrows down to are just a couple of words. A red tulip is a declaration of love. It's for perfect love. And this is me saying...I love you, Levi. I'm in love with you and I want you to be the keeper of my heart."

If you thought my face was shocked before, I wish you could've seen it after Eren's confession. Holy hell. My cheeks, for the first time in god knows how long, were actually pink and my heart was going a mile a minute. He did this for me. He spent time that could've been for studying on looking up meanings of flowers for me. He put significant thought into this and probably spent a little time going over what to say, how to say it, if he should even do it. He did all of this, for me. To someone else it might've not seemed like it was a lot, but to me, it was. No one in my entire life had ever done something like this for me. Ever. I was always pushing people away and too busy making everyone afraid of me to get close enough to someone and experience something like this. And in that moment, I'm so glad no one else did, because I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to do it for me but Eren. Goddamn this kid, making me love him back so much.

My mouth was slightly ajar and my eyes were a little wide, but I actually smiled. I took the tulip from Eren, and smiled. I looked up at him and saw he was happy I took the flower, but wanted a verbal answer. I inhaled and tried to ignore my heart trying to claw its way through my chest and into Eren's hands.

"Thank you, Eren. I mean it. You did some research just so that you could pick the right flower, and although that doesn't seem like a lot, to me it does, and I really appreciate it." I didn't know how else to word every other emotion swimming within me, so instead, I leaned toward him and kissed him; a soft, gentle kiss to his lips, and a quick peck on his check. I leaned up further into his ear and whispered "I love you too."

~

Eren closed up shop after that and I was about to head home when he grabbed my arm.

"Hold on a minute."

"What is it?"

Eren reached into his pocked and pulled out his wallet. He fingered a couple of bills and was satisfied with his result, based on the grin he gave.

"Do you really want to go home right now?"

"What are you talking about, Eren."

"You wanna catch a movie?"

A movie. I haven't been to a movie theatre in years. I couldn't even remember what the last movie I saw in theaters _was_. I checked my watch to see it was a quarter to ten; I had no work to do, so I didn't see what the harm in going was.

"Fine. You don't have school tomorrow, right? And don't give me a bullshit excuse that it was canceled because I'm not buying that crap."

"Well technically it was canceled because all of my finals are over, so I'm off for the next month. I go back at the end of January."

Of course his class was canceled, how foolish of me to think he actually had to attend for once. I sighed and rolled my eyes. This time though, I did believe it; I knew how hard he'd been working studying for his finals because I'd helped him on some occasions, but even if he did have school the next day we were going to that movie anyway.

"Right. Okay then, what movie are we seeing?"

"That, your majesty, I leave up to you."

It was a good thing I didn't drive to the flower shop that night, because we got in Eren's car and drove to the nearest movie theatre which was a good 20 minutes away. Once we were inside, a list of the various titles of movies playing were displayed above the ticket booth. I picked a random horror movie and once I'd told Eren, he told me to wait and went to go buy tickets. Once he came back, he refused to accept my money to repay him for my ticket. I told him I wasn't setting foot in that theatre unless i could at least buy us snacks. He groaned and accepted; I understood he was a broke college kid, so paying for my ticket was enough. I got us a bucket of popcorn and a giant soda to share, and since I knew Eren loved gummy worms, I got him those too. Why the hell not.

Not a single soul was in the theatre except for me and Eren, and that's how it would remain for the whole movie. When the commercials were rolling and we'd just gotten inside, Eren picked two seats in the middle all the way up at the top. I would've asked him why the fuck he chose to sit all the way up with god, but just decided to go with it and sit down. The bucket of popcorn was on Eren's lap, so instead of having to reach over the entire movie, he lifted up the armrest and pulled me to his body so his arm was over my shoulder and my head was on his shoulder. It was comfortable and I felt so at ease being next to him. I would've closed my eyes and just taken a moment to appreciate it, but Eren and thrown popcorn in my face and started laughing. I sat up straight and gave him a menacing grin.

"You think you're so fucking cute, huh?" My hand reached into the bucket, scooping up a giant handful. I pulled my arm out and threw it in his face, which had the most stunned expression I've ever seen. He truly wasn't expecting me to retaliate, and the look on his face was so priceless I bursted out laughing. If Eren's face could've gotten anymore shocked-looking I'm sure it would've because he still looked incredulous by the time I leaned back in my seat after laughing so hard.

"I have never heard you laugh like that before oh my god."

"No shit, I never laugh period."

"You should more often, it's wonderful to hear." With that, his hand reached the back of my neck and pulled me towards his lips. We kissed and got tangled and all flustered until the movie started and we reluctantly pulled away. Not wanting to break contact, his hand found my own and laced our fingers together. I leaned my head on his shoulder and lay my legs across his lap, smiling to myself.

The movie was terrible. It was drawn out and cheesy and totally predictable. The entire time, Eren and I were throwing popcorn at the screen because we kept making fun of it. It was labeled as horror but honestly it could've been a comedy. There was one part where a girl got pushed in front of a train and died, and Eren laughed so hard and for so long that I had to shove popcorn in his mouth to shut him up.

After the movie, we walked back to Eren's car hand in hand.

"Levi the next time we see a movie I'm not letting you pick that was horrible."

"Oh shut up it wasn't that bad. You laughed like a hyena for 20 damn minutes, I'd say you at least got _some_ enjoyment out of it.

"That's because it was funny. Horror movies aren't supposed to be funny."

"Would you just stop whining already."

"I will when you learn to pick a good movie."

Eren got in the front seat and as soon as we were both buckled and the car was on, he held my hand again. We were on the road for a few minutes before Eren suddenly pulled over. He put the car in park and turned to me.

"Why the hell did you pull over?"

"Because I just realized something."

"Which would be?"

"If I have no idea where you live, how am I supposed to drive you back home?" Oh yeah. I never did tell him where I lived, did I?

"Put the car back in drive and I'll tell you."

I gave Eren directions back to my house, and he learned that I lived just 15 minutes from campus in an apartment complex. It wasn't too fancy or anything, but it was nice enough. Rent was cheap, no one bothered me, and I had my own parking spot where no one bothered to park next to me. I didn't need much else, so this sufficed just fine.

Eren parked in front of the entrance to my building. He let the engine run, and as soon as he'd stopped the car, gave my hand a squeeze. I looked over at him and he was already looking at me, smiling. I offered the tiniest smile I could possibly muster and leaned in to kiss him. We were always in sync, always matching each other's rhythm. Our sweet connection lasted a few minutes before I pulled away. My hand was still in his, and my thumb glided over his back and forth a few times.

"Thank you for today. It was nice getting the fuck out of Starbucks for once and seeing a shitty movie.

"Would've been a lot better if the movie was actually good."

"Stop complaining, you had fun and you know it."

"Of course I did. I was with you, wasn't I? That's guaranteed."

I pouted and looked down; I never did deal with embarrassment well. I looked towards the entrance of my building and noticed the doorman eyeing our car. We probably looked a little suspicious, plus he knew that I never was with anyone or brought anyone home, friend or otherwise. I turned back to Eren.

"I'm gonna get going. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Sure thing. 'Night, Levi." Eren leaned over and gave me one more quick kiss before I detangled our fingers and got out of his car. I gave him a tiny wave and watched his car leave the parking lot and head out onto the main road. With a sigh, I walked towards the doors of my building and shot the doorman a look.

"What the fuck are you looking at."

"I could've sworn I was just looking at a lovey dovey couple sucking face, but I could be wrong."

"Shut your damn mouth and go back to work."

"You have a good night too, Levi."

Gunter, the doorman, and I were 'friendly', if that's what you would call it. We were comfortable around each other enough to be acquaintances, and he was tolerable enough. He opened a door for me to get inside and I silently walked towards the elevators.

I took the elevator to the fourth floor and unlocked my door marked with a number 13. Once inside, I threw my keys on the table, hung my jacket up, and sat on the couch. The remote to the stereo was on the coffee table, so I grabbed it and put on the jazz again. I only ever listened to jazz when I was in such a good mood, and lately, it's all I was listening to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had legit no idea where I was going with this bluh bluh bluh. Honestly though I feel like I'm rushing everything, so guys if you feel like it's being rushed in ANY way please please pleaSE feel free to tell me! You can message me on tumblr or comment, here whichever! Any sort of criticism or comments are greatly appreciated and they help me out immensely. Thank you uvu. 
> 
> Also moVIE DATE AHHH


	8. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is briefly reminded of his past, and him and Eren experience some firsts.
> 
> ~*and finally we get the smut*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My language did get a little bit loose in the beginning of this chapter and it's a little more relaxed, I feel like. I kind of let some of my personality slip through Eren but oh well. Also its a bit long ahHH. ENJOY CUPCAKES.

[ x ]

"I know it was him. He was driving the damn car, I _saw_ him. I'm not blind, my vision is flawless! No, he only stayed for a minute and then he left. Yeah. Not a problem. See you then, sir." I hung up my phone and sighed heavily. You'd think my fuckin boss would have a little faith in me. I knew how to do my damn job and I always did it well, I had a significant amount of cash to my name to prove it. I mean really, I'm a 30 year old man, not a grandpa. I shook my head and crossed my arms, sitting at the desk in the lobby. My eyes watched each person as they passed the front of the building, and I couldn't help wondering what they would look like bruised and bloodied.

I smiled at the thought and was reminded of the boss' plans. My gut told me he was going to change them, make them totally new, but either way I knew he'd get what he wanted regardless. And because I knew how he worked, I made sure to have as little involvement in this job as possible, but still be incorporated enough to earn more dough and enjoy in the chaos he was going to unleash.

After all, what did I care about what he did? I was making a sweet amount of money working for him.

And life couldn't get any better.

~

[ Levi ]

Saturday mornings were always my guilty pleasure. During the week, I usually woke up at 7:30am, but on Saturdays, I delved into the luxury of waking up around 11:30am. It was my day of the week to relax, to indulge in peaceful silence and solitude. It was only on this day that I allowed myself to lay in bed as much as I wanted (which usually didn't go past 12:30pm) and just be a lazy piece of shit. On this particular Saturday morning though, I wished for Eren to be by my side to wake up to instead of being by myself.

I was rudely awakened by the sound of my cell phone ringing. My friends, the very few that I had, knew damn well that they couldn't call me on Saturdays (if they did at all, which was rare) until well after noon. I was considered unreachable; this was the only time for my bed to be my safe haven and I was not to be disturbed. However, the ringtone of my phone jolted me awake. Immediately I was angry, and my hand shot out of the blankets and grabbed my cell. I was going to answer it and yell several unspeakable curse words at the caller for disrupting my peace, but the caller ID on my screen stopped me and I just stared.

It was _him_. His name flashed on my phone several times as it rang and I didn't pick up. I was perched on my elbows, but I slammed my phone back down on my night stand and quickly turned over so I was laying on my left side. My head buried into my pillow, my blanket was pulled up all the way to my chin and I had no intention of listening to the voicemail he'd left. God knows whatever he had to say was important to him because he called 6 more times. Still, I didn't answer. The fucking day that I pick up the phone and talk to the likes of him on _my_ Saturday morning would happen when the titans in my book came to life and knocked down the walls of my apartment building. Even then the chances were slim to none.

Still, even though I tried to fall back asleep, my mind was awake and my thoughts were stirring. Why was he calling me? What did he want? I had left him and everything he stood for almost 4 years ago already. I thought about growing up with him as a guide. I thought about the things he taught me and what he gave me. I thought about the blood that stained my hands for so long. I thought about the day I'd finally grown a set and left everything behind, determined to start over. It wasn't until a half an hour later that I gave up on thinking and groaned rather obnoxiously loudly. I got out of bed at 10, not bothering to find a shirt; I was just fine in my fleece pants. I went to the bathroom to thoroughly brush my teeth and piss before looking out the window in the living room. It was snowing. Mid-December had snuck up on everyone and it was already winter. The snow was gorgeous, quite frankly. Not a single entity outside wasn't covered in the crisp white snowflakes, and for a minute, I was eased back into my Saturday calm and laziness. I walked into the living room and sat against the frame of the window and looked out, watching the slow descent of thousands, millions of white specks cover the first thing they landed on. It was beautiful, and if my bare skin wasn't freezing against the glass of the window, I probably would've stayed there a little longer.

When I had moved in, I was given the option of keeping the fireplace in the corner of the living room, or switching to the building's regular heat that I could control by thermostat. Truthfully, I jumped on the chance to keep the fireplace because it seemed romantic to me. It made me hopeful that snowy days like this would come when I could lay on the couch with someone in front of the crackling flames with a cup of either hot chocolate or eggnog and rum with my throw blanket on my shoulders. I envisioned slow, blissful piano pieces playing from my stereo, the notes resonating within my cozy walls. It seemed wonderful at the time, but I hadn't yet had the opportunity to indulge in such a fantasy. Keyword yet.

My mind drifted to Eren as I put up a pot of coffee and got down my mug from the cabinet. I leaned against the countertop and crossed my arms, watching the dark liquid drip into the glass pot. Whenever my mind landed on Eren, the first thing that came into vision were his eyes. God they were so damn gorgeous, I could stare at them for hours and never want to look away. I was always fascinated by them not because of their sheer beauty, but because I couldn't figure out what color they were. Were they blue with flecks of green? Green with flecks of blue? And just when I thought I had my mind made up, spots of gold would appear in the vast color and I would get frustrated and give up. It made Eren laugh, he liked seeing me flustered over such little things. I still wondered about them when my coffee was finished. I continued thinking about how hard he laughed when he found something truly amusing while I added milk and sugar in. I was still reliving the moment of him saying he was in love with me in the flower shop with the tulip in his hand while I stirred the contents in my cup. And you're damn right I thought about his lips as I sat on the couch in front of my fireplace. I sat cross legged and sunk into the cushions. He occupied every thought in my head, and I was subconsciously grateful to get my thoughts away from _him_.

I took my phone out and texted Eren, ignoring the missed calls and voicemails that were left in my inboxes.

_Wanna come over and spend the night? Make use of your month off from school and come see me once in a while, brat._

I sounded like such a needy boyfriend, but I didn't care. In truth, I was. I needed him next to me to feel comfortable, to feel at ease. I couldn't remember what it felt like to be completely alone, and I didn't want to. I just wanted him here, on my couch, making stupid jokes and peppering me with kisses.

~

[ Eren ]

Armin and I were chillin on the couch watching some super-hyped Assembly Avenger movie with Robery Dawney Whatever and Scarlet Jo-Fuckme when my phone vibrated. I was surprised to see Levi's name pop up on my phone so early; usually on Saturdays he slept in and I knew he liked to be alone, so I didn't normally talk to him until later. Since my arms were under a blanket Armin and I were sharing, I broke free of the warm confines of the thick yarn and opened the message. I smiled after reading it and quickly typed back. He was cute when he flat out said he'd needed me, in one way or another.

_Levi I see you practically everyday. Then again, that's an offer I would never refuse. What time?_

I sent the message and put my phone in my lap, curling up under the blanket again and leaning my head on Armin's shoulder. We were so far into our bestfriendship that little actions like this meant nothing but platonic appreciation. I was still smiling when The Hulk Monster thing almost crushed Spiderchick and Armin had noticed.

"What are _you_ so smiley about?"

"Levi asked me to stay over his place tonight. Yanno, nothin special."

"Nothing special?! Eren of course that is, you're gonna --!"

I sat up and smacked his arm, mouth in a grin but opened wide in shock. "Armin!"

"He's asking you to sleepover what the hell do you think that means?!"

"IT MEANS WE'RE GONNA FUCK HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO I DON'T EVEN--"

"OKAY CALM DOWN WE HAVE TIME TO DO RESEARCH."

The both of us frantically got off the couch and grabbed our laptops from our desks. We sat back down on the sofa with the blanket in our laps as well as the computers on top. I was a little hesitant, because I mean, for godsakes we were researching _gay sex_ who the hell knew what we would find. But if I wanted to ever sleep with Levi, which I did, then I had to muster up some courage and take it like a man...literally.

To say we found some interesting sights was the most serious understatement in the history of understatements. We found bondage websites, older guys fucking teenagers, the whole nine yards. Everything you could think of, we probably found. Armin had wanted to take notes but it was embarrassing enough looking at all this stuff, let alone writing tips about it. Still, I was grateful that my best friend was even doing this with me. It was a true sign of how much he loved me and I gave him a mental salute for putting up with it.

I quickly gave up on my search, totally overcome with how many penises I'd seen in merely 15 minutes, when Levi answered my text. My heart skipped a beat, but I opened the message and read it.

_Sorry for missing you, brat. Whenever you want, really, I don't care._

I sent back an okay and said I'd go there at around 2, which he said was fine. I turned back to Armin who was studying my face and I pouted.

"I'm leaving at 1:30."

"You sure you wanna go?"

"Of course I do. Either way I'm in love with him and I still wanna be around him all the time. I'm sure we'll work it out. Right?"

"Sure you will. I'm sure he knows what he's doing."

That comment kind of hit home a little bit because it made me wonder if he'd done something like what I'd seen on the websites with other people. It left an unsettling feeling in my stomach, so I wiped away the thought and focused on something else.

"You're not mad that I'm leaving though, right? I mean if you want me to stay tonight I can totally just --"

"Eren fucking Jaegar you're going to Levi's house and that's final. I am 20 years old, I can take care of myself for one night without my best friend."

"Okay okay okay." There was a minute of silence as we both thought over the information we'd received from various sources on the internet. Suddenly it hit me; I was never even inside Levi's apartment. You'd think two months of dating would at least allow me a visit upstairs. But tonight I was going to be in his house for the first time, and it was a kind of exciting thought.

"Armin I'm going to be in his house for the first time."

"Really? I thought you've been there before?"

"Only to drop him off out front after a date."

"No kidding."

"Help I'm excited."

Armin chuckled and bumped his shoulder against mine, closing his laptop. "You have every right to be, so shut up and enjoy it."

I closed my own computer and leaned my shoulder against his, pulling the blanket up around me and getting back to the Avenger Assembly Formation Association movie. I know, I know -- totally nailed that name. Four for you, Eren Jaegar.

From 10:30 until 1pm, Armin and I just watched TV. After we watched the movie with the superheroes in spandex and fancy gadgets kill weird-ass aliens, Armin put on NCIS. We were happy to catch the marathon, because now we actually had time together to watch it since we couldn't before due to an overload of school responsibilities and blah blah blah. For now, I was just really happy sitting next to my best bud and watching navy investigations get solved by Gibbs and his flawless team.

When the episode finished at 1, I got off the couch and stretched. Armin yawned and cracked his neck, a habit he had developed recently. It grossed me out, but I didn't care enough to tell him. I rummaged around the bottom of my closet to find a duffle bag. The last time I'd slept at someone's house was when I was 5 and that was at my next door neighbor's house. I lasted until about 10pm when I ran out the front door crying because I missed Mikasa and went back home. This time would be a lot better than that, though.

Armin helped me pack; we gathered pajamas for tonight, 1 pair of boxers, 1 pair of briefs, a tshirt and jeans for tomorrow, my toothbrush, and my phone charger. We stuffed everything in the bag and zipped it up before I gave Armin a hug goodbye. I was putting my shoes on and grabbing my keys when Armin sent a list of reminders my way.

"Okay Eren you can do this. Don't forget to prep yourself with one finger first, and then two. Make sure to use lube and if he's too big just--"

"Armin, please!"

"I just don't want you to be ripped in half!" Honestly, for a 20-year-old sophomore in college at the top of his class, he could be such a kid sometimes. It was so amusing to me still.

"I'll be fine _Mom_. But what about you, you don't have any plans tonight?"

"Well actually I didn't tell you earlier, but this kid Jean in my Psychology class invited me to his place for a... party, so I think I'm gonna go."

His pause at the word party left me a little skeptical, but I didn't have time to ask about it now, I'll ask him tomorrow how it went when I came back.

"Alright just be careful. If you need anything call me okay?"

"You got it."

"Alright then. See you tomorrow Armin. Be good!"

"I should be saying that to you!"

I laughed to myself and closed the door behind me, hearing him lock it as soon as it was shut. I exhaled and made my way out of Barton to my car, and off to my boyfriend's apartment.

When I made it to the parking lot of his building, I immediately saw his black Audi in a parking spot completely surrounded by empty parking spaces. Every other car had parked in every other spot not close to Levi's, so I took the opportunity to park right next to him. I looked at the time on the dashboard clock and saw I still had a half an hour until I was supposed to be here. I shut the car off and listened to the silence. Do I go up now, or do I wait here for another twenty minutes? Would he mind if I came early? He did say I could come over whenever I wanted, but I already told him around 2. It didn't really matter, did it? Two and a half months into our relationship and you would've thought I knew not to ask such trivial questions by now. I couldn't help it.

My final answer was literally "oh screw it", and I walked across the parking lot and up the path to the doors to the lobby. The doorman eyed me, but smiled. I could tell it was a little forced, but I didn't really mind. His job sucked anyway and I'm sure he disliked it.

"Good afternoon, sir. Before I can allow you entry, may I ask who it is your visiting?"

I paused. "Security purposes?"

"Yeah."

"...Room 13 on the fourth floor. Levi."

"I see. Enjoy your stay."

"Thanks..." Creeped out wasn't even the word to describe my encounter with suspicious doorman guy. What the hell was that about? The last time I checked doormen weren't supposed to invade my personal business and ask who I was seeing, just open the door. I shook my head and walked as quickly as possible without making a scene to the elevators. One reached the main floor and I stepped inside. Before the doors closed, I glanced back at the doorman and noticed he was looking at me. He waved and the elevator doors closed.

~

[ Levi ]

I was growing impatient. I should've told Eren to come sooner. Why the hell did I agree to 2pm that was so _late_. I had no idea where this sudden crave to see him came from, but I just really wanted him here. Maybe it was that phone call this morning that spiked my need for Eren, but whatever it was I didn't care. He needed to get here. Now.

Thankfully, 2pm came rather quickly, and at 1:55, there were 3 knocks on my door. I hustled to the front door and undid the locks, flinging the black door open. Eren's face was one of shock at the sudden swift movement, but I didn't care. I pulled him by the wrist inside and relocked the door. He was about to ask me what was wrong when I simply said "shhh", dropped his bag on the floor, and pulled him into a tight hug. I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around his torso, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. His scent reached my nose and I breathed him in. Not obviously of course, I wasn't a dumbass, but subtly enough so that he wouldn't notice. He smelled like crappy cologne and cheap laundry detergent and I loved it.

"Levi, what's wrong? Are you okay?" One of Eren's hands reached the small of my back, the other had moved to the back of my neck, cradling my head to his chest in an almost parental manner. I was grateful for it; it gave me a sense of security that I hadn't had in so long.

I pulled my face reluctantly from his chest and looked up, shrugging. "I'm fine, I'm just glad you're here."

His face tinged pink and his hold on me grew tighter. My body automatically leaned against him and he moved his hand from the back of my neck to my chin. He held my face so gently and pulled it upwards, bending down to kiss me. We stayed like that, kissing and embracing, for a few minutes before he pulled away.

"Honey, I'm home."

"Don't get cute."

"Impossible, I'm already as cute as a button."

"Who the fuck said buttons were cute, they're plastic."

"It's a phrase, Levi. Just a phrase."

"Says the college student to the english major and published author."

Eren rolled his eyes and grinned. "Go back to being all clingy like you were before, I liked that better."

Just to spite him, I pulled away from his body entirely and moved to walk away from him, but not before his arms could snake around my waist from behind. Since he was so goddamn tall, he leaned over and hid his face in the side of my neck, kissing my skin lightly.

"That was the complete opposite of what I wanted you to do."

"Duh."

At some point, we had let go of each other briefly to make some hot chocolate. Well, I made the hot chocolate and Eren looked around my apartment. I'd forgotten he was never in here before, so I watched him walk around like a puppy in his new home, exploring everything. He was amazed by the fireplace, and I was shocked to hear that he'd never actually seen one, much less been near one, before. He explained that because he grew up in a bit of a poor area, no one had nearly enough money to afford one. After he made his rounds going from the dining room, to the bathroom, to my bedroom, to the living room, and into the kitchen with me, he crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, watching my movements.

"The last time I had hot chocolate I think I was 10. A decade ago, can you believe it?"

"How the fuck do you survive 10 years of no hot chocolate, are you insane?"

"I must be."

When I finished making our mugs, I pulled him over to the couch on in the living room. The fireplace was still going, but the fire had dwindled -- it needed more wood. I sat Eren down on the sofa while I put a new log in carefully on top of the burning ones. A few embers shifted and suddenly the crack of the fire came back to life. Satisfied, I plopped myself back down on the couch next to Eren and put both of my legs in his lap. Ever since we went to the movie theatre, we always sat like this. His arm would go around my shoulders and my head would rest against his chest. Sometimes he reached his hand over my shoulder and brushed his thumb against my cheek, which was the most calming, soothing thing. And right now, he did exactly that. I threw the throw blanket over our laps, grabbed the TV remote, and snuggled back up to Eren. He was already halfway done with his hot chocolate when I barely even started drinking mine. I pouted, but vowed to finish my cup first.

We lay on my couch until the evening rolled around, being warmed up by the fire and watching crime investigation shows. I learned that Eren liked those best, particularly NCIS, and I turned it on so he could watch. I didn't mind; he was here with me and that's what I cared about.

The sun had fully set, even though it was only 8:30, and the room had a beautiful glow to it. I smiled to myself, happy that my wish of cuddling with someone to the fireplace on my couch with cocoa was finally granted. Involuntarily, I yawned, and so did Eren. We set our cups down on coasters on the coffee table and untangled our bodies to stretch. Once I felt my muscles were satisfied with the change of position, I leaned back into Eren. He kissed the top of my head and I pulled him down to kiss him on his lips. I shut the TV off and stood up, stretching again. When my arms lifted above my head, my shirt picked up, revealing some of my stomach and the elastic of my sweatpants. I caught Eren looking and smirked.

"Like what you see?"

Eren's face immediately became red and I couldn't help but walk back towards the couch, stand in front of him, and slowly sit in his lap to straddle him. My arms wrapped around his neck and my back arched a little bit. I could feel the bulge in his pants growing just the tiniest bit, which kept the smirk on my face.

"L-Levi what are you doing?"

"Seducing you, what do you think I'm doing?" My voice came out more like a low purr as my head dipped to the side of his neck. I planted tiny, quick kisses over his skin and his neck leaned to the opposite side, naturally allowing me better access. I placed heavier kisses on various parts of his neck, until a wave of possessiveness overtook me. My teeth latched on to a bit of skin right above his collarbone and I bit down, not enough to hurt him, but enough to leave my mark. I sucked over the patch I'd bitten and heard Eren give a little whimper. That's all it took, one stupid little whimper, and my pants were already too tight for my body. I came up from his neck and searched for his lips. I found them, and once I did I couldn't stop myself. Our kiss was heated, passionate, encompassed by extreme lust and want. My mouth worked in perfect harmony with his as my hands trailed under his shirt and up his chest. His skin was so warm and it felt so good underneath my hands. I grazed both his nipples with my thumbs and felt the twitch in his pants once more. He gave a little moan and my mouth tore from his and moved to his ear.

"Slip your hands under my ass and carry me to bed."

Eren did so without hesitation, and the feel of his hands on my ass was extremely pleasant. He picked me up and walked toward the bedroom he'd only been in for five seconds earlier. I was tossed on the comforter and before Eren could join me, he flung his shirt off extremely quickly.I didn't even have time to speak, he was lifting the hem of my shirt up my chest, signaling me to do the same. I obliged, and slipped it over my head. Eren went to kiss me again, but not before I could flip over so I was on top of him instead of vice versa. I was straddling his waist again, looking down at the face of a flustered kid who was so in love with me it made my heart swell. Which, by the way, wasn't the only thing that swelled when Eren's hand went to cover his face. God he was such a virgin but it was so damn sexy.

Before I actually lost it, I had to make sure he was even ready for this; it was, after all, his first time having sex, and I didn't want to push it too far.

"Eren how comfortable are you with having sex with me right now?"

"Uhm it depends on what you mean by comfortable."

"Do you even know the definition of --"

"Okay truthfully I'm a little scared alright. I've never had sex with a dude, much less at all. But I love you and honestly the thought of you fucking me senseless drives me insane. Me and Armin did research and it shouldn't --"

"Oh my god you and Armin did _research_?"

"Well yeah! I wanted to know how it worked and if it would hurt and how to --"

I cut him off again because this time I had started to laugh. I leaned down and rested my head against his chest and tried not to laugh _too_ hard. But holy shit if that isn't the most adorable thing on this planet then I had no idea what was. He actually sort of knew we would screw tonight and he looked up _how_ with his _roommate_. Albeit that's his best friend too, but still. He was just too cute and the words started spilling out of me before I could control them.

"You researched with your roommate how to have gay sex oh my god. Eren you're impossible. And so fucking cute I can't take it."

I looked up and saw Eren's face go even more red and he bit his bottom lip, clearly embarrassed. I took his face in both my hands and gingerly kissed him.

"That's adorable. But don't worry, I know what I'm doing."

"So you've had sex with other guys before, then."

"Well I _am_ gay, Eren. But don't worry it wasn't too many. I don't even want to think about that right now, because I want to think about you."

I felt like I set his mind a little at ease, because he relaxed a bit and smiled. "Alright, I trust you."

"I would certainly hope so. One last time -- you sure you wanna continue?"

"Would you just hurry up and fuck me already?"

"Oh don't test me. Be prepared for the consequences, brat."

My hands were quick to undo the belt on Eren's jeans and slip them clear off his body. His erection was clearly visible in the tightness of his briefs, and I admired it for a minute, because goddamn was it a lovely sight seeing him like that, before I pulled them off as well and threw them somewhere on the floor. I leaned down to kiss him hard, our connection fueled by greediness. The tips of my fingers grazed the bottom of his shaft to the tip and I felt Eren's back lift off the bed just a little bit. I smirked to myself and grabbed his hands, urging them towards the waistband of my sweatpants and underwear.

"Take them off."

Wordlessly, Eren did so, and rather quickly. His fingers were a little clumsy and I could tell he was still a little nervous, but I didn't mind it in the slightest. I was on my knees and over his body. He eyed me up and down, so, so slowly, and it felt good. Being looked at, being wanted, being desirable, was something I always relished in. I loved when people gave me looks like Eren was giving me, it turned me on even further. I growled and pounced on Eren, locking him in another heated kiss as my hand began to work his cock, which was already half hard. It was bigger than I thought it would be, but who the hell was I to complain? My thumb grazed over the slit of his head and swirled around the bit of liquid that leaked out. Eren pulled his mouth from mine and bit down on his lip to keep from making noise.

"Don't you even dare hold your voice back. Moan for me. Lemme hear it."

At my command, Eren let go of his lip and moaned as my thumb did circles around his tip. My own cock was throbbing by now to the point of it aching, begging to be inside Eren already, but I knew I had to be slow and careful. I squeezed him before I let go and leaned over his body to get to my nightstand. In the drawer, I kept condoms and lube, which I grabbed both of. I set them aside on the bed for when I needed them and shut the drawer. I put my middle finger in front of Eren's lips and pushed them on his mouth.

"Suck on them."

Goddamn was Eren sexy when he was obedient. He took orders so well and it made me hot. He licked all around my finger and coated it in saliva before I pulled it away from his tongue. I flipped his body over, told him to get on his knees and stick his ass out. He did so, and I spread him apart, getting full view of his underside.

"I'm going to use my fingers to stretch you a little so you can get used to it. I'm gonna put just one in for now, okay? Tell me if it hurts or if I can put another after you get used to it.

I could see Eren nodding his head, and when I got the okay, my finger slipped inside. He immediately tightened up and groaned, but after a minute, he relaxed. I noticed he was doing much better by the moans he was eliciting, so I slipped an extra finger in. He was actually taking this much better than I thought, and eventually, three fingers prepared him as much as they could.

"Okay I think you're ready. Just stay relaxed, and if I'm hurting you, call me out on it."

Another nod. Eren was far too flustered to even speak, so I took the reigns. I skillfully slipped the condom on my dick and lathered it and Eren's hole with lube. I was praying he wouldn't be in too much pain; I wanted him to enjoy this, and I wanted him to trust me. So with a deep breath in, I nudged the edge of his ass and carefully put the head in. Eren's breathing hitched and I instantly looked at his face. It wasn't twisted in pain, so I took it as a sign to keep going. I was halfway in, and to my surprise, Eren spoke a little louder than I thought he would.

"You're torturing me here, hurry u -- hng!"

I blinked and held back a smirk; he had no idea what he was doing to me and he had no idea how badly I wanted to rip him apart right now. Another day, Levi, another day.

"Okay, it's in. That's it Eren, I'm all the way in. Are you okay, are you in pain?"

"Just a little, but it's a good pain I guess? I don't know its weird but I _like it_."

"God you're so hot."

My hips began to move and I began to thrust into him, slowly at first, so he could get used to my rhythm. One of my hands grabbed onto his thigh, and other found its way to his hip. After a handful of motions I couldn't take it anymore and sped up. Eren was moaning, my breathing had become quickened, and my head was swimming.

"Fuck, you're so damn tight."

"L-Levi, ha-ah!"

"Louder. Moan louder Eren. Come on scream."

With each thrust, Eren moaned and his hips began grinding against mine in the same rhythm. I would've lasted a little longer, but Eren pulled me down and wrapped his arms around my neck, staring at me as he moaned and as I pounded into him again and again. The expression on his face was indescribable; it was of pure pleasure, of bliss, of want, of need for me to keep going. I kissed him and he kissed me back until I bit his bottom lip and tugged. He pulled away and threw his head back. 

"Levi I'm g-gonna."

"Let it out Eren, make a mess."

A few thrusts more and Eren came. Hard. He got it on his chest and on mine, and with a couple more thrusts I reached my own climax. Eren winced as he felt me come inside him, but he closed his eyes and fell back against the bed. Our breathing was erratic and it seemed like oxygen wasn't to be found anywhere. I slowly and carefully pulled out of him and fell next to him. Eren had his arms open, so I scooted over and rested my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat beating so fast and his chest rising and falling hastily to get more oxygen into his body. My own breathing and slowed down some, but we were still in a blissful state that came with orgasmic satisfaction. It was the afterglow, the pure happiness of good sex. Eren started to laugh and before I could ask him what was so funny he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I ignored the stickiness between us from Eren's cum and hugged him back. Who the fuck cared anyway? We were happy and covered in cum and cuddling and basking in the afterglow.

Eren still had a bit of giddiness in him; the afterglow did him wonders and he wasn't quite used to it yet. He was still a little giggly when he said, "I just lost my virginity to my hot boyfriend."

"Your hot boyfriend just fucked you and took your virginity. Mission accomplished." Eren was smiling so bright and I couldn't help but smile back. We shared a gentle, loving kiss before I couldn't stand the filth anymore.

"Okay this is cute and all and we can cuddle later but we really need to clean up this is gross."

Eren pulled away and saw what I meant. He nodded in agreement and got off the bed, still naked. He stood up straight with his hand on his hips and a little bit of cum ran down his leg. I swear if I could get a nosebleed right then I would've, holy fuck. His sexiness was just never-ending.

We changed the sheets on my bed and took a shower together, taking turns helping each other wash our bodies. I would've gotten frisky again, but I didn't want to put too much strain on Eren's body. After all, he did just get a dick rammed in his ass for the first time, I didn't want to overdo it. Once we were all clean and dried up, we headed back to my room. I didn't bother putting on a shirt, so I just slipped into a clean pair of boxers, as did Eren. We got in bed, and as soon as the covers were around us, Eren's arm was under my head, my head in the crook of his arm and his chest, our legs were intertwined, and our breathing became in sync. We kissed goodnight and fell asleep, perfectly happy and basking in our own little world of afterglow and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah mySTERY. I wonder what happened to Levi. I wonder who those guys are. What are they talking about and what are they doing. The world may never know. 
> 
> Well anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I love smut and dominant/commanding Levi hnnnnn-- 
> 
> ALSO this marks some sort of turning point in the story so beware! uvu
> 
> ALSO ALSO I'm sorry about the Avengers bits I just hAD TO PUT IT IN (I'm actually not because it was fuckin funny when I wrote it buT). I almost had Armin say to Eren that it meant that him and Levi were gonna frickle frackle too so be haPPY I DIDNT AND IT WAS JUST THE AVENGERS BIT.
> 
> /ollies out


	9. Bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi wake up and spend the day together until later that night, when Eren has a brush with danger.

[ Eren ]

My body was limp, my vision was black, and the sound of birds chirping rather loudly was what woke me up. My eyes opened slowly and my head lifted from the pillow to look at the alarm clock on Levi's nightstand, which displayed a very bright red 9:00am. I groaned and rolled over, nuzzling up to Levi; it was much too early to be woken up on a Sunday morning and I just wanted to cuddle and be lazy and unproductive. I was about to close my eyes, but I looked at Levi's face and couldn't look away. His face was at its softest expression I'd ever see him wear, even if he was unconscious. His eyes were relaxed, his brows weren't furrowed, and his mouth was open just a little bit. He looked so peaceful, so serene, and I couldn't help but reach my hand up and lean it against his cheek. My thumb stroked over the smoothness of his skin gently enough so I wouldn't wake him, but he did; not fully, though. He stirred and stretched, and I thought he was going to actually wake up, but he just scooted himself over to me and buried his face in the base of my neck. One of his arms draped over my waist and the other was curled up in front of him. My fingers had stopped grazing his cheek and moved into his hair, relishing in the thick softness. I twisted strands in my fingertips, pushed it back off of his forehead, brushed it with my fingers. I could've played in his hair for hours, but within ten minutes he had woken up. 

"What are you doing?" Levi tried to sound irritated, but I could tell he was enjoying it. Sleep still heavily tainted his voice and I couldn't deny it was sexy to listen to.

"Playing in your hair. I've decided I like it pushed back." Levi grunted, but instead of making me pull my hand away, he nudged his head under my hand and I swear to god for two seconds I thought he purred. My boyfriend the cat, everyone.

We stayed like that for almost two hours, perfectly content with just lazing around in bed and being in close proximity. I played in Levi's hair, he traced circles on the small of my back under my shirt with his fingertips. I placed gentle kisses all over his face, he pulled me closer. It was a perfect way to wake up, and a giant part of me wished that we could do this every single morning for the rest of our days.

After we took our time waking up, we stretched and got out of bed. Levi beat me to the bathroom and got in the shower, so I took the opportunity to lay sprawled out on the bed on my back for a minute. I stared at the ceiling and smiled to myself, still basking in the wonderfulness of waking up in pure bliss with my boyfriend. I was so lucky, it was unbelievable. I was happy with someone who I loved so much and who loved me and we just freakin' woke up and acted all cute and it was hard to keep my heart in my chest. I tried wiping my grin off my face (yeah right), got off the bed, and went into the kitchen. I'd never really been in his kitchen except for last night when we made hot chocolate, so it took me a minute finding his coffee pot and two mugs. I started brewing a pot of coffee and was waiting for it to be finished when Levi stepped out of the shower, mind you, in nothing but a towel. It was like a scene straight from a chickflic movie; he was completely shirtless, a towel around his waist, and was shaking the water out of his hair with another one. I tried, oh how I tried, to not stare, but it was literally impossible for me to tear my eyes away. They trailed down to his chest and I could've looked at his abs all day but he caught me staring.

"Good morning sunshine, my abs say hello."

I groaned loud enough for him to hear me and turned around to face the pot of coffee as he went into the bedroom to put some clothes on. "You're so hot."

"I know" was what Levi had said as he closed the door to change.

The pot had finished brewing and I was pouring coffee into our mugs when Levi surprised me by coming up from behind and hugged me. I almost spilled the coffee but quickly regained control on the pot handle. I could feel his face burrow into my spine and I laughed. He was extremely cuddly in the mornings, and it was so, so enjoyable. Who was I to complain? When he let go and stood next to me, I noticed he'd change into sweatpants and a t-shirt. The shirt had hung loosely around his body and the sweatpants were a size too big, but he still looked amazing. He could probably wear a pizza box hat and curtains for his outfit and he'd look like a model. The nerve.

I put 3 sugars and milk in my cup, but Levi took his black (like his soul, as he so nicely put it). He made breakfast, which consisted of scrambled eggs and bacon, and we ate at his little four-person table in his dining room, which wasn't even really a room because it was still attached to the living room. He'd tuned to a station on the radio that played classical music, and after he was done eating, he sipped his coffee and hummed along to the notes that flowed from the speakers and filled the room. It was beautiful, and even though he was just humming, I could tell he had a rich, soothing voice. I contemplated asking him to sing for me, but I knew he'd immediately shoot me down, so I told myself I would wait to ask. We spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon laying on the couch and watching whatever was on TV. At some point, Levi had gotten up to grab his laptop. He sat back down next to me, leaning into my side as my arm looped around him to bring him closer. He said he had started working on a series of short stories that he wanted to compile into a book, and I was proud of him for starting something again. I asked if I could read what he had so far but he flat out refused me any remote insight into what he was working on. Apparently, only his publisher Peter was allowed to see his work in progress. I pouted, but he just kissed me and said when it was done I'd be the first to read it. My good mood returned and I redirected my attention to the TV as Levi typed away.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, just like our day together. We'd ordered pizza for dinner, and after that I had to go home. It was only 6:30, but I still had some homework that begged for my attention. I helped Levi clean up the dishes and break down the pizza box before he walked me to the door. My duffel bag was hanging from my shoulder, my body out in the hall, and I gave him a sad smile. Neither of us wanted me to go, but it was inevitable. I would probably see him at the flower shop during the week or in Starbucks, but still, I didn't like not being near him. Levi crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe; his expression softened and I knew he wanted to pull me back in the house. He sighed, and I reciprocated.

"Alright, I'm off. See you at the flower shop on Tuesday?"

"Of course. As if I'd miss a chance to see you, idiot."

I chuckled and leaned down to kiss him. We lingered on each other's lips for a minute, not wanting to part, but pulled away. "Love you. See you Tuesday."

"Love you too. See ya."

I dragged my body down to the lobby of the apartment and to my car in the parking lot. I threw my duffel bag in the passenger seat and groaned as I sat down behind the wheel. I closed the door and exhaled, leaning my forehead against the wheel and gripping the sides of it, thinking through the events that we went through that day. Reality came crashing down on me; I still had responsibilities. I still had papers to write and exams to study for and presentations to give. I still had school, and I wish I was done and on break already so I could spend more time with Levi. Today was special; we didn't have time to spend like that a lot and when we did we cherished it. I was always working or in school, he was writing and going to book signings or readings in stores for fans (he was getting paid of course, but still). I knew it was childish of me to think, but I wanted everyday to be like last night and this morning. I sucked it up, got on the main road and made my way back to Barton, wishing for tomorrow to be Tuesday. A red light stopped me from continuing, and I stopped right before the crosswalk. It was already almost pitch black out, even though it was only almost 7; I loved winter, but the whole "darker, earlier" thing sucked.

I was still sitting at the red light when a car pulled up behind me. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw headlights so bright that I couldn't even see the type of car it was. My vision was temporarily out of order when the light turned green. I was rubbing my eyes and trying to get them to function normally again, but the car behind me got impatient and began honking. The driver was clearly agitated and drove recklessly around my car to the road in front of me. Well, asshole, maybe if your brights weren't fucking on I wouldn't be blind and I could actually drive. After a minute, I could see again and I'd just made the light. It was turning yellow when I drove under it and I cursed under my breath at the idiot who was behind me before. Seriously what a fucking moron.

Within a few minutes, I was back on campus and in the Barton parking lot. I pulled my car into my usual spot and shut the engine off. My right hand grabbed the duffel bag, my left hand opened the door, and my feet hit the ground. I locked up and sighed as I walked across the asphalt to the sidewalk - well, I _would've_ made it to the concrete but a fist had made contact with my stomach first.

Before I even knew what was happening, I fell back on the ground. My head had hit the floor hard, resulting in me biting my tongue, a trickle of blood going down the back of my neck, and landing on the asphalt. I heard people laughing. My stomach was on fire, my head was on fire and totally unfocused. I felt a kick to my side and rolled onto the opposite side of my body that I hadn't fallen on. Who the hell was kicking me? Was it a student, or the guy that cut me off from before? What the fuck is -- 

My thoughts were brief as the kicking ensued; another blow to my ribs, two kicks to the side of my face, a foot to my back. Blood pooled in my mouth and dribbled out. I couldn't move, and if I tried to just flinch a muscle, pain shot up on every inch of my body and it was unbearable. I heard a faint sound of people talking, whom I assumed to be my attackers, and they both kicked me one more time each. I heard one turn to leave, but one had stayed behind. How much more damage could he inflict on me were my initial thoughts, until he bent down close to my ear. His voice was raspy and a bit slurred due to my swaying consciousness, but audible enough so that I could hear it. 

"Tell your little fuck buddy he should stop pretending like he's hiding. He's been found."

He spat in my face before getting in a car, laughing, and drove away with his partner.

I had no will to move, let alone the strength, but by some miracle I pulled my phone out of my pocket. The screen had been smashed, but it was still functioning and it allowed me to make a call. One ring, no answer. Two rings, no answer. Three rings, still no answer. I was about to hang up and try again by the fourth ring, but finally he picked up.

"Sorry sorry sorry, I was putting together my work for tomorrow and I lost a sheet but I just found it so now --"

"Outside." I could barely speak; my face was swollen enough that my lips could barely form words and it sounded like I've been drinking whisky my entire life.

"Eren? What are you talking about outsi --"

"Come...outside. Help." Those were the only words I could say until my phone fell to the ground. I could hear Armin calling my name through the earpiece, but I couldn't make out the rest of what he was saying because I blacked out.

~

[ Levi ]

I closed the door behind Eren and sighed again. My little apartment that was cozy and homey earlier now felt empty and hallow without Eren around. My chest hurt, but I didn't delve into negative thinking, I found it to always be a waste of time. Instead, I just looked forward to Tuesday and told myself to suck it up. 

I walked back towards my couch and fell backwards onto the cushions. My laptop was open on the coffee table and I stared at it for a few minutes. Could I really write something as good as _Attack On Titan_ again? Could I make my readers just as happy with this as they seemed to be with that? I was always a little self conscious about my writing, and ever since _Attack On Titan_ was published, I've been afraid that I wouldn't write something as good as that. I'm incredibly proud of it, don't get me wrong, but I have a minor fear of disappointing my readers with something new. In any case, I was told I had to publish something again, and my deadline to hand something over to my publisher was this coming June. Even if it was just a compilation of short stories, it was something and I hoped I could write it just as strongly as I had with AOT.

I picked up my laptop and bit my lip, staring at the keyboard. I breathed in, and out, and cleared my mind of Eren, of Peter, of everything, and focused. My fingers took a life of their own and I was suddenly so focused that I drowned everything out. I didn't hear the clock hands ticking, I didn't hear the crackle of the fire in the fireplace, I barely even heard my phone ring. It was on the fifth ring before I noticed it and scrambled to get it off the coffee table and open it. Eren's name was on the screen and I smiled, happy he missed me already and called to talk.

"Miss me already don't --"

"This is Levi, right?" The voice on the other end of the phone wasn't Eren's, it was another man's. He sounded panicked and afraid and immediately I was worried and extremely suspicious.

I was guarded and my voice clearly made it known. "Who is this and why do you have Eren's phone?"

"Okay look there's no time to explain but my name is Armin. I'm Eren's roommate and best friend and I heard about you from Eren because he talks about you all the time and he's always rambling about --"

"Get to the point kid."

"Long story short I found Eren on the ground in the dorm parking lot. He's been beaten up pretty badly and he's unconscious. I called an ambulance and we're in Capitol hospital. I'm in the waiting room but I thought I'd call you and let you know so if you wanted to come and see him --"

"Give me twenty minutes. Meet me out front." There was no time for pleasantries, I had to get to Eren. I would talk to Armin when I got there, but for right then, I just really needed to go. 

It took me only around 10 minutes to grab my wallet, my keys, my jacket, slip my shoes on, and get in my car. I ran out of the building and into my Audi parked in it's little isolated corner. The key slipped into the ignition and I didn't even give it time to warm up; I was already speeding out of the parking lot and headed onto the highway to get to the hospital.

The whole time on the highway I was a mess; my heart was racing and I was extremely nervous. I repeated the words Armin told me over and over and over again, making sure I had all the facts right. Eren talked about me to Armin, who had a loose idea of who I was, I assumed. Eren had made it to the parking lot safe and sound until someone jumped him and beat him to unconsciousness. Armin called an ambulance and Eren's in the ER. Armin is waiting for me in the front of the hospital. Most importantly, I needed to be by Eren. I couldn't stop thinking about Eren if I tried. I thought about his easy going smile he gave me all day today. I thought about how happy he was eating breakfast this morning. I thought about his fingers running through my hair gently, and oh so lovingly, waking me from sleep.

But then I got angry. I tried to figure out who the hell could do something like this to him, who would have such a problem with him that they put him in the hospital. My fingers gripped the steering wheel and my knuckles went white as my foot tapped on the gas pedal. I was going 85 in a 60 but I didn't care. I would get to Eren even if it killed me.

25 minutes spent on the highway cutting people off and zooming in and out of lanes later and I was at the hospital. I parked my car a little crooked but that wasn't even on my list of priorities at the moment. I locked my car, listened to the beeping confirmation of it's safety, shoved the keys deep in my pocket and ran so fast to the emergency room lobby to find Armin. Luckily, he was outside by curb as opposed to inside, which gave me free reign over the volume of my voice, even though control wasn't even an option. I didn't even know who he was when I ran up to the sidewalk and I almost flew passed him.

"Excuse me! Are you Levi?" Armin asked in a shy voice, going out on a limb and calling out to me. I stopped dead in my tracks and almost fell forward from the abrupt halt of my ongoing inertia. My head whipped around, my pulse pounding and breathing ragged, as I caught sight of a tall, muscular kid with shoulder length blonde hair pulled back into a loose half up ponytail.

"Depends, are you Armin?"

"Yeah, hi. It's nice to meet you even though right now isn't --"

"Nice to meet you too but listen kid I really need to know what's going on, we can talk afterwards."

"Right. Shall we go inside?"

I followed him through automatic doors into a sickly luminescent room, regaining the steady rhythm of my breathing. A wide desk was at the end of the wall in front and chairs took up every bit of space they could fit in. It was fairly empty, but the few people who occupied the seats looked depressed and borderline asleep. Armin led us to a corner of the room where no one was around and we could have some form of privacy. I sat down and he sat across from me, leaning his elbows on his knees and bending his body forwards.

"Right, okay. Eren had reached the Barton parking lot at around 7:15. His car was fine, he had his phone and his duffel bag on him when I got there, so it wasn't a mugging. It's because that he had everything on him that I think its more of a personal vendetta, although I don't know a single person who has anything against Eren. He called me at 7:25 and said, literally, 'come outside, help' before he went comatose from the beatings he had taken. I'm not sure how many people there were, but from the extensiveness of his injuries, I'd say it was at least two. That's all I know. If you want to get in to see Eren when the doctor comes out, tell them you're his half brother, I already told him I was his cousin."

At least two people had hurt my Eren. At least two people had beaten him to a bloody pulp and sent him into the emergency room.

At least two fucking people were gonna get their _goddamn heads bashed in._

I didn't realize I'd been holding my breath in, and let it out once Armin had stopped speaking. My hands were clenched into tight fists and my head was bent forward so my hair was covering my face. I was shaking - not with anger, but with worry. My chest felt like it was going to implode at any minute. If you don't know what it's like to have a loved one be in so much fucking pain and be hospitalized for getting the shit kicked out of them, than I'm happy you don't, because let me tell you, it's fucking hell.

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry? I didn't quite catch tha --"

"Thank you. For taking care of Eren. For calling the ambulance, and helping him."

"Oh! No don't thank me, I would've done it regardless."

"Still."

We sat in a bit of uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, dealing with our worry over Eren by ourselves, until Armin spoke up.

"Yanno...I'm happy, for the two of you. This isn't exactly how I imagined meeting you, but I'm glad I did. Eren's very happy with you, so if anyone should be saying thank you it's me. So, thank you for making him happy. He really, really likes you, you know."

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I started bleeding. The familiar taste of metal coated my mouth until I stopped biting. I nodded my head, trying to keep my voice even. "I really like him too."

I thought about what Eren might've told Armin about me. I wondered how long he talked about me and if he liked gushing over the time we spent together to Armin. The thought made me happy; it was relieving to know that Armin was the one who Eren spilled his affections to over me, but I wanted to hear them too. I wanted to hear everything Eren had to say, no matter how long it took. I wanted to stroke his hair and guide him to sleep. I wanted to lay with him in bed and listen to all of his secrets, his desires, his fears. I wanted to stay up with him until 4am just talking about deep shit and connecting and getting closer together. I wanted him with me. I wanted him safe. I wanted him to be okay.

I stopped looking at the clock every 5 seconds when two hours in the waiting room had passed. By now it was almost 10pm and I was tired, but there was no way in hell I would leave. Armin however, had drifted into sleep about a half hour ago after we engaged in small talk and told each other little about ourselves. I learned that he wanted to be involved in some cancer cell research, he learned that I was the author of Eren's english book and that's how we met. I glanced at the clock again, and leaned across to nudge at Armin's shoulder.

"Armin. Armin wake up." He jolted awake and was on his feet in a matter of milliseconds. "WHAT'S WRONG IS EREN OKAY WHAT HAP --"

"Armin!"

He blinked a couple of times, realized where he was, and sat back down in his seat, groaning. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "What time is it?"

"10. I woke you up to tell you to go home. You have school in the morning and I wouldn't want you to miss class. Go ahead, I'll stay here."

"Are you sure? I really don't mind being here for Eren."

"I know, but I know you're also focused on your studies. If you give me your number I can text you if anything happens."

Armin thought this over for a minute and nodded, seeming content with my proposal. We exchanged phone numbers, he thanked me again for being here for Eren, and left. I watched him get in his car, a relatively beaten up but in good condition Toyota Camry, and drive out of the parking lot back to campus.

My body leaned forward and I pressed my face into the palms of my hands, sighing loudly. It was now 2 hours later and it still didn't settle with me what had happened to Eren. I wondered if he had woken up yet. I wondered if the doctor would buy that I was his half brother. If I could say I was his lover and still get into that damned room I would without hesitation. But you know, family only and all that shit. No gay lovers allowed. Not here. Not today.

Another hour had passed until finally a doctor came out of two swinging beige doors in a white coat carrying a clipboard.

"Is the half brother of an Eren Jaegar still here?"

"Me! That's me." I jumped out of my seat so fast and hustled toward the doctor. He looked me over, taking in my attire and self presentation before motioning me back behind the double doors he'd walk through. We went through them, and I was greeted by a long, white hallway. There were beds along the sides of them in various places, machines strewn about along the length of the walls, and a nurses station in the middle. He led me straight down, to the left, made a right, another right, and kept walking straight for a minute or two before we came to Eren's room. I restrained myself from looking in through the window opening on the door, and the faint murmur of a steady heartbeat reached me from within and calmed me down some. Before I could start asking questions, the doctor, who's name I noticed was Hannes, filled me in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's really nothing I have to say about this chapter except sorry.


	10. Haywire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's machinery goes haywire as his heart rate intensifies and puts Levi in a panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you have found me on tumblr, and if you have, thank you for following me, I look forward to talking to you more! If anyone wants to ask me any questions or come drop in and say hey, you can find me at sass-master-dani.tumblr.com. Don't be shy I love talking to people please please!
> 
> Also this chapter is a little shorter than I normally write or that I initially intended it to be, but I really wanted to pump this out now because school work is increasing and mid terms are coming up so I'm not gonna be able to update as often. But thank you guys for all your support and kind words, I really do appreciate it and it helps motivate me to keep updating. I hope you enjoy, as always my cupcakes.
> 
> So with that, let Chapter 10 commence!

[ Levi ]

"Eren sustained some extensive injuries, I'm afraid. It's nothing too serious, but he has a concussion, 3 broken ribs, and some serious bruising. He's going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up, but we've got him on a morphine drip so it shouldn't be as bad as if he didn't have it. He's still unconscious, but you can go in to see him if you want. The nurses are right out here so if anything happens, which I don't think anything will, tell them to page me and I'll come back."

"Right. Thanks."

Doctor Hannes left and now I was alone in the hallway, leaning my head forwards and avoiding the glass on the door. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to see all the cuts on his face. I didn't want to see my Eren all battered and bruised. I was used to things like that, but not on Eren. Still, I sucked in a deep breath and forced my hand to open the door. Upon entering, I looked from the floor to Eren's face and immediately my heart sank; he was laying on his back, both arms at his sides, and he looked like a total disheveled mess. The left side of his face was extremely swollen and purple, his arms were cut up in numerous places, and a bandage was wrapped around his head. My hand dropped from the doorknob as I closed it and I walked over to the chair beside Eren's bed. I sat down and looked up at him; the machine monitoring his heart beeped in a smooth rhythm, which oddly comforted me. I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and I remembered me being curled up against it just this past morning. I studied his face and tried to see beyond the swelling, beyond the cuts the nurses cleaned up, beyond the purple bruising of skin and blood. I tried to find the familiar face I loved, but it was extremely difficult. I knew he was there, but I couldn't see him and it made my chest hurt.

I reached out and grabbed Eren's hand, taking it in both of my own. My thumbs moved back and forth over the back of his palm and I exhaled. I stayed like that for close to a half hour until I wasn't satisfied with just his hands. I scooted the chair closer so my thighs were under the plastic edge of the bed. My left arm reached up and rested against the plastic piece that surrounded the top half of either side of the frame and I let my fingertips gently graze his cheek, careful not to touch the gash that went from just under his eye down diagonally to the base of his nose but a few centimeters away. I was careful to not hit any hidden cuts on the top of his head as I stroked his hair and pushed his bangs away from his face. I remembered how he'd done the same to mine when we woke up. My face remained stone still, but my chest was swimming with five million emotions all at once. I wanted to say something, I wanted to talk to him. Not just because I felt that if I didn't I would implode, but because if there was a slight chance that Eren could hear me in the midst of his unconsciousness, I wanted him to know I was here. I wanted him to know I was by his side and I wouldn't leave. I cleared my throat and tried to gather my thoughts. I gave up when I realized it'd be better to just _talk_ than to try and organize my thoughts first, because that would take fucking forever and I didn't have fucking forever right now.

I took a deep breath. "Hi, Eren. I'm here babe, I'm here." Before I could continue, a tear had spilled over onto my cheek and I was trying really hard not to cry. I haven't fucking cried since I was 7 years old and now it was so hard not to. Fantastic.

I tried again, continuing the motion of running my fingers cautiously through his hair. "Armin called me and told me what happened. I met him in the lobby when you were admitted, I've been sitting here for hours. I told Armin to go back though because I figured he had school tomorrow so he should get some rest. He's a nice guy from what I could tell, I'm happy you're friends with him. Maybe the next time I see him you'll properly introduce me. I think he was a little taken aback by my age, but he didn't judge or say anything else. I told him about the book I wrote and he told me about his ambitions to be a cancer research doctor. He seems really smart and observant, but surprisingly shy."

I allowed a weak smile and the moment it was on my face, it left. I concentrated on keeping a steady rhythm with my fingers in his hair and suddenly was overcome with guilt.

"I'm so sorry Eren, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I should've told you to call me when you got home, or, or, made you leave earlier, even though we both know we didn't want you to go. Oh, Eren." I leaned my head down on the bed and closed my eyes, trying to breathe like a normal human being and not cry. I squeezed Eren's hand and kissed the back of it, letting my lips linger there for a few moments. Wake up, Eren, please wake up. Hurry up so we can go home. 

"I'll take care of you, so wake up already. Damnit Eren wake up." At this point I was biting my lip so hard to keep it from trembling that the familiar taste of metal danced across my tongue. I retracted my hand from Eren's hair and reunited it with my other on Eren's hand. I don't know how long I stayed like that, leaning my face on Eren's hand and occasionally rubbing my cheek against the back of it. Eventually I had fallen asleep, my back hunched over the side of the bed and leaning on my boyfriend. At some point, I heard two people enter the room, but I didn't get up, nor move my position; I stayed perfectly still.

"It's not even visiting hours anymore, why is he still here?"

"I don't know. Should we get Doctor Hannes and tell him to tell the guy to leave? It's already 6am and technically he's not really supposed to be here until 11."

"Nah, just forget it. Doctor Hannes already came in at around 3 to check up on Eren and he didn't say anything about it. Leave him alone."

"He's always making life complicated isn't he?"

The two nurses chatted about another patient Doctor Hannes was giving them trouble about shut the door behind them as they left. Relieved, I kissed Eren's hand once before drifting back to into uncomfortable sleep.

~

[ Eren ]

My body was floating; I was nowhere. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet, but even so, I knew I wasn't anywhere in particular, or anywhere that I had previous knowledge of. The ground beneath me was hard and grainless and I had no idea if I should panic or just take a deep breath and count to ten. Unfortunately, I was the impatient type and always needed answers, so I went with counting to 3 and opened my eyes. As I suspected, I was nowhere. It seemed like a dark room, but it wasn't at the same time. It was a black abyss of some kind - nothing to my left, right, above me, below me. I thought for sure I was on some ground, but when I looked under my body, I saw nothing. I carefully assessed the condition my body was in and noticed I was perfectly fine, unharmed and uncut anywhere. I stood up on my feet and smoothed my clothes out, which I noticed were a black t-shirt and jeans. I laughed, reminding myself of Levi and his wardrobe of limited hues. Well, I would've laughed if I had vocal chords to help me do so. I tried speaking but forgot how to project sound out of my mouth. Suddenly a little scared, I tried forming words and speaking sentences and singing a song, but nothing came out of my mouth except pathetic whines and weird gurgling noises. I took a few deep breaths and tried to think; it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, that I couldn't speak, seeing as there was no one around to even talk to. But still, it made me uneasy nonetheless. I tried thinking about how I got here, or where this could actually _be_ , but I came up with nothing. The last thing I remembered was driving home from Levi's house, being blinded by the headlights, parking in front of Barton, and then -

Oh yeah, someone beat the shit out of me. I had called Armin, but I don't remember what happened after that. Did I pass out? And if I did, then why was I here? And where was Armin? I had so many questions all of a sudden, and a sense of panic flickered within me. I was alone with no voice and no recollection of what happened after I had dialed my best friend. Just great.

I sat down and crossed my legs, my face being held up in the palms of my hands as my elbows leaned against my thighs. I shook my head back and forth, pissed that I couldn't do something as simple as remember what happened. I was about to lay back down and just hope that it would come to me when I heard something. My face immediately snapped up and I looked around. It was a faint, faint hint of sound, but I had heard it. It went away just as quickly as it came, and I tried convincing myself that I was just delusional, but I heard it again. I got up from my position on the floor and walked around in a clumsy circle, trying to find the source of the sound. It was like a whisper, so low and barely audible, but I stopped moving, strained my ears to hear and made them focus on just that sound (as if I had anything else to focus on right then, I wish). 

"...here babe...Armin called...so sorry..."

It sounded like Levi so much that my heart dropped. Levi - oh my god he didn't know what happened to me. He didn't know that I was...wherever I was. He didn't know anything. I slumped down onto my knees and held my face in my hands, more frustrated than sad. The voice sounded like Levi but it couldn't have been him, he's never called me babe. But it said that Armin had called, and it was sorry. What did it have to be sorry for? I was the idiot who didn't notice those guys coming up to me. I was the one who should've been more careful. I was about to listen to more of what the voice was saying, but it stopped and it didn't come back.

Time passed and passed and passed, or at least I think it did. Maybe time wasn't even a concept where I was. There was nothing around me, nothing near, just complete and absolute nothingness, and I wouldn't be surprised if time was nonexistent in this pocket of solitary confinement. I was walking straight for what felt like forever, but still, I was surrounded just by blackness. I could barely see in front of me, but I'd given up hope of anything appearing. I thought about the voice I'd heard earlier and wondered if I'd hear it again. It was lonely over here, I was lonely, and I would've liked to listen to it again just to have a bit of company.

I had stopped walking and just laid back down, leaning my back against the floor and sprawling my arms and legs out. I could hear my pulse in my ears, could hear the blood rushing through my veins. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, thinking of Levi and Armin and Mikasa and my friends in English. I had just started remembering when I first met Levi in Starbucks and how shocked I was when he called my name, when pain hit me like freight train. Suddenly I was in pain all over my body; my fingertips, my scalp, my thighs, my knees, my chest, the soles of my feet, everything felt like it was on fire. I felt my chest mimic an implosion and I could feel my pulse quickening. My body felt as if someone had been holding it over a flame and I tried screaming but still couldn't find my voice. Tears welled up in my eyes and quickly spilled over my cheeks. The trace of saline they left behind felt like deep wounds being etched into my skin and it made more tears fall even faster. I was burning. I was dying. I was engulfed in pain, and my vision suddenly went bright red. I rushed into a state of severe panic as I felt my body give into pain more and more. This was unbearable, what was happening to me? Someone make this stop. Please, I'll give anything to just _make it stop!!!_.

~

[ Levi ]

All I'd been hearing for the past 14 hours was that damned machine hooked up to Eren beeping and his breathing. I didn't mind his breathing for obvious enough reasons, but the beeping nearly drove me mad. I'd wanted to step out of the room to get away from it, just so I could have a mere 5 seconds of fucking silence, but I was afraid that the moment I left Eren would wake up. I wasn't going to risk the chance of Eren waking up alone, even though I'd only be about 10 feet away from the bed and right outside his door. So I sucked it up and dealt with the damn beeping.

But even though I hated that beeping so much, the last thing I wanted was for it to be completely inaudible. At one point, Eren's heart rate sped up so quickly that the beeping increased tenfold, and then the sound became the last thing I ever wanted to be silenced. 

I'd had my cheek rested on the mattress in the direction of Eren's face, my hand still holding onto his, when the monitor began going off. The beeping increased and as soon as I heard it, panic filled my chest and my head rose so fast the base of my neck hurt for a minute. I could see the numbers under the short-waved green line fluctuate. My own pulse quickened and I was pretty sure that my face showed I was clearly beyond worried. I looked back to Eren for any signs of distress in his expression, but the blank one he'd been wearing all night still remained under the bruising and purple skin. I didn't know what to do, I was in such shock. It's a good thing 3 nurses came in because if they hadn't I would've been standing there completely and utterly dumbfounded.

"Sir we're going to have to ask you to leave the room."

_Now_ I started coming back to my senses. "What? You want me to leave? But I'm --"

"We'll call you back in as soon as things are alright. Sir if you could please --"

Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep "No! No I can't leave! That's Eren, that's my --"

The nurse pushed me out the door and shut it behind her. Through the glass panel, I could see someone checking his charts, someone looking confused beyond belief, and someone increasing the morphine dosage on his IV drip. Why was this happening? It was just a damn concussion and some broken ribs, he wasn't supposed to be having any other problems. Even so, I was supposed to be in there with him not out here in the fucking hallway.

My hands ran through my hair, pushing it back off my face even though my bangs fell right back where they were. I'd begun pacing and when I was too tired to keep moving, I sat in a chair next to Eren's door. I was outside that chair for close to 30 minutes until the nurses came out. I jumped to my feet and gave the three of them questioning looks. Two of them walked back to their seats at the nurses' station, not even bothering to indulge me, let alone look me in the eyes, but one stayed put to talk to me.

"Eren's fine, don't worry. His heart was just under a bit of stress from the medication and the pain he's undergoing, which increased his heart rate. Nothing else is wrong, so don't worry." She gave me a polite smile, nodded her head, and went back to her seat, but I didn't have time to even watch her turn around. I bolted back into Eren's room and immediately pulled the chair from the wall where the nurses moved it back to Eren's side. I immediately sat down once I could get it as close to the edge of the bed as possible and laced my fingers with Eren's, muttering to him about what an idiot he was for scaring me like that. He was still unconscious and still unaware of everything, that is, before he woke up.

Within twenty minutes of his heart rate spiking and of me watching Eren's face for any sign of pain or discomfort, I saw his eyes twitch just the slightest amount. I picked my head up from the stiff mattress and sat perfectly motionless, still holding onto his hand. Again, the twitch. My fingers squeezed his gently and slowly, slowly, Eren opened his eyes. At first he saw the light and immediately shut them again, not used to the luminescence. My breath hitched as I watched my boyfriend hazily wake up from unconsciousness and groan. I didn't know what to do, or say, or how to act, because quite frankly if I could I would've jumped on him and cried on his shoulder. I refrained of course, but still, the feeling was there nonetheless.

"Holy shit this hurts" were the first words out of his mouth, and even though they were a little slurred and the swelling around his lips made it sound like he was stuffing his face with ten pounds of food, it was a beautiful thing to hear. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding in and let tears escape my eyes. Eren looked around and for a minute I could see he was clueless. He turned his head slightly toward his monitor, to the IV drip, and then to me. He looked at my face, shocked, and I couldn't choke back a quiet sob. My forehead rested against the back of his hand as my fingers gripped his tightly, and I closed my eyes, relief flooding through me. I felt Eren's thumb caress my fingers that were in his palm and I tried speaking, albeit my words came out softer than I'd intended them to.

"Dont you ever scare me like that again Eren Jaegar."

I heard a low chuckle come from him and picked my head up. His hand let go of mine and reached up to my face, gingerly wiping my tears away. "Sorry."

Normally I would've made some sarcastic retort about how it wasn't his damn fault and not to apologize and take responsibility for making me so scared, but I didn't. Instead, I closed my eyes and leaned my face into his touch, relishing in the feel of his hand being active instead of laying limp next to his body like it had been for what seemed like never ending hours. We stayed like that for several minutes in silence until I regained my composure. Eren had noticed and he shifted his head so he could have a better look at me.

He had a makeshift smirk on his face and his fingers lightly pinched my cheeks. "I'd had yet to see you cry, and here you are. Crying."

"Oh would you shut up, now isn't the time to be thinking about shit like that. You frightened me half to fucking death with your crazy beeping and shit. You moron."

Eren paused and the smirk fell into an apologetic expression. "I'm so sorry, Levi. It all happened so fast and Armin was the first one I could call and --"

"Stop right there. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, none of this is your fault, do you hear me? Armin was the most logical person to call because he was closest to you and he could help, which he did, and I can't thank him enough."

"Hmm." Eren looked over my face for a minute and decided my reply was an adequate one. We sat in comfortable seconds of understanding silence before I decided to ask an important question. It probably could've waited, but the amount of pain I wanted inflict on Eren's attackers was immense and vastly increasing.

"Do you know who your attackers were? Did you see their faces or any tattoos? The kind of car? Anything significant?"

Eren paused and closed his eyes, dropping his hand from my face to my arm. His brows furrowed in concentration and I could see he was really trying hard to remember. I regretted even asking in the first place and was about to stop him so he could rest when he spoke up.

"There were two guys. One of them concentrated on kicking my face, and the other kicked my side. The one who loved my face so much had steel tipped shoes and I think two roses on the side. I didn't catch anything from the other guy." My face fell and my heart clenched at the thought of steel toed shoes coming in hard contact with Eren's face; it made me sick and angry and I wanted to kill someone. I was about to apologize for bringing it up so soon, but was prematurely cut off.

"Wait there's something else."

"What, what is it?"

Eren's facial expression twisted as the memory came back to him, and I could tell what he was about to tell me clearly wasn't very good.

"Right before I called Armin and passed out, one of the guys knelt down to talk to me. It was only a sentence or two, but I think it was about you."

"About me? I don't know too many people and I only have like 4 friends so --"

"Levi."

I shut my mouth and waited for Eren to continue. His grip on my arm had tightened and a pained expression overtook his features.

"He said to tell my _fuck buddy_ to stop acting as if he was in hiding, and that he was found. I'm assuming the fuck buddy they were talking about was you, and you know them. Well? Who are they, Levi?"

I froze, not even attempting to conjure up coherent sentences as I thought about what had been said to Eren. I had been found. I only knew of a handful of people who were looking for me, and if I was right in assuming who it was, we had just gotten ourselves into some deep shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me there's a whoooole giant backstory to Levi's past, but that won't be explained until waaay later fufufu -u-


	11. Half Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren confronts Levi about his past and Levi complies to some degree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11's finally here yay! Sorry for the delay guys ahhh. Thanks a lot my gorgeous cupcakes, enjoy uvu !

[ x ]

”You had him in your sight, why didn’t you take the damn shot, Matteo?” Fury. Not a wild, intense, out of control kind of fury, but the quiet kind. His voice was a near whisper, and that’s when you knew, when everyone knew, that he was extremely angry. It didn’t happen often, but when important subjects are supposed to be taken care of at an exact moment, and aren’t, well, he gets mad.

”I’m sorry sir. I couldn’t do it, I don’t know why, but I couldn’t! I tried to get help but Aless had gone to assess the situation further and —”

”Alessandro went to _what_?”

The man, now seeming much smaller, gulped and looked toward his supposed partner that was sitting next to him, who I now knew as Alessandro. He had his head down and his fists were clenched, lying on top of his thighs.

Silence. A giant, gushing wave of authority and negativity spilled over the desk and collapsed on the two underlings. The man seated in his red plush office chair got up from his throne-like set up and began pacing, slowly, back and forth behind the mahogany furniture. His hands were clasped behind his back, and his style of walking seemed almost military like. Every time he came to the bookshelf on one wall and the actual wall on his other side, he turned on his heel and walked back the opposite way. My eyes followed his movements, watching his stiff but graceful strides across the width of the room. Finally, after several excruciatingly long, silent minutes passed, save for the whimpering of the two in question, the man pacing had stopped. His body was facing forward to the rest of the room, but more specifically towards the two in front of his desk who were in the wrong. He was about to give his call, but hesitated, and turned his body, and attention, to me.

”What would you have me do?”

”I wouldn’t have you do anything, sir. You know I don’t purposefully sway your opinions or make commands. That’s your job entirely.”

”Right, as always. However, I still need a second viewpoint. Tell me, ‘liere.”

’Liere. I haven’t heard that nickname since last week, when he was furious with someone else. He only shortened my name when he wanted a clean and sincere piece of advice or information, which of course, I always gave regardless.

I thought for a brief moment before responding, my voice even and loud enough for the room to hear. “Well, capo, based on their story, we can conclude the following: the target was in their line of vision and the completion of their mission could’ve easily been fulfilled, but nerves and recklessness got in the way. Alessandro was away form his target, obviously not paying mindful attention to the carryout of their task, and Matteo could’ve followed through with it, but didn’t. Perhaps the hit would’ve been taken, had Aless been there to give some assistance.”

He thought over my response for a moment, turning my words over like he usually did and leaned his palms on the top of his desk. He didn’t always like my views on things, but for the most part, he trusted me as his advisor and valued my unbiased information and views on situations. It was always in times like this, and even in stupid little scuffles, where he put his faith in me to give a good response, which was always what I put forth. After he thought everything over, his facial expression relaxed, a habit he had developed over the years when his decision on something was clear and unchangeable. He bent forwards and opened the bottom right drawer of his desk. His fingers picked up a few objects which I had come to know as his preferred method of dealing with a problem that wouldn’t go away unless he took care of it personally. He loaded only two bullets into the shiny black magazine of his pistol and clamped it shut with a loud click. I looked over to the two and watched their faces fall, realization dawning on their faces. Looks of terror and disbelief crossed their expressions and I almost felt sorry for them, but then remembered their failed mission and immediately I felt what capo was about to do was justified.

The gun was loaded, and he stood up to his full stature, a suitable 6’2” for a man of his rank. Light shimmered off his hair and the underlying part of his hairstyle glistened. He looked almost like a god, but not quite — to look like a god you had to have a divine aura, a glow of sorts. But he? He had the aura of the devil, which seemed like its own special entity. His right arm pointed the gun first at Matteo, who was now trembling in fear and staring down the end of the barrel.

”Matteo, here’s what you should have done.” One shot rang out, and blood spattered along the sides of the chair. Matteo had been shot execution style, right between his eyes. Death was instantaneous, and his lifeless body half dangled off the edge of the chair. The whole in his head where the bullet had gone in leaked a dark red stream of blood and several drops landed on his clothes. The two bodyguards standing by the door picked up his body and carried it away as two more guards took place of the previous. The gun was now pointed at Alessandro, who didn’t look so much afraid as he did angry. He decided to speak up before capo did, just to get a last word in before his imminent death.

”You’re vile”.

Holding the pistol, capo smiled. “Why thank you, I would hate it if I wasn’t. How do you think I got to where I am today? By being nice? By misjudging and abandoning my missions?”

Matteo was silent for just a minute, but then decided to talk back some more. Why not? He had nothing left to lose now. “Not all of us are total scum like you.”

”Oh really, is that so? The last time I checked, you worked for _me_ in this organization. You begged me for this position, so really, you’re no better than I am. We’re all scum.” Cap waited to see if Alessandro would try to further postpone his end, but he was silent, already accepting his demise. “Now rot.”

The trigger was pulled for a second time, and again, for a second time, a body lay still in a chair on the opposite side of capo and his desk. The body guards who replaced the original two carried Alessandro’s body away, and two more guards replaced those.

Capo lowered his gun onto his desk with the safety in place and the bullets in use. He exhaled and sat back down in his chair rubbing his temples. “Why is it so hard to do a job these days? I would’ve taken no longer than five minutes and these guys took 20. I wouldn’t mind so much if they just killed the fucking —”

”Capo, silenzioso, per piacere. Non più.” Silence, please. No more, no longer.

He sighed and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes and scrunching them slightly. I walked from my place on the side of the room next to him and leaned against his desk. His eyes opened and he saw me in front of him, his hand reaching up to the side of my face and caressing my cheek. He let his expression soften and I leaned my face into his touch.

I was used to this. I sort of grew up in this, so it didn’t seem too unnatural or inhumane to me. It was business, it was how we operated. It was everyday life. But it would be a long time until I actually knew the horrors this would make us face.

~

[ Eren ]

The hospital drives me freakin’ crazy. The constant hustle of nurses and doctors in the hallways, the never ending repetitive sounds of machinery, the sterile and distinct smell of medicine and illness; everything drove me mad. I wanted to get out as soon as I could, and luckily, I was being discharged today.

Levi was here again today; actually, he hadn’t left once, except to get food and shower and get a change of clothes for himself and for me to come home in. As always, he came back, but when I was sleeping. When I woke up in the afternoon, he wasn’t next to my bedside. I was a little happy about it though, I needed a minute to be by myself and think. In truth, I didn’t necessarily want to be around Levi at that moment anyway. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the pillow, breathing in deeply and then forcefully exhaling, remembering our conversation from the day before.

 _”Well? Who are they, Levi?”_ I had told him about the message the two assholes who beat me up had said to me, and Levi’s face had gone totally blank. His eyes went from mine to the sheets on the bed and stayed there, crossing his arms in the process and leaning back into the chair. I knew he wanted to avoid the question, but I wasn’t going to let him. I was freakin’ beat up probably because whoever those guys were knew I was with Levi and had something against him, for whatever reason. When I told him what they told me, my muscles tensed up and I realized something; I knew nothing about Levi and where he came from. Nothing. I knew he’d written the novel I read in English class, I knew he loved the hidden meaning behind flowers, I knew he loved spending time and being with me, and I knew he got cold really easily and was always in sweaters that were too big for him. But when it came to _him_ , his _background_ , I was in the dark. I guess I was so blinded by how much I loved and cared for him that I didn’t even need to know his past as long as I was in his present. But right then, when I had told him that those pieces of shit wanted me to tell my “fuck buddy” that he was found, it hit me really hard that I had no idea of who he was, what kind of upbringing he had or where he came from. Why were people looking for him? Why was he hiding, and from what? What had he done, if anything? Had he been arrested? Did he used to go drugs? Was he a drug trafficker? Hell if I knew. It was partially my fault for never asking, but I told him mostly everything about me. Mostly. Still, it didn’t justify that I knew not a single thing about my boyfriend’s past.

Levi hadn’t answered me for a few minutes, and with each passing minute I grew more worried and a little angrier. After what felt like an eternity of silence, he spoke up, and I didn’t like the answer he gave me.

_”Just a couple of punks looking for me, don’t worry about it.”_

_”A couple of punks?! Levi I hardly doubt that a couple of punks would track me down in my dorm parking lot and beat the shit out of me. Who are they, tell me!”_ By that point I was frustrated, and I knew he was keeping something from me. I just wanted the truth; why was that so difficult to give me? Still, he refused to provide me with any shred of information and stayed silent. I looked at him, absolutely incredulous at his lack of communication, and blinked back what I thought to be tears of betrayal. That’s the word I was looking for, betrayed.

I opened my eyes and sighed, trying to forget our lack of sharing information the day before. I was going to go back to sleep and take a quick nap when Levi and a nurse came into my room. Levi sat back in his chair and the nurse came around to the left side of my bed, picking up my chart and looking at my monitors.

”Good afternoon Eren, how are we feelin’ today?”

”Hey Nurse Mary. I’m alright, just a little sluggish and really damn sore.”

She wrote something down on my chart and smiled. “Yeah, you’re probably going to be in a lot of pain for the next week or so, but we’ve got some painkillers for you to take when you’re home so those should help ease it a little bit.”

”Awesome, thank you.” We chatted for a little bit longer about nothing special, she gave me my pain meds, and left me alone with Levi. I saw him looking at me from the corner of my eye, but right then I really didn’t feel like looking back.

The next half hour, forty-five minutes, was spent getting me discharged and out of the hospital. It hurt like a bitch to get my clothes on in the bathroom because my ribs were broken, but I refused any help Levi tried to assist me. I’d eventually been dressed in my own clothes and I felt so much more comfortable than I had in a flimsy hospital gown. The walk to the front desk on the first floor was in total silence and tension could be easily noticed between the two of us. A pretty nurse behind the desk was a little extra friendly with me when I was filling out the necessary paperwork to leave, but I didn’t do anything to stop it. Levi had clenched his fist and was probably expecting me not to let her, but at that moment I was still mad, so I let her do what she wanted without flirting back. It was amusing, seeing him jealous. I signed my name on the bottom of the forms and handed them back to her, giving her a flashy smile on my way out. She waved and I thought I heard Levi growl in disapproval.

It took me several minutes to try and get into Levi’s car — my chest was on fire, my face hurt, and moving around so much wasn’t exactly pleasant. Levi had turned the car on and was waiting for me to get in, and once I was finally set, I closed the door and we drove away in silence all the way back to his apartment.

The doorman to Levi’s complex, who’s name tag read _Gunter_ asked me what happened to my face, if I was feeling okay, and if anything was broken. I was a little hesitant to answer, because really who expects a _doorman_ who barely knows you to be asking you such extensive questions in the middle of a lobby. He helped me into the elevator and I said thank you, feeling a little uneasy. More silence. We got to his apartment, and once we were inside, I slowly walked to the couch and carefully placed my broken body in the corner of it.

We were quiet for a long time; I was nuzzled in the corner of the couch, trying to think of anything but Levi’s past and the pain in my chest, he was in the kitchen making himself a drink. I was making progress in diverting my thoughts when Levi’s body plopped down next to mine, his legs crossed and his drink in his right hand. It looked to me like a gin and tonic and I already knew he was going to initiate a conversation I didn’t feel like having right then.

”You wanna know what my past is about? Writing. I’m a writer. I’ve always written short stories and loved creating universes I could get myself and other people lost in and I’ve always preferred writing science fiction plots and —”

”Levi you know damn well that’s not what I want to hear about your past right now.”

More silence. I was going to scream if there was any more of this, I was sick of it. I just wanted to _know_ , why was this such a big deal?

He took a slow sip of his drink and swallowed, furrowing his eyebrows. “Stefano and Franco.”

”What?”

”Stefano and Franco. If I could take a guess, I’d say your attackers are Stefano and Franco.”

”Who the hell are they? And how do you know it’s them?”

Levi groaned and rubbed his temple with his free hand. “Did you not just hear me say that if I could take a _guess_ I would say its them? Jesus you still don’t listen.”

”What the fuck ever, explain to me who they are and why you think it’s there or so help me Levi I’ll —”

”Relax with your empty insults, I get it.”

A few moments of contemplation on Levi’s part and then an answer.

~

[ Levi ]

This whole situation was just one big “oh shit”. That’s all this was. They’d already gotten to Eren, and how they even found out I was with him is a total mystery that I wasn’t sure I could even solve at this point. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was pissed the fuck off. I didn’t want to do this anymore, I didn’t want to be dragged back. I made sure to be stable, to be dependable, not a piece of shit like I used to be, or that I thought I was. And now Eren was hurt, and it’s because of me. Indirectly, but still.

Eren’s been sitting next to me. I could tell he didn’t want to get into it, but wanted to know so bad at the same time. His back was nestled in the corner of the couch and the two cushions squished his body together. He looked really comfortable, and I wanted nothing more than to just lie down and stay next to him with my head on his chest and my hand on his heart. I wanted to hear his breathing, wanted his hands to run through my hair like they always did. I knew at some point we were going to come to this, but I didn’t realize it’d be so soon. Do I just say everything? Do I keep the worst parts to myself? I couldn’t unload everything on him all at once, so for his own safety and his own peace of mind, I decided to only let a little of my baggage out in the open for Eren to take what he wanted from it.

I took a deep breath and began to voice my past. “I wasn’t always a writer, that happened when I was around 18 tops. My parents had died when I was 2, so I only have one or two memories of them and one picture. My dad was a pilot in the military and my mother was a nurse. One night my dad decided to take my mom for a ride in the plane, so he left me at one of his friend’s house and took her up. Since my dad was really popular, a lot of the division was jealous of him. As a dumb prank, a group of guys had tampered with his plane. Initially, it was only supposed to make a lot of smoke when it was turned on and not be able to take off, but it did, and when they were in the air, the plane malfunctioned. His breaks wouldn’t work and the emergency brakes were obviously messed with. They both crashed into the ocean and the military didn’t find the plane or their bodies for almost a week. I was still too young to fully understand, so the government just stuck me in an orphanage. I became a brat, a kid no one wanted to adopt; I was moody and complicated and a little violent and totally difficult. Then one day, this guy in a really expensive suit with a bodyguard came in and saw me. He had a little interview with me, and I tried acting like a spoiled little shit so I wouldn’t have to go, but he smiled and said he’d like for me to go home with him. He adopted me and I grew up with him. The two punks who I think hurt you were just two kids from the orphanage that I knew that didn’t like me. They were always picking on me and bullying me, so I think it’s them. I didn’t want to talk about it because being in that orphanage was a really rough patch in my life and I didn’t feel like revisiting those memories.”

I hadn’t made eye contact with Eren throughout my story and I didn’t want to. What I’d said was mostly true, but I was worried about how he’d take it. After a quiet minute, I looked in his direction and saw his gaze was focused on his hands that were in his lap. He bit his lip, fiddled with his thumbs, and sucked in a big breath. What he did, though, was something I was not expecting. He moved over next to me and, as quick and hard as his broken ribs would allow, hugged me tightly and pushed me backwards. I almost spilled my drink and my back was forced into the arm of the couch. His head quickly went for his favorite spot on the side of my neck and his arms were snaked around my waist. I felt my shirt start to get wet, and it took me a minute to register that the wetness was from tears. I blinked, realizing what was happening, and gently leaned over the edge of the couch to put my drink on the coffee table. I settled back next to Eren and began stroking his hair and holding onto his back. 

”Hey, why are you crying, don’t cry.”

Eren spoke in between sobs and tried to hold back his voice. “Because that’s so horrible. I had no idea I’m so, so sorry Levi. Oh my god I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I love you.”

”Shhh, it’s alright Eren, it’s not your fault. I’m fine. I have you, don’t I?” I smiled and kissed the top of his head, continuing the gentle petting of his hair. I stopped just for a moment to wipe the tears from his cheeks and leaned my cheek against the top of his head, returning to the motion. “I love you too.” Eventually, he quieted down and we just stayed like that for a while. I knew that not telling him the entire truth would come back to bite me at some point, but for right now I didn’t care. All I needed was for Eren to trust me again and be with me. That’s all I ever really needed in the first place — someone to love, and someone to be here for me, with me. I felt Eren nod and his body moved closer to mine. My arm started to tingle from this weight being on it so long, but I didn’t dare say anything. I didn’t want him to move, I didn’t want to get up, I just wanted to stay there, lost in a world of silent apologies and appreciation.

After what seemed like years, Eren lifted himself off me carefully, so as not to disturb his worn out body too much, and wiped his face with his sleeve, avoiding the cuts and bruises. One of his hands cupped his ribs, and I assumed they were starting to really hurt again. I sat up and pushed his bangs out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. He turned to me and gave me a weak smile, leaning in to kiss me on my lips. He had a cut on his bottom lip, so I didn’t kiss back too hard, but I pushed against his lips a little and stayed there. When we pulled apart, our foreheads met, our eyes closed, and our fingers laced together.

For the remainder of the night, Eren and I ate dinner (which consisted of crappy ramen noodles and painkillers) and watched TV in bed. We couldn't fall asleep tangled up in each other like we usually do, but we at least were able to hold hands. Eren was the first to fall asleep, which wasn't really surprising because he usually did anyway and I knew his condition further exhausted him. When I knew he was out cold and it was safe to get off the bed, I gently untangled our hands, grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and exited my room. I walked into the kitchen soundlessly and dialed a number. I only had to wait 2 rings before the man on the other line picked up, and when he did, his voice was smooth and full of authority, even late at night. Still the same as always.

"Levi. You were the last person I expected a call from, especially at this hour. How have you been, what can I do for you?"

"Don't you dare try and sweet talk me or try to coax me into returning. I know what you did, I know what's going on, and you're going to fucking pay the price do you hear me?"

"Come now, Levi, don't you know who you're talking to? Who are you fooling? I know you better than anyone. After all, you once were my ever so trusted --"

"Dont." My hands were shaking and I was angry. My voice started to raise and I didn't even think to lower it. "I'm on to you, this is ridiculous and childlike, and I'm not having it. I'm. Not. Having it. Come near us again and it'll be regretful."

I closed my phone rather forcefully and let out a huff, hearing the creaking of a floorboard. I turned around and there was Eren, rubbing his eyes looking exhausted but actually incredibly cute.

"Levi, what's wrong? Who was that?"


	12. Recuperation and Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren returns to his dorm where he gets surprising news from his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY a new chapter. Haha sorry for the delay guys; I lost temporary motivation to keep writing this one and I also got bombarded with 3 research papers orz. But I hope you like it anyway uvu;; Also it's a bit longer than I usually write and I actually had trouble trying to find where to cut it off, so hopefully it's not too bad aha.

[ Eren ]

For a minute, I thought I was still sleeping; I was hearing voices and I could’ve sworn it was still a dream. But it wasn’t, and it was only one voice, which was my favorite out of all. My senses were slow to come back to me, the affects of the painkillers I’d taken earlier still doing their job, but I was coherent enough to realize I was still in Levi’s bed; he just wasn’t next to me. Why was I hearing him then? I didn’t want to open my eyes just yet; I wanted to stay where I was. My hand searched Levi’s side of the bed to find empty, warm space from where he was before. I groaned, not liking the vacant spot where Levi should’ve been and from the shooting pain in my ribs. For a split second it was hard to breathe, but the aching calmed down as soon as the pain arose. I opened my eyes just barely and saw light coming in from the small open crack of the door. I heard Levi talking, which started kind of like a whisper from where I was, and then his voice grew louder and angrier. Who could he be talking to at this hour? What hour even was it? I turned my head to the night table and saw it was midnight and I’d only been sleeping for about an hour and a half or so. Again, I groaned. Levi’s voice raised one more octave and that’s when I became really concerned. Mustering up all the willpower and strength I had, I gently scooted off the bed. I winced as I stood up; my ribs didn’t exactly agree with the continuation of any movement whatsoever. I did my best to ignore it and reached the door. I was dizzy and a little nauseous from the side effects of my painkillers, but I still trudged on. It was like a fucking hike just to get to the damn door, and if I were more conscious I would’ve laughed at how pathetic it was.

Millions of years later, I reached the door, steadying myself with one hand on the doorframe, and pulled it open. Light flooded my vision and I couldn’t see a thing. My fingers instinctively came up to my eyes and rubbed as much as my bruises surrounding them allowed me too. By then, Levi was off the phone and looking at me with an expression mixed with worry, anger, adoration, and exhaustion. Genuine shock replaced whatever it was he looked like before and I squinted in his direction.

“Levi what’s wrong? Who was that?”

I yawned and rubbed my eyes again, adjusting my vision to the brightness of the room, even if it was spinning. My hand gripped the doorframe tighter, afraid that if I were to let go I would fall, and I watched Levi walk towards me. He let out a huff of air and carefully wrapped his hand around my waist. My body automatically leaned into his as I let him hold most of my weight and bring me back to bed.

“Just a wrong number Eren, don’t worry. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I got worried for a minute, you weren’t next to me when I woke up.” I yawned, and once my body made contact with the bed, my eyes were closed. Levi went around to his side of the bed and got under the covers next to me, taking my hand and lacing our fingers together. He pulled the covers up over us and moved his body as close to mine as he could get without hurting me or making me uncomfortable, which I silently appreciated.

“I just didn’t want to wake you up, even though I did so anyway, I’m sorry. Go back to sleep, Eren.”

“Mhmm.” He didn’t have to tell me twice. Levi’s free hand came up to my head and stroked my hair as he kissed my forehead. I barely even heard him say goodnight before I fell into incessant sleep.

~

I missed school for a week. I got the crap kicked out of me on Sunday and I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon. I forgot to call Mike at some point to tell him I wouldn’t be in to work on Tuesday, and when I checked my phone Wednesday morning I had about 10 missed calls from him and 12 texts. I was a little shocked because, even though I failed to inform him of my admittance to the emergency room, I told him if I ever didn’t return his calls to call Armin and check up on me. He must’ve forgotten; the man has the memory of a goldfish. I would have to make copies of my hospital notice for my professors as well, otherwise I’d be dropped from the class for having an excessive amount of absences. I sighed and walked into Levi’s living room after taking several minutes to get dressed. He was waiting by the door, my duffle bag slung over his shoulder, and his keys in his hand. He was leaning against the wall next, and once he saw me come out of his room, he stood up straight and opened the door.

“If you weren’t an injured puppy I would’ve told you that you are so fucking slow.”

“ ‘Scuse me for having broken ribs, your majesty.”

“Did you not just hear me say if you weren’t an injured puppy I would’ve said that? Jesus you would’ve thought those assholes impaired your hearing before your ribs.”

I rolled my eyes and lightly pushed him out the door. He locked it behind me and we walked down the hall side by side to the elevator. Once we were inside and the doors were closed, Levi grabbed my hand and kissed my cheek. My free hand grabbed his jaw back and I kissed him, smiling in the process. I pulled away as the elevator signaled it was the lobby and smirked at him.

“You missed.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.”

“If I wanted your cut lips I would’ve gone for them, idiot.”

“Ouch, you don’t want my cut lips? I’m your injured puppy though, you’re supposed to want to take care of them and nurture them and –“

Levi tugged me out of the elevator harder than I thought he would’ve because my torso started to protest and I winced, but I didn’t say anything and let him pull me along, laughing behind him. Gunter waved us out and wished us a good day, to which Levi just scoffed and replied over his shoulder not to count on it.

We reached the front of the Barton building all too soon and I was extremely unenthusiastic about getting out of Levi’s Audi. He shut the engine off and for a few minutes we sat in silence, keeping our hands locked together in the middle of the seats. I sighed for the thousandth time that morning and let go of Levi’s hand. I unlocked his car door and was about to exit when he locked it on me from his side. I shot him a look of “what are you doing I have to get out” and quickly disregarded it when I caught his own look of worry. I waited for him to talk, and after a moment of gathering what he wanted to say, his brows furrowed.

“I think you can already guess how bloody uncomfortable I am with leaving you here but I know I can’t stay, I mean it’s just a dorm room and I’m sure you and Armin barely fit in it. You can’t really stay at my place yet because hello you’re paying for this damn room and your best friend is here and I think you should make the most of college life with him in this run down dorm on this stupid as fuck campus and –“

“Levi you’re rambling.”

He ran an impatient hand through his hair and leaned his head back on the headrest, closing his eyes. He opened them again and turned to me.

“I’m just – take your painkillers just like the doctor told you okay don’t fuck around with shit like that. Have Armin remind you when you have to take them if he can or write down a scheduled time so you don’t forget because knowing you, you would. Don’t go to school tomorrow, take the day to rest. I would stay and help but I can’t exactly do that and you need to be here instead of in my apartment. I can’t do too much anyway but you get my point. Wipe that fucking smile off your face idiot why are you even smiling in the first place?”

And he was right, I was smiling; probably because he was being such a damn mom, but I wasn’t about to tell him that unless I wanted my arm broken. I did as I was told and bit my lip to restrain from smiling again. He rolled his eyes and I could guess he was pretending like he wasn’t interrupted because he continued.

“I’m being serious. If you don’t take your meds I’m going to kill you. And don’t overtake them either because that’s a whole ‘nother world of hurt you’d get from me, so help me God Eren.”

After he was done talking I started laughing. He scowled at me and if I was in most of my right mind I would’ve shut up, but the giggles kept coming. I saw him begin to start arguing with me so I quickly covered his lips in my own to keep the words at bay. He protested, but my arm held him where he was and he gave in. We could’ve stayed kissing in the front seats of his car for hours, but my phone vibrated. I groaned into Levi’s mouth, not wanting to pull away, but kissed him one last, long time before breaking contact. I pulled my phone out and saw that my initial suspicions of the sender being Armin were wrong – it was Mikasa, my adopted sister. I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of weeks, probably because midterms were going on for her as well and we just didn’t have time. It was understandable though; we knew we couldn’t talk as much as we wanted to. I really wanted to read what she said right then, but I would be out of Levi’s car in less than five minutes, so it could wait. I put it back in my pocket and turned back to my boyfriend.

Levi raised his hand and gently stroked his thumb across my cheek. “Be careful okay? If anything, I’m a phone call away, don’t hesitate to call me Eren, I mean it.”

I leaned into his touch and smiled. “I won’t.” We kissed one last time before I grabbed my duffle bag out from his backseat and got out of his car. I waved as Levi made his way back to the main road and back to his apartment without me. I turned around and faced the front of my stupid dorm building, not wanting to see the parking lot any more than I already had to. Several minutes of dragging my body through the halls and saying hi to people I knew later and I was in front of my dorm room. I heard the muffled volume of the TV and smiled, happy that Armin was home. My key slipped in the lock and I opened the door.

Armin turned around from his place on the couch and looked at me. Once he saw me, he clumsily got up from the cushion, dropping the remote and knocking over a stack of papers he had next to his feet on the floor. “Eren!!” After he had practically destroyed the whole room, he was standing in front of me with both hands on my shoulders. He looked borderline frantic, which made me laugh and feel a little uneasy.

“Hello to you too.”

“Jesus, where’ve you been?! And don’t say the hospital I already know that.”

“The hospi –“

“I just said don’t say the hospital didn’t I.”

“Well if you’d let me fucking finish a sentence you would hear that I wasn’t going to just say the hospital.”

Armin smiled and let go of my shoulders, stepping back and shrugging his own, holding his hands up in apology. “Sorry, sorry.”

I shook my head, laughing, and walked in the room. I threw my duffle bag on my dresser so I could put my clothes away when we were done talking and plopped down on the couch. I forgot about the text Mikasa gave me and watched Armin walk back towards the couch. He sat next to me and pulled his legs to his chest, resuming the same position he had when I walked in. The side of his head rested against the back cushion and he looked up at me.

“So I’m assuming after you were discharged you were at Levi’s apartment.”

“You assume correct. We didn’t think about it really, we kind of just…went there.”

“I don’t mind so much but you could’ve called or texted me to let me know, I was so worried.”

“I probably should’ve done that, that’s a smart idea.”

“Ya think!” Armin thumped my shoulder and shook his head, trying to sound remotely angry but failing miserably. He settled back into his little ball of comfort in the corner of the couch and sighed. “That’s okay, I couldn’t even come visit you. My lab professor had me in the lab for 17 hours yesterday and I was so tired I couldn’t even function.”

“Seriously? Your professor needs to really lighten the fuck up before I go down there and tell him to myself.”

“Eren shut up, we all know neither of the two would happen.”

I huffed and pouted. “You never know.”

Armin was about to talk again but my phone vibrated. Oh shit, Mikasa. I had forgotten about her text from when I was still in Levi’s car. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and saw Mikasa’s name on the screen again above the line that read “2 new messages.” While I was probably going to get yelled at in the second message she sent for not picking up, my face lit up regardless, and Armin noticed.

“You haven’t even been away from Levi for more than 20 minutes and already he’s texting you how much he misses you.”

“It’s not Levi dipshit, it’s Mikasa.” Armin, upon hearing it was my sister texting, flew to my side of the couch and peered over my shoulder at my phone. Armin has been my best friend since we’re little, so of course my adopted sister would be his best friend, too. We’re not even best friends, come to think of it – we’re pretty much like family.

“What’d she say, open it!” I opened the messages Mikasa sent me – the second one she sent was just yelling about how I never answer my damn phone and I’m always too busy to answer her texts and blah blah blah. The first one she sent, she said she had some news and she’s free to Skype until 8 that night. I looked up at the clock and saw it was only 2pm; we had plenty of time, but Armin rushed off the couch and grabbed his laptop from his desk.

Armin fell next to me, already opening Skype on his Mac. “Ask her if she’s free now, we can call her.” I texted her back and asked her exactly that (plus a little yelling back at how I’m a busy man and I can’t always be texting her). She replied within a minute and said to call. Armin was quick to find her online on Skype and hit the video call button. He situated himself so that we were both in view of the camera and waited for her to answer, which of course she did in a matter of .2 seconds. Armin had put Skype on full screen, so she took up the entire face of the computer. She saw us and immediately her face lit up, waving and fixing her camera.

“Hey guys!”

“MIKASA WE MISS YOU!”

“Hi, Mikasa.”

“Aren’t you as cheery as always?” I stuck my tongue out at her but retracted it quickly, replacing it with a smile.

“How’ve you been, sis?”

“Peachy, how do you think? I’ve had so many midterms and papers that I think I’m ready to kill someone.”

“Yeah we feel ya, we could probably kill three.” She rolled her eyes at me.

Armin jumped at the chance to talk to Mikasa. “Seriously, I’ve done so many lab reports and bacterial experiments that I’m seeing stupid little floating organisms in my sleep. How did yours go?”

“God that’s rough. Mine went pretty good; I got most of my grades back and so far I have nothing below a B+.”

“Nice, good job! Ah before I forget, you told Eren you had some news. What was it?”

Mikasa was about to reply but a thump caught her attention. “Oh yeah, give me one second.” She got up from what we assumed to be her desk chair and went to the other side of the room. We could hear her arguing and a pillow was thrown across the room and landed with a thud, probably on someone’s head because a muffled “ow” soon followed. Mikasa came back to the camera, fixed her hair, and huffed, looking down to her right. “Jeez, enough already, let me talk to my brother and my best friend in fucking peace or I’ll stab you with this pen.” Her attention turned back to us and she gave a small apologetic smile. “Sorry guys, my roommate Hitch is a fucking bitch and she won’t leave me alone.”

 _”Haha Hitch rhymes with bitch that was – oof.”_ If my sister wasn’t a deathly serious maniac I would’ve denied the fact that she just kicked her roommate, but here we are.

“Aha it’s okay. So, news?”

“Right. News. So now that all of my midterms are done, I’m on Christmas break, and I think you guys have like, 2 more days until you’re off, which I’m guessing Tuesday to be your last day, yeah?”

Armin happily volunteered the information, giving a relatively enthusiastic response of, “Yes! Tuesday is the 20th. We have off from this coming Wednesday until January 22nd.”

What the hell did I know, I was out of school for 2 days and of course that’s when Christmas break is announced. Go figure. Thank god I have Armin.

Mikasa nodded, confirming her knowing of our break dates. “Good. Armin go to your calendar and mark off the 23rd to the 13th because I’m coming to see you guys!”

Armin and I looked at each other and slowly smiled, turning back to the computer and screaming so loud Mikasa covered her ears and hit the mute button on her laptop. We high fived and Mikasa rolled her eyes again. When we calmed down, she turned the volume back on her computer and smiled. “I figured you guys would be happy.”

“Are you fucking kidding me Mikasa, of course we are, we haven’t seen you in like 45 years.”

“Eren shut the hell up, we’re only 20.”

I stuck my tongue out at her, which gave Armin the opportunity to chime in. “I can’t believe you’re going to be here for three whole weeks. Do you plan on staying in our dorm room? Because even though it's not a sex-specific building, we only have two beds, so I’ll have to see if I can get you a cot or something.”

“This girl that I know there doesn’t have a roommate, so she has a whole unused side of her dorm room that she’s letting me use for the three weeks that I’m coming there. Do you guys know Sasha Braus?”

“Yeah, she’s in my English class. The one who eats all the time, right?”

“Yes Eren, the one who eats all the time, because that's _all_ she does.”

“Oh come on you can’t deny that she eats everything she can get her hands on.”

“True, but not the point. Anyway so yeah, I’ll be bunking with her while I’m there and the best part is, her dorm room is just down the hall from you guys, so I can stay over late and don’t have to rush anywhere.”

“We can show you around campus and go into town and catch a movie or watch movies in the room and make popcorn and you can tell us all about your school and we can make crappy ramen noodles for dinner and --!”

“Armin slow down!” Mikasa was laughing and shaking her head. “Oh man, I miss your rambles.”

“Shut up, I only ramble when I’m excited.”

“Armin be honest, that’s like ninety-five percent of the time.”

We talked to Mikasa for ten more minutes before her roommate decided to drag her out somewhere. Armin closed his laptop and put it back on the desk before returning to his spot next to me on the couch.

“That was nice for a little bit, I miss her.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Eren she’s actually coming to visit us. We haven’t seen her since, what, last winter break? It’s been a whole year!”

“I know, I can’t believe it. It’s weird to think about though, because we spent our whole lives together and now it’s been a year since we’ve seen her, it’s crazy.”

After our freshman year of college ended, Mikasa went to study abroad in Australia that summer. If you asked me what it was that she studied or why she went, I would outright tell you I don’t have a damn clue. I still don’t; what she studies is a mystery to me so far and I have zero interest in discussing school with her because if I do, all I’ll get is lecture after lecture after lecture. She probably was involved in social work or something; she always said she wanted to help kids.

Armin got off the couch again, seemingly rather restless now that he knew Mikasa was coming, and walked over to his calendar, which was pinned to a bulletin board on his wall. He took a blue sharpie and wrote in giant letters “MIKASA IS HERE DON’T DO ANYTHING ELSE” over the dates of the three weeks that she would be here. I shook my head, but did the same on mine, instead writing “SISTER IS COMING DON’T DIE.” 

~

I stayed home that Monday, feeling a little bit better but not wanting to over-exert my body. My bruises were fading and my ribs weren’t killing me as much, but I didn’t want to try to do too much too soon. Plus it was freezing out and I didn’t particularly feel like freezing my balls off; my ribs already sustained enough damage, causing some more to vital organs wasn't an option. So I followed Levi’s advice and stayed in the much-loved confines of my blankets in bed, catching up on work I missed and assignments to turn in on Tuesday before break. I called Mike to tell him I was admitted to the hospital and apologized for not calling to tell him sooner. He said it was not a problem at all; he just wanted to make sure I was okay and to take my time getting better. Since I knew Mikasa was coming and Christmas was around the corner, I used my injuries as an excuse to not be “readily available to work until the 30th”, to which he said I was in no condition to work yet and to wait until after new year’s to come back. I thanked him, we wished each other happy holidays, and hung up. I was glad that I didn’t have to go back to work until a week or so, I had a lot to do.

After the phone call with Mike, I made copies of my hospital papers to show my professors that I wasn’t bullshitting around and I was actually injured (I was just used as a punching bag, but still). Armin was done with his classes at around 2:15, so he walked in the room at about 2:30 with a giant cup of soup, one cup of coffee, one cup of tea, and a giant black and white cookie.

I sat up in my bed and looked down towards the floor where Armin held up the goods and smiled. “It’s freezing outside and it’s not much warmer in here, so I bought us some food.”

“Armin you’re like Jesus right now.”

I carefully climbed down the ladder with my blanket still around my shoulders and walked towards the couch. I sat down, pulled the blanket closer around my body, and pulled our makeshift coffee table closer so we could eat. Armin changed into blue fleece pajama pants with grey microscopes on them and a navy blue long sleeve shirt to match. He loved those pj pants ever since he was 14, and even though they were a little small on him, they kept him warm enough and he refused to throw them away. Little did he know what I got him for Christmas was even better.

Copying me, Armin pulled his own blanket from his bed and draped it around him. He put the cookie in the middle of the table and took the giant cup of soup into our half kitchen. Ceramic kitchenware was clanking and spoons were rattling as he managed to evenly split the amount of soup into two bowls. He came back with them and set them down in front of our spots on the couch. We each had our own favorite bowls, even though it was kind of cheesy to admit-- mine was dark green with a pair of wings on one side and a sword on the other, his had excerpts from Sherlock Holmes covering the whole thing that came with a matching pipe for a spoon. I probably would’ve laughed at how much nerd he was surrounded by, what with his geeky pants and geeky soup bowl, but I was too busy warming myself up with hot tea and delicious soup for the thought to even have crossed my mind. He fell on the couch next to me and turned the TV on to a show called White Collar. We were a little reluctant to watch when we’d first heard about it, but after the first couple of episodes it turned out to be pretty good. It was about this world-class criminal who would forge art pieces and steal priceless works before the FBI caught him. The FBI made a deal with him that said if he helped them catch criminals and had a really good case-solving rate, they wouldn’t put him back in jail. Add that to the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous. I mean really, it should be illegal to look that handsome.

We sat on our couch, downing our chicken soup and drinks until the episode of White Collar was over. We split the black and white cookie, Armin eating the vanilla part, and me eating the chocolate. He never did like too much chocolate and I didn’t like vanilla because it tasted fake and gross. Immediately following White Collar was Law and Order: Special Victims unit, which elicited “Woohoo!”s and “Oh yeah!”s from the both of us. We’re USA junkies, sue us.

Our night progressed with more lazing on the couch and less educational productivity. We both fell asleep, leaning against each other and with the TV on low volume. The next morning, we hurried to get ready for our last day of school because our alarm failed to ring on time.

~

Tuesday went by fairly quickly, thank God. Armin handed in the last of his lab reports and I handed in my hospital notices and papers to my professors. Prof. Ral said she was really worried about me but she was glad I didn’t sustain too many injuries. Prof. Auruo was just happy I handed my paper in on time. Prof. Gin said it was no problem and now I have all of winter break to heal, and Prof. Hanji just felt at my ribcage for twenty minutes and gushed over how she could actually feel the broken bones setting the right way. I would’ve been a little creeped out by her, had she not been my professor for several months already. After I met with her, it was 3pm and my day was done. I walked out of the science building, inhaled, and exhaled with a smile. One month off never sounded so good.

I walked my usual path back to Barton and was two minutes from the building when I heard the crunching of snow in front of me. I was looking at my phone, but I looked up to see a man leaning against the tree with a book in his hand. It kind of felt like he was out of place; there was snow on the ground and it was about 34 degrees F. Not many people chose to stay outside on campus when it was this cold. He looked up from the book and caught my eye. I gave him a polite nod of my head and shifted my gaze onto the building in front of me, continuing my walk back to my room.

Finally, I was in the lobby of Barton and was greeted with a blast of warm air. Barton may not have been the best dorm building on campus, but it was notorious for it’s fabulous heating system. The only thing was that it was put on so late; all the other buildings had heat by the beginning of November and we had to wait until the beginning of December for ours. I shrugged out of my jacket in the elevator and reached the sixth floor in a matter of minutes. I unlocked my door as soon as I got in front of it and shut it behind me once I was inside. I would’ve thrown my back down next to my desk and get into pajamas as fast as I possibly could, but Armin in cleaning clothes stopped me. He was wearing a shitty pair of grey sweatpants, a white tank top, and socks, with his hair tied back in a ponytail. Classical music was playing and he was holding a can of Pine Sol. All of the papers and his laptop that were usually on his desk were on top of his neatly made bed as he wiped down the desk. I probably would’ve laughed a little, but as soon as he heard me come in, he stopped and threw me a ratty rag.

“Eren I have to get this place spotless if Mikasa’s coming to visit and you’re helping me.”

I tossed my bag on the floor and hung my coat on the coat rack by the door, tossing the rag over in my hands and throwing it back to him.

“Nah I’m good. Eren Jaegar doesn’t clean.”

“Yeah I noticed, but you’re helping me or I swear I’ll kick you out and Mikasa can have your bed.”

“What the hell, no way!”

“Then throw on some crappy clothes and help me.”

“Ugh, but it’s finally the beginning of break, why do we have to clean _right_ now?” I paused and waited for an answer, but after several moments of classical music substituting for Armin’s lack of speech, I groaned again. “Can we at least put on some decent cleaning music? I can’t get pumped up hearing shit that’s making me want to go to sleep.”

“Oh my God fine, put on what you want, just get this place in a somewhat decent condition.”

“Okay _mom_.”

Armin rolled his eyes but I just chuckled. I took his iPod off the docking system and put on my own. I didn’t necessarily have a playlist specifically for cleaning, so I just put the songs on shuffle. The first one to come up was Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger and I grinned; it always reminded me of that movie where the guy was cleaning and dancing in his underwear to this song. Just to follow suit, I ran into the bathroom, waited, and ran back out, sliding on the floor behind the couch just like that guy in the movie. Armin laughed at me and threw back the rag I threw at him, hitting me in the face. I turned up the volume and sang along as loud as I could without disturbing out next-door neighbors and got to work.

An hour later and our dorm room was so spotless it could’ve been featured in a magazine; our desks were clean, our papers were neatly filed away, and there wasn’t a speck of dust to be found anywhere. At the end of our cleaning escapade, Armin and I high fived each other and fell back against the couch, breathless, tired, and hungry. We made ramen noodles for dinner and settled on watching a show on the History channel that was having a special on underworld gangs and drug rings. Not exactly dinner entertainment, but who cares?

We still had to wait two more days for Mikasa to visit, but they passed by unexpectedly quickly. Armin and I went food shopping to stock up our little kitchen, caught a movie for five bucks each at the cinema in town, and slept in for the first time in what seemed like forever. I woke up before him though, which allowed me the perfect opportunity to go shopping for Christmas presents. I quietly got out of bed, showered, brushed my teeth, and grabbed my phone, my wallet and my keys. I left him a note on a Post It that said I was going to see Levi for a little bit and I’d be back at around 5. I quietly locked the door and made my way out of Barton and into my car, ready to blow all my money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm not gonna lie, the next chapter is a Christmas chapter because I think we all need a lil fluff and cuteness and I love writing Christmas stuff omgomgomg.


	13. Giving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas and Levi's birthday rolls around and Eren does his best at shopping for presents. Levi spends the second half of the day with Eren, but not before he can meet his protector (or so she likes to call herself).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay before I get into this I've renamed the fic Miscalculations. I know it's kind of weird for me to do this far in the game, but I felt it really needed to be changed and I was so discontent with the title.
> 
> Anyway, as I said in the chapter before, it's Christmas! (and Levi's birthday duh). I know that there isn't much plot to go on (if at all) from the previous chapter and this one, but after this it picks up again, promise. 
> 
> ALSO THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY, REALLY LONG. It's almost 16k words and is extremely lengthy compared to my usual chapter updates of ~5k. I would apologize for its extensiveness, but I'm not because I wanted this all in one chapter and I wanted it to be really good and I worked hard on it so ~16k is what you're getting.
> 
> Also Also if you read to the end, please read the end note because it addresses some minor issues I've encountered
> 
> Also Also Also I changed my tumblr url to bootyscoutinglegion.tumblr.com! 
> 
> Now, thank you and enjoy munchkins love u xoxo

[ Eren ]

Christmas shopping was probably the absolute worst thing to ever do; there were just so many questions that popped up when you were trying to buy something for someone, especially if they were really close to you and vice versa. What would be their favorite color of the gift you wanted to buy them? Would they have liked something better? Were they not into this sort of thing? What the fuck do they even like in the first place? How the hell should I know what to get  _anyone_? You would think shopping for someone who meant a lot to you and who you know inside and out wouldn't be that stressful, but here I was, standing on a street corner in town and staring at all the shops that lined the streets. Not many people were out and about in town, but there were a fair enough amount for me to automatically curse holiday shopping as they ran past me to get that good deal in the window of the store next door. I inwardly groaned and stopped to sit on a bench just to get out of everyone's way.

The Rose District was a pretty huge shopping center and made up most of the town. It was only 10 minutes from school, which was super convenient, and let me put off shopping until I had enough money. Thankfully, Mike had sent me my Christmas bonus in the mail (it was only a hundred bucks, but that went a long way for a nearly broke as shit college kid). There was about a decent amount of money in my wallet that I was ready to blow on everyone's Christmas gifts and I was just about ready to kiss it goodbye when a man stopped in front of me.

"Oh my god it's Jaegar, what the shit are  _you_  doing here?" Did I say a  _man_  stopped in front of me? I meant a boy. Jean Kirschtein, everyone -- biggest douchebagy, over dramatic piece of crap I've ever met in my life. We'd been friends in middle school, but at some point (probably when he started getting the hots for Mikasa) I got so sick of his fucking shit that I just stopped associating myself with him. Of course, I gave him a broken nose right before our friendship was terminated when I found out he tried to make a lame attempt at hitting on my sister. It's just my luck that he actually goes to Shinganshina U with me instead of Trost U with Mikasa. I'd rather have him here though, if it means he's away from her. 

I rolled my eyes and stood up, ready to just head into the nearest shop if it meant getting away from this asshole. "What the fuck does it look like Jean, I'm shopping. Now get the hell out of my way and let me continue doing it."

"Actually, you were sitting, and now you're standing. You're not shopping, you don't even have a bag with you." It took literally everything I had to not whip around and punch him in his stupid horseface, but I didn't. Somehow I just  _knew_  that Mikasa was going to find out if I've fought with him and that never, ever, ends well with her. So instead of socking one to him in his face, I sighed, turned on my heel and started walking away from him and towards the heart of the Rose District. Thank god Marco, his best friend, caught up to him behind me. I heard a "Hey Eren!" and turned around to briefly wave at Marco before I lost sight of them completely. Marco was a nice guy; super polite, thoughtful, kind, very considerate. Pretty much everything Jean wasn't, Marco was, which made them such an odd pair. But he keeps Jean in check most of the time, so in the end, their friendship benefitted everyone, which everyone, in appreciation, silently thanks Marco for.

Once I was out of sight from Jean and Marco, I turned down a corner and was immediately in the middle of the Rose District. It was in the form of a giant circle; when it was warm out, the giant fountain in the middle would spew water, but it was shut off in the winter and a Christmas tree was put in the center. Every year they outdo themselves with the decorations, and this year was no exception. Every shop in the district had elegant, white Christmas lights along the borders of them and the tree in the middle of the fountain had them as well. It was a beautiful dark green with red and gold ornaments evenly spaced out along all the branches. The edge of the fountain also had a string of lights going around it, and when people sat down on the ledge, it made them have a sort of glow and was great for Christmas pictures. There was a sign posted that gave information about caroling and music going on on Christmas Day; it made me think about Levi and wonder if he would like something like that. I figured since it was Christmas, he wouldn't mind so much and it'd be a good idea if I brought him. After thinking it over for a minute, I decided it'd be best to wait until next year to do it; I wanted this year's Christmas to just be us.

The store I unintentionally stumbled upon was a little weird; gold, old-fashioned lettering said the shop's name was  _Odds & Ends, _and once I was inside, I thought the name to be extremely appropriate. Along the walls were shelves of mysterious objects, some rather grotesque, and some that initiated my gag reflex. I forced myself to walk further into the store, but the deeper I went, the weirder the objects were. Thoroughly grossed out, I was about to turn and leave when two things caught my eye, one of which was a perfectly preserved piranha on a stand with it's mouth wide open and teeth fully bared, the other, a squid preserved in liquid in a class cylindrical jar. If I wasn't friends with Armin, I probably would've just turned and ran as fast as I could out of that fucking nasty store, but I smiled and walked over to the shelf. There was a small, engraved gold label on the base of the stand the piranha was on that told me it was, indeed, an actual piranha and it was $30. The squid next to it was almost $70, and there was no way I was paying that much for that crap. I sighed and picked up the stand, carrying it over to the cash register at arm's length. It was still fucking disgusting, but then again, it's for Armin, who loves disgusting shit, so as I paid for it, I silently prayed he would enjoy it to some extent.

I hadn't thought I'd be walking around the district with a dead piranha in a shopping bag, but here I was, walking around the district with a dead piranha in a shopping bag. Oh what the hell.

I didn't really have any stores in mind to specifically look at for anyone really; I just kind of walked around and hoped I found something. This shopping center was especially praised for the variety of stores and the quantity, so I figured beforehand I'd just walk around and hope I'd stumble across something suitable for my loved ones. Once I'd (quickly) exited  _Odds & Ends,_ I walked to my right and hid my hands in my jacket pockets to keep them warm, the piranha bag dangling from my wrist. Faint, classical music was playing through the speakers throughout the shopping center and it calmed me. I felt at peace walking through the snow and felt even happier when I found a store I knew I could get Mikasa's present in; a sporting goods store named  _Matt's Sports_. Mikasa had told me that she picked up boxing in school, but their equipment was terribly worn out and kind of gross, considering it was circulated through students without being solely owned to one person. I went in and was immediately blasted with a gust of heat, which warmed up my freezing hands and the rest of my body. The store wasn't huge, but it was big enough to have a lot of stuff for almost every sport. A sign signaled that there was also a downstairs, but my eyes caught the sign "Boxing" towards the back on the first floor. I maneuvered my way through a relatively small crowd and towards the back of the store. There was a whole wall dedicated to boxing for both men and women; the men's section seemed to have better quality gear, but the women's seemed to have more variety. I was a little torn between which section I should go to to get her what she needed (I knew she wouldn't care either way), when a set of boxing gloves demanded my attention on the women's side. I quickly walked over to them and admired their design; they were fire engine red with a sword going down the middle. I assumed it was to create the illusion that when you punch someone with them, it made it seem like you actually cut them, but that was just me. Still, they practically screamed Mikasa to me, because let's face it, Mikasa was good at kicking anyone's ass and a sword on the glove seemed like it'd be right up her alley. I grabbed them off the rack and looked directly below them to find that there was a pair of matching red boxing shorts, the same sword going down both sides of them. She probably needed a matching top or sports bra or something, but there was  _no way in hell_  I was shopping for a sports bra for my  _sister._  Yeah no, that's never going to happen. Without a top, the combined price would be $45, and they were too awesome to pass up. I took them to the register and happily paid, requesting they be put in a box with a red bow on top (to which the cashier glared at me, not wanting to do his job, but what the hell did I care; this was for Mikasa and your damn right she was getting a pretty manly-but-still-kind-of-girly as shit gift. I'm such an awesome brother, come on).

I left  _Matt's Sports_  and smiled, pretty content that I found my best friends Christmas gifts I thought they would enjoy. I didn't really have anyone else to buy for except Levi. Of course I would get little things for Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Marco, and Reiner's boyfriend Bertolt (who was actually really nice, but shy; I met him like three times and he hung out with us sometimes), but they weren't my top priority at the moment. My boyfriend needed a damn good gift, and a damn good gift I would get him. I vaguely remembered him telling me that his birthday was on Christmas too, which meant that I had to get two presents for him. Well, I didn't  _have_ to, but I was going to do it anyway because I'm a good boyfriend. The only problem that remained was...what the hell did he want. Or even like, for that matter.

Again, I walked down the street with my hands in my pockets, mentally crossing my fingers and hoping that I'd find a store that Levi might like something from. I walked all the way down the street and hit the edge of the shopping center, coming to the parking lot. I groaned and turned around, going onto the opposite side of the street from the one I was on before. I hadn't even looked at this side while I was walking this way, so maybe I would come across a shop that held something of interest. 

Worry started to bubble in my stomach as I passed each store that held no promise, and I was about to sigh in defeat, when a jewelry store came into view. There was only one couple inside, and a sign on the window said,"Going out of business, everything must go!" I probably would've kept walking, but the display case lights told me to stop. I walked towards the window and immediately my eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. Sitting on a white, silk pillow were two rings, gleaming with pride and showing off their sparkling gems. They both complimented each other, and both of them were wings, although one ring had a wing that went outwards towards the right, and the other ring had its wing fanning out in the opposite direction. The ring on the left had a simple silver band that extended upwards to form the outlined shape of the wing. Inside each "feather" in the wing was a flawless white gem that I thought to be diamonds, but the slip of paper underneath the pillow said they were cubic zirconia (could've fooled me) and given the name "The Wings of Freedom". The other ring had an onyx band that also extended upwards, in the opposite direction of the wing on the silver band. Inside the feathers in the wing were gorgeous sapphires that were so blue that they reminded me of what a deep blue the sky looked like before the sun went down at night. On that slip of paper was a price listed at $500 (that I didn't have), but it was crossed off and, due to the store closing down, the price was dropped to a mere $120. That, I  _did_  have, and I just knew that Levi would love the black and blue one. 

The couple that was inside the store walked out, the girl kissing her boyfriend (husband?) and thanking him for the gift. He said "Merry Christmas, love," and they walked away. I caught the door before it closed and walked inside. The walls of the store were lined with waist-high showcases, displaying all sorts of stones from diamonds to gems from Madagascar in bracelets, necklaces, rings, every sort of piece of jewelry you can think of. I was never really inside a jewelry store, because really what was the point of me going in there? I wasn't some rich stud who had a girl on my arm that could afford to by her the whole store, so there was no reason for me to ever step foot in one.

Except now, of course, but it was a boyfriend and not a girlfriend. And I wasn't rich, just a poor college student.

The door jingled behind me as it shut, and an old man emerged from a doorway at the back of the store. He kind of reminded me of an older version of Armin, but he was bald and didn't seem as peppy as Armin. He had on a beige pair of slacks, a white collared shirt, and a light blue sweater vest on top with glasses to top it off. He seemed like a pleasant old man, and my impression of him only got better as he smiled and folded his hands on the glass case in front of him.

"Good evening sir, how can I help you today?"

I tried my best to return the smile and awkwardly shuffled across the room to stand on the other side of the case from him.

"Uh, hi. I was just walking by and I saw the rings in the front, those Wings of Freedom? Are they really only 120 bucks?"

"Yes, sir. Unfortunately, the store is closing down and those weren't selling as well, so I had to decrease the price. Are you interested in them?"

"I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, I am. It's a gift for someone. Well, I'm keeping one and they're getting the other."

"Ah, I see. A Christmas present for a significant other, I assume?"

I smiled and nodded my head, trying to keep the blush from forming on my cheeks. "Something like that."

The man nodded his head in return and went to the back of the room, coming back moments later with a metal slat in his hand that had varying sizes of empty holes. 

"I'm guessing you don't know your rings size, so if you could please give me the finger that you're going to wear it on, I'll measure you."

I hadn't even thought of which finger I wanted it on. The ring finger on my left hand was obviously incredibly serious; I mean, that's your wedding finger for crying out loud. I didn't want to make it seem like I was proposing to Levi; we'd only been together for 3 months, it's  _way_ too soon for that. But I did want it on my ring finger, so I gave him the ring finger on my right hand instead of my left. He smiled, probably guessing my intentions for giving him my right hand, and measured my finger. It fit perfectly through the 6 ½-sized opening and I exhaled a sigh of relief when he said he had the white one in my size. He turned his body, ready to go in the back and get the rings, when he turned back and asked me a question I had, also, given no thought too.

"And what is the other person's ring size?"

Ah, shit.  _Now_  I was in a pickle. How the hell was I supposed to know Levi's ring size? That's not something you think to ask your boyfriend. I thought for a minute and tried to picture Levi's hands; he had thin, slender fingers that were long and rather elegant, and when I looked at the size chart on the metal sheet, I took a wild guess and said he was a size 5. I crossed my fingers and hoped I was right, and the old man said he had that size in the black also. Oh well, if anything I'm sure we can come back here to get it resized if it hasn't closed down by then. 

After spending several minutes in the backroom, the old man came out with the rings, a cloth, and a box. He cleaned the rings and showed them to me, making sure I approved, before gently placing both in the box. Before he closed it though, I stopped him, and politely asked if he could put each ring in it's own separate box so I could give the present to... my significant other at Christmas. He chuckled and nodded, going to the back and fetching two separate boxes. They were both the classic black velvet-covered boxes that rings came in, but the insides for the both of them were different. I decided on putting Levi's ring in the box with the black satin cushion and mine in the one with the white satin cushion. They looked so beautiful, sitting in their respectful boxes, and I was instantly relieved that I was buying them. He charged me $120, just like the sign said, but I felt bad about his store closing and gave him $140, 20 of which I said was going towards the store. He shook his head, refusing my offer, but before I turned to leave after paying and he his back was to me, I took a Post It from the side of the register and wrote in my scraggly handwriting  _"Thank you so much, really. I hope you have a wonderful holiday - Eren."_ I slipped it next to the cash register along with the 20 and smiled. He turned back around just as I was leaving and the bell on the door jingled, waved, and wished me a Merry Christmas, to which I reciprocated. 

I left the jewelry store feeling beyond happy; I was ecstatic over the gift for Levi, and I just knew that he would love it. Christmas couldn't come fast enough. 

On the way back to my car, I passed through the middle of the shopping center once again and slipped into two more stores. The first one was a stationary shop, where I spent $10 on a box of assorted Christmas cards with decent inscriptions inside (so I didn't have to spend another hundred million dollars on individual Christmas cards for everyone; shit's like 6 bucks a card, no way) and one sappy birthday card for Levi. The second was a shop that had a ton of different things, from toys to sterling silver jewelry, to clothes, everything. In there, I found Sasha and Connie matching shirts that both said "Spud Love" and had two potatoes kissing (which I knew they'd appreciate because our group friends nicknamed them the best spuds ever after Sasha threw a potato eating party). I got Reiner a fake dog tag necklace; one of the tags had some giant titan thing with an armored helmet on and was flexing his muscles, and the other tag said "Gotta smash it all!” Bertl's gift was a plush toy that had its muscles showing all over it and if you squeezed it, it said "Oh no, I've been stripped!". I found some foam swords that were buy one get one free, so I thought why the hell not, I'll buy them for Marco (knowing full well he'd play with them with Jean). My friends are big kids who just so happen to be in college, so what. Before I got on line, I walked around the store and did some more exploring. I found a necklace with an apple on it, which I bought for Professor Petra, because she introduced me to Levi and I thought it would be nice to give her my thanks. There was also a really soft hoodie in my favorite color (dark green, what else) that I held onto for myself (seriously, I worked my ass off this semester, I deserved to get myself a damn Christmas present. Merry Christmas Eren you hard working bastard). I paid for everything, and my total bags in tow were, at this point, four. I stood outside of that store for a minute, trying to think of anything else I needed to get. I mentally asked myself if me or Armin had any wrapping paper, which I just said "fuck it" to and went back to the stationary store to buy some. There was a roll that was a deep red and had a tiled Santa across it swinging from some sort of flying gear. It looked pretty rad, so I bought it and lost another five bucks. I checked my wallet and saw I had about twenty-five left. When I looked up from my wallet, my eyes landed on a store labeled  _For Mom._ Upon reading the sign, my heart dropped to my stomach and my throat started to hurt; how could I forget my parents? With wobbly legs, I crossed the street and went into the store, stopping in front of the doors for a minute. Inside, there were kids shopping with their moms, picking out things that they wanted to give her for Christmas. I smiled and was suddenly thankful that those kids had parents and were laughing with them.

My heart still heart when I opened the door, and it would continue to until I left, and even an ache would remain once I was away from it. I browsed the store for twenty minutes and found a simple wooden sign that read  _I'll always love you_  with light blue flowers on vines that created a border around it.It was perfect because not only could it apply to mom, but dad as well. I hadn't told Levi about my parents yet, but staring at that sign, I figured out Levi's birthday gift, and decided on telling him about my family history when I gave him his gift.

I paid for the sign, which was only five dollars, and left. I took deep breaths once I was outside to try and steady my shaking limbs, happily inviting the frigid air into my lungs. Coming to the conclusion that I was finished with my Christmas shopping, I walked back to my car. My hands were totally frozen and numb by the time I reached my Civic. I popped the trunk and carefully placed everything inside so when I drove they wouldn't rattle around and fall everywhere. I turned the heat up as soon as I got in the driver's seat and sat still, just taking some time to relax for a minute. It was already almost 8pm and the sun was starting to set. I was about to put the car in reverse and back out of the parking space when my phone vibrated. I hadn't checked it in hours, too occupied with shopping to notice any vibrations coming from my pockets, and when I took it out I saw I had three messages. Two of them were from Armin, and one was from Levi. Armin's messages were just to tell me that he hoped I was enjoying my time out and that he was eating without me because he was starving and he didn't feel like waiting. I texted back and apologized for responding late and I was on my way home. He answered with an a-okay and said all he had for dinner was ramen noodles again and he hated them. I agreed and went to see the message Levi sent me.

 **_Levi:_ ** _What are you doing for Christmas? And don't say me, I already know that, idiot._

 **_Eren:_ ** ****_well thats obvious. my sister is coming to visit from trost U, so most of the day im gonna spend with her and armin. is it okay if i come a little later?_

 **_Levi:_ ** _Oh nice. Actually it's better that way, I was going to ask if 6 was okay anyway._

 **_Eren:_ ** _fine by me._

 **_Levi:_ ** _Good. Oh and don't drive over, I'll come pick you up._

 **_Eren:_ ** _wow. chauffer levi at my service?_

 **_Levi:_ ** _Shut the fuck up kid._

 **_Levi:_ ** _Just be outside of Barton at 6. And if you're late I'm leaving your ass behind._

 **_Eren:_ ** _like you would leave me behind on CHRISTMAS. even for you thats low._

 **_Levi:_ ** _You'd be surprised._

 **_Levi:_** _I_ _'ll see you on Sunday, 6pm. Got it?_

 **_Eren:_ ** _yes drill sergeant Levi_

 **_Levi:_ ** _You're really so funny, my sides hurt so much._

 _**Eren:** _ ****_love youuuu_

 **_Levi:_ ** _Love you too. Asshole._

I slid my phone shut and smiled to myself, putting my car in reverse and heading back to my tiny dorm room to have a bowl of shitty ramen noodles.

About a half hour later, I walked into my shared room with bags of Christmas gifts and no intention of concealing them. I could wait until Armin left the room for a lengthy period of time and wrap everything, but we were already on break and I highly doubted he'd be going anywhere anytime soon. So I just put the bags on my bed, took off my shoes and coat and climbed up to sit next to the bags. Armin was sitting at his desk, writing what appeared to be a lengthy letter.

"Writing to grandpa?"

"Yeah, he sent me a letter a couple of days ago and I wanted to send one back before Mikasa got here so I wouldn't forget. He still has that phone I bought him, I don't know why he doesn't just dial my cell number and talk to me."

"Old habit."

"I guess. I don't mind too much though, it's kind of nice writing out a letter. Makes me feel kind of classy."

"Armin you classy fuck you."

"Shut up."

"You know that's the second time I was told to shut up today and I'm really starting to dislike it."

"I'm sure Levi said it more than once, Eren."

"What are yo --?" Oh yeah, I was supposedly spending the day with Levi. I kind of felt like Armin knew I went Christmas shopping rather than spending time with my boyfriend, but if he did, he didn't say anything about it, and neither did I. "Aha, yeah, he's had his fair share of telling me to shut my mouth. In different ways, too."

"Yeah I bet."

"Hey Armin, speaking of Levi, would it be okay if I went to his house on Christmas at 6?"

His head lifted from the paper to look at me and gave me a look. "Are you seriously asking me that question? Of course you can go see him, he's yourboyfriend. I'd be surprised if you  _didn't_ want to go see him, and on Christmas of all days."

I smiled at him and gave him an air-five. "You're right. Thanks, Armin."

"No problem. Although we both know  _someone_  who might have a problem with it."

"Who's tha --  _Oh."_  Mikasa. I still haven't told her I was dating Levi, and to make matters worse he was coming to pick me up, too. Just great. "I guess I have to tell her."

"Sooner's better than later."

"Ugggghhhhh."

The rest of the night consisted of Armin writing his letter to his grandfather and me re-reading  _Attack On Titan_ and eating shitty noodles. I didn't really have anything else to do except wrap presents, and thankfully, Armin went to bed earlier than I did that night, which allowed me to wrap in peace without having to fear he'd find what I bought him. We usually slept with the TV on, so the sounds of people talking on some show helped mask the crinkling of wrapping paper and of the plastic bags as I got all the gifts out. If I was being totally, 100%, entirely honest with you, I'm a terrible gift wrapper. When I say terrible, I don't mean my wrapping is relatively decent and I'm just being modest, I literally mean fucking terrible, and this time was no different. I had the presents, the wrapping paper, a pair of scissors, a black sharpie, and tons of tape. The first present I had to attempt at making look acceptable was Mikasa's. Luckily, it wasn't too difficult because it was in a box already and I had a bow to put on top of it, but it still took twenty minutes. I cut my finger on the scissors once and I got tape everywhere, but the box didn't look too bad wrapped in the wrapping paper. I put the bow in the middle and wrote in sharpie on a corner  _To my sister from Hell. Love Always, Your brother from Hell._ I smiled at the finished product and gingerly put it on a spot on my bed that wasn't in danger of getting ruined by the messiness of my comforter. Armin's was the next present to tackle, and it was probably the worst one  _to_ tackle. The stupid, scary as fuck piranha was just that; a piranha on a stick on a block of wood with a little engraved bit of history about it in gold on the bottom. It didn't come in box, it didn't come in a bag, it came in nothing, and let me tell you, wrapping a dead preserved fish was not fucking fun. I quietly climbed the ladder from my bed down to the floor and found an unused shoebox in my closet that was a tad bigger than the fish, but it worked like a charm and helped me wrap the fucker much more easily.

I wrapped everyone's presents except for Levi's and my own; my hoodie didn't need to be wrapped because 1) it was mine, I bought it, and 2) I was wearing it tomorrow because I felt like it. The box containing his ring was harder to wrap than I thought; I had this totally unorthodox thought that maybe because it was tiny it wouldn't be as difficult, but I was wrong, and cut myself on the scissors two more times trying to cut the paper to just the right size. It didn't look half as good as I wanted it to when I was done, but I already had a plan in mind for when I gave it to him, so the paper didn't serve much purpose other than to show that it was a Christmas present. I put all the presents neatly back in the bags I'd bought them in except for my hoodie and my ring. Again, I climbed down the ladder, bag of gifts in hand, and stowed them away in an empty drawer in my desk. Before I went back up to bed, I remembered that I had to get out the second of Levi's presents. I walked back to my closet and slowly opened the door, careful not to stir Armin from sleep. Behind shoeboxes, under shirts that had fallen off of hangers, and next to but not touching some shoes I'd just throw in, was what I was looking for. It was carefully still in it's box, having gone untouched in I don't even know how long. There was some dust on the cover and I carefully brushed it away. In handwriting similar to my own were the words  _To Eren, with all the love in the world. Don't forget about this, and make sure you use it!_  and a small heart underneath. I smiled, remembering the memories created from the object inside the box, and brought it to the drawer in my desk with all the other presents. I closed it shut and crawled up to bed, falling asleep with her smile in mind.

 

~

 

[ Levi ]

Other than one autograph singing at a bookstore in a high-end part of town, I had nothing to do during the few days before Christmas. I normally hated book signings because fans would scream in my face about how much they loved my works and how much they loved me, but I was actually not entirely opposed to this one. Of course, that was only until I got there and a crowd of screaming girls calling my name made me change my mind. Honestly, nothing probably pissed me off more than fans saying they loved me so much and they couldn't believe they were meeting me. I understood that they liked my works, and I was extremely grateful for their support and their kindness, but saying they wanted to marry me and wanted to always meet me was over the top and just plain fucking annoying. Other than the short biography printed on the backs of my books, no one knew a damn thing about me. If you know nothing about me and just liked me for my writing, how could you possibly want to marry me? You don't even know me. You may like my face, you make like how I manipulate words to create stories, and you may appreciate my talent. But you don't know enough about me to be totally infatuated with me, I'm sorry but that's just bullshit. 

Getting through that signing was difficult, as always, but I got through it and was left with no other plans. I wanted to text Eren and ask him if he wanted to go to Bertucci's for dinner, but I knew his sister was coming from her college to visit him and I didn't want to intrude. It was really lonely without him, and during those couple of days, I was left to my own devices (which just normally consisted of watching re-runs of Friends or writing a novella I was working on or cleaning my apartment). I never really had a reason to look forward to holidays because I always spent them alone, but for once, I really needed Christmas. I had Eren now, and I wanted to spend every holiday with him.

Sunday really needed to hurry the fuck up and get here fast.

 

~

 

[ Eren ]

Thursday came and went; Armin and I spent the day playing Minecraft and munching on Doritos. We loved video games, but because of our busy schedules and mounds of homework, we never really had time. We usually saved the gaming indulgence for vacation, and Thursday was the day to do so. 

Finally finally finally, Friday rolled around. Armin and I got up at the exact the same time because both of our alarms went off at exactly 11:30am. We took turns waking up in the bathroom and once we looked decent enough, we climbed into Armin's car and headed towards the airport. I would've driven, but I'm an idiot with directions and have no  _sense_  of direction, so I let Armin lead the way. Mikasa's flight was supposed to land at 2:15, but because Shinganshina U was about an hour and a half away, we had to leave early enough to get there on time before she landed. It was a relatively small airport, but the amount of people never diminished and the crowd was always big. Thank God for Armin and his calculation skills, because we only had to wait about 10 minutes until Mikasa texted saying she was getting her luggage and she'd be outside in 5. Armin and I waited outside, leaning against his car, and when we heard "Hello, dorks," we automatically followed the voice of my sister and burst into huge smiles. She had on the red scarf I gave her when we were 11, which was impossible to take away from her, her favorite jean jacket, leggings and warn in brown combat boots. She dropped her luggage next to the car and tackled us in a group hug. I broke away so Armin could hug her first, and when she let go, I immediately pulled her to me. Her arms wrapped around my waist and I heard her laughing.

"You're never this excited to see me."

"Consider just for a moment the fact that I haven't seen you in a year and a half."

"It's good to see you too, Eren."

When our embrace was finished, I hauled her heavy suitcase in the trunk of the car and we headed back to campus. Before we went up to the room, Armin drove around to show her the grounds and by the end of the tour, Mikasa said she'd consider transferring because Trost U wasn't as nice and the people there were stuck up and annoying. That wasn't hard to believe though; everyone knew that's where rich snotty kids went to school. Mikasa got a free ride though because she received a full scholarship (as if our broke asses could afford Trost U pfff please).

Just as quickly as Friday had come, Friday had fled. Mikasa, Armin and I spent the night eating popcorn and watching stupid movies curled on the couch that fit the three of us perfectly and under a blanket that snuggly covered us from shoulder to shoulder. It was a relaxing, it was homey, and it was just what we needed after being apart for so long. I was really glad she came to visit, even though we did have our sibling rivalry moments.

On Saturday, I desperately wished to go back in time for it to be Friday again, because today was the day I had to break some news to my overly protective mother-like sister -- I was dating someone who was not only a man, but who was an established author 4 years older than me (it's not a big deal, but Mikasa had said right before we even started college that if I wanted to date someone, she'd like it if they were within a two year age gap and only when they have her approval). Well, Levi and I have been dating for 3 months, so the whole "approval first, fuck later" rule was totally thrown out the window at that point. Her reaction to everything made me want to put my head through a wall.

Us three musketeers were laying on the floor surrounded by pillows and blankets watching some dumb science show Armin wanted to put on when I first brought up the subject. I was nervous as all hell and I did my best, but my best still earned me a slap in the back of the head.

"Hey Mikasa, can I ask you a question?"

She munched on some popcorn left over from last night and turned her head towards me. "Sure."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Hell no, I don't have time for that. Besides even if I did, they'd have to have proven themselves way beforehand for me to even consider looking at them. So far the challenge as fallen on unwilling and scared suitors. Why?"

I shifted my gaze to the pillow underneath my chin and shrugged. "No reason."

"Oh no there's definitely a reason, spill." Now was when she shoved the bowl of stale popcorn in front and away from her so I could have her undivided attention, which was totally not what I wanted right then to be honest.

"Um, see, what had happened was..."

"You got a girlfriend didn't you." Armin started to laugh and I shot him a look that clearly told him "shut the fuck up right now or I swear you're dead." As soon as he zipped his lips shut with an invisible tug, I looked back at Mikasa and prayed the heat in my face wasn't a blush.

"No! I mean, something like that, but it's not what you --"

"Eren Jaegar I swear to God if she's some potheaded slut I'm going to totally rip your --"

"MIKASA IT'S A DUDE."

If there was one thing, just  _one thing_ , in the entire world to shut Mikasa up for two seconds, I haven't found it yet. Until now. Her face went wide with shock and her mouth hung open just enough for it to highlight her unexpectedness at my outburst. She tried to form words but was clearly struggling, her mouth bouncing up and down but failing to make the right shapes to say things. She wound up sitting in silence for a minute as I awkwardly played with the hem of the pillowcase underneath me. When she regained some of her brain, she looked at me, face full of concern, worry, and skepticism.

"I didn't know you were gay. How long...?"

"I'm not, really. That's wrong actually, because I'm part gay? Technically the term is bisexual, but that's not it either because fun fact I'm actually pansexual. I know, big words you're not familiar with." She slapped me in the arm and I could see some of my sister coming back. "It means I'm attracted to anyone regardless of what...parts you have or...what your gender is. Like, you could be a dude with a vagina and boobs but still identify as male and if I find you to be a nice person, I wouldn't mind? It's a little difficult to explain, but bottom line is, if I like you, I liked you, no matter your bodily parts or lack thereof."

Mikasa's brows furrowed, concentration lining her face, until she looked at me and smiled. "I'm proud of you, Eren. Good for you." It was foolish of me to assume she'd just accept it and drop it, because she obviously didn't. "What's his name? Where does he live? What's his occupation? How long have you been dating? Has Armin met him? What his social security nu --"

"Oh my fucking god Mikasa." I hung my head and shook it, trying to hide the smile from my face. Typical Mikasa. "His name is Levi. He lives in a really nice apartment complex 15 minutes away from here. He's a novelist. He is indeed male with male body parts included. We've been dating for 3 months. Armin's met him, but on weird circumstances because I was in the hospital and no way am I giving you his social, I don't even know that and it's not even --"

"YOU WERE IN THE HOSPITAL?" Now is also when she freaks the fuck out and gets out of our comfy blanket/pillow fort to stand up and wave her arms around. I sighed and got out of our cozy nest and stood up. Armin, clearly not wanting any part of this, remained under the blankets, tossing popcorn in his mouth and keeping his eyes on the TV.

"How could you not tell me you were hurt?! What happened, who did this to you? I swear on all things destructive I will fucking murder someone."

I rubbed my hands on my face and shook my head. I peeked through my fingers to see Mikasa with her arms folded across her chest and a look on her face that would send any person into the depths of hell. She cocked an eyebrow at me, demanding an explanation, and I sighed, removing my hands from my face altogether. I took a deep breath.

"I was coming home from Levi's place and before I could even get inside Barton these two guys roughed me up pretty bad. I had a few broken ribs, a concussion, and lots of fucking bruises everywhere. I called Armin before I passed out and I guess he called an ambulance or something. I woke up in the hospital and Levi was sitting next to me, so he must've heard from Armin I was there. We have no idea who did it or why." 

My sister stood in silence for a minute, trying to decide whether or not my story seemed accurate, which it must have, because she rushed over to me and tackled me in a hug. I was a little surprised, but after getting over the initial shock, I wrapped my arms around her waist and her hold around my neck tightened. 

"I'm so sorry, Eren. I swear if I find out who did this to you there will be a price to pay I promise." Her voice was softer and I could tell she was more relieved I was okay than bent on getting revenge. For now, anyway.

"Yeah."

 

~

 

Christmas morning started with rough banging on our dorm door at 7am, which Armin and I did not appreciate. 

Armin was the first to get out of bed and open the door. Who else would it be but my fucking obnoxiously loud sister waking us up for presents and tree decorating. I heard Armin yawning and saying we didn't have a tree to decorate, but Mikasa very loudly said he was wrong. It made me interested, but not interested enough to get out of bed yet. I was tired and even if it was Christmas I was gonna sleep.

Or so I thought.

I heard the creaking of the metal rungs on my ladder and suddenly a substantial weight was crushing my body. It was hard for me to breath and I wanted to get out, but I didn't want to move at the same time. Mikasa pulled back the covers around my face and screamed in my ear "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU STUPID SCROOGE!" Who the hell was she calling Scrooge? I smirked and rolled over, hearing a little thud as Mikasa's side hit the wall. She smiled and hugged me from behind. "Wake up wake up wake up. We have to open presents." It took her ten minutes, but she finally got me out of bed. I politely requested a shower, but the only thing she allowed me to do was brush my teeth. She and Armin were still in pajamas, and Armin was sitting on the floor leaning against the side of his desk and almost falling back asleep when Mikasa kicked him awake and he fell over. 

When Mikasa said we had a tree to decorate, she wasn't kidding; it was an actual, real tree, but it was only about 3 ½ feet high. She'd made several trips back and forth from our room and Sasha's to get ornaments, lights, and bags of things she said we weren't allowed to touch yet. She also took the liberty of taking my iPod off the docking system, tossing it on my bed, and putting her own iPod on. It wasn't her pop music like we expected, but a Christmas playlist she had put together the other night on her laptop when she was in Sasha's room. The first song was Jingle Bells, and as soon as it came on, she looked right at me; she knew this was my ultimate all-time favorite Christmas song, and immediately I was awake. I was dancing and singing along and the two of them just sang along and laughed at me. 

The ornaments Mikasa brought were beautiful; they were strictly red, silver, and gold. She liked the idea of just those colors as the color scheme for the tree, and I had to agree. Some of them even have swirly patterns mixed with each color and they were really very pretty. Before we started decorating, we had to find a spot to put the tree, which proved to be a significant problem because this was in fact a dorm room, which meant limited space. After 15 minutes of arguing, we decided to put it on top of our coffee table (which was actually a trunk; we couldn't afford an actual coffee table and we found this in a thrift shop for 10 bucks) and put it next to the TV. We had to move the TV over so it was halfway inside Armin's desk/work area so the tree could fit on the coffee table halfway in  _my_  desk/work area, but neither of us cared because we were on break and had no work to do, so we were content with the spot choice. Plastic boxes of ornaments were opened, lights were attempting to be unraveled (Armin was having a lot of trouble not getting tangled in them), and the room held a happy, homey, family kind of atmosphere. Eventually I helped Armin get out of the Christmas lights and wrapped them around the tree. He plugged them in to see if they worked, and with the exception of one or two bulbs out, every white light worked. We sang along to Mikasa's playlist, hanging ornaments on the tree and some pinecones she had so they wouldn't be too close together. By the time we were done, the tree looked nothing less than awesome, and the three of us had to sit down on the couch and to admire our handiwork. Silent Night was playing in the background, and we all sang with it, holding hands and leaning on each other's shoulders.

Eventually, Mikasa's playlist had finished, but we didn't want to stop listening to it, so she put the entire thing on repeat so we could hear it until we got totally sick of the same shit. When she got up to fix the music, she stood in front of us with bags and a giant smile on her face.

"Presents, anyone?"

Armin and I both shouted in unison, "Hell yeah!"

Mikasa leaned against the side of my desk, Armin leaned against his own, and my back was to the Christmas tree. We'd retrieved our bags of presents for one another and sat down in our spots in a circle. The bags were emptied of their contents and each of us had a pile of presents in front of our crossed legs to give out. Armin was the one who suggested we give the gifts to who they belonged to and then take turns opening them so we could see what everyone got and share in on their excitement. Mikasa and I agreed and let Armin open his presents first. I gave him mine, Mikasa gave him hers, and he thanked us before tearing into the paper. He opened Mikasa's first and had the biggest grin on his face upon seeing what it was; she had gotten him two things, one of which was a brand new leather bound journal. On the front of the journal was his name stitched in elegant script and with gold threading. The next thing to open from her was a quill and ink, which Armin hugged her so hard for that she fell backwards. Both of them were laughing and got up shortly after falling over. When Armin was back in his spot, he went to open my present, but I stopped him.

"Armin, wait."

"What?"

"Before you open it, I just want you to know it's not like Mikasa's present to you okay. It's kind of creepy and if you don't like it I promise we'll go exchange it for something better."

Armin only answered with a huff in my direction and a "How could I hate anything you got me? It's from you, after all." I shook my head and shrugged, saying he might regret that statement. His reaction to my gift after ripping off the wrapping paper and opening the box was not what I expected; his eyes opened wide, his mouth hung open, and a smile so huge it made my nervousness subside was what I got in response to his gift. He took the preserved piranha out of the box and showed Mikasa, who cringed and backed away from it. He spent several moments examining it and reading the label before gently putting it on his desk and tackling me just like he had Mikasa. Extremely repetitive "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"s were screamed in my ear and I could do nothing back but laugh and say "YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME" to each of his thank you's. 

When Armin was done tackling and thanking me, Mikasa said she wanted me to open first. 

"Are you sure? You can open if you want."

"Yeah it's fine. We all have to open anyway, so just shut up and open your presents."

"Yeah yeah yeah." I nudged her shoulder and she smiled. She gave me her present and Armin gave me his. Armin's was the first I opened, and when I did, I truthfully almost teared up. He'd gotten me the necklace that I'd always wanted but never bought because I didn't have enough money; it was a pair of crossing swords with a rose underneath. When I'd researched it, I found it held some heavy meaning; the swords were there for strength, for persistence, for never backing down and always being ready to protect what mattered to you. The rose was for kindness, for compassion, for always being there when people needed you, and most importantly, for love. I'd told Armin about this necklace maybe once or twice, but I didn't think he'd actually remember it, plus the price was high up there. There was a handwritten letter lying at the bottom of the box, but when I looked up at him, he shook his head.

"Read the letter later. It's kind of sappy and I'd rather you read it by yourself."

"Armin, I -- where did you find the money for this?"

"Oh it wasn't that expensive, actually. I found it online for half the original price, and since it was the last one, I bought it with an extra discount. Even so, don't worry about the price, I bought it for you and I know how much you wanted it and for how long. I hope you like it."

"Hope I like it? Armin are you kidding me this is... this is amazing, really. Thank you so much." I crawled over to him and gave him the hardest hug I could give. I whispered an "I love you, bro. Merry Christmas" and got one in return.

"Come on guys, save the sappy shit for later. Eren don't leave me hanging, open mine." I laughed into Armin's shoulder and let go of him, crawling back to my spot in front of the tree. I took Mikasa's present from next to where I was sitting and started ripping away the wrapping paper. "It's not as extravagant as Armin's gift, but I saw it online on a gaming website and immediately thought of you. Its from that stupid game we used to play when we were younger where we had to shoot down some giant titan things trying to get into people's towns and stuff. I was always a human and you were always this titan." I opened a cardboard box and a black hoodie with the words "I'll exterminate them all" were looking up at me. I took it out of the box and let the sleeves unfurl. On the back of the hoodie was a giant human-like monster with glowing green eyes and long, almost shaggy, black hair. He had his fists raised and was standing in a classic fighting position, just like in the game. There was a card underneath the hoodie, and I went to take it out, but Mikasa's hand stopped me.

"Let's just all agree to save the sappy cards for later, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes and gave her a hug just as hard as the one I gave Armin. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and hugged me back. "Merry Christmas, Eren." 

"Merry Christmas, Mikasa." We pulled away and I kissed her cheek.

The final gift-opening honor was granted to Mikasa. Armin had gotten her a book on different boxing fighting styles and a black scarf with her name stitched in at the end in red. He laughed when she opened it and commented on how funny it was that they had both gotten each other something with their names on them. She hugged him and he kissed her cheek just like I had. When she opened her present from me, she looked up and smiled. "I needed some new gear, but nothing like this."

"It's bad ass and I'm a great brother, I know, I know." She punched my arm and hugged me again. "Don't get cocky, idiot." 

"You love the swords on them though, don't even lie."

"I do, they're so sweet. Now I'm gonna pretend I'm stabbing my opponents instead of hitting them. Even better."

"Which was exactly the point of the whole gift. It's perfect, really."

We all stood up and thanked each other with a group hug with  _I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas_  playing on the speakers.

Mikasa had made us breakfast as soon as presents were done. We had crepes with strawberries and nutella, a totally nutritious and healthy meal to start the morning off with. I was smart not to wear the titan hoodie while eating because I went to take a bite of crepe and nutella fell all over my shirt. Needless to say Armin and Mikasa laughed at me for a good ten minutes. When breakfast was done, Armin threw on some snow boots and a jacket, claiming to be right back. He returned twenty minutes later with cups of hot apple cider for each of us, and we spent the rest of the day back on the couch, under blankets, sipping hot apple cider and watching A Christmas Story.

Before I knew it, 5pm rolled around and I had to get ready. I wiggled my way out of the blanket and walked to my dresser, opening a drawer and getting out some underwear. Armin and Mikasa both looked at me, shocked that I was actually moving instead of being too lazy to move. The reason dawned on Armin and he turned his attention back to the movie.

Mikasa shot a confused look at me. "What are you doing?"

I turned around and held up my boxers. "Showering?"

"Why?"

"Um, jee Mikasa, why does one shower?"

"You're an asshole. I mean why are you choosing to _now_?"

"Oh." I forgot to tell her I was going to Levi's at 6. And the most important part: he was coming here to pick me up. "Because I have to...get ready."

"For what?"

"Well you see...Levi's actually coming to pick me up so I can spend some of Christmas with him."

"Does he know I'm here?"

"Yes."

She turned back to the TV and continued leaning against Armin's shoulder. "Fine. I'm meeting him, though." I grimaced and headed into the shower, knowing full well there was no way of avoiding that.

After I was clean, I brushed my hair and shook it so it would lay how I wanted it to (even though I knew I would just mess it up later on). Considering it was Christmas, I decided I'd look a little decent with my outfit instead of the usual jeans and a hoodie I could be found in most of the time. In my closet, I picked out a red button down shirt, a green tie with silver diagonal stripes, and a pair of black slacks that didn't have nearly as many wrinkles as they should've. Mikasa helped me with my tie, since neither Armin nor I knew how. She fixed my hair and stood back, giving me a thumbs up and saying I looked nice and presentable. Armin said I looked like a human Christmas tree, so I shoved him and said at least I didn't look like a bum on the couch.

5:50 rolled around, and Levi texted saying he'd be at Barton in 10. I had no idea why I was feeling nervous, but I was, and it caused me to pace back and forth continuously. My phone vibrated exactly 10 minutes later with the message of Levi's arrival, and my heart was skipping beats. I replied with shaky hands that we couldn't leave right away because my sister wanted to meet him. Two minutes later a knock was on the door and I knew all too well who it was.

 

~

 

[ Levi ]

It had taken me about a half an hour for me to figure out what to wear.

It was beyond dumb and I was acting like a high school girl about to go on a date with her crush, but I honestly couldn't decide on what to wear; it was my first time spending a holiday with someone in years, let alone my lover. After pulling out everything in my closet and in various drawers, I decided on a simple white button down, instead of my usual black, with a white tie that had swirls of silver all over it and black slacks. It kind of reminded me of harsh winter winds, and I found it very appropriate for a winter occasion. Of course, I could go the cliché route and wear red and green, but an icy feel to my outfit felt more appropriate. The iciness matched my personality and I felt comfortable going with that.

I checked my watch and saw it was a quarter to 6 -- my time to leave. I grabbed my pea coat and my keys and walked out of my apartment and to my car.

I texted Eren when I was 10 minutes away, and when I had pulled right into a spot in the Barton parking lot, my phone vibrated with a reply. Eren had said that his sister wanted to meet me, and I already knew he was nervous beyond belief. I couldn't blame him; even  _I_  had a bit of nerves swimming in my stomach. Either way, I didn't want to be late, so I closed my phone and walked into Barton. I remembered Armin had said their dorm room was on the 6th floor and three doors to the right from the elevator, so I was up there in no time, knocking on their door. The faint sounds of a TV on only grew louder when the door flew open. A girl with shoulder length black hair in pajamas adorned with boxing gloves answered, wearing a not-so-friendly expression on her face.

"You're Levi?"

"Yes."

Without another word, she stepped to the side and allowed me entry. 

I let my eyes wander the room; for two  _boys_  sharing a dorm room, it was surprisingly neat, minus the blankets strewn on the couch and the pillow forts littering the floor. Armin was on the couch and turned his head to wave a hello at me, which I politely returned. 

"Wow." Eren, who was standing to my right, looked at me with wide eyes and the beginning signs of a blush graced his cheeks. "You look...really good in a pea coat." While he spoke, it gave me a chance to look athim, and  _he_ was the one who looked really good. I had never seen him wearing anything other than jeans, a hoodie, t-shirts, and his work uniform, so seeing him in a nicely pressed shirt and slacks with a tie would've taken my breath away, had his roommate and, who I assumed to be his sister, been less than 10 feet away from me. But I was allowed to compliment my boyfriend back, and so I did. "You look really nice, Eren." His face lit up and he smiled, which did nothing but made my heart increase its pace.

Our little bubble of appreciation for each others' attire quickly popped and we came crashing back to reality as the girl cleared her throat. Eren blinked and looked in her direction, trying not to look annoyed but began fiddling with his fingers. He walked next to me and stood so close that his arm brushed against mine.

"Levi, this is my sister, Mikasa. Mikasa, this is my boyfriend, Levi. Don't kill him."

She rolled her eyes but stepped forward, looking me up and down. I knew this was important for Eren, so I took a silent deep breath in and held out my hand to her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I've heard many good things about you." She seemed a little shocked at my politeness, but took my hand and shook it. Her grip was a little tight, but I ignored it and dropped my hand.

"It's nice to meet you too, Levi. I've heard nothing about you." Talk about awkward. I wasn't surprised though; I knew Eren didn't want to mention me and I knew he wasn't totally comfortable with it, which, now that I've met her, I understood. Eren cleared his throat and hurriedly slipped on some dress shoes, grabbed his coat, keys, and wallet. He walked towards his desk, gingerly pulled out a white logo-less bag, came around to grab his pre-packed duffle bag of clothes, and returned to my side, holding onto my hand and squeezing. 

"We're going now."

"Have fun!" Armin shouted over the couch and waving.

"Thanks, Armin. Mikasa I bought you double-stuffed Oreos because I know those are your favorite, so if you hang with Armin until later, you can have them. I'll see you tomorrow, guys."

"Wait, Eren you're staying over?" Eren looked at her a little confused and nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"I just got here and you're staying with him?"

"Mikasa you got here a few days ago and you're still here for two and a half more weeks. It's Christmas, and I'd like to spend some of it with my boyfriend, if you don't mind." Her eye twitched at the word boyfriend, but she shrugged her shoulders, came to give him a hug, and glared at me over his shoulder. "Fine. Have fun."

Eren grabbed my hand again and pulled me out the door.

I called to Mikasa over my shoulder before Eren could fully have me out of the doorway, "It was nice meeting you." I got no reply.

Eren shut the door behind him and sighed in relief. His back was leaning against the wall and I checked the hallway to see if there were any people nearby. There weren't, so I put of my hands on both sides of the wall next to Eren's face and leaned up to kiss him. His arms instinctively wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. After a minute, we broke away and he smiled down at me. 

"Merry Christmas, Levi. And a very, very happy birthday to you, you old man."

"Yeah yeah, Merry Christmas brat."

He chuckled and kissed me again, slower than our first one of the evening. We broke away and interlaced our fingers, walking out of Barton and into my car in a cheerful mood. I had the Christmas station playing on the way to my apartment, and throughout the entire ride there, Eren looked out the window in thought and held onto my hand.

After what seemed like only a few seconds, we were in front of my apartment. Gunter was at the security desk and gave us each a wave along with a Merry Christmas. We rode up the elevator in comfortable silence and reached my apartment in what seemed like no time at all. I opened the door and we walked in.

 

~

 

[ Eren ]

As soon as we were inside Levi's apartment, I reminded myself I had to breathe. I was nervous walking in, but as soon as I saw the decorations, I was instantly at ease. Levi had actually made his tiny place look festive, with his dining room table having Christmas plates on it, golden candlesticks, and a red tablecloth. Snowflakes were hung from the ceiling and an undecorated tree stood in the corner next to the fireplace. I could tell it was real, because a smell of woods and pine was throughout the house. It surprised me; I didn't think Levi would allow a single trace of dirt in his house if he could help it. The fireplace had a strand of string with ornaments hanging from them, the coffee table held containers of ornaments in different colors, and a sweater was neatly folded next to them. Levi was behind me, locking the door, and I turned around to look at him. 

"You did all this?"

"No, Santa obviously slid his fat ass down my chimney and was like 'Hey Levi, let me do your Christmas decorations for you because you're an incompetent little shit'. Yes, I did all this." He said it with a serious face, but after he had, he smiled and grabbed my hand. "It was kinda hard, I had no idea what to do. I think I overdid it though, it's starting to look really cheesy."

"What?! No way! Not at all, I think it looks really, really nice."

"Thank you." He leaned on his toes to kiss my cheek and let go of my hand, walking towards the tree. When he was in front of the coffee table, he reached both hands in the container of ornaments and pulled out two. He held one out for me and motioned for me to come next to him, which I did anyway, after putting my bags gently on the floor behind the couch. The ornament he was holding was a black one with his name in silver lettering. The one he held out to me was a dark green one with white lettering and had  _my_  name on it. I looked up at him and the smile he wore was still there.

"This shop I was passing by in town said they were putting names on Christmas stuff for free if you bought whatever item the name was going on. I didn't want to buy a kitchen magnet because it was dumb, so I bought these ornaments and figured we could put our names on them to put on the tree. But then of course I had to buy an actual tree, and even though it's filthy as all hell and it's like having a piece of the forest in my house, I wanted it. For us. I wanted us to have a nice Christmas, and I thought a tree and named ornaments were what we needed. I mean I'm not saying we need these to have a good holiday because fuck if we --"

I interrupted his rambles with both of my hands on either side of his face and a kiss. He kissed me back and we stood just like that, kissing in front of the tree with our named ornaments.

We decorated the tree to the piano versions of classic Christmas songs playing on Levi's speakers. Our named ornaments, of course, went in the front. He had white lights just like my tree back on campus, but his ornaments had a million different colors. His excuse was that he "didn't know what the fuck ones to buy", so he bought every one that looked remotely nice and not like shit. It didn't matter to me, they were nice anyway and I liked them. The tree was almost 5 ½ feet tall and Levi couldn't reach the tippy top of it, so I had to put the ornaments up there and put the star on top. When we were done and he was done scowling about how he couldn't fucking reach, we slipped our arms around each other and admired our decorated skills. It looked beautiful, and I was really happy with how it came out.

"You know, this is my first time celebrating Christmas with anyone since I'm really young. I don't even remember spending any holidays with anyone after my parents died. The orphanage certainly didn't and my adoptive parental unit didn't either. I was always on my own for the holidays. Birthdays too."

I looked down at Levi, a little shocked at his confession, and kissed his forehead. "No more of that now. We have every holiday to spend together, promise." Levi leaned his head against my shoulder and sighed. "Yeah."

Levi had ordered Bertucci's for dinner; while it was a classy restaurant, they also had deliveries, and Levi thought since that's where our first date was and that's where we ate when we had enough money, why not have some for Christmas too. I was rather happy with his dinner choice and even happier when I learned he'd ordered the dishes we'd each eaten on our first date. We ate together on his holiday-themed plates and table in pure bliss, with a cup of wine, and with kisses in between. When we were done, I helped him clean the plates and put them in their respective homes. Levi poured us each a cup of eggnog and told me to go sit on the couch. He joined me right as I was sitting down and handed me my glass. He raised his, with me mirroring him, and started to speak.

"To a happy holiday and many more to come?"

"To a happy holiday and many more to come."

Our glasses clanked together and we took a sip. I put mine on the table and glanced towards the back of the couch where I knew his presents were. I looked back at him, nodded my head to the side, and smiled. "Presents?" His glass was put next to mine and he stood up. "Give me one second, I have to get yours."

He left to go into his bedroom and I went around the couch to get the white bag. Our rings were safely tucked in the cardboard box containing his second present, so I took both out and closed the lid, leaving my ring sitting on top of the box in the bag. The bag was brought back with me as I resumed my spot on the couch just in time for Levi to walk out with my present in his hand. He sat down next to me and I could see a card on top of the wrapped gift as he handed it to me.

"I'll be honest in saying I had no idea what the fuck to get you, but I thought this would be okay. If you don't like it we can go bring it back and you can get something you actually want."

I smiled and quickly kissed his cheek before I opened it. "Anything from you is a good present, shut up." My fingers tore at the wrapping paper more carefully than I had that morning with Mikasa and Armin's presents. Inside of the medium sized box that I'd torn the paper away from was a really nice bottle of cologne, a knitted black sweater, and a picture of us framed in a beautiful, shiny black frame. It was from when we went to a park during the fall when the leaves were almost done changing and Levi had asked a passerby to take a picture for us. I remember being stunned because Levi hated pictures, but put on my best smile for it anyway. I had forgotten about it until I saw it when I took it out of the box. I looked up at Levi and he was leaning against the couch, with his body facing me and his arms crossed. He was smiling, and I'll be damned if I couldn't do the same. I pulled on his tie and brought his face to mine, just to kiss him again. 

"Thank you, Levi. I really love them. I'd forgotten about this picture, too. I'm glad I have it now."

"Yeah I did too, until I found my camera in my closet and looked through it. I thought it'd be nice to give to you. I made one for myself too because it's not just the only picture of us, but it's the only picture I have of me that's not from when I was a toddler." I looked around the room and was a little shocked at myself for not ever noticing his lack of pictures. My eyes landed on the picture of us in the exact frame Levi had given me, sitting at the center of the mantel on the fireplace. It made my heart soar and I was so happy right then.

I must've been quiet for too long because Levi nudged my shoulder. "Oi, do I get my presents or what."

"Oh, right." I snapped out of my thoughts and took deep breaths, ready to give him his gifts. I set mine back in their box and on the table by the eggnog. The first thing my fingers reached for was the worn out box, but that was going to be saved for last. I found a velvet box with a ring and opened it inside the bag so Levi couldn't see. It was the one holding the black ring for him, and I clutched it in my hands. I took it out fast enough so that I could hide it behind my back, and when I did, Levi raised an eyebrow. He uncrossed his arms and sat up straight, body still facing me, and a puzzled expression on his face.

Inhale. "Before I give this to you, I want to tell you about it. First, that it has two parts -- you get one part, I get the other part. Second, it was honestly the last thing I was looking for. I had no idea what to get you either, and I was a little panicky, but I found this in a window and I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. I knew that it was for you, and I knew that you'd like it. Or, at least, I strongly  _hoped_  you'd like it. The both of them together are called The Wings of Freedom, and they compliment each other. I did some research online and found the store I bought them from had them on their website. They mean more than just wings -- they mean freedom. They're not complete without the other; they need the other to survive, to live, to exist. Without their matching pair, they are just a single wing who can't ever have the chance to fly. With their counterpart, they are whole, they can achieve flight with the other and live in harmony."

I slowly pulled the box from behind my back and held it in front of Levi. I took off the poorly wrapped paper and lifted the lid to reveal the black ring with sapphire stones and I heard his breathing stopped. I continued.

"You are my counterpart. You are my other wing. You're the reason I fly and you're the reason I feel complete. I'm not proposing because I still feel it's a little early for that, but this is to show you that you are what I need to continue on. You're everything to me Levi, and without you, I have no hope of going on and learning to fly. I love you with all my heart, and together, I want us to fly as high as we can possibly go."

He was biting his bottom lip, and I would've done the same if I had the mind to do so. Levi looked completely stunned and I chuckled. He heard me and his cheeks let a heavy blush slip through. I took the ring out of its black satin cushion and reached for his right hand. I put the box on the couch in the space between our legs and slipped the ring on his right index finger, sighing in total relief when I saw it slide on with ease. Thank God I'd chosen the right size (and from merely guessing from memories, go me). The gems glistened on his finger and I had to say, it looked really good on him. He was looking down at it, and when I released his hand, he moved his fingers around to look at it from different angles. It took him no less than a minute to pull me towards him and give me the deepest kiss we've had in a while. His hands caressed my cheeks and my own found his waist. He pulled away from me, resting his head against my forehead and smiling the widest I've ever seen him.

"You didn't have to do this, Eren."

"Oh, but I did. You like it?"

"Like isn't even the proper word right now. Love would be sufficient, but even then it's not accurate. You said there were two though, right? Where's yours?"

"In it's box." My left hand left Levi's waist and grabbed the second velvet box. I pulled it out and showed it to him. He smiled and let go of my face to hold the box. He took the ring out, admired it for a minute, and held out his hand.

"Give me your hand."

Wordlessly, I held out my right hand and watched him slip the ring onto my finger. It sparkled just as much as his and he held his finger next to mine.

"They really do look nice together, don't they?"

"Just like us."

Levi rolled his eyes and I kissed him on the forehead.

"I love it, Eren. I really do."

"Good, because that's your Christmas present. I have one more thing to give you." Levi pulled away from my face and cocked his head to the side. My hands were back in the bag and I pulled out the box. I hadn't bothered wrapping it, so when Levi saw the tattered cardboard, he raised his eyebrow again. It wasn't until he read the  _To Eren, with all the love in the world. Don't forget about this, and make sure you use it!_  on the cover that he stiffened. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the cover, but I knew I had to tell Levi and I knew I had to start talking.

"For years, I don't know how long I've looked at the cover of this box, at that handwriting. It made me laugh, seeing that my mother's handwriting was where my scraggly handwriting came from. I knew we were similar, but I didn't know  _how_  similar, and these words remind me every time." I paused, letting my thumbs caress the words my mother wrote to me. "Both of my parents died, just like yours, except at different times. My mother was murdered on her way home from work, and my father hung himself after he fell into depression and he realized he couldn't live without her. Their deaths happened within a span of two months." I had to stop again to order my tears to not spill over. After a split second of regaining my composure, I continued. "Three months before she died, I got into a fight at school. I was maybe 9 at the time. I came home that day really angry, saying how much people stunk and how I wanted nothing to do with anyone ever. My mom felt bad for me and told me to go grab some paper and a pen and come meet her back in the kitchen. I remember I stomped all the way to my room and back, and when she heard my heavy footsteps, she laughed at me. I can still hear it sometimes. When I came back to the kitchen table with my paper and pen, she reached up into one of the cabinets and pulled down a big empty jar. She put it down in front of me and told me to rip pieces of paper in tiny pieces, but not too tiny because we were going to write on them. I did as I was told, and when I was done, she had told me to write something good that happened that day on a piece of paper, write the date below it, fold it up, and put it in the jar. If there was more than one good thing that happened that day, I had to put it on a separate piece of paper, date it, and put it in the jar as well. I had to do that for every good thing that happened so at the end of the year I could see just how good things were instead of just focusing on the bad, like I usually did."

I took a few more deep breaths and opened the lid to reveal the glass jar she had given me, along with some scraps of paper, a pen, and a folded note inside the jar. I carefully put the lid next to me on the couch and took the jar out along with the piece of paper inside.

Unfolding the piece of paper, I was met with the few words she'd written on it and my heart sank into my stomach. 

_Eren -- I don't have a jar of my own, so I'm putting this in yours. You want to know the good thing that happened to me today? I got to spend all day with you. You laughed when I got flour on my nose from baking cupcakes and you laughed even harder when I blew some in your face. You were so cute._

_I hope your days in the future are as good as the day I had today. I love you with all my heart, forever. Love always, Mom._

_P.S. Don't throw this away, okay? You have to keep it for me until I get a jar of my own. I'm counting on you to keep it safe for me!_

After I read it, I carefully handed the note to Levi, who read it for himself. He handled it with care, and gave it back to me. I looked up at him for the first time since I took out the box and saw that he was crying. They were quiet sobs, but even so, it broke my heart. Still, I had to finish what I wanted to say to him before I comforted him.

"I'm giving this jar to you. I want you to fill it with all the happy moments that happen to you, and at the end of the year, I want to read every single piece of paper with you. I want to create memories with you that you put in here and I want this to be your special little jar, just like how it was my special little jar for me when I was younger. I know my mom would be happy with me giving it to you, and I hope it makes you as happy as it made me."

When I was finished talking, tears spilled over my eyes and Levi was crying even harder. He took the box from me, gently put it on the coffee table, and tackled me back on the couch in a hug. He cried into the side of my neck and held onto me so tight it was hard to breathe. I didn't dare tell him to let go though, because I held on to him just as hard. Levi had begun reciting a mantra of "I love you"s over and over and over again until he calmed down. My tears had stopped before his; I had cried enough over my parents during my childhood and it didn't need my tears anymore. The only thing filling the jar would be happy things, not tears.

Levi pulled away from me with tears all over his face. His nose was read and his eyes were a little puffy and I lifted my hand up to wipe each one away with my thumb. He leaned his face into my touch as I did so and once I was done, he took both of my hands and held on to them just as tight as the hug he gave me.

"Eren you don't have to do this either."

"I know, but I want you to have it. I know you'll take care of it and treat it well, I trust you." He let out a shaky laugh and, for the millionth time that day, kissed me. This kiss wasn't as hard as the previous ones from earlier in the day; it was gentle, it was loving, it was  _understanding._  I knew Levi was bad with words sometimes, but with just that kiss alone, I knew that he was grateful, happy, and appreciative. He pulled away from me much too quickly, but as soon as he did, he took the note my mother wrote to me along with the picture frame he gave me holding us behind the glass. When he removed the backing, he folded the note up, placed it in back of our picture, and closed the picture frame. Once he was done with that, he took a piece of paper from inside the box along with the pen, wrote something on the note, folded it into a neat little square, and placed it in the jar. I wanted to read it, but he said I couldn't, and I hate to wait until the end of the year to see what it had said.

Later on, we'd finished our eggnog and played I played with my presents. The cologne Levi gave me smelled amazing and he said it was actually a different version of the one he usually wears. He said he bought it because the salesman said when the two scents were mixed, they smelled better together than they did apart. When he bought it, Levi said he was super skeptical and he didn't believe it, but he bought it anyway because it smelled nice regardless. I questioned whether or not he was right, so Levi went into his room, sprayed himself with his cologne, and when he came back, we learned the salesman was so, so right.

The black knit sweater Levi'd bought me fit wonderfully and it was so soft. The yarn used in making it was almost like fleece, and the second I slipped it over my head after unbuttoning my shirt and taking off my tie, I bunched the ends of the sleeves and hid my neck in the material. I heard Levi chuckle and looked over at him. He had taken off his button down and tie as well, settling on an ugly Christmas sweater with a cheesy Santa on it and swirls of white and green.

"You look fucking dumb, I hope you know that."

"And you look fucking adorable, I hope  _you_  know  _that."_

"I always know that."

"Shut up you spoiled brat." Levi closed what little space was between us and buried his face in my chest, wrapping his arms around my torso. He started nuzzling his face into the yarn and was mumbling something, but I couldn't hear him.

 "What are you even saying, I can't hear you." He pulled his face away and looked up at me.

"This sweater  _is_ really soft, I'm glad I bought it."

"I know right? It's super warm too, I love it. Thank you." I kissed his forehead and for a minute, he looked like a kid to me who just received praised from his parents. 

The rest of our little Christmas was spent in complete bliss -- we cuddled close to one another on the couch and watched  _The Santa Claus_ with Tim Allen and drank the rest of the carton of eggnog Levi had in his fridge. In our last glasses, he put a bit of rum in each. When we finished, we brought the glasses into the sink and washed them. I was about to leave the doorway to go back into the living room, but Levi's hand stopped me and pulled me back. My head tilted to the side, clearly confused, but he just smiled and pointed upwards. The sly little fuck put a mistletoe in the entryway to the kitchen. I looked back at Levi and watched as he lazily wrapped his arms around my neck and leaned up to kiss me. I pulled his body so he was closer to me and he stepped on both of my feet. We kissed, and when we both broke away, he stayed on my feet and I walked back into the living room with him on my toes. We were laughing as we both fell onto the couch, with him on top of me. We peppered each other in kisses and cuddled until the end of the movie. Levi had fallen asleep 20 minutes before it was over, so I carried him to bed after shutting off the TV. I gently placed him on his side of the mattress and dug out his pajamas from the drawer I knew he kept them in. I also knew he didn't like sleeping in too many layers, so I just got out a pair of sweatpants for him to sleep in. I took off the ugly sweater, his slacks and shoes and put his sweatpants on. He crawled right into place as soon as the comforter covered his shoulders and I smiled, enjoying the peaceful expression he wore.

I went back into the living room to get my duffle bag and brought it back to Levi's bedroom. I silently changed into a pair of sweatpants as well and tossed my clothes into my bag. I was about to get in bed, but I remembered the note Levi had put in the jar and went back into the living room to see what he wrote. Levi had shifted over the picture of us so that both the frame and the jar were in the middle. My hand reached in and grabbed the note, unfolding it so I could read it. His handwriting was in cursive and it was so fluid and had a nice flow to it, unlike my scraggly writing. I smiled to myself, feeling my chest cave, and I neatly put it back in the jar, walked back to the bedroom, crawled into bed, and laced my legs with Levi's, grabbing and holding onto his hand. He moved closer to me and leaned his head against my chest. I closed my eyes and right before sleep could take me, I murmured out a "Happy Birthday, Levi."

 

~

 

_December 25, 2013_

_My first holiday and birthday with Eren. Presents were my beautiful ring and his mother's jar. I couldn't_

_have asked for a better day, and I'm glad I got to spend it with him._

_I fell in love all over again._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I officially end this chapter, I'd just like to note that while I DO appreciate every single ounce of criticism, opinions, and your thoughts on it so far, I would like to ask if you could please refrain from telling me that it's lacking incentive or what have you; I know what I'm writing, I know how it's ending. I already have this entire story plotted out and I did before I started working on it, so please be patient with me while I'm writing it out and getting the ball rolling. I don't want to rush anything, I don't want to force the story on you, and I don't want it to end too abruptly, which is why I'm sort of taking my time with developing everything. I want it to flow and make sense, as weird as that may sound. And since this is my first fic, I know there are a lot of mistakes and I know the structure of the story may seem a little abnormal, but even 13 chapters in I'm still trying to get used to this, so bare with me as much as you can. Also, I know that a lot of people have an idea of how this is going to end and they have their predictions, but please only hint that you know if you choose to comment! I don't want the story spoiled for other readers if they read the comments and I don't want them to stop reading because they think they know how it's ending already (which by the way, is totally off the mark because I'm telling you the ending I have is SO different from how it's been predicted so far). However, if you do wish to talk to me about the ending and tell me how you think it'll end, message me on tumblr and we can talk privately c:
> 
> By ALL MEANS if you have any questions or comments regarding the chapters or about anything at all, please feel absolutely free to leave them here or send me an ask on tumblr! I love hearing back from people and everyone's opinions really matter to me because I take it into consideration while I'm writing out each chapter.
> 
> I had so much fun writing this chapter though, it literally made my heart hurt ahhhhh I hope you liked it!!!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading my cute lil cupcakes （○゜ε＾○）♡.


	14. Initial Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren spends the day with the gang before it all comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get really carried away with descriptive paragraphs and don't put enough dialogue hoorah.

[ Eren ]

Levi wasn't exactly the best cook on the planet.

We woke up the day after Christmas at 8 in the morning and feeling particularly lazy, not getting out of bed until 10. Levi usually took Saturdays as his "fuck everything I'm gonna be as much of a bum as I want" days and slept in for however long he wanted; everyone knew not to disturb him on Saturdays until well after 2pm, when it was almost guaranteed that he was up and willing to converse with someone. When he woke up that morning, he did act like a lazy fuck, wrapping his legs in mine and burying his face in my chest, and didn't stir until around 10. After I get up in the morning, I can't fall back asleep until later that night, so I spent those two hours memorizing every detail of his face, brushing his bangs away from his eyes, tracing invisible lines down the length of his spine. I admired his thick eyelashes, his perfectly curved nose and perfect Cupid’s bow right above his perfect lips. Who was I to oppose a morning like this? Staying in bed with my boyfriend on a lazy Saturday with him in my arms. Couldn't complain if I wanted to.

However, all good things come to an end. By 10:15, Levi was nearly fully awake, much to his dismay, and ready to get up and got out of bed. I whined and groaned and protested as long as I could (which only lasted about 3 minutes) before Levi tugged on both my arms and forced my body out of bed. We brushed our teeth and took a shower together (purely for the purpose of saving water...yeah okay; we actually made a mess of it, and it wasn't from soap bubbles) before crawling into the kitchen to see what he had stocked in his cabinets for breakfast. There were a half a dozen eggs, some orange juice, milk, bread, butter, and cinnamon. It was Levi's decision to try and make French toast and holy shit do I regret saying "Sounds good to me, let's give it a go." Needless to say, it failed miserably. Levi had a good start getting the pan going, beating the eggs in a bowl, and sprinkling cinnamon on the bread until the bread actually went in the pan and was left alone for a minute...or five. I'll admit it was my fault -- I had told him seeing him cooking was kinda hot and it'd be even hotter if he was in a naked apron, to which he hit me on the arm and shoved me away. I'd snaked my arms around his waist, leaning my chin on his shoulder, and he resisted before turning around and kissing me. Our brief kissing indulgence left the French toast unattended and it burned so bad it was in ashes. Levi cursed like a sailor for a good ten minutes, blamed me for 15 more, and ended with, "For shit's sake, all I wanted was some fucking decent fucking French toast. Fuck this Eren, we're going to Cam's." Seeing him flustered over a failed breakfast was certainly an adorable sight to see. 

Breakfast turned into a tiny adventure across town. Cam's was the only restaurant in the entire area that served only breakfast and it was open 24 hours, so all the college kids ventured on over late at night and stayed until morning cramming for an exam or doing homework while having a bacon egg and cheese on a roll with sweet tea. That meal was literally named "The College Specialty" and if you showed your ID here after 12 at night, you received that meal and a 3-dollar discount. I thought it was kind of silly to do because really what other kid would spend a school night sitting in a restaurant surrounded by a sea of papers and unwanted assignments from 12-5am? That aside, the most popular thing on the menu though was their chocolate chip pancakes, and they had every right to be number one. They were homemade buttermilk pancakes with tons of milk chocolate chips topped off with a mix of regular and chocolate whipped cream. It's what I got every time I came here with a steaming hot chocolate to wash them down. One could never have enough chocolate, unless you were Levi, in which case only dark chocolate was acceptable. While that was my breakfast of choice, Levi preferred their french toast, their fried egg sandwiches, and their buttermilk pancakes (sans chocolate). Today, he ordered a large hot coffee, French toast, and hash browns for us to share. Our waitress kind of looked at us funny, because we were so occupied with wanting to get breakfast that morning that we hadn't even bothered to put on normal clothes -- we were still in our pajamas, and let me tell you, seeing someone as intimidating at first glance as Levi in blue plaid fleece pajama pants and a blue t-shirt with a sentence that said on the back "If you fall a horse's length behind me, you're titan meat" on it is kind of creepy and hilarious. At least my pajama attire was decent; black sweatpants and a green V-neck shirt were mildly acceptable in the morning cultured part of town.

And so, our morning meal ensued. Twice I wiped chocolate whipped cream on Levi's nose and twice he made me kiss it off, refusing to wipe it off and lick it himself. Because of that, I ended up with hash browns spelling out "DIE" on my pancakes, courtesy of my ever so loving and charming boyfriend. We ate, we laughed, we made stories for the other customers in Cam's getting food. This one boy looked so stressed out he looked like he was about to throw his hands up and leave, and Levi was the one to give him a backstory. Levi said his name was Nicholas, and he came from out of state, probably Illinois. His parents are divorced and they hate each other, and even though it hurts him, he loves the extra presents they give him to help make up for their fighting. He graduated high school with a B+ and is trying super hard to study because he really, really wants that car his dad promised to get him if he got straight A's. It wasn't his only incentive though, because if he got a car, he could actually try and go find a decent job instead of cleaning toilets in Burger King. Levi's story made me laugh and hot chocolate almost came out of my nose, which resulted in me scrambling for napkins and Levi covering his mouth to stifle his own snorts of amusement. 

Our meal ended sooner than I wanted it to, and in a blink of an eye, we were back in his Audi, which actually looked  _really wrong_  from an outsider's perspective. Here was this beautiful, elegant, business-like car, and here we were, in ratty pajamas with bedhead and a mussed up facade. It was certainly a laughable sight and we received more than a few inquisitive looks from customers heading into Cam's and coming out. We both noticed the onlookers, but we didn't say anything until we were in his car, and even then all we could do was giggle. Levi, with one hand on the wheel and the other locked in mine, drove back to his house so I could fetch my belongings and head back to Barton, albeit unwillingly. I knew I had to spend time with Mikasa before we left, but leaving Levi was never a happy occurrence for me. He gave me the whole "she's your sister and she won't be here for long, I'll still be here" speech and that I needed to spend time with her as much as I could before she left. And it's not like I didn't agree, I totally did, I just didn't feel like leaving. Still, my wishes were brushed aside and we went back to his apartment. Gunter greeted us back when we entered the lobby and laughed at our outlandish appearances before we took the elevator up. Levi unlocked the door for me, went into the kitchen to fetch something from a drawer next to the fridge, and walked back into the hallway. He leaned against the doorframe and said he'd be waiting out there for me. I yelled back an okay from his bedroom, folded my fancy clothes I wore the day before in my duffel bag, threw my hoodie on, and met him back in the entryway. I smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on the lips before he closed and locked the door behind us. Back in the lobby, Gunter rose up from his front desk position and went to the door to open it for us. I said thank you while Levi just grunted at him, and we were back in Levi's car in no time at all. I laced my fingers with his once more and sighed, looking out the window as I watched the scenery leave my line of vision.

 

~

 

[ Levi ]

My morning with Eren was wonderfully spent, and I can honestly say I hadn't laughed like I did at breakfast in a long time. Making up stories about people, playing with food and just messing around was something I never got to fully enjoy with another person, and it was such a blissful feeling. We acted so carefree, so unafraid of what anyone had to say about us in our sleepwear and crazy hairdos. It's a liberating feeling, not paying any mind to anyone else's opinions. It let's you open up without fear. It let's you do the things you knew you wouldn't if you were still mindful of another outlook that didn't matter. Not that I paid much attention to what other people had to say about me, because from the get-go I never cared. It just never occurred to me that I had to create this sort of persona to be accepted by other people, and I never dwelled on it too much, if at all. I was always who I was, and I never bothered trying to please anyone but myself. But on that morning after Christmas with Eren, that's when I knew what true freedom was. I suddenly knew what it meant to not care about anyone, anything else, other than the person who matters most to me.

But I should have known that all good things don't last. I should've questioned why Gunter left his post in the lobby when I saw him in the rearview mirror of my car when driving Eren home. I should have been more aware, I should've been on guard. How long had my guard been down? How long did I go not noticing my surroundings? I spent years of my life harboring and growing this eagle eye so I could see the entirety of my immediate environment and be 100% in tune with everything around me.

Why didn't I make sure that Eren was protected at all costs?

I should've known.

 

~

 

[ Eren ]

We reached campus all to soon, and just like that, the events of Christmas and the morning after were in the past. Of course I was sad leaving him, but I was also excited to spend the day with Armin and Mikasa. We exchanged an I love you, one more kiss, and Levi drove away after giving me the promise of a call later when he was done with working on his next project. I trudged up the front steps of the dorm building, duffel bag in tow, and took the elevator up to my floor. In front of the door, I heard muffled sounds of arguing and immediately my body tensed. Mikasa never fought with Armin, and when she did, it was quickly resolved and forgotten with laughter and hugs. But it seemed like quite the argument and I probably would've stood in the hall for the next couple of minutes just listening to their faint bickering when the door burst open. It was Mikasa, a tad red in the face and her brows scrunched up, until she saw me and her face widened in shock.

"Eren!"

"I'm home?"

Mikasa's face clouded over with what I guessed to be a mixture of concern, conflict, and exhaustion from talking, as she looked sideways down at the floor. She sighed and went down the hallway into Sasha's room and closed the door without another word. Confused, I walked into the room to see the usual sight of blankets and pillows strewn across the floor, but a very  _un_ usually sad looking Armin standing in the middle of them. His gaze was cast downward initially, but shifted to meet my eyes. He gave me a sad smile upon watching me close the door behind me and gave a half-hearted wave.

"Welcome back. Did you enjoy your time with Levi?"

I hesitated in answering, but nodded my head. "Yeah, it was really nice. I'll tell you about it, but first what happened?"

Armin sighed and fell back against the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them like he used to do when he was younger and scared of something. His chin rested in the unoccupied space between where his knees didn't touch and grunted, letting go of his knees and settling on just crossing his legs on the couch. He was incredibly antsy and it made swirls of nervousness spring in my chest. I threw my duffel bag on top of my dresser and sat on the couch next to him.

"Armin, what's wrong?"

Playing with his nails and mumbling, he said, "I'm going to tell you but you have to promise me you won't freak out okay."

"No guarantees."

He looked up and said rather sternly, "Eren."

I crossed my arms and leaned against the back cushion of the sofa. "Ugh fine."

Armin took a deep breath and covered his face in his hands before dragging them down and rubbing them across his cheeks. He sat up and looked directly at me. "Alright I'm just gonna say it, to hell with it. This morning Jean texted me and asked if I wanted to grab breakfast with him so I said yes and we got some coffee and shared a giant blueberry muffin at that really good café next to the B cluster. When we were done, we walked around the quad and sat on a bench by the study park and he held my hand and kissed me and we were kissing for god even knows how long but Mikasa saw us and --"

"You and Jean did  _what?!"_ Immediately I was on my feet, hands clenching into fists, staring down at Armin in sheer astonishment.

"This is how Mikasa acted too, I forget you guys are siblings for crying out loud." Armin groaned in frustration and covered his face in his hands, hanging his head.

"What the hell was he doing kissing you?! I swear on all delicious foods I will find Jean motherfucking Kirschtein and when I do holy hell I'm gonna --"

"Eren, no!" Armin stood up then, staring at me with ferocity I don't think I've ever seen him show. "If you so much as look at Jean like you want to kill him I'll...I'll find another roommate."

My arms seemed to have a mind of their own, flailing around and making wide-ranged gestures. "The hell you will! What the  _fuck_ , Armin?!"

"You want to know why we were sucking face? He's my fucking boyfriend, Eren. I'm gay, alright!" If I had a response before, it was completely out of my head then. I was drawing an absolute blank on how to respond. Armin was gay? Why didn't he tell me? How long did he know? What triggered it? Did Jean turn him gay or has he just always been and I failed to notice?

My face, absent of any anger or negative emotion, my arms, no longer flailing, and my mouth, void of any coherent response, all stopped their previous missions of helping me show my level of anger. That was all forgotten, and all I could concentrate on was Armin, my best friend, my brother. My mouth still agape, I slowly sat back down on the couch and let my elbows lean against my thighs and my body lean sideways to watch as Armin returned to his spot next to me. He sighed and rubbed his temples. 

"I'm gay, and Jean is my boyfriend. We got together a little bit before you started dating Levi, but I didn't say anything because I knew how happy you were that you finally got to be with Levi and I didn't want to steal your thunder or anything. And this was  _so_ not how I wanted to tell you, or Mikasa, but here we are."

A minute of silence passed between us as my brain got used to the idea of Armin dating that  _thing._  I was still angry, but I had other things, more important things, to consider first and foremost. "So...if you and Jean got together a little bit before Levi and I, that means you've been together for around four months?"

"Yeah."

"Four  _months?_  Armin you couldn't find the time in all of four months to tell me you were dating Jean? Or even that you were gay? Hell, forget four months, we've been best friends since we're born. You're like my brother, I thought you told me everything, I thought --"

"Eren that's not it." Minor frustration slipping into his tone, Armin took a deep breath and exhaled, letting his back sink into the supporting cushion of the couch. “I realized I was…different…during junior year of high school. I didn’t want to say anything then because I still wasn’t sure and I wanted to see for myself and be 100% positive before I told anyone. I hooked up with girls at parties here and there, and I felt nothing. They were attractive and appealing, but they just didn’t do it for me. And then I was in the library one day and this really cute guy just sat next to me and started talking to me and before I even knew it he was telling me smartness was such a hot thing about me while he kissed me in the back silent study room.” Armin paused, lost in his memory over discovering himself. “I’m not a whore okay, I don’t hook up with just anyone. It was purely an experiment, a self-awareness experiment where I tested out the waters and came to the ultimate conclusion that I preferred dicks to chicks.”

Granted it was a serious situation, but at that I had to laugh. Armin giggled and hit me on the shoulder.

“Shut up, you get it. Which by the way you didn’t even tell me you were pansexual or whatever the hell until four months ago so you’re one to talk, mister ‘I tell my best friend brother everything.’ Now we’re even.”

My laughing subsided and I shrugged. “I guess so. Still, I told you about Levi and how I felt about him.”

“Yeah, but I knew how important it was to you, and I didn’t want to make it seem about me, so I let you have your bliss without me busting in and confessing all over the place.”

I rolled my eyes and nudged my shoulder against his. I let my smile fall and looked at him with pure curiosity. “So really? _Jean,_ of all people?”

It was Armin’s turn to roll his eyes and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes, Jean. You’d be surprised to find out he’s actually a really, really, really good guy, and I like him a lot.”

“Yeah he’s a good guy, and I can sprout wings and fly across the country.”

“Eren I’m serious.”

“Yeah me too, watch me go.”

“I hate you.”

I laughed and Armin did too for a solid five seconds before his face was overcome with joy and (dare I say it) love.

“He’s just…it’s not something I’ve felt before. Yeah I’ve had crushes on guys a lot, but I feel like this time its more than that. He treats me like a king, he’s considerate, he listens to me, he pays attention and he knows me almost as good as I know myself. I know, I sound like a sappy teenage girl, but I’m being totally honest with you. He’s amazing, Eren; truly and simply amazing.”

I never liked Jean and I probably would never come to, but liking was not the same as accepting, and if he loved Armin and made him the happiest man on planet Earth, than I’ll be damned if I denied Armin that paradise. I’m not a selfish stupid shit, I can recognize when to let Armin do his thing and be happy. So, with a deep inhale of oxygen, I let that be known.

“I don't like Jean, Armin. And before you go on ramble rant, let me say this. I don’t like him, but if he’s what you want and he makes you happy and you fall in love with him, I’ll tolerate him the best I can. I don’t give a shit about him, I want _you_ to be on cloud nine, and if he ever so much as harms one hair on your fucking precious head he won’t be alive to even say he’s sorry.”

Rolling his eyes again, Armin tackled me in a hug. My back landed against the arm of the couch and his arms wrapped around my torso, his face covered by blonde streaks of hair and my shirt. It made me remember that time he was bullied when we were 10 and Mikasa beat the shit out of those guys while Armin hid in the front of my shirt so he wouldn’t have to watch. Of course, they beat the shit out of me first because I couldn’t pack a punch like she could, but I guess my persistence and holding my ground gave me some kudos. But that was then, and this is now. He didn’t need as much protecting from us like he did before; but even so, I’d always be there beside him, ready to come to his aid and defense whenever he needed me. And that wasn’t changing.

We were just parting from our hug when a knock came on the door. Simultaneously, Armin and I looked from the door, to each other, and back to the door. I was the first to get up and answer it, and was surprised to see a solemn-looking Mikasa on the other side.

Her voice was a near whisper and her arm was holding the other one that was hung at her side. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey.”

“Do you mind if I come in?”

Armin was quick to answer. “Not at all.”

Mikasa walked inside and plopped herself in my spot on the couch. She was looking down at the floor and I was about to say _something_ , but she was ultimately the one to speak first.

“Armin, look, about what I said before, I didn’t mean –“

“No, it’s okay, I get it.”

“I was just – it was really shocking for me, okay? I wasn’t expecting that. First my brother goes gay –“

“Pan.”

“—and now YOU say you’re dating a guy too. It’s a little shocking to hear that both of my family members are dating a guy, that’s all. I’m sorry if I hurt you, that wasn’t my intention.”

“Mikasa shush, it’s okay.” Armin knelt in front of her and squeezed her while she hugged him back.

~

Everything was cleared up relatively quickly and we were back to our old selves. Mikasa had suggested we play a video game together, but Armin said that Marco had texted him earlier and told him the lake down the street from campus was totally frozen over enough to skate on and the gang would be there if we wanted to join them. We all immediately jumped on the idea to go skating and Mikasa left to go back to her room and change into something warmer than pajamas. Not feeling the need to change out of mine, I kept my hoodie on, threw on my winter boots, and rummaged in the bottom of my closet for my skates. Since we grew up in a small town that was always really cold in the winter, our parents, before they left, bought us each a pair of ice skates so we could skate around the little pond by our house; they always came in handy. After Armin finished dressing, he wound up looking like a marshmallow with far too many layers and winter accessories; earmuffs, gloves, scarf, hat and all. I took a quick picture on my phone for future blackmail and laughed until Mikasa came back. She settled on jeans, sneakers, her puffy black jacket, and the never-removed red scarf I gave her when we were younger. She laughed at Armin as much as I had and helped him shed unnecessary articles of clothing so he wouldn’t be so puffy. In the end, he still looked a bit like a marshmallow, but it was doable and he could move a lot better than before. He found his skates in his closet in their usual box and tied the laces together so he could carry them both at the same time. We each made sure we had our wallets, keys, and phones, and headed out of Barton down the road and to the lake.

At the end of our walk down the long street, we heard a handful of voices and were pleasantly surprised to see that some of our friends were actually on skates on the ice. We stopped walking and looked at everyone on and around the lake; a smile spread on my face right away and when I looked over at Armin, he was smiling too. Mikasa grinned a little, obviously aware that the people on the ice were, indeed, our friends, and tugged at my arm to pull me forward and towards the group.

Annie, the girl who had told me about Hanji’s class at the beginning of the semester, was sitting cross-legged off to the side in the snow with a hot cup of something in her hands and chuckling at Reiner’s attempts to help his boyfriend skate. Reiner was desperately trying to hold up his clumsy Bertholdt from falling and, judging by the look of his wobbly legs and poorly tied skates, I could see it was a wasted effort. Soon enough, he fell, and dragged Reiner down with him. Reiner busted into loud, roaring laughter, and Bert laughed nervously, kissing his cheek in apology. Connie was throwing snowballs at Sasha, who held a chunk of snow in one hand to munch on and a snowball in the other, which she threw at Connie in retaliation. Connie quickly gave up and called her over to start making a snow fort, which made her jump in excitement and drop the snow she was eating to go help. Marco was kneeling on the edge of the lake in front of a heated Jean, who was frustrated that he couldn’t tie his own skates. No surprise there though, the guy was a dunce. From where we stood, I could see Marco’s hands expertly lacing the skates while he asked him if it was too tight. Jean pouted, shook his head, and stood up once Marco patted the side of the boot and told him he was good to go. Back on the ice, Jean almost fell face first, and I would’ve laughed had I not remembered that was Armin’s boyfriend and I told him I’d be good. Once he was used to the slippery ground though, Jean skated really well, and Marco challenged him to a game of ice tag. The two skated around the lake while Ymir and Krista constructed a snowman a little ways away, but not far enough so that they weren’t included. I looked at everyone and grinnes; we had all met each other at orientation our first semester at Shiganshina U in the beginning of last year and already it feels so long since then. We don’t always talk much, but there are occasions like this one where we get together and just hang out and be total dorks, and now I got to include Mikasa. The gang was complete.

I cupped by hands around my mouth and shouted a, “Helloooooooooooo!” All at once, everyone stopped what they were doing and screamed a, “Yoooooooooooo!” back at me. It was kind of a dumb thing we usually did because when we first met, Ymir had said “hello” to everyone, but everyone thought she said “yo” because she said it so low, so now when someone says hello we just yell “yo” back because its funny and we like to make fun of Ymir. She gets mad, and Krista always kisses her cheek and calms her down, so all is well.

I got a wave from everyone but Jean and Annie, and Connie and Sasha were the first to come say hello to us.

“Eren you came!”

“Of course I did, why wouldn’t I?” Connie gave me a high five and brief hug before Sasha tackled me, while Connie went to say hi to Armin with her behind him. They stepped back and confusion shot on their faces.

“Brought a friend?”

“Kind of. Connie, this is my sister, Mikasa.”

Connie held out his frozen hand and offered her a giant smile. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Connie.”

Mikasa shook her hand and smiled back. “It’s nice to meet you as well. Eren talks about you guys all the time.”

“He does, no way!”

“Well, when he calls me. Which is rare.”

At that point, everyone had started walking over to see who the third party of our group was and just to make things easier, I stepped back with Mikasa so we were a few feet away from my crowd of friends. Armin had found Jean and was standing next to him, fingers locked together and lips on his cheek in greeting. I would’ve made vomiting noises, but again, I was being mindful of how I acted, and I wasn’t focusing on that right now anyway. But before I could introduce my sister, I caught Armin whispering in Jean’s ear, and Jean looked right at me, a little shocked to hear from him that I had knowledge of their relationship. I glared at him for a brief moment, but then just gave a smug smile and continued my mission of introduction.

“Alright guys, before you bombard me with questions on who she is, this is my sister Mikasa. She goes to Trost U and – I know, I know, but stop with the booing. She’s going on a full scholarship and even though their teams are our worst rivals, be nice to her okay.”

Everyone shouted a hello and Mikasa gave a small wave before they individually came up to meet her and give their names. Once everyone was aware of who she was and she was aware of them, Mikasa turned to me and whispered, “I’m glad you have nice friends.” I looked down at her and ruffled her hair, which made her groan. “Hell yeah, I have nice friends.”

Armin was the quickest to put his skates on, and before Mikasa and I could sit down to put our own on our feet, he was on the ice with Jean and Marco, holding Jean’s hand. He was laughing though, and that made me happy, so I looked down at my sneakers and sighed before chucking them off and working on getting my skates laced up. Mikasa was quicker and had hers already laced and set to go before I even got one on my foot. She sighed and swatted my hands away so she could do them for me, which just made me give up and I leaned backwards, letting my back fall into the snow.

Marco, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and I were the only ones to actually had ice skates. Marco said he used to work at a skate shop, so they gave him some for free, and Jean said he bought some from where Marco worked just because he didn’t want to be the one on sneakers when we all came to the lake to hang out. I was actually impressed with my willpower to not lash out at any chance I could at Jean, which I think Armin silently appreciated, because he caught my eye, gave me a smile and a nod of his head. I could understand completely why Jean liked Armin, and in a platonic way, I thought he was good looking (Armin, not Jean…gross). His hair always fell just right and when it was brushed back in a ponytail like it was now, his bangs and some pieces came loose and hung around his face, making him look so much older than 20. His body had finally gained some muscle, his cheekbones became more prominent, but his eyes stayed that captivating, glowing blue. If I were to take a step back and look at him, not as a brother or anything, I could happily admit and recognize he was incredibly good looking. I must say, my best friend was a pretty attractive dude. Jean was lucky to have him.

Looking at the rest of the group, it hit me that we really are a bunch of fucking dorks. Since everyone else didn’t have skates, no one really came on the ice except for Connie and Sasha, who had taken a running head start on the snow and slid across the lake on sneakers. It was hilarious, especially when Connie shot from one end to the other and landed face first in snow. Krista was burying Ymir in snow, who pouted and complained. Mikasa had sat next to Annie and was talking to her, gesturing about something huge with her hands. Bert and Reiner had given up on trying to meet the ice and were making snow angels (more like snow giants, holy hell, have you seen the size of the two of them?) off bye Ymir and Krista. Marco had skated off to the side to talk to Mikasa and Annie, leaving Armin and Jean to skate around in comfortable silence. I was by myself, and honestly it wasn’t bad. I liked being by myself a lot and just knowing good friends surrounded me was enough to make me happy, and so I skated around, humming a song and realizing just how much gay occupied the frozen lake.

~

We lasted in the snow and on the ice for close to three hours before the sun started to set and we were frozen solid. Sasha suggested we all go to dinner together, and everyone thought it was a good idea, so we headed back to our dorm rooms, put all of our stuff away, changed, and met up back in the middle of the quad. We managed to all decide that going to a diner was probably the best option because it had a wide enough variety of food for all of us to choose from. Everyone piled into 3 cars and we headed to get some dinner.

The details of dinner weren’t that spectacular. Picture this – a group of mostly immature, young idiots flicking french fries at each other, making a mountain out of onion rings, and five million root beer floats covering almost every inch of the table where food didn’t already have a spot. Sandwiches and wraps and fries and chicken tenders were quickly replaced with brownies, ice cream, freshly baked cookies, and whatever other dessert we could afford to get. When we finished everything, were totally stuffed and got the check, we looked towards the center of the table, which held everyone’s cell phones, and waited. On the rare occasion that we did get to go out to eat together, we played this game where everyone put their cell phones in a pile in the center of the table and, after we were done eating, we waited to see who’s would vibrate or ring first, and who’s ever did, had to pay the pill. Well, we were too nice to force a $100+ bill on just one person, so we all paid for ourselves; still, it was funny to see who would’ve had to pay had we actually enforced the rule of first ring gets the check. W waited for 8 minutes and watched as Jean’s phone was the first to vibrate (it was his mom). He cursed and threw his hands up in the air, yelling rather loudly, “Every fucking time!” Armin hushed him with his lips, laughing into the kiss, and everyone in unison made puking noises. When the two had pulled away, Jean just blushed and Armin rolled his eyes at everyone’s remark.

A day well spent and a night thoroughly enjoyed came to a close as everyone said goodbye in front of the diner, giving hugs all around and promises of another adventure soon, and headed into the cars they came in with someone else. Reiner drove Armin, Mikasa and I back to Barton and drove himself and Bert back to their dorm on the other side of campus. Body aching from the strenuous amount of skating I did, I slowly followed my best friends back upstairs. Once we were in our room, we all plopped down on the couch and stayed there for 10 minutes before Armin got up and started pacing back and forth.

“You know, it’s 10pm and we just spent an entire day with our friends and I’m not even the least bit tired. Usually hanging out with everyone makes me exhausted but I’m so… _not_ right now.”

I rubbed my knee, feeling a bruise from where I had fallen earlier, and replied, “Eh, my body hurts but I guess I’m not tired?”

Mikasa gave a non-verbal answer and shrugged her shoulders in agreement. Armin, still pacing, came to a halt, crouched on the floor in front of his desk, and rummaged through one of his bottom drawers. A moment later he closed the drawer and flashed a daring grin while holding up the game I absolutely despised in his hands.

“Monopoly, anyone?”

“Oh hell no. Do you not remember what happened last time? Eren got so frustrated he turned the whole room upside down.” Mikasa was right; Monopoly aggravates me to no end and the last time the three of us played I was so angry I had to pay Armin $700 dollars in one sitting that I completely trashed the room (it was the living room of my house back home). We haven’t played it since, and I honestly did not expect Armin to bring it to college.

Taking it as a personal challenge, I sat up straight, puffed my chest out overdramatically and scoffed at him. “You want to fuckin’ go? Oh we’ll fuckin’ go. Bring it, blondie.”

“You’re on, brownie.”

Mikasa just groaned, grabbed a pillow from my bed, and put it under her while she resumed her spot on the floor. We sat in our usual circle encompassed by strewn-about blankets and decorative pillows. Mikasa lay on her stomach while Armin and I were cross-legged, totally focused on beating each other. Mikasa actually didn’t mind playing so much, but she acted as our mediator and third party spectator to calmly find a solution to the common disputes over housing and property Armin and I frequently had. It was a mess and we took it far too seriously, but it was amusing, for Mikasa, at least.

Of course, my sister and her premonitions were remarkable in foretelling further quarrels between blondie and I, because not even 20 minutes into the game and already I was yelling that I had already owned two of the yellow properties and Armin had absolutely zero reason to buy the last one, even if it was just to spite me. Armin always had a strategy though; when he noticed I had two of one of the color-coded properties, he usually bought the third one just so he could make a profit if he wanted to sell it to me. Stupid fucker and his smart brain, how dare he.

“Pay up, Eren.”

“No fucking way you did that AGAIN! Mikasa tell him he can’t keep fucking buying my third property just so he could sell it to me and prevent me from buying houses, it’s not fair.”

“Actually its totally fair because it doesn’t have your name on it and I can buy whatever I want. Who cares if I want to sell it to you, at least I have half a brain and thought of something to make me some money, unlike _you_ who just keeps spending every penny on so many others. You’d think you want to actually be _successful_ in this game. Right, Mikasa?”

“Mikasa don’t answer that.”

“Why not? It was a simple question and she’s perfectly capable of answering.”

“Armin I swear to God.”

“Eren I swear on this entire game.”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!”

“IT MEANS I’M MAKING A BUTTFUCK TON MORE MONEY THAN YOU SO SHUT UP AND BE A LITTLE MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH YOUR SPENDING!”

“Mikasa!”

“Mikasa!”

“Will the both of you just shut up, holy shit!” Mikasa was on her feet and heading to the mini fridge for a cream soda. With a heavy sigh, she sat back down in her spot and rubbed the side of her head with her free hand.

“Armin, doing this every single time is a little clichéd by now and if you keep it up, Eren will just stop buying everything altogether and will probably make a mess of your room, so be quiet and stop doing it. Eren, you can’t just tell him to stop, because technically he’s allowed to be doing exactly that and if you look at it from a professional standpoint, it’s a pretty smart move, even though it’s just a fucking game. In closing, it’s _just a fucking game, guys._ Seriously, every time.”

I looked up to see Armin looking at me and we held a serious face for about .2 seconds before busting into laughter. Armin fell backwards, clutching his stomach and I fell on my side, covering my face and laughing into my hands. Of course we knew how stupid this was, and even though we were 20 years old, we still acted how we did when we were 11 and playing this game. It never failed to entertain us, when our inner childlike selves came out to play. Literally.

When our laughing fit was over and Mikasa’s cream soda can was drained of it’s contents, Armin looked at the cable box under the TV, which said in bright orange numbers that it was 9:30pm. He tossed his Monopoly piece (the top hat) back in the box along with mine (the boot) and Mikasa’s (the schnauzer puppy).

“Eren it’s Saturday, our garbage has to go out. They collect it tomorrow morning and I did it last week, you’re up.”

I groaned and fell backwards, spreading my arms out on both sides of me and looking up at the ceiling. “Do I have to? I’ll pay you in licorice if you do it for me.”

“Tempting, but no.”

“Mika –“

“Don't you dare.”

“Uuuuugh.” I lazily pulled my body up and went into our makeshift mini kitchen. The bag was already tied and waiting for me to take it outside. I really, really didn’t want to go because by then it was already 30 degrees out and I didn’t feel like freezing my balls off, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

“You can do it, Eren. For the sake of humanity!” Armin gave me a salute with his right hand curled into a fist held sideways over his heart and his other hand behind his back with a smirk on his face.

“For the sake of humanity!” I returned the salute, grabbed the garbage bag, and ran out of the door slapping my hand against my mouth to make those stereotypical Indian war noises. As I made my way down the hall to the elevator, someone inside their dorm room returned the call and I laughed all the way there.

As I expected, it was cold as shit outside, and of course, I forgot my jacket and threw on sandals rather than something more heat retainable, like sneakers or, even better, snow boots. I shivered, half voluntarily and half reluctantly, and ran to the dumpster behind Barton to throw the garbage bag in the filthy bin. I tossed it over the edge and was more than ready to go back to my room.

But of course, nothing was that easy, and I didn’t go back to my room.

I had failed to notice the two sets of footsteps following me in between the buildings to the dumpster and was more confused than terrified when two hands grabbed my wrists and pulled them behind my back.

My arms were restrained my hands with rough calluses and a separate set of hands held my head. One hand was on the base of my neck, holding it in place, while the other held a cloth over my mouth.

I struggled, I tried to breath, I tried to break free. Nothing was that easy, and so I failed. A muffled laugh. A hard grip on my wrists. My vision quickly getting blurry.

The last thing I remember seeing was a black cat sitting perfectly upright next to the corner of the dumpster, swaying it’s tail and holding an almost mocking glint in it’s eye, before my vision was completely stolen from me and I went under.

 

~

 

[ Armin ]

Eren was always such a hotheaded moron and in cases where it got in the way of his strategy in winning Monopoly, it made me love him even more. His frustration over a stupid game provided endless amounts of amusement and even though Mikasa acted all annoyed and uninterested, I knew she enjoyed the hilarity of his childishness; to an extent, anyway.

We were cleaning up the game board while Eren was taking the garbage out when Mikasa stopped and touched my arm.

“You know…you and Jean look really good together and you seem really happy.”

I stopped putting the houses in the box and looked up at her, a smile quick to spread across my lips. “Thanks, and I am. He’s not a bad guy like Eren thinks he his, and I was actually pleasantly surprised that he didn’t get in his face much today like I thought he would.”

“You never realized that Eren always does that, though.”

“Does what?”

“Protect you.”

I paused, letting her words sink in. It was a given that Eren acted as my protector on more than one occasion, especially when we were younger and I was bullied. He jumped right in and even though he lost most, if not all, the fights, he stuck it out until the end and took every hit for me. He let not a single person lay one finger on me, and I was forever grateful that he always went to such great lengths to keep me safe. He wasn’t my protector, but more of a big brother and I’d always looked up to him as the overprotective, non-familial, great big bro I never had, being an only child and all.

I looked down at the Monopoly piece in my hand, twisting the thimble in between my fingers.

“I know. But we’re 20 years old now, Mikasa; he can’t keep protecting me forever. There’s nothing to protect me from now.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Hmm, how so?”

“For one, Eren will never stop looking out for you, ever. It’s just not in his nature too, and even if he had a choice, he would do it anyway, just like I would for you both. You’re a little brother to him, to me too. And Armin we both know that even when we’re 80 and old and gray and fucking gross, Eren will protect you from, oh I don’t know, your 500 cats trying to scratch you.”

I laughed and she smiled, lightly punching my arm. “He won’t ever let anyone hurt you, and if they do, well, he’s got his own ways of hurting them back, no matter if they’re futile attempts or actually successful.”

“Yeah.” My voice trailed off and our conversation probably would’ve continued had I not looked at the clock.

“Hey, Mikasa?”

“Hey, Armin?”

“What time did Eren go to take the trash out?”

“Nine-thirty I think. Why?”

“Mikasa. Look at the clock.” The orange numbers proudly said it was 9:50pm. Eren had gone to take the garbage to the dump 20 minutes ago, and he hadn’t come back yet. A negative feeling started pooling in the pit of my stomach and I started to not feel too well. Mikasa, face twisted in confusion, pulled out her phone.

“Hold on.” She dialed Eren’s number and waited for only a few seconds before the vibration of his cellphone violently made the phone thrash about on top of his dresser. We both looked at each other, clear worry on our faces, and stood up to put shoes on. We didn’t bother with jackets and settled on hoodies, walking faster to the elevator than normal. When the elevator opened in the lobby, we both sprinted from the metallic encasing and into the alley next to Barton that led down to the back of the building where the dumpster was.

When we got there, Eren was nowhere to be found. One of his slippers was on the floor about 10 feet away from the dumpster and somewhere a cat meowed, almost mocking us and saying, “You were so close but you just missed your friend.”

We screamed his name. We searched in a 30-foot radius from the dumpster, but no sign of Eren.

He was gone, and we had not a single clue as to where he went. Or how he got there.

 

~

 

[ Levi ]

Finally, I thought of a substantial plot for the sequel of _Attack On Titan_. I was so stuck on the idea of _AoT’s_ fame that the idea of a sequel never even came to mind, but it finally occurred to me, and as soon as I’d dropped Eren off that morning, I was in a writing frenzy back in my apartment. I turned on my iPod on the docking system, put on my writing playlist (which consisted of all instrumental music), and opened my laptop. A title hadn’t presented itself in my head yet, but I was so excited over the idea I’d thought of that it didn’t even bother me. As soon as my laptop was open, I closed it and grabbed a few sheets of paper from my printer along with a pen and sat down on my couch in the living room. I pulled the coffee table closer to me and drew a right-slanted pyramid shape. It was a simple plot diagram that I always drew out when I was writing; it helped me organize my thoughts along with each major event that happened in the story and help me physically see which direction I wanted to take it in.

My ass had not left the couch all day unless I really had to take a piss, I needed more coffee, or my stomach required the bare minimum food intake, which only consisted of a handful of saltine crackers. I hated breaking concentration and I’d always put off doing so until it was impossible. I spent the entire day making plot diagrams over and over again to help keep up with the quickly flowing ideas and major plot points, angrily crossing out any mistakes or any information I no longer wanted to include in my story. It was a frustrating process, but by 9pm I had a solid structure and direction for the book and was ready to begin typing the rough draft.

I wasn’t even halfway through writing chapter one when by phone buzzed. I was still in my mode of indissoluble concentration and wasn’t too keen on being bothered, so I decided to let whoever was calling reach my voicemail and leave me be. The vibration had stopped and my fingers had resumed tapping away at the keys on my laptop when the buzzing picked up again. Annoyed, I said aloud to myself, “Fucking really, _now_ of all times someone chooses to call me?” and looked at the name on my phone.

An unknown number was calling and I didn’t want to answer, but out of pure curiosity, any lingering bitterness over having my immersion in writing disturbed, I quickly answered the call and sucked in a breath before saying hello.

“This is Levi.”

“Levi, it’s Mikasa.”

“Mikasa, is everything alright? How did you even get my number?”

“Took it from Eren’s phone. Where’s Eren?”

“What? I don’t know what you –“

“Where. Is. Eren.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know where he is. The last I saw of him was this morning when I dropped him back on campus. What’s wrong, where is he?”

“Do you think I’d be fucking calling you asking where he was if I knew already?”

Why this little –-

“Alright well tell me what happened.”

“Armin, Eren and I were just playing Monopoly and it was Eren’s turn to take out the garbage because campus sanitation collects it tomorrow but he left 25 minutes ago and Armin and I can’t find him.”

My heart sank to my stomach and the hand not holding my phone automatically clenched into a fist.

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll come over to help you look.”

“I don’t think so.”

“What?”

“Don't come here. I have a feeling this is all your fault and I swear Levi if I find out you have something to do with him missing, I’ll make you wish you never met Eren in the first place.”

With a click, the call had ended, and the dial tone resonated in my ears. I hit the end button, closed my phone, and stared at the computer screen.

_“Freedom was so close they could almost taste it, could almost touch it. But alas, freedom comes with a heavy price, and a heavy price they would pay regardless of their lengthy work and the lives lost in the process.”_

I read back the words I had typed on the top of the page I was working on before the call and bit my lip. I saved my progress, closed my laptop, and jumped up from my couch. In my bedroom, the lamp was on a low setting, which dimly lit the room enough for me to make the outlines of my dresser, night table, and closet. I threw on a black V-neck, grabbed my leather jacket from a hanger in my closet, and slipped on old black combat boots. I swiped my wallet off the coffee table, thrust it into my pocket, and took my phone off the arm of the couch. My keys remained on the hook next to the door where I’d put them when I came home earlier, and they were the last thing I took before exiting my apartment.

I had contemplated taking a knife from the kitchen small enough to fit up my sleeve, but I knew that once I got there, I’d be frisked and it’d be confiscated. Oh the wonders I could produce with a knife.

Pity.

 

~

 

[ Eren ]

Total blackness – that’s what kept me company for what felt like years. It’s also what I saw when my eyes opened, or rather, when I forced them open. I was conscious long enough to feel coarse rope holding my wrists behind my back, hear the sounds of muted laughter and voices engaging in conversation. Something was covering my mouth, and had I been intelligible enough, I’d have registered it as duct tape.

But naturally, the black abyss was there, greeting me, inviting me, waving me back into the loneliness that were its arms and I had no choice but to fall into them. He welcomed me back like an old friend and surrounded me, drowned me, encased me in the darkness. All too quickly I was back in solitary, hand in hand with my friend, the spacious pitch-black dark, telling him about the minor details I had learned from up above.

Even so, those were quickly forgotten as he wiped away my perception and led me back under.

 

~

 

[ Levi ]

I was allowed two moments of silence in my car before my phone vibrated again. Hoping that it was Mikasa with news on Eren’s whereabouts, I hastily dug it out of my pocket and read the caller ID.

It was not Mikasa. Or Armin. Or even Eren.

It was him.

Somewhere, not so deep down, I knew it would be him calling before I could even read the ID. I suppose it was wishful thinking that made me disregard that thought and hope it was Mikasa or Armin.

If this had been in any other situation or the circumstances were drastically different, my answering of the phone would never have occurred and he wouldn’t even have called in the first place.

But that’s just an if, a possibility, an alternate reality. This is now, and I didn’t have much of a choice.

I answered the phone but didn’t say a word. I let him talk first, and talk he did.

“Levi, it’s so nice that you finally picked up your phone, it’s been ages since we’ve spoken. How’ve you been? Let’s see, what have you missed. Aside from the Japanese interfering and getting in my way as usual, I suppose you haven’t missed much. Now that I’m thinking about it though, they have been causing me some unwanted trouble. Maybe I should push their annihilation date up sooner, get them out of the way faster. Although it’s much more fun to watch them squirm a little, don’t you think?”

I didn’t dare speak yet; if he’d remained relatively unchanged from the last time we were acquainted, then I knew how he operated, and he loved to talk, mostly without receiving any sort of response unless he directly asked you to give one. So I waited.

A low, charming laugh sounded through the receiver and into my ear. “Silence is golden, but screams are far more pure, don’t you think?”

There it was. “I think you’re wasting my time. Surely there’s a purpose to this call, and I’d like for you to fucking get to it some time today.”

“Now now, Levi, we mustn’t be impatient. Some things never change, I see.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Hmmm, I wonder about that.”

Silence passed for a brief moment before seriousness took over the man’s tone and I swear I could practically _see_ that stupid smug grin on his face as he spoke. “I know about you and your little fuckbuddy, Levi.”

I froze; something about that word not only struck a nerve, but a memory. Suddenly, I was transported back to the hospital when Eren was beat up and he had told me the men who’d hurt him said ‘to tell his fuckbuddy that he’s been found.’ My silence was cue for him to laugh again, and this time, that playful edge I knew so well had crept back into his voice.

“I’m glad to hear you put two and two together. Of course I’d expect nothing less. After all, you were my ever so faithful –“

“I swear on everything I love, if you so much as put one single scratch on him I’ll end you.”

“Ooh, what a promising threat. How, Levi? How would you end me? Would you slit my throat? Would you put a bullet through my head? I’m so anxious to find out I can hardly wait. I’m dying to see you, you know. It’s been so long and now you have a threat to fulfill. Why not come visit? Forty-five minutes at the drop-off warehouse good for you?” I answered in silence, which was a good enough answer for him. “See you soon, Levi.”

 

~

 

[ Eren ]

I had only ever been drunk in my life once, and that was at a football party; our college football team sucked, but we had won a huge game and everyone was celebrating with various concoctions of booze. I was never one for drinking, but on that night, I simply said, “Ah fuck it” and drank myself into oblivion. I regretted it the morning after, because not only was I puking up my entire body weight, but my head felt like it had been hit by a train and was splitting open.

That piercing, almost nauseating pain a hangover headache brought on was what I felt when a fist made contact with the side of my face.

The black abyss that I had become so friendly with bid me farewell as my consciousness slowly came back and the unconsciousness trickled away. All too soon, I was aware of the hard back of a chair jutting into my spine, my hands tied to the back of the chair with a combination of worn out rope and duct tape so tight that I felt my pulse, my ankles held to the legs with the same restraints my wrists wore. There was something in my mouth that was tied around to the back of my head, which I guessed to be some sort of scarf or bandana, to keep me from talking. I could feel the presence of about 5 people in the room and heard several voices talking just below a whisper. One of the men had punched me in the face, probably to wake me up quicker, but the drugs were still coursing through my system, and, thankfully, my eyelids felt way too heavy to open. I let them stay shut, and had the drugs still not been in my body, I would’ve jumped at the loud bang that followed.

It was too low to be a gunshot and too loud to be a body hitting the floor.

It was the slamming open of a door making contact with the wall.

The hushed voices fell completely silent and an eerie quiet fell over the room. I could feel the metallic taste of blood in my mouth from where I was struck, but I didn’t dare make any movement to signal that I was awake and somewhat capable of any form of comprehension. I let my head stay hung forward and my eyes stay closed. The sound of heeled steps walking towards me made me more alert, and I silently counted the steps it took for the figure to reach me. When the person was in front of me, the clicking of his shoes stopped and I heard him inhale. He exhaled just as something metallic and cold grazed the side of my cheek, pushing my face to the side. Every instinct I had told me this situation was incredibly dangerous and to run away, but I didn’t risk making any movement. I made sure to keep my breathing still and shallow, resisting the urge to open my eyes.

“So _this_ is his latest victim? How sad to see his standards have fallen so low. Shame.” A man’s voice – deep, rich, almost suave. Had he not just shoved what I thought to be a gun in my face, I’d say he sounded attractive.

No one answered him.

“How long as he been out?”

“Since we got him, sir.”

“Hmm.”

More silence. The cold object left my cheek and the clicking of confident steps resumed, this time walking back towards the direction he’d come in.

“He’ll be here in no less than twenty minutes. If he’s even a second late…shoot the kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost my apologies for taking 50 years to get this out -- I've got a lot on my plate right now and I was honestly stuck on this chapter, I had no idea how to go about writing this for at least a week. Hopefully 15 will be out sooner than 14. I'm estimating there's only going to be a handful of chapters left I think at this point? I don't know, we'll see how I want to organize each chapter. When I do though I'll let you guys know (probably in the next update?) how many are left.
> 
> AND BEFORE I FORGET remember when Armin said back in like Chapter 8 that he was going to Jean's for a "party"? Yeah well I wrote a side chapter for that a little while ago and I decided to actually post it up here, so if you want to read it, click on my username and find it yo (it's titled Secret Fun). And if anyone actually has any requests I'll totally do some drabbles on tumblr or if you have a side chapter you'd like me to write from this fic I can write that too yeehaw.


	15. Unravelling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren are reunited under pressing circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should've mentioned this a LOT sooner but I'm tracking the tag on tumblr **fic: miscalculations** as well as my url **bootyscoutinglegion** if anyone wants to post anything or talk to me or whatever! I also got my first fanart from my friend Lizzie and it's so cute. It's from chapter 13, go [check it out](http://giggle-puffs.tumblr.com/post/69292616311/i-did-a-dumb-gif-of-dumb-boys-cuddling-on-levis) !
> 
> Finally, the ball gets rolling. Here we go !

[ x ]

_Click. Click. Click. Click._

Anxious. I was so. Unbearably.  _Anxious_.

My thumb pressed the top of the pen in my hand repeatedly, causing each press to disrupt the silence of the room I was waiting in with mechanical clicking. I was fidgety and I couldn’t remember the last time I was so restless; I hadn’t even realized my foot was tapping against the floor to each click of the pen. I had waited for this day for months. I had craved today, craved the right moment for me to spill far more than words at the desired destination, which became the warehouse. I was so ready to see his face, to see  _him._  I missed him, yes, but my desire to watch him crumble overcame the lingering affection I still held in my heart.

_Click. Click. Click. Click._

My thoughts glided through topics; Levi first, Eren second, orders next.

The carefully assigned instructions I’d been given bounced around in my head and I grimaced. I remembered being pulled into the wide office adorned with silver objects, minimal light, hard, uncomfortable furniture and accents of red throughout. It wasn’t as big and intimidating as my own, but I, and a handful of wisely selected others, knew the secret power it held, and that I wanted it more than anything. I was called upon during late August with urgency and I recall my blood was racing in excitement at whatever it was I was being assigned to do. Personal calls were an honor; it meant they wanted to deal directly with me and me alone. It wasn't until I was in the office and told what I had to do that I froze and went silent in contemplation.

_"I'm sorry, I believe I misheard --"_

_"No no, you heard right_ _."_ _Slender hands folded over the desk and eyes that appeared sweet held menacing intentions._

_"Permission to speak?"_

_"Granted."_

_I had paused to take a moment and collect what I wanted to say before voicing my opinion. _"This will take place over the course of several months, yes?"__

_"If all goes well."_

_"Then may I ask why? Granted it will get the job done and rather efficiently, but the time frame is a bit...broad. Surely there's a quicker method?"_

_A smile tugged at the corners of thin, glossy lips. _"Exactly. It will be drawn out. It'll be slow and it will give him time to adjust, to grow fond of him, to settle. And that's when it falls apart. The more attached he gets, the easier it'll be to break him. Or is there another plan you had in mind?"__

Of course once it was elaborated on it made perfect sense, as all those carefully thought-out plans did, but I still wasn't particularly fond of the overall strategy; it was filled with personal ties and hidden objectives that I had no knowledge of. What I did know though, in my line of work, was that mixing personal life with professional life was never a good thing. I had learned the hard way, and it was foolish to be blind and not see falling to the same fate was inevitable. What did it matter to me though, in the end? If the path chosen would be the path of self-demise for them, then so be it.

And with the end comes my rise to power.

Following orders that I didn't agree with was difficult for me though, to say the least; I had my own opinions and my own ways of dealing with situations, and listening to other people tell me what to do and limiting my ability to play out my plans was a hindrance. I always heavily disliked it, but work was work, and there was only so much I could protest against. Especially since I only had one more rung on the ladder to climb to make it to the top, I had to be obedient to the last order.

However tedious it may be, this job, this  _game_  was so much fun, and I didn't have too much to say opposing it. All of my men lined up before me, so easily manipulated, and handed over their hearts without a problem. They followed my every word, my every move, and I loved the sheer power I harbored.

The sound of my shoes click-clacking against the concrete floors resonated throughout the halls of the rickety warehouse with extreme superiority. Eyes fell on me and quickly looked away. Bodies that were limp before stood to attention at my presence and bowed as I walked passed. It was quite lovely, and if you’ve never made someone, preferably several people, submit to you before, I strongly suggest you give it a try.

After I received those specific orders some odd months ago, I had trouble controlling my excitement over the assumed, and anticipated, end result. For weeks, a grin was plastered on my lips and fear was coursing through the veins of every single one of my subordinates. I was finally getting what I wanted. I was finally going to watch him  _deteriorate,_ watch as he groveled at my feet for me to pull away and begged for resistance. It was going to be a beautiful sight to behold, and the smile on my lips only grew further at the thought.

Revenge was best served with a pool of blood, and there was nothing more I wanted then to watch it spill.

 

~

 

[ Levi ]

Had anyone else been in my car with me, I’d have imagined them telling me to pull over because I was anything but in my right mind while on the road. And they’d have been right, because at that moment, my body sinking into the warm leather and knuckles gripping the steering wheel so hard they were white, I was livid. Absolutely, horrifically, disgustingly livid. I was more aware of the blood rushing through my veins all throughout my body than the road. My focus was spent too much on the throbbing pulse in my ears than the four lights I ran, or the twenty miles I was driving over the speed limit.

I had no other option. I had to get to Eren as soon as possible.

He was okay; I kept making sure to repeat that to myself over and over. That stupid fucking brat was fine and I’d see him smiling in no time at all. I’d get to him if it were the last thing I did.

_I have to get there._

I pressed my foot lightly against the gas pedal, adding another ten miles over the speed limit to my previous twenty.

With ten minutes to spare to the deadline I was given over the phone, I hastily parked my car in the lot of the warehouse. It was an absolute terrible parking job, but really, there were much more pressing matters at hand than how I left my car in between some white lines. I pulled the key out of the ignition, stepped out, and slammed my door shut. My hands found their way to my hips and I stood there, looking over the building and its surroundings. There wasn’t anyone at the front door and I considered sneaking my way through the back entrance, but I decided against it. I was invited there, and you’re damn right I was going to walk my ass through the front fucking doors. Caution be damned.

My legs carried me across the parking lot and to the metal doors of the warehouse. I yanked them both open and was inside before the metal that coated the doors could clang against the outside walls of the building. I was greeted with a small room and two guards, each with handguns strapped at their hips. My entrance, being rather showy, caught their attention and they pulled out the guns and held them up in my direction. I stopped in the center of the room, my hands on my hips and my weight leaning on my right side.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?”

It took me a minute to debate over my next course of action: do I beat them senseless first, or do I actually announce that I was summoned and had a right to be there? The first option seemed rather enticing, what with my anger only intensifying, but I went with the latter. I raised my hands from my hips and crossed them over my chest and raised my chin. My eyes found those of the one who spoke.

“That’s such a rude way to treat a guest. You’d think he’d have you men be a little more  _courteous._ ” They stayed silent, still aiming their guns at my forehead. “Levi. Check your fucking VIP list and my name will be at the top. Do you need me to spell it for you? God knows you’re probably illiterate. It’s L-E-V –“

“Shut your mouth and wait.” The guard who spoke looked to his partner and gave him a nod. The partner, who seemed almost nervous, kept his gun on me while the other pulled out a radio.

“Boss, we have someone in the foyer. Black hair and -- yeah, he’s short.” I scowled at him and quickly formulated plans to kill him in my head for that height confirmation. “Right. Yes sir. Gio, watch it.” Another nod. The first guard lowered his gun and holstered it before walking in my direction. “Turn to face the wall. Spread your legs, palms on the wall, head down. Make any sudden movements and he shoots.” His thumb jerked over his shoulder to the on-edge guard and I rolled my eyes.

“Are you kidding me. He’s having you frisk me? Does he not know by now? He should know I used to –“

“Do it.”

“Oh for the love of –“ I stopped mid sentence and did as I was told. He was behind me and began patting me down, making sure I wasn’t concealing any potentially dangerous objects. After he searched my ankles and calves, he moved to back away but I caught his wrist before he was out of reach.

That first option of beating them senseless? Too good to pass up now.

I whipped around and landed my fist square against his jaw. He fell to the floor on his side and his partner looked too shocked to even think. I felt a little bad for him, but then the thought of him possibly being the one to kidnap Eren was too overwhelming to not give in to landing a blow to his ribs. I heard a faint crack before he landed on his back, but as soon as he was down, the first one was back on his feet. I turned to face him and ducked just as he swung his hand at my head and shifted my weight so I was leaning against the ball of my left foot. My right heel came up and made contact with his sternum, sending him flying backwards. I stood up and loomed over him, watching as pain-induced tears began to form at the corners of his eyes. I glared down at him and snarled.

“Where is he keeping Eren?”

He cracked a grin and tried to laugh, but coughed instead. Not having any patience, I kicked his side and watched as he clutched his midsection, curling into a ball. Pathetic.

“I’ll ask you one more fucking time, you piece of shit. Where. Is. Eren?”

His voice was barely above a whisper and had I been distracted, I’d have missed it.

“Left. Down the hall. Third to last door.”

“At least you’ve done  _something_  right today. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have your boss to kill.” I stood back up, kicked the side of his face, and walked away with his gun. I threw open the doors to leave the foyer and immediately there was a hallway that ran horizontal to the doorway I was standing in. The guard said left, down the hall, third to last door, so I went left, making sure to keep the gun safely to my side.

I was careful to not make much noise and succeeded in doing so, but of course, a guard had just so happened to cross my path as he emerged from a hallway intersecting the one I was in. I swung at him with the gun instead of shooting it and punched him so hard he was rendered unconscious in record time. Really, the gun was only to use as a scare tactic, and I didn’t want to shoot anyone unless absolutely required. I wasn’t that heartless. I sighed and continued my way down the hall, cautious of open doors and people talking.

My heart had been calm, probably due to the familiar territory and atmosphere surrounding me, but as soon as I found the third to last door in the hall, it was anything but. The thudding of my heartbeat against my ribcage was painful and the blood rushing in my ears drowned out every sound of muffled speaking or shuffling of feet behind the door I stood in front of. My thumb clicked on the safety of the gun and slid it between my back and the waistband of my jeans. I inhaled until I felt like my lungs would explode. I let go of the breath I held in so, so slowly, and listened as my heart hammered away in protest at my attempts at quieting it down. I didn’t have time to waste, though – it was now or never.

_God, I hope this is the right door._

_Eren, I’m right here, I promise. I’m here._

I wrapped my fingers around the door handles, one by one, and closed my eyes.

_He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s okay._

I opened my eyes again and opened the door to the warehouse storage room.

 

~

 

[ Eren ]

Keeping track of time in this place was impossible. It would’ve been super duper convenient if there were a clock on the wall or a watch on a nearby guard’s wrist, but alas, I was Eren Jaeger, and that meant I had absolutely no luck in anything at all. I had no idea how long I had been bound to that chair and the one time I vocalized my curiosity at what the time was, I was told to shut up and received a kick to my shin. If I could’ve guessed, I would say I was there for at least two hours. By then, whatever remnants of the drug that were coursing through my system had worn off and I was coherent. The man with the silken voice from earlier didn’t return and I didn’t want him too. A few minutes after he left, I opened my eyes and let it be known I was conscious. Guards looked at me and were braced for any sudden movements I would make, although it made absolutely no sense; I was tied to a chair for crying out loud, I was going nowhere fast. I had absolutely nothing to do but sit there and be anxious and nervous and pissed off, so I took in my surroundings in the meantime.

The room was incredibly commodious; huge plastic crates lined each wall around the room, metal folding chairs were scattered across the concrete floor, and more than enough people were stationed throughout. Two men were standing by the door with hand guns holstered to either side of their thighs, one girl had a pistol near the crates, a man had a thick metal baseball bat next to me and there was a man behind me, pressing a gun to the back of my head. One guard saw me looking around and took it as a cue to try and question me but received silence as my every answer. He got so fed up at one point that he smacked me so hard across the face that I saw stars for several seconds. He didn’t get any farther with his shitty questioning when the man behind me held his wrist and shoved him away. The man, obviously annoyed at being physically handled, backed away to join the girl by the crates. Whoever was in back of me chuckled and sauntered in front of my chair. The glare I’d had on my interviewer landed on the person before me, but it soon dissipated as I saw who it was and shock took over.

“You…”

Gunter, with one hand in his pocket, his gun in the other, and a super, nauseatingly smug look on his face that I so desperately wanted to punch off, stared down at me.

“Hey, Eren. How ya doin?”

My blood began to boil and my infamous anger rendered me with no control over my voice. “How am I doing? I’m fucking tied to a chair with a gun to my head, not to mention said gun is being held by my boyfriend’s doorman, of all people. How the fuck do you  _think_  I’m doing?”

His smile widened and he walked to crouch down in front of my chair. He tilted his head to the side and he raised his eyebrows. “Doesn’t look very comfortable to me. Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Piss off, you lying sack of shit.”

“No can do, I’m on strict orders.”

“From who? Who are you working for? Why am I here, what the hell could you possibly want from me, I have nothing to –“

“Oh don’t get full of yourself Eren, this isn’t about you, not really. You play a big part in everything, sure, but it’s definitely not about you. Never was.”

My voice raised an octave and the rope holding down my wrists became tighter as I balled my hands into fists. “Then tell me what’s going on!”

“You really need to learn some patience, kid.” Being called a kid struck a chord in me, and as quickly as my anger accumulated, it fizzled into worry. It reminded me of Levi. Oh God, Levi. Did he know I was there? Was he at home or at Starbucks? I couldn’t mull over it too long, because Gunter’s low breathy laugh was bringing me out of my thoughts.

“You’re so pathetic, I really have no idea what Levi sees in you.”

A primal growl rolled off my lips and my eyes closed as I ducked my head. “Don’t you dare talk about Levi like you know him.”

Gunter stood up and his gun returned to my head, except this time, to the space right in between my eyes. “Careful kid, you’re not the one wielding a gun here.”

“As if you’d actually shoot me –you’re just a plaything, a pawn for your boss. Speaking of bosses, where is he? Right, not here, and making sure I’m kept alive. So go ahead, shoot me if you have the balls enough to defy your precious –“

He stood up and lifted his gun. I never learn to keep my mouth shut, and I probably should, because my backtalk earned me a strike to the side of my head with Gunter’s weapon. My teeth rattled and I was pretty sure that after all the hits I’d taken to my head that day that I’d have a concussion.

I let out a groan as pain pounded throughout my skull. I wanted to sleep, to be away from all this and back with Levi, but I was bound to my situation, and of course, the damn chair.

Gunter crouched again and leaned closer to me, the smile no longer on his face, but a gleam of mischief and satisfaction in his eyes. “You both were so oblivious, so caught up in your own teenage love that you didn’t even notice. You made it so  _easy_. It made me sick to watch you two, absolutely fucking sick, but I dealt with it and watched your movements. I kept tabs on where you went, I saw you around campus – way too easy.”

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and tried not to picture him following us. I tried to not picture him watching me give the flower to Levi through the flower shop window and seeing me telling Levi I loved him. I tried to not imagine him in the corner of the restaurant on my first date with Levi. I tried to wipe the mental image of him sitting in a booth in Cam’s while we laughed and ate breakfast and made loving gestures through our meals. I tried so, so hard not to remember all the questions he asked me when I first got out of the hospital after being hurt and mistaking it for concern rather than information. I felt my heart sink to my stomach and nausea crept up the back of my throat. If my hands weren’t tied I’d probably strangle him and oh, did I want to strangle him. If my anger were a liquid, it’d have poured out of every opening in my body. It’d have bubbled and boiled and spilled and drowned this entire room until no one was left standing, and the thought of everyone dying because of my uncontrollable rage ignited my adrenaline and sparked a growl from deep in my throat. I opened my eyes and looked back up at Gunter with all the hate I could muster radiating from my pupils. It must have had an effect on him because his smile faltered and he subconsciously took a small step backwards.

The clang of metal and the _chick chick_ of guns going into attack mode distracted Gunter and I. Gunter whipped his neck around so fast that for a brief moment I thought it snapped and was content, but he was still standing a moment later and disappointment replaced my fleeting happiness. His body was still standing in front of me so I couldn’t see who was in the doorway, but the doors remained wide and had every person in the room with a weapon focused on aiming it at the guest.

“Well, well, well, look who we have here.” Gunter chuckled and turned so the front of his whole body was facing the entryway, crossing his arms and cocking his head to the side. It did nothing for my line of sight and it wasn’t until I heard the person’s response that my heart dropped straight into my stomach and to the floor.

“I should’ve known you weren’t just being friendly with me.”

Levi.

Levi with a slight quiver in his voice.

Levi with wavering confidence opposed to his usually graceful way of speaking.

Levi with numerous guns aimed at his head.

_Levi._

The two guards by the door put their guns down and gave him a salute, with their right hand curled into a sideways fist over their hearts and a left hand on the small of their backs. Levi turned to them and I could see the ends of his hair dip down in what I assumed to be a nod. The hair was visible again and he brought his attention back to the middle of the room where the doorman stood.

Gunter jerked his head in the direction of the guards who acknowledged Levi in a way that granted Levi authority. “Friends of yours?”

“Something like that.”

“I see. Years later, away from all this, and you still have people in here who know you and respect you. Isn’t that nice.” His voice was condescending and I wanted nothing more than to kick in his throat so he’d never speak again, the bastard.

“Where’s Eren.” The forcefulness in his voice made my heart swell and I was simultaneously happy that he was there for me and downright nervous that he’d get hurt.

“Your loverboy? Well right here, of course. Where else would we cage a brat like him?” Gunter moved to the side and exposed me, sitting bound to the chair by each of my limbs. If I didn’t know him as well as I did, I would say his facial expression didn’t change. But he was my boyfriend, and I knew him more than even _he_ knew. I noticed the slight softening of the scrunched wrinkles in between his eyebrows. I saw his lips tighten to lessen the frown and make them into a straighter line. I watched as the creases by his eyes let up some and I saw some of the color leave his cheeks.

If I didn’t know him as well as I did, I wouldn’t have practically _felt_ a hole opening up in his stomach at the sight of me bound and beaten. I probably looked like absolute hell, and of course, just as I was thinking it, he read my mind.

“Don’t you look lovely.”

I smirked and forced the lingering pulsing in my ears to hush. “Don’t I always?”

Gunter emitted what sounded like a groan and waved his hand in Levi’s direction. “Put him next to Eren.”

The two guards by the door didn’t move, but the woman with the gun by the crates and the man with the baseball bat covered the length of the room to get in front of Levi. He tried to put up a fight, but the bat made contact with the back of Levi’s leg and he was down. My anger flared and my chest hurt. My hands had balled back into fists and I was writhing in my chair.

“Don’t touch him, let him go! Leave him alone! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” I was screaming. My throat hurt and my words echoed off the walls of the room, but the two pursuers grabbed hold of him after he fell. Tears were in my eyes and my vision was obscured. I couldn’t tell which one kicked him in the side or which one kneed him in the face. Who I thought to be the girl lifted up one half of his body while the man lifted the other and carried him to towards me after they were done beating him. His body was slack, his head was hanging, and I could see blood dribble out of his mouth and onto the floor. Their grip on his arms was too tight and I could tell bruises were going to form from where they were holding him. I was thrashing in my seat. I was trying so desperately to get out but the rope only burned along my skin as the friction grew in correspondence to my movements. They made him kneel on the floor to my left and the girl grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his head back. His eyes were closed and blood was coming from his head, trailing down the side of his face, and his lip was split. My voice was gone and I was completely silent as tears failed to cease their falling. My heart was most likely in my feet at that point and I just looked at him. The urge to hold his head to my chest and wrap my arms around his body was so overwhelming that the tears just came faster. I was staring at him; there was nothing more I could do. I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t get us out of there and home, back in the safety of his bed and his arms. I couldn’t take us away from there and it felt like a dagger was being shoved right through my chest, in one side and out the other.

“You don’t look so good.” Gunter tilted his head to the side, his arms crossed and body swaying back and forth. “Wonder what Boss will say.”

Levi’s eyes opened and I watched as he looked from the floor, to Gunter, to me. He attempted a smile and it made a sob escape my lips.

“Hey.”

I coughed and laughed, but the sound was more of a huff and void of any actual amusement. “Hey.”

There was a minute of silence and Levi spit blood on the floor. His face twisted in pain as the hand in his hair tightened, but it quickly relaxed into an expression of mild discomfort. He looked up to me and it was like looking into a lake in the middle of the night and watching the light from the moon dancing off the ripples.

“I’m sorry, Eren.”

“This isn’t your fault.” My voice lacked its usual energetic tone and sounded so pathetic. Gunter scoffed and paced next to me. Levi ignored him and looked at me, almost pleading for forgiveness. For what, I had no idea.

“I never meant for you to be dragged into this. I tried so hard to fight it, to get away from this life, but it only caught up with me. I was so naïve. I thought if I left I would have nothing to do with it ever again, but obviously I was fucking wrong. I was wrong Eren, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

His voice cracked when he spoke my name and as if my heart wasn’t already damaged, it hurt even more. What was he apologizing for? _He_ wasn’t the one who kidnapped me. _He_ wasn’t the one who beat me and tied me to a chair. What did he have to be sorry for? Nothing was his fault, and yet he made it seem like everything happened because of him. It didn’t make any sense.

“Levi what are you talking about? You didn’t do any of this, you’re not at fault for anything. Why are saying that?”

As soon as I finished talking, the doors to the room were opened and my attention was automatically focused in on the person who walked in.

“Because he’s right and he knows it. Glad to see you’re finally awake, Eren.”

A man in a crisp white suit, white dress shoes with gold buckles, and gold accessories, strode in the room with his hands clasped behind his back. His hair was dirty blonde and gelled back to reveal an undercut similar to Levi’s and framed his face nicely and accentuated his high cheekbones. He was gorgeous, almost stunning. If it weren’t for our situation, I might’ve stopped and appreciated his model-like beauty for more time than was necessary.

It was the man with the voice of silk from before.

He grinned at me before looking down at Levi, who’s hands were being held behind his back, his head being held up by a hand in his hair, and who whore a grimace so menacing it sent a chill down my spine.

“If it were up to me, it would be under different circumstances, but it’s good to see you, Levi.” The man kneeled down and placed a swift kiss against Levi’s cheek. I was shocked for all of two seconds before rage took over and I was shooting a look at him just as equally terrifying as Levi’s.

“Long time no see, Erwin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, Merry belated Christmas everyone! I was trying to get this out on Christmas but I couldn't, sob. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and enjoy your vacation~
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading, commenting, and supporting me throughout this little thing. I appreciate it so so so much and everything makes me so happy. If you'd like to talk to me or have any questions about anything, please feel absolutely free to [find me on tumblr](http://bootyscoutinglegion.tumblr.com) ! I'd love to talk to you guys C: 
> 
> If you catch any mistakes in here, please lemme know, I'll fix it. I wanted it to be kinda longer, but any longer and it would've turned into 17k and thats a lOT.
> 
> With that, see you in the next update ! xo


	16. Whole Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finds things out about Levi he wasn’t sure he wanted to know and answers are given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like condescending Erwin a lot. And Italics. And caps?
> 
> Please excuse any mistakes and stuff I apologize if I missed any ! 
> 
> Tags I'm tracking (just in case anyone wants to see the almost emptiness of them): **fic: miscalculations** and **bootyscoutinglegion**

[ Eren ]

“Too long, don’t you think?” Erwin grinned and stood up straight, backing away from Levi to walk in front of me. His hands remained clasped behind his back and his stature held such authority, such _superiority,_ that it made me hold my tongue. I heard Levi mutter a, “Not long enough” as Erwin stopped before me. 

I wanted to punch him. I wanted to beat him until he forgot his own name. I wanted to shove him off a cliff and feed him to lions and douse his eyes in bleach. I wanted to strap him to a chair and torture information out of him. The list of potential violent actions I could force on this man were endless. Needless to say, I wanted to hurt him. A lot.

But he had also jabbed away at my curiosity enough for me to keep my mouth shut and listen to what he had to say. Clearly he knew Levi from somewhere, and it was obvious that Levi knew _him_ , so I wanted to discover the connection. I wanted to know and find out things more than I wanted to hurt him, and that’s saying a lot, considering my anger was bubbling and my blood was boiling. I needed to find everything out and learn about him before I could take him down.

My gaze shifted from Levi to Erwin and for the first time, I got a good look at his face and body. His cheekbones were high and prominent, his eyes were a clear, icy blue (which reminded me of Armin’s and made my chest hurt), and he had the thickest eyebrows I’d ever seen. If anyone else had them it would look like a disaster, but on him, they did nothing but compliment the rest of his features and furthered his splendor. He was pure muscle and I noticed through every curve of the clothes he wore that he wasn’t frail in the slightest; broad and relaxed shoulders, fabric of the suit contouring the lines of his biceps. He was a sight to behold, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Levi saw him like that too. The thought alone made my gaze shift to the floor and my head bow, but it didn’t remain like that for long. Erwin slipped his finger under my chin, raising my head, and I tried to jerk away but his thumb and forefinger held me in place. He was mere inches away and automatically my breathing hitched. He tilted my face to the left, then to the right, and then back to facing forward.

Erwin glanced to the floor where Levi was kneeling beside me and retained a blank expression, only allowing a hint of amusement to show in his eyes. “I see your standards have dropped.”

“And I see you’re still a pompous fuck. He doesn’t compare to anyone, nor would I even think to do such a thing.” Levi’s voice was harsh and he was glaring up at Erwin until the woman holding his head back by his hair yanked the strands and caused him to wince in pain. I was simultaneously overjoyed, worried, confused, and angry. Overjoyed at Levi not even thinking to compare me to anyone and angry with Erwin for saying such a thing about me when he didn’t even know me. What does Erwin know about Levi’s standards? Does Levi even _have_ such high standards? What would he know about Levi’s interests and attractions or anything else for him to say they’ve lowered?

What the fuck kind of relationship do they have with each other? 

Erwin let go of my chin and took a few steps backward so there were a few feet of space in between us. He smirked and, with his head tilted downwards toward Levi, said, “Tell me Levi, have you told him? Have you truly relayed to him the kind of person you used to be, the kind of person you still are? Does he know _anything?_ ”

I looked to my left and saw the most terrifying look Levi had ever shown (around me, anyway). The crease in between his brows was so prominent and scrunched together it looked like someone was pinching the skin. His lips had curled back into a snarl and a low growl rumbled from his throat. If I was being completely honest, he looked like an animal in defense mode ready to attack the enemy. I was half expecting him to launch from the grips of the two who held him and pounce on Erwin, but he stayed in place. If looks could kill, Levi would have made everyone in a five-mile radius drop dead and he’d be the only one left.  It made me afraid. It made me question, for a few seconds, if the Levi I knew this whole time was made up, a figment of my imagination, and I was with a monster.

The growl grew louder as Levi said with an animalistic purr, “No, and I’d like to keep it that way.” 

Erwin shook his head and smirked, beginning to pace back and forth in front of us. “Only your second relationship and it results in this. What a shame.”

Over the course of all the events that have happened in a 24-hour time frame, I hadn’t been as surprised or thrown off guard by anything as much I was at that sentence. _Only your second relationship and it results in this._ I was his second relationship. Someone had been with him before me. I didn’t know if I should feel ecstatic that it was only one person, or that I wasn’t that someone.

But the bigger issue that took at least a minute for me to understand was this – Erwin knew about this first person. And it seemed like Erwin knew a lot about Levi that I didn’t. He apparently knew all about _my_ boyfriend and here I am sitting like an oblivious shitstain with no knowledge about anything the two of them are talking about. It made me feel small. It made me feel insignificant and unwanted and out casted. Who the fuck did he think he is? Where did he get the right to shove in my face that he was so knowledgeable about my lover? 

My face turned red, the anger heating my skin and causing rise to my blood pressure, and I shouted before I could even think if it was the right thing to do or not. 

“Alright that’s it! What the fuck is going on? What are you talking about, second relationships and asking if he told me anything? Care to stop being the scum of the Earth for two fucking seconds and fill me in? It sure would be appreciated, considering you kidnapped me for reasons I don’t know and reasons no one is telling me about.”

The smirk on Erwin’s face grew along with my heartbeat and his pacing stopped. He looked me in the eye and for a fraction of a second his smirk faltered, but not before he walked in front of Levi and slid it back into place.

“Where do we begin, Levi? I suppose the beginning will do, yes?” Levi remained quiet and was more in favor of closing his eyes and trying to control his breathing than answer his question. I waited for what felt like years before Erwin nodded his head, mostly to himself, and took a breath.

“The beginning it is. I’m sure you know about Levi’s parents?” Erwin took my silence as a yes and plowed forward. “That much is true. Levi’s father _was_ a pilot in the military and his mother _was_ a nurse. It’s also true that they died in a plane crash caused by a prank his comrades had thought to be amusing and Levi was forced into an orphanage with no other family to claim him. That part of his past is 100% factual and so is what I’m about to convey to you.” 

After Erwin was done with his introduction to whatever explanation he was about to provide, I looked down at Levi. The woman who’s hand was in his hair had let it go in favor of holding on to his limbs with her male partner. Levi’s face was tilted away, but I could see his eyes were clutched shut and his mouth was a hard line. It made butterflies flurry in the pit of my stomach and for a moment, I didn’t want to hear the rest of it. Whatever Erwin was about to tell me, Levi didn’t want me to know. I was curious to know what it was, of course, but if it meant hurting him, hurting _me_ , I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want my opinion or my affection for him to falter because of something he didn’t tell me. I didn’t want this. Any of it.

But of course, I had zero say in the matter and Erwin trekked forward, set on his mission.

“I’m sure Levi told you that he was adopted. Well, the one who adopted him was a man of not much status at the time, but with a solid job and a good salary and ‘a lonely hole in his heart that desperately needed to be filled’, or so he told the adoption agency. And that man was me.”

If he didn’t have my attention before, he had it now. My eyes widened and my mouth had instinctively opened to form a small “o”. So this was why he knew all about Levi – he was his adoptive guardian. But if he was his adoptive guardian, that meant – 

“He was obnoxious, ill-mannered, a deviant, and I saw such potential in him. The agency set up a small interview that I could have with him to help me be sure I was making the right choice. I did though, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. He was the perfect age for training and had just the right attitude for everything to be easily accepted. Granted his adoption was a throw to the other members of our organization, but his evaluation proved he had such impending skill. He was strong for a boy his age. He held so much anger, so much _fire,_ and I wanted nothing more than to bring it out of him.” 

Erwin stepped in front of Levi and crouched down. He grasped both of Levi’s cheeks in one hand and held his head in place. “And bring it out of him I did. After extensive training and drilling combined with the best tutors and teachers I could find, he became the best field agent out of everyone and obtained a good education while doing so. He was taught every subject at a high level, he learned martial arts, and he was given everything he needed to succeed. And when it came time to prove himself worthy of being amongst everyone, he stepped up to the plate and then some. He completed every mission with swift precision and speed. Nothing ever stood in his way when he had his mind set on a goal and because of this, because of his relentlessness and pure dexterity, he was nicknamed Humanity’s Strongest.”

I watched as Levi’s eye twitched at the mention of the nickname and I noticed Erwin’s grip on his face tighten just so. When he paused, I realized the reason Levi was so cold when I first met him and how distant he seemed to be until it took me what felt like years to get him to open up: Levi had worked for him. Levi had actively been a member of this lifestyle. Not only that, he was the strongest out of everyone. He was _trained_ not to feel and to _destroy,_ to _murder._

I was numb; I couldn’t feel anything as I processed all of what Erwin was saying and every ache in my limbs from being tied to the chair, the pounding of my heart in my chest against my rib cage and the pumping of blood I could hear in my ears, seemed to be absent all at once. “Levi, he…he worked for you? He worked under you?" 

Erwin chuckled and let go of Levi’s face in favor of standing up and pacing in front of us again. “Oh, he worked under me alright.” The innuendo sparked another laugh from Erwin and I began to feel again. The harsh lights of the warehouse storage room, the crisp white of Erwin’s suit and the mild concussion I knew I had mixed together and made me dizzy. I closed my eyes and listened as Erwin continued.

“Levi became such a strong man on missions and started to create enemies. Most of enemies of our organization became fixated on exterminating Levi because of all the damage he alone inflicted on their groups. In the beginning, it was a difficult thing to address because we as an organization had never had enemies focused on just one of our members and not the entire group itself. Eventually, we decided to pull Levi out of field assignments – it became too dangerous even for him and we didn’t want to risk losing our best… soldier, if you will.”

“After a week of contemplation, we decided to try out Levi’s skills elsewhere. If we couldn’t have him out completing missions, we would have him stay within the confines of the offices and do just as important work, but not as laborious. Because he had grown to be such a valuable asset to our group, and because I found him, I jumped in rank and became the head of the organization. I was granted the glorious title of Capo that I waited years to get – I was the boss. I was leading my own division and gave out my own commands while Levi was my consigliere, my adviser, my right hand man. He was the one I went to for a second, unbiased opinion on most of my orders. His levelheadedness, his ability to see every situation and foresee every outcome became a crucial need to my decision-making, but he was always right. He learned to mind his tongue, to not give his own opinion unless directly asked. He served me well. Until he took me to bed and revamped our relationship, but even then he was wonderful. Exceedingly so.”

The erratic pulse in my ears stopped along with my breathing and my head began to swim. I was nauseous. I was gonna throw up. I didn’t, by some miracle, but I should have.

Levi slept with Erwin. Erwin was Levi’s first relationship, first everything. Erwin took Levi. _Erwin took Levi._

There aren’t words to describe the feeling of listening to the story of how the one person you love more than anything in the world slept with someone else, especially when that other man is standing before you. Betrayal is a good word. Hurt is even better. Not worthy, unimportant, small, and absolutely infuriated are good words too. Even so, they did nothing to remotely begin define the feeling of the widening of the hole in my stomach as I heard Erwin talk. No expression, so phrase, no metaphor, no anything in the entire world would sum up the emptiness, the anger the sheer insignificance I felt. Levi didn’t tell me. Levi told me _nothing_ beyond his parents and their accident and his being adopted. 

I fell totally, irrevocably in love with a man I knew next to nothing about.

And that fucking hurt.

I didn’t know I was crying until Erwin roughly wiped the tears off my face with the back of his palm. “I’m not done yet, wait until I get to the good part to cry.” I jerked my face away from his touch and he slapped me across the face. It wasn’t as hard as I knew it could’ve been, but it still stung. His voice held no amusement, no excitement; it was flat, lacking any of the playful tints it did while he was telling me he fucked my boyfriend. I could practically hear Levi’s jaw clench, but I paid no mind to it and instead focused on trying to steady my vision. 

“Levi was only my right hand for four months before he confessed to me that he loved me. At first, I didn’t know what to do – he was my adopted son, after all, but after thinking it over for maybe all of, what, five minutes, I decided it didn’t matter. We weren’t blood related, we had no connection other than our line of work and our close proximity day in and day out, so I thought I’d have a little fun.” Erwin leaned into my ear and whispered loud enough for only Levi and I to hear. “We fucked ceaselessly for three years. Three years, Eren. I have so much history with Levi. I know his entire body, inside and out. I know what makes him tick, what keeps him moaning for me, what makes him yell and scream my name until he’s a thrashing, unraveled mess below me. Tell me Eren, what do you have on him after a few months that I haven’t had on him for _years?”_

“THAT’S _ENOUGH_.” I turned my head, shocked by the outburst, and saw Levi’s face was red with anger and the two guards were struggling to keep their hold on his wrists. The man who was holding the baseball bat earlier kicked at the base of Levi’s back and knocked him forward. Levi rolled on his side and received another blow to his ribs. The guards regained control of him and the girl’s hand was back in his hair, tugging it back so his neck was exposed and he was forced to look up at Erwin, who sauntered over and loomed over him.

“Problem, Levi?”

“ _You’re_ my fucking problem! I said that’s enough, that’s it!” Levi was past the point of trying to maintain whatever composure he had left, and I could see it; his teeth were exposed as his lips were pulled back in a grimace, his face was flushed with anger, and his eyes were a mix of pleading, sadness, and resentment. He was shaking. His breathing was beyond steady and he was absolutely livid. I couldn’t help but stare at him incredulously for a minute before I gathered my voice, not allowing Erwin to respond before I did.

“He’s your problem? HE’S your problem? Levi the fucking problem here is me, apparently! You told me NOTHING, not a damn thing, and _he’s_ your problem. What about me Levi, huh? What about ME? Was I not good enough for you to tell this to? Is there something that I did that betrayed your trust in me that you couldn’t fill me in on any of this? Did this NOT classify as an important part of your life to let your boyfriend know?”

Levi yanked his head away from the hand in his hair but kept his body in place as his head fell. His eyes squinted shut and his lips were clasped tight. It only furthered my anger that he wasn’t answering. I deserved some form of an apology, right? I was his boyfriend that he claimed to love. I was his partner. I was supposed to be there for him when he needed me and be his shoulder to lean on. _Was_ there something I did wrong? In our months together, did I do something totally stupid to fuck up his trust in me? I had so many questions that formed in such a short amount of time in receiving all this information that it made my head swim. I couldn’t let it go though – how could I? _He kept this from me. All of it._  

I felt a strain in my neck and assumed it was a vein popping out as I screamed, “HOW ABOUT ME, LEVI? LOOK AT ME YOU BASTARD, GODDAMNIT _LOOK AT ME!”_ I started thrashing in my seat but didn’t get very far; I was still bound by rope to the chair and my movements were limited to my head and shoulders (but only minimally). Gunter pressed the tip of his gun to the back of my head and I froze. I had forgotten he was there at all. My breathing was ragged and my chest was heaving, but otherwise I was still and staring Erwin down with the most detestable glare I could muster.

Erwin laughed louder than he had before and lifted his hands as if to say, “look what happened now.” He didn’t say anything, and so I took the cue to say something else, although this time in a lower tone, almost a whisper. 

“I thought you loved me, Levi. I thought I earned your trust and showed you I was being serious. I thought…I thought we’d make it.” He hadn’t looked at me once since he came into the room what felt like hours ago and he didn’t look at me then. I heard the sound of a safety being taken off on the gun in back of my head and although I couldn’t strain my neck to look behind me and see, I heard feet shuffling. The barrel of the gun was moved from my head to the back of Levi’s and I stiffened. Gunter stood behind him with his finger hovering over the trigger and looking at Erwin, baffled and dubious and with the hint of tears at the edges of his eyes.

“Erwin you were with him? You were with the infamous Humanity’s Strongest soldier of the organization? And _you_ didn't tell me? You lied to me just as much as this fuckass lied to Eren! You said you were never with anyone else because you didn’t have the time!”

Erwin’s face went from pleased to downright murderous in a matter of one second flat. His voice had dropped several octaves and the muscles in his arms flexed as the hands he held behind his back clenched into fists. “This doesn’t concern you, Gunter. Leave it alone and shut your mouth.” 

“I’ve been taking orders from you for a year and you didn’t even mention you _knew_ Levi before this whole mission! I told you how I felt about you and you just used me for sex and fulfillment of orders. You told me different, that you reciprocated everything I felt for you and now that the _godly Levi_ is here you look at him with eyes you never had for me. Erwin, I’m in –“

 _BANG_.

Whatever they say about gunshots on TV or in books, they’re most likely wrong, because nothing could prepare me for the booming of a gun going off or the loud clack of a gun hitting the floor, or of a body falling lifeless to the ground. 

Gunter lay motionless behind Levi, the hand that held the gun seconds before now outstretched and empty. His gun had landed a few feet away from him and blood trickled out of the hole in his forehead right between his eyes. Execution-style death – quick, painless, efficient. My eyes couldn’t tear away from his body. A chest that once moved automatically up and down now stayed still. A heart that once took in oxygen and pumped blood through veins and arteries and capillaries now lay dormant as that very same blood left his body, no longer needed for circulation. Hands that were intent on killing now sit stationary with no more purpose. He was dead and useless. He was dead and Levi was alive and although I was so grateful Levi was alive, I was upset. Gunter was probably forced into this life just like Levi was. Gunter probably didn’t have a choice when entering the mafia. He might’ve never wanted this life or to fall in love with someone who was so fucked in the head or to be a doorman for months and watch over the one man Erwin personally groomed to near perfection be with his lanky, goofy college boyfriend. And because of all of these possibilities, I regretted his choices for him because he no longer could. Yes, he was spying on us and he was helping plan our kidnapping, but he was still human, and no human in their right mind would choose to be in that kind of position. Then again, I didn’t know. Maybe he did want to serve in the mafia. Maybe he enjoyed the thrill of missions and loved the swell of pride he felt every time he successfully carried out an order. Perhaps he _did_ relish in the close-knit organization and called it home because he had never had one growing up. I didn’t know his backstory. I didn’t even know _him._ But I did know that he was hurt in his last seconds of living and I wouldn’t wish for anyone to feel like that before they die. So instead of being mad over him aiming a gun to my boyfriend’s head, I felt sorry for him and I wished he would be okay wherever he went. I didn’t know him personally, but I knew at one point he had to have some good in him and that good part of him didn’t deserve an end so coldblooded.

Finally, I tore my eyes from his body and looked at Erwin, who was holding a Colt Revolver in his right hand. The barrel was long and thin and on the handle I could see a gold carving in calligraphy of the letter E. He put the safety on and put it back in place in the waistband of his pants on his back. After adjusting his coat, he slid both hands into his pants pockets and sighed.

“Always was a hassle.”

“A hassle? He was in love with you.” I don't know when I had found my voice, but even as I spoke the words were quiet and gave way to shock over Gunter being killed right before me.

“I don’t need men to be in love with me, I need them to serve me unconditionally and without question. He was too attached, too needy for affection to get his job done and he had to go.”

I begged for my heart to slow down before I seriously went into cardiac arrest. “You cold heartless bastard.”

“I wouldn’t be in this position if I weren’t exactly that, now would I?”

“Erwin.” I looked down to my left and watched Levi slowly open his eyes and look at the floor, lips turning into a frown. “What is it you want? You told Eren everything, you killed your sex toy, what do you want from us.” He sounded defeated and it truly made me feel like there were tiny glass shards in my heart, ready to rip it to shreds.

“Good question. Well let’s see,” Erwin said as he withdrew a hand from his pocket and tapped his chin. “I want more power, and you’re going to give it to me.” 

My head snapped up and I tilted my head to the side, puzzled. “As in _we’re_ going to give it to you? How the hell?”

Erwin paused his tapping and looked at me, a maniacal grin spreading across his face. He turned his body halfway to a guard standing directly to his left on the far wall and said, “Go get her.” The guard nodded his head and jogged to the two double doors of the room and went out.

As soon as the scraping metal-against-metal stopped behind him, Erwin jerked his head towards Levi and said, “ _Levi_ is going to give me what I want, whether he knows it or not.”

“If you lay one finger on him I swear I’m going too –“

“You are merely a tool, Eren, a piece of leverage I can use and a means of bringing this all to an end. This is not about you nor does it have much to do with you.” The smirk on his face was gone when he spoke to me but it returned when a thought came to him. “Levi, do you remember Alessandro and Matteo? I’m sure you do, those were your last indirect kills.”

Levi looked up at Erwin then and said, “I didn’t kill them.” 

“Oh but you did. You told me all about their miscalculations they made during the mission and all the things that went wrong, that they _did_ wrong. They did almost nothing right and their wrongdoings outweighed their accomplishments.” 

Levi’s face contorted as he remembered the events of whatever happened that day and once again I had no idea what they were talking about. “I didn’t outright tell you to kill them. I told you the details, whatever information you wanted. What are you talking about, do you have a screw loose or something?”

“Not at all. Just the opposite, in fact. Truth be told I was the one who made that call. You did your job perfectly well that day, just like on every other assignment you were given.”

“Then why –“

Erwin got on one knee before Levi and grabbed a fistful of his hair in his fingers. He said with a growl, “They don’t know that though, and I will feed them exactly what they need to hear in order for me to get what I want and for my own personal incentive to be played out. Either way, they won’t believe you, not after what I report.”

Two knocks sounded on the door and my focus shifted from Levi and Erwin to the metal doors across the room. When I looked back at Erwin a split second later, he was smiling and let go of Levi’s hair. He stood as tall as he could, straightened his suit and got out all the wrinkles, and placed his open palms at his sides while staring straight ahead, away from the doors. He looked like he belonged in the military with that stance and it only confused me further. He was the boss, why was he standing to attention to someone who was about to walk in that was lower in rank then him?

The doors groaned upon opening and the guard who went to go fetch whomever before walked in. He turned to the side, saluted, and stood unmoving. At the sight of who was behind him, my mouth, along with Levi’s, dropped open and our jaws practically hit the floor. I was more perplexed than ever, I was terrified, and I was amazed all at first glimpse of this person.

With arms crossed and a wicked smile, a voice we both knew all too well spoke up. 

“Hello boys. It’s good to see you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking about writing a side chapter for Levi and Erwin when they first met and when Levi was little. Lemme know if any of you guys would want to see that!
> 
> I'm not gonna announce it now, but at the end of this fic I have something to tell you guys (it's good, don't worry) and I can't wait ahhh.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading everyone! I appreciate all of your support and comments and kudos, seriously they make my week. Feel free to come find me on tumblr or leave something here (*＾▽＾)／


	17. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust is a funny thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.
> 
> I know this is out kinda late (later than I wanted it out and when I usually update) and there's a few reasons why. 1- I'm lazy trash. 2- I actually broke my ankle on a trampoline and I've been in severe pain, holy crap I can't even begin to tell you. 3- I had a virus for a week. 4- I had 3 infections. 
> 
> So because of all that, I've been on a lot of heavy medication that has made me exhausted and very out of it to say the least and I can't walk and this is such a nightmare. This is literally THE chapter I've been waiting to write for the entirety of this fic and I wanted to put off writing it until I got better so I could put my all and then some into it because there was NO WAY I was writing it while being totally drugged up. I'm still not 100% better but I start physical therapy soon so I'm making some progress!
> 
> Everything I've been doing my best to build up to leads to this very chapter and I'm very excited, even though its not nearly as long as I originally wanted it. I hope you enjoy it and as always, comments and criticism and messages are always welcome/appreciated!
> 
> Tracking: **fic: miscalculations** [[ One day there will be more than like, 2 posts in this tag. One day. ]]  
>  Tumblr: **bootyscoutinglegion**  
>  Twitter: **heichuchu** [[ in case anyone wants to cry with me over snk ]]

[ Eren ] 

All my life, trust has been hard for me to understand.

I mean think about it – you meet someone at a party or in a store or through a friend and, from my observation, you kind of mechanically give in to their questions and you trust them with your answers. If someone asks you what your favorite color is or your favorite food or what you would do if you had the chance to be in space, you give them an answer. It may not seem like trust because most people think about trust on a greater level, but it is, because you automatically assume they won’t make fun of you or criticize your answer. Most think about trust as telling a best friend a huge secret or marrying someone with the faith that they’ll never hurt you or mistreat you. Trust is often seen as being the ultimate privilege you could give to someone, and sometimes it is, but it depends on the context.

Now, for a lot of my life, my trust has only gone into two people who are more to me than the word “family” could ever hope to describe them as. Armin and Mikasa were the ones to have my trust since I was little and I seriously thought that they were going to be only people to ever have it. 

Then again, I was the type of person who thought of trust as this giant honor on the great pillar of privileges. Of course, I was naïve and I didn’t realize that I would grow up to meet new people and come to include them in on a part of my life, entrusting them with my friendship and believing it wouldn't go unheeded. Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn’t just that I thought I _wouldn’t_ put my faith in someone else other than Armin or Mikasa, but I _couldn’t._ Maybe it was because of my parents. Maybe because I trusted my mother with everything I had, as much as a kid could, and she died. She left me, and I blindly trusted that she would be alive to see me grow up and fail at a lot of things and get married and watch as her grandchildren were born. Maybe I trusted that my father would continue _being_ my father even after my mother was gone. I had this unquestionable trust that he’d still take care of Mikasa and me even though my mother couldn’t. That was what was supposed to happen. That was what I trusted the natural order of things to grant us – a life. I trusted wholeheartedly, just as much as the next person, that my family would grow up to expand and go on journeys and experience everything together. 

Maybe my mother dying was where trust became an issue for me to give to anyone besides Mikasa and Armin because they already had it. I didn't have to learn to entrust my feelings or my opinions or my anything with the hope that they'll, in turn, entrust theirs to me. It was automatically theirs, because they were there before trust ever became an issue for me. 

But I grew out of it without realizing. I came to college and I made a group of friends that I’ve been with for a little more than two years to date. I was a part of a circle of idiots that were in my grade, the 104th graduating class of Shinganshina University. I learned to trust again because of Reiner, Bertl, Annie, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, Krista, Marco, and Jean (even if he did try to hit on my sister in high school every day). I was retaught through them that trusting someone, even with the most trivial of things, could be worth it if it were reciprocated, and it was. They had made my college career up until that point the most fun, wonderful, amazing aspect of my life. We were best friends. The 104th graduating class. The 104 gang. The Crew. They showed me what it was like to trust and be trusted and what it meant to be a family without a bloodline and “thank you” will never be sufficient enough a word. 

They were my non-family family, but I think it was Levi that was the deciding factor of what it meant to trust someone. In the beginning, he was the epitome of closed off; unless he knew you for some time or he knew you were credible or what kind of person you were, he trusted you with nothing. He didn’t care to give you any part of himself directly because he didn’t have any faith in what you would do with that information. It’s not entirely true, because he did put minuscule pieces of himself in his writing, but you wouldn’t know which pieces unless you looked (hard) and you knew _something_  about him. You wouldn’t even know where to start. But I think it’s funny how things turned out, because slowly, he opened up to _me_ and he began to trust _me._ He trusted me to get his order right at Starbucks when we sat in our favorite spot for hours. He trusted me when he told me about his parents. He trusted me in the flower shop when I gave him that red tulip and told him I loved him and I trusted him enough to take it and love me in return. I don’t know how, I don’t even know when, but we had grown to confide in each other to such a degree that it began to be called trust, the kind that’s on the greater level.

Trust has been hard for me to understand for a long time for a lot of reasons, and on that day in the warehouse with Levi and a dead Gunter and Levi’s ex-boyfriend/boss, I remembered why it had been so difficult for me to obtain, to give, and why I hated it so much sometimes.

_“Hello boys. It’s good to see you again.”_

That right there. That’s what sent me back to square one of why I remembered I didn’t give my trust to anyone but Armin and Mikasa since the very beginning. It wasn’t the worst thing, or the worst person, but it was the final blow. Hearing the entirety of Levi’s past with Erwin, Gunter’s actual job, and everything in between had stripped what it had taken me years to build and construct and get over when it came to trusting. But those words, that, “It’s good to see you again” brought me right back down to where I started, not trusting anyone but Mikasa and Armin.

It made me remember putting faith in people was a sign of weakness and really, you couldn’t trust anyone to the highest degree except for yourself. Even with trivial shit. 

The clicking of heels more prominent and more pronounced than Erwin’s that held much more authority than his danced off the walls and echoed throughout the room. Everyone that wasn’t myself or Levi saluted, but in such a way that I’ve never seen before; their right hands curled into an inwardly turned fist over their hearts while their left arm rested against the small of their backs. It was peculiar and it only added to the pot of confusion I was swimming in (that Levi was probably swimming in, too).

Those heels walked down the cement version of a red carpet, passed loyal dogs, and stopped a few feet in front of Levi and I. Those heels stopped their clicking and listened to the remaining echoes of their previous steps. Those heels stopped, because the owner stopped, and the owner looked as friendly as she had been when I first met her in class.

The blood drained from my face and my mouth still hung open. The mental capacity I usually had to process things was absent, and so I just decided to state the obvious.

“Professor Ral?” 

That same smile; warm, inviting, and now that I saw it again, totally fake.

“Eren! How nice of you to join us. Enjoying your winter break?” Cheerful. Bubbly. _Fake_. 

A growl came from my left and it took me longer than it should have to realize it came from Levi. I chanced a look down at him from my chair and watched as he struggled to break free from the guard that was still holding his wrists.

He bore his teeth like some kind of angry dog trying to get loose from the collar around his neck and screamed, “This was you?! All of this was _you_? You LIED to me, you fucking lied straight to my face, I can’t believe –“ 

Petra rested her hand on her hip and tilted her head to the side, pursing her lips in what was almost a pout. “I didn’t _lie_ , Levi. I simply withheld information.”

“It’s the same goddamn thing and you fucking know it!” The female guard holding onto Levi’s hair tightened her grip and stomped on both his legs. Levi let out a cry of pain and clenched his jaw, squeezing his eyes shut and groaning from the inflicted injury.

Petra just chuckled and shook her head. “What a shame. We could’ve been actual friends, you know.  You weren’t half bad for a coldhearted introvert.”

“Don’t say that.” I had spoken before I even knew what to make of everything and before I could even think of what to say, because really – what was I supposed to say? My English professor, my favorite teacher in college thus far, who introduced me to the love of my life, was in front of us and apparently not who we thought she was. There was nothing to think about and everything to think about and the only thing we were lacking was time.

Petra smiled and dropped her hand from her hip to walk up to me. Both of her hands found the sides of my face and she tilted my head up so I was looking directly at her.

“Don’t say what? Oh, you don’t like me calling your boyfriend an introvert? Why not? We both know its true. Poor little grumpy Levi. No friends. No family.” She shook my face slowly from side to side as she spoke. She must have felt my jaw tighten because she stopped swaying my head and grinned even wider. 

“Levi your boy toy was so much fun to play with in class, you should’ve seen him. He was so eager to read your book and to meet you, it was adorable. And when you came to visit, he was like a starstruck lovesick kid. Too cute.”

I unclenched my jaw and peered up at her, worry creasing in between my brows. I thought maybe if I could talk to her we could work something out, but of course, I never do think before I speak. In a hushed tone, I said to her, “Professor what are you doing, it doesn't have to be like this. Help us get out of here. We can call the police and get Erwin into custody and we can get medical help. We can –“

“You don’t get it, do you?” Petra smirked down at me and the hands on my face tightened their grip. “I’m not here to help you. They’re under my command, why would I ever go against my own?”

“Your own?”

She didn’t answer me for a minute, probably to let the cogs in my brain work so I could figure it out for myself. After several seconds of running through what she had said, it clicked, and I looked up at her with a mix of shock and extreme disbelief. 

“You can’t be – how are you – but I thought –“

“Wrong.” Petra’s fingers slipped under my chin and left my skin in too graceful a manner for a such a wicked lady. She took a several steps back so she could look at the both of us again and said, “What, you thought Erwin was the brains of everything? He is nothing short of my best subordinate, but he only participated and overlooked what I had planned. And so far, it’s going rather well, don’t you think, Erwin?”

“Of course. This is your end result, is it not?”

“Not yet, but we’ll get there.” Petra moved so she was crouching in front of Levi, her chin rested in the palm of her hand and leaning on her thigh for support.

“Levi, Levi, Levi. I had to be extra careful around you. I thought you of all people would’ve figured something was up, but I guess I underestimated how caught up in someone you could be when you found the right person. Congratulations, by the way. I hear your relationship with your boy toy is going wonderfully.”

Levi glared at her and grimaced and chose to say nothing at first, but asked the question we both were thinking of. “The story. I want it. What the fuck did we ever do to deserve to be here? If you have any shred of decency left in your soulless body, tell me.”

Petra put a finger to her chin and pursed her lips, thinking over Levi’s request for reason. She stood up and began pacing, just as Erwin had, back and forth before us.

“You want a reason. Why should I give you anything after you took from me one of the most important people in my life?”

I looked over at Levi and expected him to be angry or ready to lash out, but instead I found confusion. Pure, sheer confusion. Petra must have noticed it as well because she stomped her foot and yelled, “MY BROTHER, LEVI.” 

Levi’s mouth formed a small “o” shape, but confusion was still etched in the creases of his face. “I didn’t even know you had a brother, I didn’t kill him.”

“Don’t you lie now, Levi.” Erwin spoke up behind Petra, who walked to stand next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “You don’t remember Matteo? You should, you were the one who executed him.”

 

* * *

 

[ Levi ]

 

The only people I killed were assignments I was given back when I was the appointed assassin for the group; “Humanity’s Strongest,” they called me. I never missed my shot, I never spared anyone. There wasn’t room for mercy in that line of work, and I grew up knowing it, even as a child. My father’s fellow soldiers showed no mercy when they messed with the engine on the plane that killed both my parents. The orphanage showed no shred of remorse when they took extra money from Erwin when he “adopted” me. I wasn’t shown any kindness growing up or any sense of parenting other than from my early years (which I hardly remember), so why did I have to show it to anyone else? That’s what made me strong, the _strongest_. That’s what made me become so emotionless – the only one who I needed to take care of was myself. I was the one that had to survive, because in the end, I didn’t have anyone else but myself anyway. All my life I’d been surrounded by death and merciless killing. Boss didn’t like you? Take ‘em out, Levi. You fucked up a mission? Take ‘em out, Levi. You're a rat from another organization? Show ‘em no mercy, Levi.

No mercy. 

I killed people for a living for the majority of my time in the organization before I became the advisor. Did I enjoy it? No, but then again I didn’t enjoy much of anything, really. Books and writing kept me sane; everything else I did with no strings attached, on complete autopilot.

I guess that’s what made me so efficient. 

But if it wasn’t for work and it wasn’t specified in my orders, I didn’t harm a soul. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Yeah, I had a fucked up childhood and yeah, my upbringing was the lowest of the low, but I wasn’t about to off everyone just because I was branded and trained to become a killing machine. I may not have been the most moody, emotional person, but I had morals and standards, and killing people just because I knew how and I was good at it was not something on my list of fun things to do to pass time.

Matteo. That name sounded familiar, but not incredibly so. I tried thinking of anyone I’d met with that name but I couldn’t think straight in such a situation. I didn’t really know any of the names of the jobs I had worked because that was just another version of attachment. To know someone’s name means you knew something about them, and I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of knowing the name of the person I was about to murder. So I had a picture in each file, but no name. I never knew who they were and I wasn’t about to start then, because in under a minute, they were going to bed dead.

Matteo. I couldn’t put a face to a name I had never heard.

It’s a bit worrisome though, that I was more concerned with the name of the person I supposedly executed rather than Erwin’s accusation (which was a bit odd anyway because, again, I killed people for a living, so of course I offed more people than I could count).

I looked towards Erwin, incredulous and baffled, and asked him, “What are you talking about?” 

“You heard me. You killed him. You killed Petra’s brother.” Erwin’s hand on Petra tightened and I noticed a tear fall down her face. I might’ve cared if she were a friend, but circumstances proved otherwise.

“You expect me to know a name of someone I killed? Have you gotten so old that your memory has left you, old man? I never had the names of the people I was assigned to kill, you should know that. I have no idea who Matteo is, but even if I did kill him, I didn’t do it out of spite, or whatever. I would’ve done it under your orders, you were my fucking boss, you shit.” 

At that, Petra whirred around to look at Erwin, whose hand had dropped from her shoulder in the process. Her nostrils flared and she looked like a bull waiting to charge. “You failed to mention he was your underling then, Erwin. You said he did it on his own accord, Erwin. Something you’re missing here, _Erwin_?” 

Erwin let out a sigh and wiped off invisible dust from the sleeves of his suit jacket. “I think we’re all confused here, shall we clear up any misunderstandings?” Petra remained quiet but shooting daggers through her eyes, and I didn’t dare chance a look at Eren; I was ashamed enough, and the following conversation would only further the massive grave I was in.

Erwin took the floor and clapped his hands together. “Now then, let’s set this straight before we all lose our heads.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Eren shudder, but chose to ignore it in favor of the supposed truth that was about to come spewing out of their mouths. He directed his gaze onto me and started from Eren’s original question of Petra’s position and what she had to do with anything.

“I’ve been the head of the entire organization since you were brought here as a child, Levi. Everyone answers to me and me alone. However, I have never been the _true_ leader, because that position belongs to Petra. She is the blood daughter of the previous Head and therefore has the blood right to the title of Capo. Because women have never been recognized as the gender to rise to power and be blindly accepted, she chose me to be in her place on the condition that she be the phantom Head behind the curtains. The only people who know are the people in this room, so outside here, she appears to be nothing more than a fellow worker like them. Of course, I am in charge of most of everything, but she wished to be a part of any major happenings and allowed me her rightful place on the condition that she find closure for her brother through her own planning. And that closure means your head.”

“Your second year as my consigliere. My right-hand man. Alessandro and Matteo had failed to complete their mission of assassinating the Head of the neighboring organization and came to my office for judgment. They pleaded their cases, and I turned to you for guidance. You said to me that based on their actions and failure to pursue their orders, they were to be executed. I gave you my gun, and you shot them both.” 

I explored my brain for the story he was telling. I rummaged through all the memories of those times that I hadn’t looked at in years and came up blank. Not totally, but that was because he was lying, and I realized it.

I didn’t kill those men, he had. 

He had asked me what I thought, and it was my job to give an unbiased, impartial second view. I had never told him they should be killed, I told him that had Aless been there when Matteo was taking the shot, the target would’ve been killed and their mission would’ve been a success. That’s right – Matteo was too nervous to pull the trigger, and Alessandro was missing, leaving Matteo alone. When they were both in his office, Erwin heard their stories, _he was right there._ _He_ was the one to pull out his gun from his desk and shoot them. He never gave me his pistol because he was the one to pull the trigger.

So why did he tell Petra that I was the one to shoot them?

Wait. Erwin said I was the one to kill them both. Erwin was the actual killer of the two men. Petra said I was the one to execute her brother. Matteo was her brother? 

Well now it all made sense (for the most part). There was still one thing I didn’t understand, and if I played my cards right, I could figure it out.

“I never killed your brother, Petra. After I was removed from being the killing machine, I was consigliere, just like Erwin said. I was the advisor, the one to give him a second opinion. I wasn’t allowed near a gun in his office because the only one who could have one in there was Erwin, and there was no other place where he passed judgment. The only pistol in that room was his on the day that those two men were shot, and it was by Erwin’s hands that they died.” 

Petra’s face went from confused, to surprise, to incredulous. She turned to Erwin and her shoulders slouched. Her voice was smaller and lacking any of the confidence she had when she walked in before. 

“ _You_ killed my brother? There’s no way, he’s lying, isn’t he? He has to be.”

“Of course he’s lying. You would trust him, a runaway, a disloyal _dog_ to be telling the truth?”

She looked back at me and I thought she would’ve given in and believed what I was saying to be the truth. But, trust being the funny thing that it is, she hardened her expression, wiped her tears, and whipped out a gun from her waistband by her back.

“I almost believed you for a minute, but Erwin’s right. I’d never trust someone who abandons their own kind in favor for their selfish needs and thoughts of any type of freedom. You don’t deserve it, not after what you did to my brother.”

“I’m telling you I didn’t kill you brother, I swear, he –“

“Enough!” Petra fired at the ceiling and created a bullet-sized crater in the cement above. Flecks of debris fell down around her, but she resumed pointing her gun at me. “He was a good man with good intentions. He didn't even want this life; he was doing it for our father. After dad passed away, he wanted Matteo to take over the business in his will, but he couldn’t. So he ran away and left me on damage control only to return a few months later and resort to being one of the lowest ranks. Imagine – the rightful Head being an underling equivalent to the scum of the Earth. Ridiculous.” 

Petra walked back to stand in front of me again, but this time, she didn’t crouch and she didn’t point her gun at my forehead. What she did do was point it at Eren and look down at me with the most wicked grin I’d ever seen her wear.

“I did all of this, this whole operation, just for you, _just_ to get back at you. I purposely set you up with Eren just so I could have this day to watch you fall. I wanted you to know what it was like to fall in love and be loved. I wanted you to experience the most amazing feeling with someone else for the first time in your life, and I wanted to be the one to crush it. I wanted you to truly, truly know what it was like to be happy, and I think you did because of Eren. Eren didn’t change you, but he opened up parts of you that even _you_ didn’t know existed, I’m sure of it.”

Her heels picked up their sound once more as she walked to stand next to Eren, but faced me. She pulled back the hammer on her gun, ready to fire, and looked me dead in the eye as she took aim.

Erwin chuckled and I looked at him for the briefest of moments before I turned my attention to Eren. My heart was threatening to rip out of my chest at any second, my breathing had become erratic, and Erwin was laughing.

He walked over to me and knelt down so his mouth was next to my ear. “Today is the day I become the true Head. This was her last operation as Boss and now, thanks to you, everything is mine. Thanks for the entertainment, Levi, it’s been fun.” Erwin kissed my cheek, stood up, and turned on his heel to address the guards scattered about. “Leave him. After Petra leaves the room, don’t touch either of them in here or on their way out. They are to be left alone, understood?” Everyone gave a collective sound of agreement and Erwin walked out.

I looked up at Petra and the only thing I could think to do was plead. “Petra please, I didn’t kill Matteo you have to believe me. Erwin just told you that for your position. I’m begging you I didn’t do it _I didn’t do it._ Eren has nothing to do with this, let him go. Kill me. If it’ll make you feel better kill me, just let Eren go. Please I’ll do anything, don’t hurt him.”

“You took away my family, someone I loved with all my heart. Now, I’m taking away yours.”

“LEVI!”

I thrashed. I tried to kick, I tried to break my wrists free, I tried to get away from the guard holding me with all my strength, but my strength wasn’t enough.

Petra pulled the trigger and blood splattered my clothing, my skin. All I saw was red.

All I saw was Eren, slumped forward, not breathing, covered in red.

Trust is a funny thing. You never do know who to put your faith in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe. 
> 
> Also heads up, the next chapter is the last one! And with it comes an announcement that will probably relieve a lot of people. Thanks again and stay tuned!


	18. The End (but not really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not over until I say it's over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Oh man I'm gonna get super sappy at the end of this. There is an announcement that I think a lot of people will be happy to hear about, so if you want to read that first before reading the chapter, you might save yourself some heartache.
> 
>  **Tracking:** fic: miscalculations, fic: miscalc, miscalculations, bootyscoutinglegion  
>  **Tumblr:** bootyscoutinglegion  
>  **Twitter:** heichuchu
> 
> I also made a [fanmix](http://8tracks.com/squishems/miscalculations) for this in case anyone is interested.
> 
> Thanks so much everyone, I love you guys.

 [ Levi ]

 

I’ve never been one to charm people or be easily swept off my feet. I’ve almost never been liked or liked anyone in return; it’s happened so few times in my life that I started believing somewhere along the line that I had fabricated any situations like that and convinced myself none of it was real. I’m still not one hundred percent sure because I do a hell of a job lying to myself. I spent my days firmly believing that I would never find someone who would understand or accept me as I was, and I was okay with that. I was fine being by myself. At the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got, and I was perfectly content with making sure I was okay and I was surviving, even if it meant doing it alone. Getting into a relationship and finding “Mr. Right” wasn’t exactly high on my to-do list; it barely ever crossed my mind, if at all. When you’re living the life of a trained, high-efficient assassin for a mob you were basically brought up into, you don’t necessarily wake up one day and say to yourself, “Self, you’re gonna go out there today and win yourself a fine fella.” One night stands of really satisfying sex were always a good thing – no strings attached, get your quick fix and then it’s over, you never see them again (unless you call them a second time because they were THAT good, in which case you both mutually establish that you’re both great at sex and you sure as hell would like to get together sometime again and go at it…again). Other than that though, actually committing to someone wasn’t something I was actively pursuing. In fact, I didn’t even want it (for reasons I’m sure are pretty obvious, and if they’re not, well, you’re more dense than I thought, you should probably work on that). 

I never remembered my parents that much. I was too young when they died to form a strong attachment to them, and because I don’t have anything to remember them by, I kind of just let those times with them go. It didn’t matter to me as much as it probably should have, but I didn’t mind. I knew they did the best they could with the little time we had together and a part of me would always love them, but it wasn’t a type of love I was entirely familiar with. Erwin was never anything close to my family, and because I really grew up without one, I never fully understood familial love. And if f I never understood familial love, how was I ever going to experience _romantic_ love? That was always the question that haunted me. No matter what novels I read or stories I tried to write that involved any sort of romantic feeling, my brain couldn’t fully process any of it and it always turned out like shit. I couldn’t write about something I didn’t feel and I couldn’t read an emotion that was never precisely and definitively described, because really, how do you explain love? How do you put it down on paper and pour your heart out in the form of such a strong feeling? What words do you even being to think about using? Would a different language be better at describing it than your own? Even if it did, how would it be conveyed to you; would it be translated differently and would you totally miss the point of the original meaning?

There is no way to accurately convey in words the feeling of love. Or at least, that’s what I thought for a long time anyway. You could use metaphors and similes and photographs, you could use analogies and poems and even art. But there won’t ever be a piece of work that will exactly explain what it _feels_ like for your heart to pound so hard that you think your ribs will break all because of someone else. There won’t ever be a song that can make you _feel_ what it’s like to yearn and want and _ache_ for someone. There’s just no way. Everyone feels things differently, no matter how common the stereotypes, and that was why it was so difficult for me to grasp even the _concept_ of love. No amount of research, no amount of practice, no amount of anything helped me see and _feel_ what love was, and after a while, I just gave up. I completely threw my hands up and said, “That’s it, I quit.” 

It’s kind of funny though, because as soon as I stopped looking and trying to break down each aspect of this feeling, as soon as I stopped wondering and wishing and as soon as I gave up, Eren just waltzed right the fuck in. Was it love at first sight? No. It was more like how people drink a hot cup of tea. It’s made piping hot and you take tiny, tiny sips to test the temperature and see if your tongue can handle it, and once you’re sure you won’t burn yourself, you suck it down. That’s what it was like falling in love with Eren. I circled him and I studied him, and once I was sure (or once I _convinced_ myself I was sure), I gave in. Only it wasn’t a graceful decent into lovey-dovey territory like I read it should be, because let me tell you, he hit me like a motherfucking freight train with malfunctioning breaks. When I wasn’t looking and when my guard was down, he charged right in and made me reveal things about myself no one knew of, things I never told another living soul in all my years. It was a strange and very foreign feeling to me because I had grown up with the golden rule being “don’t make any attachments – being emotionless leads to solitude, and that’s the ultimate achievement.” I didn’t need emotions with the life I was leading. I didn’t need anything but my orders and myself.

In retrospect, Eren was my first everything that _mattered._ He was the first person I wanted to wake up early for so I could see the sunlight filter in through the curtains and bathe his skin in it’s glow. He was the first person I wanted to go out of my way to try to please. He was the first person that made me see things everywhere and think of him. He was the first person that taught me how to feel more than I thought I was ever capable of. With him, I learned that it was okay to be unsure of something and that it was okay to feel everything all at once. It was okay to reach out and brush my fingers across his cheek and not feel like I was overstepping boundaries. It was okay to be me, to confide in someone, to give myself to someone and be wanted.

He taught me to love. He taught me what love _was._  

That’s the thing about love that I understand now, because Eren taught it to me. This stupid, childish, immature brat a decade my junior had the nerve to bust into my life and open doors for me I didn’t know were closed, that I didn’t even know existed. This compassionate, wonderful, amazing man held me on nights I needed comforting and danced with me in my living room at 4am when I had writer’s block and couldn’t think. 

That 4am dance, though -- I think it was then that I _truly_ understood what it meant to give yourself, _all_ of yourself, to another person. It’s one of the moments I spent with Eren that I can remember so vividly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it.

We had rented a movie that night at around 8, a really terrible sci-fi movie he wanted to see so bad, but he fell asleep ten minutes before it was over and didn’t even get to see the ending. I shut the TV off and just sat on the couch, his head in my lap and the fireplace dwindling, and just listened to his light snores and the cracking sound of the remaining embers giving off whatever energy they had left before they died down. I remember feeling so at peace, so comfortable that I didn’t move for a little over an hour. One of my hands was running through his hair while the other draped the throw blanket over his body, and I just sat there. I let myself think about how fortunate I was, how incredibly lucky I was to have the world’s most beautiful man laying on my lap asleep and how that beautiful man was in love with me. I hummed a song in French that I recalled was the song I fell asleep to when I was younger. I thought about him the entire time I sat there playing in his hair. The more I thought about him, the more inspiration I had to write; not about anything in particular, but I just wanted to write, and it was the first time in so, so long that I wanted to sit on my laptop and just spew words from the tips of my fingertips on a keyboard. I kept my hand in Eren’s hair while my other grabbed my computer off the coffee table, and I wrote.

It wound up being poetry. I never wrote poetry. Up until that point, I’d never written a single poem in my life. But of course, Eren invoked so many new things from me, so I guess writing poetry wasn’t exactly shocking – just another thing to add to the list of something new he made me do (the bastard, who did he think he was).

I kept writing until it was 3 in the morning, and then I just…stopped. I was mid sentence and I lost any idea of where I was going with the poem I had started. I re-read the five lines I’d written and couldn’t think of how to continue. I searched references. I searched for ways to help get back on track in writing. I even set my laptop aside for ten minutes and thought about goddamn cats just so I could clear my head, but nothing worked. I was stuck and it was beyond frustrating.

I’d made a grunt of disapproval at my lack of a working brain and it roused Eren from his sleep. He peeked up at me with one eye through lashes so thick I almost questioned how he could see through them.

“Levi? What time is it?”

I checked the time on my laptop and told him, “Four am. Good morning, princess.”

He gave a groan of distaste for the early hour and had closed his eye. I thought he had fallen asleep again but he turned to his other side and stretched, reaching his arms in front of my face and almost smacking into my nose in the process.

“What are you working on so early, we should be in bed.” Eren rested his chin on my thigh and looked at my screen through squinted eyes, clearly not used to the bright light.

“I was writing something but for the past 30-odd minutes I’ve been completely fuckin’ stuck. I was on a roll, too." 

The only sound I received was a hum of acknowledgment before he bolted up off the couch, took my computer, put it back on the coffee table, bowed, and extended his hand to me. “Wanna dance?”

I’m sure the look he received from me was nothing shy of something along the lines of “are you fucking kidding me right now.” I must’ve raised an eyebrow because he split into a grin that reminded me of a six year old. 

“Come on, dance with me.” 

“Eren, its 4 in the morning. There’s no music on, and you want me to dance with you.”

“Maybe it’ll help you out of your writing funk.”

 _Funk._ Even his vocabulary resembled a child’s. 

But that’s what made him so adorable. I rolled my eyes, placed my hand in his, and was pulled off the couch. Eren moved the coffee table over a few inches so we could have more room, and before I could inquire as to how we would even go about dancing to no music, he put his hands on my hips and pulled me closer. I had absolutely no idea where to put my hands, so they were kind of hovering in the air in a “what the fuck am I supposed to do” position, but he didn’t make fun of me. He took his hands off my hips to guide my arms to his neck. I felt kind of dumb for not realizing I should’ve done that, and I must have blushed or pouted or something because Eren laughed. He put his hands back where they were on my body and began to sway back and forth. I had to watch his feet for ten minutes and try to match his rhythm so I wouldn’t fall over or make him trip, but I did it. 

We were quiet, save for the soft hum of a tune Eren had started singing, and it was something I never knew I needed; the dance, I mean. All we were doing was swaying back and forth, but I felt comfortable. I felt safe. I was in his arms and we were dancing in my living room and I felt safe.

I tightened my arms on his neck and rested my cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and feeling the soft vibration from his humming. He in turn had laid his cheek on top of my head, and together like that, we danced in a circle in the same spot for twenty-five minutes in front of a dying fireplace to no music.  

You wouldn’t think a stupid dance led on by an inability to write would spark such a lovely notion, but it did, and whenever I feel like I’m stuck in a rut or in a bad place of any kind, I go back to that dance, to what I felt during that dance, and immediately I know I’ll be okay. Because Eren made things okay. Eren showed me what it meant to love and be loved in return. He taught me what it meant to feel compassion and warmth from another person and what it meant to reciprocate those feelings tenfold. It was new to me and it still kind of scared me, but I felt so much for him and I wanted to try so bad that I pushed out of my comfort zone and learned to show him what he meant to me. I wanted, I _needed_ to give my love to him, because it was the first time that I could, the first time that I was ever granted the opportunity to, and it was amazing. It was amazing.

If you had told me back then that I might lose him because of my past life catching up to me, coming to ruin the _one_ good thing I had ever found, I would’ve laughed in your face and murdered you on the spot.

But I would’ve been naïve. I wouldn’t have known any better, and I wouldn’t have believed you.

Now though, now I believe.

 

* * *

 

It felt like hundreds of years and a split second at the same time.

2 tenths of a second for your heart to sink past your stomach, for your pulse to halt, for the air to be sucked out of your lungs, for the hands binding your wrists to slide away, for the shooter of your lover to put her gun down, glare at you, and walk away.

300 years for every guard to finally leave the room so we were the only ones left inside. 

2 tenths of a second that felt like an eternity compressed. That’s it. Or that’s what it felt like.

How do you even begin to describe watching the person who you thought was one of your best friends, shoot the love of your life with the help of your legal guardian that raised you to be a hitman? You can’t. There is no beginning, because somewhere along the way everything got so fucked up and so dysfunctional that it all blended in together and caused one giant mess. 

But time stopped. In that moment, when everyone put the safety of their guns back on and left, where the metal door of the warehouse storage room slammed shut and I was alone with Eren’s hunched body, time put everything on hold so I could stare in dead silence.

I was numb. I was in denial. I was sure everything was a dream. I was going to wake up to a dumb text from Eren about how Armin beat him in Monopoly again and I would tell him to grow the fuck up because it’s just a board game and I would meet him later on and we’d go for coffee and I’d do my best not to roll my eyes at his ridiculous stories about his crazy antics with his best friends. We were going to go sit in our favorite corner in Starbucks and he’d snatch another tulip from the flower shop to slip in my briefcase when he thinks I’m not looking and it will all be fine. 

Everything was going to be fine. 

Except it wasn’t.

Nothing was fine. Nothing about Eren with a hole on the side of his head and blood dripping down his face was fine. Nothing about me not moving my goddamn fucking feet to help him or call someone was fine. Nothing about the tears running down my face or the injuries I sustained or the giant gaping _hole_ in my chest was fine. 

For longer than I should have, I sat on the floor and just…stared. I couldn’t move. My legs were like cinderblocks binding me to the floor and my arms were shaking so violently that any attempts to help push myself off the ground were futile. I couldn’t even crawl. It was outrageously ridiculous how pathetic I was. What kind of person just watches their significant other slowly die away? What kind of person literally _sits_ and _watches_ as the life of their loved one slips through their fingers and doesn’t do anything to stop the bleeding or make a call to the police, a hospital, anyone?

_Eren._

Maybe if I had moved faster, the outcome would’ve been something far less extensive.

Maybe if I had shoved my feelings down and ran to him first, things would’ve ended a lot differently. 

Maybe if I had never fallen in love with Eren he would’ve found another person to date with a less adventurous background and be okay. 

Maybe if I had been in the plane with my mother and father, none of the terrible things I’d done would’ve happened and people would be safe and alive and okay. 

_Eren._

But I was alive, and Eren had a bullet in his head. I probably had a few broken ribs and a concussion, maybe a fractured collarbone, but Eren wasn’t conscious. And with a hole. In his _head_.

_Eren_

It took me too long, but I got off my feet and I ran to that beautiful boy tied to a chair. I fell to my knees in front of the man who was the source of my favorite laugh and I stared at his lips that weren’t smiling. I frantically gripped at the rope holding down his limbs and grazed over his skin that was usually so warm and radiant that was turning colder by the second. I gently wrapped my arms around the torso of the man who usually held _me_ and carried him out of the warehouse. It hurt like fucking hell because of the remnants of whatever beatings I had taken earlier, but I shoved down the pain and carried him. 

No one paid us any attention. No one looked at us, no one offered to help, no one acknowledged our existence. They were mobsters, they weren’t about to run to our rescue and offer their precious assistance. But that was okay, because I didn’t want to deal with anyone else anyway. All I could think about was Eren. All I wanted to do was save Eren. All I needed was for Eren to be okay. 

I was on autopilot. Before I realized I had reached outside, Eren was carefully being placed in the passenger seat of my car and I was driving like a mad maniac on the way to the hospital.

I couldn’t think. Nothing about anything I was doing was rational except getting Eren medical attention. Nothing mattered more than making sure he was okay. Nothing made me doubtful of his survival more than time choosing to speed up and elude us. Nothing made me more anxious in those fifteen minutes to the hospital like red lights and pedestrians and actual laws of the road.

My car was flung into the closest spot to the emergency room doors and I carried Eren straight in. People in the room waiting for their name to be called for evaluation of whatever it was they had stared at the bloody, broken body I carried. Nurses scrambled to get a gurney, medicines, IVs, anything that was immediately necessary. Everything was so blurry and my head was swimming and my chest hurt and I was having trouble breathing.

“Sir, what happened to him?” A nurse. Ginger, early thirties, overworked. She was impatiently waiting for my answer and I tried to give it but my voice wasn’t working. I cleared my throat. 

“Shot, he was shot. In the head, once, by a pistol.” 

Orders. Medicines to be pushed into his system. Gauze gauze gauze. Someone call the OR for an emergency, now.

They wheeled him through doors and I ran to follow but I was pushed back. 

“Sir, you can’t come beyond this point, we have to take him into surgery.”

No. You can’t do that, he’s my Eren.

“But I’m his boyfriend you have to let me through, he _needs_ me, he –“

“Sir I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait here.”

Don’t take him away from me.

_Eren._

I never felt so small, so helpless, so unneeded in my entire life. I always had something to do, somewhere to be, orders to fulfill. But in that hospital waiting room? I was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

So I sat and I waited because there was nothing else I could do but wait. And time decided to slow again, simply because she likes to watch me squirm and be uncomfortable and swim in my agony.

1 hour. I was completely still. No one looked at me, no one talked to me, no one sat near me. I stared at the wall and I thought of nothing. I heard the muffled talking of someone on the neighboring television, but I didn’t pay attention because it didn’t matter. Only one thing mattered and he was lying on an operating table. It wasn’t real, none of it was real. It was all a dream I’d be waking up from and I’d be in Eren’s arms and I would kiss him awake and we’d make breakfast with shitty coffee and he’d laugh about the comic section in the newspaper. It wasn’t true.

2 hours. I got angry at everything, and when I say everything, I mean _everything._ First I got angry over a baby that was admitted for an ear infection that wouldn’t stop fucking screaming. Next I got angry at a nurse whose voice was so nasal it was going right through my head and giving me a headache. But then I got angry at people who deserved to be angry. I was furious with Erwin for ruining my entire life and putting me in this situation in the first place. I was livid with Petra for believing a slug like Erwin and taking the hit on my lover. I was angry at the entire fucking world for dealing me a semi-good deal only to take it away and replace the cards with the losing hand. I went outside, knocked over a trash can, punched a wall, made my knuckles bleed. I threw my tantrum and I went back in to my seat. No one looked at me, no one talked to me, no one acknowledged my existence.

3 hours. My anger dissipated, but I couldn’t help trying to bargain with the dealer to help exchange my hand for a better one. I wanted my good cards back. I wanted my happiness back. I wanted my _Eren_ back. I would’ve given anything. Take my job, take my house, take my car, take everything I own, but give me Eren. He’s all I need, just give me Eren.

4 hours. I sunk so low in my seat I’m surprised I didn’t fall out. My chest was so tight it felt like an elephant saw me and decided I’d be a good cushion for its ass. I stared at the ceiling. I listened to the beeping of monitors from patients being checked on. I closed my eyes, I saw Eren. I sat up and I buried my face in my hands and I cried. I cried until I was heaving, until my throat felt like I swallowed acid, until my eyes were puffy and passed unattractive and I was a mewling mess. And that’s exactly what I was – a mess.

5 hours. I was all cried out. I was numb, completely and totally. I had no more tears left in my system, just exhaustion. So I slept. I dreamt about pink camellias and weeping willows and zinnias and tulips. So many red tulips. I dreamt of Eren in his stupid khakis and apron in the flower shop and I dreamt of Eren in his pea coat across from me in Starbucks. I dreamt of him laughing and smiling into the palm of my hand after I had glided my fingers across his cheek.

The last thing I dreamt of was him looking at me, tied to the chair and screaming my name. I was woken up and just like how he screamed for me, I was screaming for him.

“Sir, are you alright?” A deep voice. Not the nurse from before. Manly, slightly concerned, cautious. I looked away from the ceiling to the man standing next to me, his hand gripping my arm and looking at me with a watchful gaze. He was young, maybe in his early or mid-thirties, strawberry blonde hair and green eyes.

It took me a minute to notice the police uniform.

I sat up straight and gently removed my arm from his grip. I heard whispers from patients seated at the front of the room, but I ignored them in favor of concentrating on the task at hand: don’t get arrested. 

The officer stood up straight and crossed his arms. “One of the nurses told me you came in here a few hours ago with a man that you said was shot, is that correct?”

“Ye-“ my voice was so hoarse from crying earlier. I cleared my throat and started again. “Yes, that’s right.”

“And you told the nurse he was shot by a pistol?”

Erwin’s pistol, but I wasn’t about to mention his name. Actually, I wasn’t going to mention anyone at all. Not Petra, not Erwin, no one. They were mine for the taking and I decided I’d deal with them myself. Classic revenge at its finest. 

“I’m pretty sure it was a pistol.”

“Pretty sure. Well, we’re going to need you to come down to the station and write a report. We’ll need the time he was shot, where, any suspects you think could be involved.”

“My boyfriend is on the brink of death and you want me to come down to the station to write a report.” I didn’t sound half as rude as I wanted too; my voice came out so small, so _weak_. It was pathetic. I was pathetic.

“Not right now, of course. If you have time tomorrow, that would be fine.” 

Insensitive. Rude. Unbelievable. I wanted to shout at that fucking cop. My favorite person in the entire world, the absolute keeper of my heart, was lying on a fucking hospital table being cut into and nearly dying and he was talking about a _report_. Ridiculous.

I just nodded my head and looked at the floor, at my hands, anything that wasn’t his face. He muttered a, “Sorry for your loss,” and started to walk away, but if a nurse wasn’t walking up to me at the same moment he was turning away, I would have shoved my goddamn fist so far down his throat it would’ve come out his shit chute.

“Are you the man who came in a few hours ago with the boy who was shot?”

“Yes, yes that’s me.” 

“He’s out of surgery now if you want to see him.” 

 _Eren_.

I nodded my head, she offered me a small smile, and began to lead me through a maze of halls.

I always hated hospitals; they were always so filled with death and sickness and disease, it was so unsanitary. It was hard for me to grasp just _why_ someone wanted to work in one, to be surrounded by so much negativity and terrible conditions. Then again, I was a hitman and they were banking $120,000 salaries, so who’s the questionable person in comparison.

We stopped at a closed door. _3736_ in big bold letters.

“We’ll need to come by later to take his information, but no one else is in the room.”

“Thank you.” She bowed her head and walked away.

Opening the door was hard. Not because it wouldn’t open, but because it meant walking through that door would mean facing Eren, facing everything that’s happened. All of the things I never told him, all the things he learned about me from Erwin, all the things I failed to do for him. I had to go in there and be there for him. 

He might not want me. He might not want to even _look_ at me, not after all that’s happened. He’s not going to want me. I’m going to lose him.

_I’m going to lose him._

No. I shook my head and immediately discarded anything like that from my mind; I wasn’t about to go down that road, not when he needed me most. There was no time for being selfish. I sucked in a breath, held it, and opened the door to his room.

Being bombarded with various beeps and sounds from machinery gives you a mix of emotions – relief, remorse, grief, and a weird sort of happiness. This of course is all personal experience, because I felt each one of those and beyond as soon as the door revealed an unconscious Eren behind it. I was thankful the nurse had left me to be with Eren alone, because I stood in the doorway for a solid ten minutes before my feet allowed me to walk in the room. I shut the door behind me and slowly, slowly, walked to the side of the bed. I couldn’t look him in the face, not yet, so I stared at his hand, I stared at the bed sheets, I stared at the monitor that told me Eren’s heart was still beating and he was alive. Eren was alive, he was stable, he was breathing, but he was unconscious.

I watched the green line rise and fall on the screen. I watched the dips and curves and sharp indications of rhythm dance on that monitor and each time it kept going, with each rise and fall of the line, I said a thank you over and over and over again that he was safe. He was hurt, he wasn’t awake, but he was safe in the confines of a hospital in a relatively good state, all things considered.

It was hard, but I pulled my eyes from the machine to look at Eren and immediately I regretted it; his face looked so deathly pale and the rosy flush usually occupying his cheeks was absent. It made my heart sink into my stomach. Not seeing that stupid goofy smile on his lips or the radiant glow of his skin or the healthy shine of his hair in natural light made my chest clench. I fell into the chair beside his bed and quickly grabbed his hand, if only for reassurance that he wasn’t as cold as he looked and he wasn’t as near death as he seemed. His hand was warm, but not like it usually was. I didn’t dwell on it, I merely interlocked our fingers and closed my eyes, pressing my forehead to the back of his hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Eren. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

I said it over and over again. I sat there for hours, rubbing my thumb over his fingers and muttering apology after apology to him. I didn’t know if he could hear me, but I hoped that somehow he could feel it. It was kind of naïve to think about and a little childish, but I needed him to know. I needed him to hear me and know that I was there with him and I wasn’t leaving. No matter what.

 

* * *

 

“Good morning, Levi. Tulips this week _again_?”

“Tulips every week, Marie. Stop asking and maybe you won’t be disappointed each time.” I signed my name on the sign in sheet at the front desk, left a separate tulip next to the clipboard, and headed down the corridor.

Marie yelled after me, “Maybe if you brought different flowers, oh I don’t know, at least _once_ , I’d stop asking!” I rolled my eyes as my hand gripped onto the door handle down the hall and pushed it open. 

“Morning, sweetheart.” In a few long strides I was at Eren’s bedside with the bouquet of red tulips; I brought him a fresh dozen every Wednesday to replace the ones from the week before. It sort of helped me believe that our love was still alive and with each bouquet of dead tulips I’d throw out, the new ones would renew the spark and leave behind a piece of me until the next week, when another bouquet would replace that one. It was an ongoing thing, I rather enjoyed it.

“Marie asked about the tulips again. When she’ll get it through her thick skull that I’m not buying anything else is beyond me.” I leaned over the railing of the bed to kiss Eren’s cheek and sat in my usual chair, holding onto his hand with mine and resting my chin in the other. “She’s not that bad, but the _questions._ I think you’d like her, she reminds me of you a lot. Always curious about something, always asking.”

I smiled to myself and looked up at Eren. That morning I had been in a content mood, but as the days passed and I received stretched silence instead of a response, it was rare such moods ever lasted more than a few hours.

It’s been exactly two years, 4 months, and 18 days since the incident.

It’s been exactly two years, 4 months, and 18 days since I last heard Eren speak.

It’s been exactly two years, 4 months, and 18 days since I last saw Eren’s eyes animate with emotion.

It’s been exactly two years, 4 months, and 23 days since the last time he told me he loved me.

But who was counting. 

Where do you begin, with a story like this. How do you begin to explain to your lover’s college administration that he was shot and in a coma and he couldn’t attend classes anymore? How do you begin to explain to his only family that he was unresponsive to any treatment to try and get him out of his unconsciousness? How do you even _begin_ to try and cope with the fact that the one person you love in the world that’s more important than absolutely everything else is in a _coma_?

There’s no set way to go about anything. There’s no instruction manual that tells you how to _not_ be angry at everything or how to explain a situation to an unforgiving sibling of your lover. There are no step-by-step guides to forgetting what it felt like to have an almost-lifeless body dangling from your arms or what it looked like to see the person you cherish most with a bullet in his head.

Nothing exists that will help you with any of this because there isn’t a single person in all of existence who knows where to even _begin_ dealing with such things.

So I did the best I could with what I had, which was, for the record, close to nothing. I had an empty house void of any love, but filled with memories that made me sink to the floor. I had a jar full of happy moments with Eren on my fireplace mantel, but a worry box overflowing with each of my anxieties and fears and regrets. I had pictures of the two of us occupying almost every frame my shelves could hold, but heartache everywhere I looked. I couldn’t even wrap myself in the throw blanket on my couch without crying into it because the last time it was used, Eren had covered us in it and stolen kisses from me in the darkness it surrounded us in. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I was, _everything_ was Eren. Everything was a visual representation of things I never told him, stories I kept secret, words I wanted to say but never could for fear of ruining the one special thing I had always wanted. 

My negatives outweighed my positives in every situation, and in the beginning, I did nothing but break. I broke my liquor glasses. I broke a few picture frames. I broke the mug that I had bought Eren that he would use each morning to drink his coffee. I ripped my heart to shreds, I tore my hair out, I stabbed a pillow or three.  

I broke myself. 

I was broken. Completely, thoroughly, irrevocably broken.

Breaking everything resulted in obvious destruction, but I remember doing something so out of place in the midst of demolishing everything that crossed my path. It was after I had broken Eren’s coffee mug. I remember standing in the kitchen and looking down at the shattered pieces, and for the first time, I felt relieved, as strange as it sounds. I realized it, I opened a draw, and took out a pad and a pen. I ripped off a little piece of paper from the pad and wrote, _First release. First, actual factual honest to God release. Results are lots of broken shit, but it felt good. It helped_. I dated it, folded it into a tiny square, and dropped it in Eren’s happy jar above the fireplace.

Being by myself was torture, but facing Mikasa and Armin was nothing compared to my solitary heartbreak. 

When Eren was first admitted to the hospital after the gunshot happened, I called to tell her what happened, or most of what happened. Once the two of them rushed to his room though, I sustained another broken rib, several punches to the face, and a fractured tibia in my right leg. Armin pulled her off of me after she fractured my leg, but I could tell I’d be getting it from him at another time; her immediate punishment was enough to last a lifetime, let alone a day where more wanted to be added on top of it. In the end, she had me thrown out of the room for the day and tried to get hospital security to remove me permanently, but once I told the doctor Eren and I were together, he refused to ban me from Eren (thank fuck). Two years later and I haven’t seen Armin or Mikasa once.

The beginning was terrible, but I somehow managed to stuff down any left over shit, which was still enormous, and focused on things that I _could_ do. I _could_ bring my Eren our tulips every week. I _could_ read to him classic literature and stay by him and sleep over. I _could_ continue the sequel to _Attack On Titan_ thatI promised I would write that I had gotten inspiration for. There were still things I could do and I focused on doing them rather than honing in on the things out of my control.

So I sat with him two years, 4 months, and 18 days, telling him about how the plot structure for the sequel was coming along and how his old professors that I knew and spoke to send their best wishes.

That was the last day, though. That was it. At the end of the 18th day of the fourth month of the second year, I couldn’t bear not hearing him make jokes at me or smiling like he already knew what to say for me to give him what he wanted. I couldn’t physically take having him be alive but not living.

So I left. I took a rose from the bouquet I brought that Wednesday, I slid it through his fingers for him to hold and leaned up to kiss his lips goodbye. I tucked his hair behind his ear and kissed his nose, his cheek, his forehead, before grabbing my coat and walking out his hospital room door.

“Bye, Levi! We’ll see you.” Marie waved goodbye to me and it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I couldn’t just _leave_ because I needed something to lead me back.

I needed to be led back. Or more specifically, _he_ needed to be led back. To me.

I ran to the front desk counter and whispered to Marie, “Any chance I can ask you to do me a favor before I go?” 

 

* * *

 

[ Eren ]

 

Being in a coma is a lot like being asleep, except your dreams are never ending. Maybe that’s what it was like for me, but there you go.

You kind of float in this black space and you get submersed in dreams that you can’t distinguish from memories and your own fabrications of different scenarios. It’s kind of weird because sometimes you _expect_ to wake up. You have this feeling that some time’s already passed and you should probably get up, but you can’t. You’re bound to this place of imagery and memory and fantasy and you don’t know how to leave.

But one day the lock on the door to let you out is open and you’re now in white instead of black. I never knew would pushed me out or what unlocked the door, but I do remember Oscar Wilde in one of my dreams telling me, “What other people call one’s past has, no doubt, everything to do with them, but absolutely nothing to do with oneself. The man who regards his past is a man who deserves to have no future to look forward to.” I thought about it, and it was like he was giving me a choice – I either accept the past as it was and move forward, or dwell on the happenings of yesterday and be forever surrounded. I go through the door and be out, or I stay behind and I stew in misfortunes and ignorance. 

I don’t know what you would’ve chosen, but having an exit was pretty nice.

Most people are depicted as waking up from a coma in a really slow, sort of confused manner, and I will start by saying that that is _so_ not how I woke up at _all_. I woke up screaming and almost ripping out my IV from the image of Levi crying and looking at me like I was a ghost burning in my mind.

Nurses came in to calm me down and tell me where I was and what happened, all that happy shit. I was shot, I was in surgery for hours, and I missed two years of my life because I was in a coma. While it was a lot to process, I couldn’t get Levi’s face out of my head, his face from two years ago in that warehouse before I was shot. My throat tightened and I gripped the bed sheets, but before I could agonize over everything all at once, I needed to talk to Levi; he would know better what’s been going on and I trusted him more than anyone (besides Mikasa and Armin, of course).

After I calmed down and got my pulse somewhat back to normal, I closed my eyes and let myself just lay there without thinking; I needed a moment of clear-headedness before diving into a whole new world of information and some peace was needed. Of course my head started to throb; the pain was so intense that it rendered me immobile, so I laid there and prayed to whoever that it would pass. When the pain subsided, I opened my eyes again. I looked over at the dresser on my right to see a dozen beautiful red tulips leaning in every which way in a glass vase. They reminded me of Levi and I smiled, thinking he must have come by to put them there.

The next time a nurse came in my room, I cleared my throat and asked her, “Have you seen my boyfriend around anywhere? He’s got uh, black hair, kinda short, always looks like he wants to murder someone?”

Her initial kind expression turned sad in a matter of three seconds and it gave me such a bad feeling. She looked towards the door to see if anyone was coming, and thinking better than talking with it open, walked to the doorway to shut it. Hurried feet carried her over to the chair next to my bedside where she sat down and grabbed my hand. I might’ve been a little uncomfortable considering I didn’t know her, but the look on her face told me something had happened and whatever she was going to say was for serious.

“Levi was here last week and I hate him for not waiting just one more week longer. But he told me that should you wake up, I’m supposed to watch over you and give you something before you leave. He also said, and I quote, ‘Don’t even bother asking her about it because she’s under strict orders to shut her fucking mouth.’ Pardon my language, but you know.” I nodded my head, knowing full well of Levi’s word choice, and let her continue. 

“He said once you’re discharged, you’ll get something from him, but not _directly_ from him. Of course, he didn’t know if you were going to wake up or not, but just in case.” 

I looked down at my lap and felt the nurse’s hand slip from mine. She walked to the door and just as I was about to think over what the fuck that was all supposed to mean, she turned around and said, “You know, he was here everyday. He brought you tulips every Wednesday, he’d always read to you. He was really good to you in the time you weren’t here. He loves you a lot.”

My throat clenched with the early threat of tears ready to spill. I nodded my head while trying to give her a smile, choking out, “I know. I love him too.”

“My name is Marie by the way. If you need anything, press the button and I’ll come.” She grinned one more time and closed the door behind her as she left.

 

* * *

 

A week went by faster than I realized. Mikasa and Armin visited me as soon as they got a call (from me personally) that I was awake. Mikasa was convinced for about five minutes on the phone it was a prank call and it wasn’t actually me, but after I gave her solid information pertaining to our childhood that only we knew about, she said she would pick up Armin and be right over. Of course, she kept her word and was at the hospital in less than ten minutes, a true record that was most likely caused by several traffic laws being completely disregarded. Seeing her was really great though, Armin too. She hugged me so hard and cried on one shoulder for so long while Armin cried on my other shoulder. Marie came in twice to yell at them for hugging me too hard but she was happy I had family and I wasn’t alone without Levi, even if we weren’t blood related.

They had both caught me up to speed about what was going on in their personal lives. Mikasa graduated school early and had landed a fully paid internship in the main part of town and had been seeing Annie for more than a year. Armin was invited to give a lecture back at Shinganshina University for biochemistry lectures and was still with Jean, making it a total of three years that they’d been together. Hearing all that news was simultaneously exciting as well as disheartening; they had done so much while I was lying in a bed for two years and it made me feel terrible, as selfish as that sounds. Of course I was happy for them and happy that everything was going well and they were accomplishing big things in my absence, but it made me feel left behind, mentally and emotionally. They both assured me that since I was awake and getting better, I had a lot of catching up to do, so I thought about all the things I was going to do once I left the hospital, which made me feel better. 

Visiting hours had come quicker than we anticipated and they left with the promise of return within the next few days. It set my mind at ease, knowing they’d come back to see me, and that night, I wasn’t afraid of falling asleep and not waking up. 

Another week flew and after a series of tests to make sure I was suitable for discharge, I was deemed worthy of joining the outside world once again. As soon as my doctor exited the room, Marie came in with a bag in one hand and something tightly clenched in the other. 

“Alright you, today’s the day. I have two things for you – one, a bag Levi packed with clean clothes, keys, everything in it so you have something, and two, a thing in my hand that you will get in a second.”

“Two presents for me? What is it, my birthday or something? I feel so special.”

“Sure you do. Here.” She tossed the duffel onto my lap and I sat up in bed to open it. After it was unzipped, I rummaged through the contents to find a trace of Levi’s insane neatness and it made my heart swell. A t-shirt, a pair of jeans, deodorant, shaving cream, a razor, shampoo, socks, sneakers – it was everything I needed in one stupid bag and I loved how he thought of it all. When I was moving the pair of jeans, I felt something in the pocket and reached in to find a note folded into a neat little square. I put it back in so I could read it by myself once Marie was gone. 

“So that’s your main stuff, now here’s the important thing.”

I moved the duffel bag from my lap to my side so she could sit on the bed, which she immediately did and grabbed my hands.

“This is extremely important. Don’t lose it, don’t misplace it, don’t ever let it out of your sight. Those are Levi’s words and boy if you don’t follow them I will smack you myself.” I laughed, which earned me a grin from her, and she rolled her eyes. “Just be careful with it okay? He said its explained in the note, so read it and don’t lose that either. I’m proud of you kid, welcome back.”

Marie kissed my forehead, placed a metal object into my hand, and walked out of my room.

As soon as I heard the metal click of the door being closed, I uncurled my fingers to see the object she had given me was a key. It wasn’t a car key, it wasn’t a house key, nor was it a key to a safe. It was long, with a peculiar shape at the end and tiny balls of metal resting on each corner that jutted out. It had only three prongs to put into whatever lock it opened and was beautiful silver. Instantly, so many questions sprung into my head, but before I could get too carried away, I remembered the note in the jeans pocket in the duffel bag. I hurriedly took it out and unfolded each flap of paper.

_Eren –_

_If you’re reading this, then you woke up and I wasn’t there to greet you, and for that I’m sorry. I waited to see you open your eyes for two years and I honestly thought I’d never hear your voice again. But you’re awake now, hopefully not long after I left. As you know, with this note comes the silver key, and with the silver key comes questions, which I’m sure your brain has already thought up millions of. Pipe down, Curious George._

_I’m not telling you in this letter what the key leads to – that's for you to find out on your own and I trust that you will. I don’t need Mikasa coming after my ass, or Armin, so this is just for you. Don’t give explanations. It will all work out. Find the separate sheet of paper and it’ll lead you to where you need to be._

_I told you I’d always wait for you and I’d always love you and I meant it. I know a lot of things are unanswered and you’re really confused right now, but I will give you the means to an end when the time is right. I just need you to trust me. We’ll be together again, I promise._

_I love you._

_-_ _Levi_

I managed to move the letter off my lap in time for my tears to fall and miss the paper. He was right though, just like he always was _–_ I was confused, I was questioning a lot of things, and I wanted to know everything. But above all, I loved him and I trusted him to do the right thing and keep his promises.

I wanted to know. I wanted to see him. I wanted everything to be okay and I wanted to make up for the two years I missed in dreamland. I wanted everything to be right. 

I gripped the key and re-read the letter, committing Levi’s words to memory. I brought the silver to my lips and sealed a vow with a kiss: I would find him, I would get my answers, and we would be together again, this time, with nothing in our way. No more secrets, no more lies.

Reunion will come. It’s a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT? Maybe idk.
> 
> Alright announcement first, sappy stuff second.
> 
> SO after much contemplation, I've decided to write a sequel! I haven't gotten so far in plans yet, so it might take me a little while to get out. Also I'm gonna write a side chapter for Levi and Erwin when Levi was little and everything that happened in his childhood, so be on the lookout for that. But yes, the big announcement was that this is not going to be the end, it doesn't stop here (I'm not that mean, I told you guys it wasn't gonna be like C&C). 
> 
> Sappy stuff.
> 
> Oh man, you guys. Oh man. This has been an amazing amazing amazing ride and I'm so happy I decided to publish this lil thing. I was really self conscious about it in the beginning and I was worried in the middle of writing it that it was rushed and terrible but I've received so many nice words. Seriously, you're all wonderful people and thank you isn't even sufficient enough a term for me to tell you how grateful I am. It sounds kinda cheesy and dumb because really this is just a fanfic but it means a lot to know that it was enjoyed. I've made a lot of friends from this fic and I'm so happy so much good has come from this.
> 
> Thank you, a million times thank you, for the support and love and everything in between.


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